He liked the way his Inn looked.  He had worked long and hard to get it where he wanted it.  His customers seemed to like it too.  His menu had expanded, especially since he had brought on his new cook.  He had made deals with local merchants and got some of the best deals that anyone could.  Part of it was due to the increase in business, so he could buy bulk and get better deals.  The addition of the vegetable cellar made it easier to store things.

            It was also not unusual for people to wander in and try to pitch him things or ideas.  Many times it was a traveling salesman.  In most cases they were just looking for free room and board for a night in exchange for something they were selling.  If it was something that he needed and had an open room, he would usually agree to it.  Other times it was musicians or entertainers.  He would see how good they were actually were before deciding and if it was a busy night he might even let them perform.

            On a rare occasion if they were good he would allow them to stay for a few days and perform, usually for a place in his stable and minimal food.  He would give them a room if he could, but he had to make the money.  It was usually the next morning before he could make a decision though, as the locals would let him know how god the act really was.  Then word would pass and the rest of the locals would come and see them, and get a meal.  That was what he made choices on, even if he liked them.

            So there was no real concern when one night, a rather calm one, three gentlemen wandered in off the road and sat down for a meal.  It was a slower night and the men were chatty with the serving girl.  Maybe too chatty, so Smitty the proprietor of the establishment, decided to go over and see what they were all about.  He approached them as they were about to start into their desert. 

            “So what brings you fine gentlemen to this part of the land?” the innkeeper asked.

            “We are traveling surgeons on our way to the camp about twenty miles up the road.  We make our tours of the various units to make sure that the men are in good health,” the first one said.

            “That is noble profession indeed,” Smitty replied.  “So how big an area are you touring in?”

            “The entire country, for we are the best three doctors that have ever been,” replied the second man.

            “Not to discount your jobs or how good you are, but that seems like a boastful statement.”

            “I can see how it comes across as such,” said the third man, “but I assure you that we are the best.  You see we have created medicines that allow us to make sure that almost all of our patients survive whatever it is that ales them.”

            “That is a large claim, and if it is true though why is it that I have never heard of such a miracle medicine?”

            “It is not a large claim if it is true, but to be honest we just use our skills for the kingdom.  We are for King and country first and have focused on just the men that protect us,” the first man said.

            “But we have been at it for some years and would love it if we could just retire and practice in our hometowns,” the second man added.

            “I would love to see a demonstration of your skills.  Our local doctor is somewhat of a hack.  I mean he is a nice enough fella, but if one is actually sick one would do better to talk with the old gods than go to him.”

            “We hear that a lot.  Most of the old doctors never keep up with the latest innovations in medicine,” the third man said.

            “We would be happy to show you our skills,” the first man said, “and not to sound like grafters, but what would be in it for us?  Our medicines might be good, but they do take time and money to create.  To waste them on frivolous endeavors would be a waste.”

            “I am but a mere innkeeper.  The best I could do is offer you your meals and rooms.”

            “That seems fair,” the second man said.

            So all seemed to agree on the price for the demonstration.  The three men finished their meal and waited for their table to be cleared.  When that was done the few people in the inn and the staff gathered around as they set up.  The first man lay down.  The second applied an ointment to his bare chest and the third proceeded to take out the man’s heart.  The onlookers were shocked when the first man got up and they saw his chest had healed itself back up.

            Next the second man sat and the his eyes were removed after the medicine was applied.  Again the same thing happened, he stood and acted as though nothing happened, except he could not see now and had to be guided by his associates.  Finally the third man had the salve applied to his wrist, then he lay it on a table and chopped off his own hand.  The wound healed.

            The first man collected the organs and presented them to the innkeeper on a platter they had requested for the experiment.  “Does this qualify as good enough for the compensation you offered?”

            “Heaven’s yes.  But what am I to do with these?”

            “Nothing, just keep them till morning nice and secure.  We have to wait for the salve to settle into the flesh so that we can reattach them.  We can survive without them for a time, or at least me. We shall replace then before breakfast, which I assume you will throw in for good measure.”

            “Of course, I have never seen anything so marvelous.”  Smitty took the heart, eyes and hand and placed them in a cabinet behind his counter.  He then locked it.  “There, safe and sound.”

            The three surgeons made their way up to their rooms and went to sleep for the night.  Smitty then began to close down his dining area for the night.  He had an exciting day and could not wait to tell his friends about it.  In fact he was hoping they could come in the morning and see the doctors follow up performance.  He chased the last patron out when he turned to his serving girl. “Make sure the place is spotless and that it is locked up tighter than a drum.  I don’t need anything happening to those poor men’s organs over night.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

            “Will do sir,” she replied.

            Smitty left to go to the tavern up the road to tell his tale and invite people for breakfast.  Of course the influx of patrons in the morning would make for good business as well, so he was excited to advertise the somewhat gruesome events of the night.

            The girl proceeded to scrub like she never had before and make sure that her boss’s wishes were met.  She liked the job, it didn’t pay as well as others, but it was not the hardest work either and she was generally left alone.  Smitty was a good man and she liked him.  She was knocked out of her state of mind when there was a knock at the door.  It was late.  She went to the door and slid back the small board that acted as a peephole.  It was Jermaine.

            “What do you want?”

            “I came to see you my love,” Jermaine said.

            “But I am working.”

            “Late I see.  I was able to slip away from the camp for the night.”

            “We were not supposed to meet up until church this weekend.”

            “I know, but I wanted to see you.  Just let me in.  What harm will come of it?”

            She pondered this statement for a moment, then unlocked the door and let him in.  He sat and one of the tables and they made pleasantries for a while.  “The ride here was long, is there anything to eat, I am starving.”

            “There might be something in the cupboard.”  She went behind the counter and pulled a small ring of keys from the pouch on the apron she was wearing.  She messed with them a moment and then found the one she wanted.  She unlocked the cabinet and opened it.  Then she realized it was the one with doctors organs in it.  She stopped herself from gagging and grabbed a small container of jerky that was on the shelf below them.  She then went over to Jermaine and handed it to them.

            “So I got good news today as well,” Jermaine said.

            “What is that?”

            “The best surgeons in the Army are coming tomorrow.  Rumor has it they can fix anything.  My leg is getting worse, if they are as good as they say then I should be able to finally get that promotion.  Then I will be able to afford for us to get married.”

            She smiled at this, “That would be good.”  From behind her she heard a meow.  She turned to see Whiskers, the cat that lurked the property, in the cabinet sniffing the organs.  “GET AWAY FROM THERE!”  The shout startled the cat and she knocked over the platter holding the organs. She ran to the spot to shoo the cat away. 

            As she got back there she felt a squish under her foot.  The cat dashed off with the hand in her mouth.  When she looked to see how bad it was she was horrified.  The platter had landed on the eyes, ruining them.  She had stepped on the heart and the cat had taken the hand.  She was frantic.  She explained what had happened to Jermaine.  He said that he had an idea and left the inn.

            Time passed slowly for her as she waited.  Finally Jermaine returned and he had a hand, a heart, and a pair of eyes.  She did not ask where he got them.  It had taken most of the night though as it was almost sunrise.  She quickly put them on the platter and secured the cabinet.  Then the pair left the inn.

            Smitty arrived early to work to start making breakfast.  He was expecting a large crowd today.  Before going to the kitchen he checked to make sure that the organs were still safe.  He opened the cabinet and saw them there.  He breathed a sigh of relief and started to cook.  Soon the time arrived and the place was packed.  The doctors were setting up when Smitty brought them the platter.  The men took turns putting the organs back where they belonged. 

            After a few moments they seemed fine.  Then sat down to the breakfast that had been prepared for them.  Many of the other patrons did the same.  Smitty had a god day.  After the meal the three men thanked him and took their leave.  The rest of the day went well as word of the event spread through the town and many came in to ask Smitty about it.  While they were there they bought meals and drinks.  He knew it would not last long, but it was good when things like this did happen.

            He closed for the night and went home with a smile on his face and a fat purse.  He fell fast asleep.  Sometime during the night he was awoken by a loud noise in his room.  He opened his eyes to see his bed surrounded by three men.

            “You have swindled us,” the first man said.

            “I did not,” Smitty replied.

            “Those were not our organs we placed back in,” the second man said.

            “They must have been, how did you not notice?” Smitty asked.

            “It takes sometime for the body to readjust after the procedure,” the third man answered, “by the time our bodies did we knew we had been tricked.  My hand could not stop itself from stealing, so I know I now have the hand of a thief.”

            “I found myself desiring to wallow in mud and filth,” the second man said, “So I have a pig’s heart.”

            “The light hurts my eyes most times, but I can see in the night better than ever,” the second man added, “So a cat’s eyes are in my head now.”

            “What do you want from me then?” Smitty asked as he pulled the blankets up.

            “To be whole again,” the three answered in unison.  Two of them held him down as the third applied an ointment to Smitty’s eyes, chest and wrist.

            “Please, let me be, you can have anything.  I am sorry, under my bed is my life savings, take it all.”

            “Money will not fix this,” the first man said.

            They proceeded to harvest what they needed from Smitty to fix themselves.  The next morning after failing to open the inn, the serving girl came to Smitty’s home to find him in a state.  She was shocked as his condition.  She called for help and some of the local men helped her to get him to the Inn.  She then sent a runner to the Army camp to try and find the surgeons.  She knew they could help him.  Later in the afternoon the runner returned and said the doctors never arrived.  She also learned that Jermaine’s condition had worsened. 

            Time passed and many forgot.  But rumors persisted over the years.  The serving girl was able to take over the Inn after Smitty had passed, the medicine did not let him last long without a heart.  She had married Jermaine shortly after the attack on her boss, Jermaine joined him not long after as he died from his condition. She got a small amount from the Army for his death, it was enough to buy the Inn.

            One of the tales she heard was that of three miracle doctors who appeared in London about the time Smitty fell ill.  They had money and set up a practice in the heart of the city and treated the wealthy with the best medicines and charged exorbitant fees.  They were now the richest doctors in Europe and were also apparently very good cooks.

Based on Grimm Fairy Tales  The 3 Army Surgeons.