Eos sat in the empty room. The classroom was small, on the edge of the training ground. A different cohort than hers was practicing their hopology on it- they appeared to be a few years older. Everyone else in her cohort was in logic. But, this is where she was- her once free time to study was now to be taken by makeup classes, to study. It seemed to her that they didn’t expect any other students to be required to take makeup classes.
So she sat. She was silent, doing little but waving her legs below the desk. She came up with a small beat in her head, and began to move her legs to the rhythm. Her focus was on the students outside: Blades bouncing off of each other, spears stabbed into straw dummies, poles piercing the crisp air, swords slashing into nothing. Nearly unconsciously, she pulled the dagger from her waist and began to make motions she had practiced. Any normal sword was far too big for her- even short swords caused difficulty- so she stuck with the dagger.
As she idly swept the dagger in the air, it tumbled from her hands and landed on the ground- its blade crossing her leg. Fortunately, the dagger was only wooden. I need to get better at that. She thought, scrambling to pick it up and playing with the dagger more.
After more idle time, she heard a click from the door. It opened, revealing the man she expected. Volken moved into the head of the room, and Eos sheathed her dagger without any difficulty or staggered motion.
“I’m going to assume you know both why you are here and who I am.” He said, his voice a light baritone or tenor. “As such, I will skip the formalities. You are the second student to fail an exam and not drop out for as long as I’ve been alive.”
Eos was silent. She wasn’t quite sure how to react. “Perfect scores on theoretical exams. Doesn’t have to go to Logic. Awoken. And yet, can’t use magic for shit.” He riffled through papers in his hands, before eyeing her. He began to speak in English, “So, what’s the solution?”
“You teach me how to use magic.” Eos said, her voice full of bravado. She only hoped Volken didn’t realize it’s falsehood.
“How exactly am I supposed to do that?” He coldly replied.
“If I knew-” Eos began.
“Trust me, I know you don’t know. Otherwise neither of us would be here.” Eos fell mum, her act having been completely seen through. “What weapon do you use?”
“What?” Eos was stunned by the sudden shift.
“Hoplology. What’s your preferred weapon?”
“I don-”
Volken looked her up and down. “You’re small, even for an elf. Dagger or shortsword?”
“Dagger?” Eos asked, quickly unsheathing the dagger.
Volken put down the papers and walked back towards the door. “Follow me.” Eos scrambled to follow after him, sheathing the dagger swiftly again, and racing out the door, leading her out to the courtyard just outside the room. Volken went over to a weapon rack, kneeling over to pull out a steel dagger. He swiftly turned over and tossed it to Eos. She twisted, dodging the blade flying at her.
“What was that for?!” Eos exclaimed. “I’m not gonna start casting just because you threw a dagger at me!”
“Who knows if you would? You were supposed to catch it.” He calmly responded. “We’re drilling.”
“With actual blades?” Eos asked, only to be met with Volken unsheathing a long sword. She quickly ran over to the dagger on the ground behind her, and set her feet for practice. “How will this help me learn magic?”
“You’ll figure it out.”
The practice was intense. “Your form is weak.” Volken said. “Position your body like this.” He demonstrated the posture, forcing Eos’s limbs into position. Her stance was off, and she almost fell over a few times. Parry, dodge, slash. Parry, dodge, slash. Volken left no weakness for Eos to exploit, but she felt he also had no pressure on her. It wasn’t a skirmish, simply drilling.
By the end of it, she was beyond exhausted. She sat in the dust of the grounds, only her and Volken remained in the training arena. “You did well.”
“Thanks.” She panted, “What does this have to do with magic though?”
“It won’t help.” Volken replied simply. “Why would it?"
"THAT'S YOUR JOB!" Eos shouted. She would have lunged out at him, had her sore limbs not resisted the movement.
"Is it now?" He leaned down next to her, picking up the metallic dagger next to her, his sword already racked. "I think you stated it, and I never agreed. Stand up. Cast."
It was the hidden thread behind his words which pressured Eos to her feet. "I can't ca-" She began.
Volken, so rudely interrupting her, replied. "I didn't ask you if you could or couldn't. I told you to do it."
She set her feet in position- she knew she had better control over her footwork compared to the other students; memories from the past, when she was an athletic student in high school. He wasn't a strong competitor, but that still made him better than many. Eos imagined this advantage would slowly fade with time: hopology drills practiced footwork already. She lifted her arms in a slight bend, and, imagining the glyphs- a vile green artwork of them displayed in her vision. She began her movements, her voice at a perfect pace for what she had learned. Her focus was entirely on casting- A tornado could run through the city and she would have never noticed until it interrupted her finger movements. It was a practiced performance; practiced more than anything she had done before.
And she knew the outcome before she started.
Finishing, she stared at Volken. He didn't comment, but slowly around him, without speaking or moving his hands, dust began to gently swirl. The intensity of the vortex began to slowly pick up, friction of the particles resisting the motion. She was unsure if it was wind or the movement of the fine grains of sand which caused the helical movements, but regardless it was as if Volken summoned a dust devil around himself. As the flow of sand picked up, smaller rocks and gravel began to join the swirling mist around him. However, he seemed to not pay it any mind- his arms still hung by his side, his mouth was shut, and his eyes closed. A small rock, about the size of Eos's fist, began to be tugged at. The side of it lifted, and fell again. The fall caused no dust to be lifted- all of it was already surrounding Volken- but it made a small sound, barely perceptible compared to the gentle whisking of sand on sand and gravel.
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Suddenly, the whirling helix remembered gravity existed, and it fell to the ground. The soft pattering as gravel hit the ground and bounced in every direction startled Eos- she didn't expect the earthen mist to end without pause, nor did she believe it had reached its pinnacle. She was awestruck. Volken, opening his eyes, looked at her. "That's all magic is."
It took her a few moments to comprehend that Volken had spoken at all. "What was that..." She mumbled, ignoring Volken's previous comment.
He could only chuckle. "That's magic. You've seen it plenty before."
Eos could hardly formulate her thoughts, nor could she understand which order to ask questions in. Eos had just witnessed the impossible. "But what about the glyphs?" she began, "What spell was that? It looked like Dust Devil, but I can't tell if it was the air or earth variation." She tried to rationalize what went against her taught skills,
"No, it's Dust Storm, a variation on Dust Devil made by the caster Yusc aeons ago."
Made?, the question flickered across her thoughts- something she hadn't wondered before, but was swiftly pushed aside for more pertinent questions. "But you need glyphs for casting." Eos said, "It's one of the two mandatory components. Writing glyphs and speaking glyphs." She'd learned since she first saw magic, since she first learned about it in the classroom, since she first was unsuccessfully taught to cast, that those were the elements needed to, well, cast. And Volken had just broken those rules. Volken had violated her last few years of learning, her beliefs about casting, glyphs. If it was so easy he could do it with his eyes closed, why can't I? she wondered.
"Clearly, you don't." Volken replied. He turned his head upwards towards the suns, beating down on them in the empty training grounds. Eos's eyes involuntarily followed suit, staring into the sky. Everyone else had abandoned the heat long ago- it was a little past noon, and Eos imagined Logic was over for her cohort a bit ago. "Your hand movements were good. Not perfect, but good enough. Your voice slightly trailed, your pacing was off, and the pitch imperfect. Good enough as well. That only leaves one option left for why you can't cast."
Eos's breath was caught in her chest as Volken continued. "You can't because you think you can't." Eos could hardly comprehend. Hardly being an overstatement.
What does that mean? I don't think I can?, Eos began spiraling, I know I can't. But I want to. That's what I want- it's the only thing I want. It's everything to me. It's everything? I'm stopping myself? Her thoughts began to overwhelm her. Her vision blurred. Not from tears- she wasn't sure if she was capable of it at the moment- but because she didn't need vision. She didn't need hearing then either. Everything was her. Her mind turned inside out, churning thoughts, tuning everything else out. Tuning out the rest of existence. I'm stopping myself. I'm useless. I can't even let myself do something I want to do. I'm the reason for my failure. It’s all my fault. I am a failure.
Eos could hardly breathe. The breath that caught when she heard Volken's words was never exhaled. She felt the weight of the world crashing down onto her. The weight of herself. The weight of everything she had tried to do, tried to become. She started shaking. Not wildly flailing, but shaking uncontrollably nonetheless. I'm nothing. I shouldn't have bothered trying. Eos felt- no, knew- she was out of control. She needed to remove herself from... she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about anything, except her own inadequacy. I'm only a student here because of the pity of others. I don't belong here- I can't compete with them. I don't have anywhere to go back to. I- I- I need to leave. Leave everything, everywhere. I’m a parasite. Eos wanted to cry.
Instead, she felt something else. A force on her shoulders. Pushing her downwards, into the dust of the training field. Her legs, shaky wobbly legs which already only held her up through inertia, collapsed. She never hit the ground though- She felt something hold her from the back and knees, bars of flesh lifting her up. Reality refocused just a little, and she saw Volken holding her. Evidentially, he was princess carrying her, for some reason.
"Let me know when you're good to stand." He said, his placid voice acting as a rock. How he could be calm in a situation like this, Eos was unsure, but grateful. "Breathe, gently." Breathe. She'd forgotten how to breathe. Her hitched breaths left her body, and the world came into focus a little bit more. "Breathe. In, Out." Volken's words guided her, and she gripped onto the rock tighter in the tumultuous sea.
After an eternity, she was able to speak. "I'm okay." She said, meekly. Volken didn't relent, but asked, "You're not. Are you good to stand?" Eos could only nod, and Volken set her down onto the hard earth. "Aren't you a little young for anxiety?" He asked, but Eos disregarded it, and Volken didn't follow up.
"Let me know when you're ready to try again." Volken said. "We can end here for today though."
"No." Eos said, her voice still quiet, but hardening as she spoke. "I want to do it. Today."
Volken looked at her. Seeing her face, he nodded. "Alright. It's simple. When you're casting, what are you thinking of?"
Eos noticed his language- not attempting to cast, but casting. She tried to internalize it. She wasn't incapable, just hadn't done it yet. "I'm thinking of the spell. Trying to make sure my gestures and-"
"No." Volken interrupted, "That's not how casting works. I showed you this earlier- the words, the gestures, the visible parts are the least important part of casting. You need to focus on the outcome: What is the spell going to do. You are imposing your will on reality, and need to believe that the outcome will happen. Meaning you need to focus on the outcome."
"What?" Eos asked.
"Imagine it like this." Volken said, "You have three glasses of water. You need to fill a container up. Two of your glasses are half the size of the container, and the last is the same size as the container. You can use all of the water in the two half glasses, or all of the water in the full glass, or some mix of the options above. The half glasses are gestures and speech. The full glass is your mind.
"Your focusing on getting the gestures and speech correct, but that means if they're even slightly off- if you don't get all the water from them into the final container- it won't work. Because your entirely neglecting the full glass you have.
"Now, cast."
Eos nodded. She thought she understood. She assumed the stance once more. She breathed, her mind still faltering slightly. I won't fail. She thought, This time I'll do it. Or else. Or else what?-
She caught herself, and breathed.
Once more, the glyphs of sickly green appeared in her vision, and she began. Rather than focusing on her movements or words, she let them be natural- she'd practiced them to the point they might as well be. She focused not on the glyphs in front of her- individually, meaningless, but together weaving a spell. A spell, to simply create one ball of light. Instead, she focused on the ball of light. Imagining it floating in the space in front of her. No bigger than her closed fist, weightless in the arena. She imagined the effects on the shadows, her and Volken now each casting three- two from the suns, at ever-so-slightly offset angles, and the third from the orb of light gently wobbling in front of them.
As she moved her hands, in only a moment, with no surge of energy nor feeling in her body, with no indication within herself, her arm, her hand, her finger, nor her finger nail, a pinkish red light began to draw itself out, following her gestures.