As Anton and Stasya chat with me about the lightest things—they seem to understand that I can't handle too much conversation—I can't help but wonder, What is my plan?

I can't afford to lose myself in thought at a place like this, but my mind won't stop repeating, Three years should have been enough. It should have been enough for you to come up with something. Come up with something, Valya. You need to go back, you need to go back… I need to go back, and my head is spinning around this thought. And it won't stop…

“Do you have a cigarette and lighter?” I ask Stasya as I get up all of a sudden, confusing the two. She nods and hands them to me, letting out a low-voiced 'sure.' “Excuse me.” I grab my coat and leave.

It's even colder outside, but the cigarette warms me up a bit. I shouldn't have left so suddenly, I tell myself. At least the cigarette is helping me slow down my thoughts a little.

“Hey, kid.”

I look to the side and see Anton walking towards me, lighting up his own cigarette.

“What about Stasya?” I ask as he leans his back against the wall, by my side.

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“She's getting the bill.”

“But it's still this early,” I say, making him look at his watch.

“Hm, yeah” he mumbles. “It's late enough. Going out on a night like this… It can be a lot for you, right? We should have known better.”

I sigh. “You two don't need to look after me, you kn—”

“That's not what we're doing,” Anton cuts me off. “I couldn't stand being inside that place for much longer, either, so don't overthink it.”

I chuckle.

“Let's go?” Stasya comes out of the bar and smiles at us.

“Let's go,” I say, putting out my cigarette.

On the way back, the streets are still busy, though less crowded than before. Despite the cold, it's nice to walk outside at night. The lights are comforting and almost make up for the overwhelming chatter around us; the people seem happy about going out on a Friday night, which turns out is a feeling I want to live aga—

A man walks past me, and for a second I'm sure I recognize him. But my eyes are almost half closed because of the cold breeze, hampering my sight. I look back to spot him again, the cold burning my eyes, but I can no longer see him in the crowd.

What was that…?

“Valya?” Anton calls. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, it's all good…” I sigh.

That was just my mind playing games again… Yeah, that's probably what it was.

I've gone crazy, after all.