"Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights"

- Jeanette Winterson

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"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really, no" I responded as Geraldt and I shuffled back to the room. He nodded, not pushing further. He squeezed my shoulder as we walked, a small sign of support despite the concerning events of the canteen. He didn't force me to finish the rest, but he did make a small promise to try and get me to eat at least somewhat regularly.

Dan was already in the room, slumped back against Samson's bed. Blaze was pulling bits from his trunk, hidden under the bed. It looked like it was the final night's change. Samson himself was nowhere to be seen.

"Right, when they call Room C, you get haulin' to the bathroom," Dan droned, running his hands through his hair as if to comb away the strain of the day. I nodded as I sat Geraldt down on his chair at the desk. He growled, moving his leg so it didn't have too much pressure on the injury. You wouldn't think he had an injured foot with how well he composed himself.

I decided to sort through my bag while we waited. That's when I realized that in my shoes were the painkillers. It was there, and it stared at me like an accuser. What would they think if they found it? Would they think of me as a junkie? Shakily, I got out the sweatpants and shirt. I kept looking over my shoulder, as though someone was going to be there and pull out the tray. I felt like this hidden moment would be a testament.

I got the toothbrush as well, notably missing toothpaste. I couldn't ask them, surely. They wouldn't give it to me if they knew.

"Room C!" Barked a hoarse voice outside. Dan nodded and stood up. Blaze followed. Geraldt still watched me with that same horrible, prying curiosity. I heard a grunt and struggled, slow steps towards me until he was sitting on the bunk bed.

"I don't think you're okay," he said quietly. I didn't respond, still looking down at the bag, the accuser in my shoes. I gulped as I dragged my eyes to meet his.

"I'm fine," I coughed. The breaking in my voice was enough of a clue to the lie that left me. He rubbed his temple. He was annoyed, but it didn't show in his eyes.

"Look, let's just go to the bathroom and we'll get back," he offered, his voice still soft. I nodded, but I was still stuck in that space.

"Hey, look at me," he pulled my chin up roughly so that I was looking at him.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

"Just take deep breaths," he lulled, exaggerating his breathing as he tried to get me to follow. I tried, and it did seem to work. I didn't leave his hand though, nor did he take it away from my face. His hand was warm. It was rough but still inconceivably warm. He stood up, nearly pulling me with him in that staggering movement. Inevitably, I had to follow if I wanted to get the basic evening done.

"Put on some sandals, the bathroom can be gross," he said as he limped to the door. I grabbed the sandals, shoving the bag and its incriminating evidence under the bunk bed. It would haunt me tonight, but that's tonight. I pulled off the ones I wore, slipping on the sandals. Then, it was just a matter of following Geraldt.

Blaze was already spitting out the toothpaste and Dan was cleaning his face. Samson had finally appeared and was sitting at Dan's feet on a towel. He had a book on his lap that, upon closer inspection, was one on chemistry. He smiled up at me before looking down back at his book. Dan waved through the mirror.

"You got toothpaste?" prompted Geraldt as he pulled out a toothbrush and travel tube of toothpaste from his pocket. I didn't answer at first but decided against remaining silent for the rest of my life. Geraldt seemed well enough.

"No, I'll have to get some later," I confessed. Geraldt nodded, grabbed my toothbrush. Twisting the tube open, he pushed out a bit of toothpaste before doing the same to his.

"You can thank me later but can't have you going with stale breath."

"Thank you, Geraldt."

"Please, call me 'Jer'," he grinned as he limped towards the basin. I slipped in past Blaze, brushing my teeth as the boys got ready around us. We heard a knock on the door and then:

"Room D!"

"Come on," Blaze tapped my back. Dan flicked the back of Geraldt's head, earning a hissing from the latter. Rinsing out his mouth, Geraldt finally stood up fully and looked at me for confirmation that we could leave. The night had ended, and I had made friends but also struck myself at odds.

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Midnight came, and I had not slept a wink. I could hear snores, and the occasional whimper from Blaze as he rolled in his sleep. The moon shone through the window, but it seemed cold and distant. I couldn't sleep, not for the life. The visions of the afternoon stuck in my head. The true nature of the situation descended on me and kept me pinned down against my bed. For once, I was aware that I had begun to cry.

I bit down on my hand to strangle the sobs and the uncontrollable shaking. I couldn't do this, not in any form. Silently, I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I grabbed the bag, pulling it out hastily and digging through it for the Savior-Accuser. I pulled out the tray, hating how loud it sounded. I looked around, trying to see if it woke anyone.

It didn't, luckily. I couldn't pop it out, it would make too much noise. I dragged my nail against the thin foil trying to coax the pill out of the tray. I could almost feel the numbness just out of reach, the sleep that came from it. I wanted it so b those words echoed in my head.

'I don't think you're okay."

Of course, I'm not, who would be? I needed this for it to be okay. I needed this silence. The crying only got worse, and I was a shaking, nigh-delirious mess. I ripped out the pill, shoving it in my mouth and swallowing It without concern. I threw the tray down into the bag, hiding it back under the bed. I slumped against my pillow with the thin blanket stretched over me. I just wanted to curl up and fade.