CHAPTER NUMBER 9
I went to college with a different mindset, I knew if I am to find that person it will be there, but the effect were already taking over me, my body was weak, I had no strength, my mind capacity was at its lowest, I was sleepy, I haven't slept for 4 days, I only lose my conscious at night and regain it at morning but I subconsciously remain awake.
I arrived at college with gloominess surrounding me, a vibe which I don’t normally give but was emitting off me. I was looking at everyone with an eye of suspicion, everyone was confused as to how I was acting, even I was getting scared of my own behavior.
It’s the circumstances that have made me act this way, I kept saying that to myself to not feel like the bad guy but if anyone looked at me they would think otherwise.
I entered the classroom, sat down at my usual seat and looked over the class to see if there was anyone acting the least bit suspicious.
I knew that what I was doing was something I shouldn’t, I was just walking right into his or her plan. I was becoming more and more paranoid, I even started suspecting the teacher because of it.
The class ended, I was slowly losing consciousness, then suddenly Jack entered the classroom with a sad expression on his face.
When I saw him, I knew that he had bad news.
Jack sat down next to me, didn’t talk for a while, which led me to ask the question.
“What is it? Why aren’t you saying anything? Is there something wrong?”
Jack then looked at me and replied as if he had done something wrong.
“I am sorry Ainmosni!”
When Jack said this, I thought he was the one who was doing all of that to me, I was almost about to burst with anger but I was wrong.
“What do you mea..”
“I won’t be able to help you anymore, there is some important family matter which I need to take care of and for that reason I will be going to my hometown, which means that I won’t be here with you to help you.”
“Oh, I mean, what can I say, family is important, you should go and resolve those matters, I will be fine.”
This was the moment when I admitted that Jack truly was my best friend.
Again, there was some silence, it was getting awkward so I asked something
“So when are you leaving?”
“Oh, today, I will be going back in a few hours.”
“Hmm, have you already packed?”
“Ah, it’s good that you reminded me, I had completely forgotten.”
“Then go and pack up.”
“Yeah, I will go and do that, until goodbye.”
“Yeah goodbye.”
Just as Jack was about to leave, he turned around to give me something.
“Here you go,” said while holding a business card.
I took it while asking,
“What is this?”
“This is the card of someone who can help you fix things, if they really get out of hand go visit, I guarantee you will find answers.”
I thanked Jack for the card after which he really left.
I was checking out the card when I noticed that whenever I am with Jack I subconsciously forget about all of the things that were happening to me, I went into a dilemma pondering on why is that?
I initially had a suspicion that it was because Jack was the one behind it, it was a slight one but it was there, but the suspicion died out because it couldn't have been Jack, after he left all the things that were happening to me continued, nonstop.
***
My condition was getting worse by the second. I would start to think and pray that it can't get any worse than this, please don't get any worse than this but it laughs at my face by making it so even walking becomes a challenge.
I gathered the strength in my body and started to walk to leave the college. I was inspecting the card which I hadn't even properly looked at. The card was quite strange, usually the card has the business name, the address of the place and a phone number to call but this one was completely different.
It had a description written on it as to how to find the place. It said that there would be a skyscraper at a certain place in which I would have to go to and come up to the 30th floor of that building.
That was it, it only had that written on it, I didn’t notice it before or I would have asked Jack about it, I was looking at the card when suddenly I again went into a daze.
I started to have visions, they were happening in the same way, blurry images, pictures playing out in my mind but this time the events that I was seeing were not of the past but seemed like of the future.
They were not recognizable one bit, I was confused as to what I was seeing. It was only the second time I was experiencing something like this but after all the things that have been happening to me this felt like a needle poke rather than a dagger pierced through me.
I couldn’t properly see the things that I was seeing there were only a certain things which I picked up, The view of perspective I had was that I was standing behind a person who was sitting in a chair, I was unable to see the room, in front of that person was me laying down and talking about something with her, I could clearly see my expression but I knew it was me, suddenly I saw myself getting indescribably angry for some unknown reason, when I heard the door open behind me, I only turned around half to not see both the person who walked through the gate nor the expression I had.
I suddenly came back again just to see that I was standing in the middle of the road not knowing about my surroundings and was subconsciously moving while focusing my consciousness on the vision. Thankfully there were no cars in the area and I was able to get out of harm's way.
Somehow, I managed to reach my part time job at the pub, my conscious was fading in and out of me, feeling like I could pass out any moment, I would suddenly regain my strength when I was doing certain work like, cleaning, dealing with customer, work that was related to the job, but as soon as I would complete it the pain would strike back.
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This was worse than feeling it constantly, the feeling of someone deliberately doing this, controlling me, telling me that he can erase the pain but won’t, was making me furious.
I then decided that I will take some time off from everything, my part time jobs and from college and would put an end to this misery once and for all. It will either be the end of my despair or it will be the end of me.
***
I reached my home one way or another, taking bumps along the way and resting every few steps. The sunlight was still visible and the time was that the sky looked like it had been lit on fire.
I immediately laid down on the bed knowing that I would feel better instantly and I did, I was at the point when thoughts like this were starting to come to mind, I pulled the blanket over me with such comfort as if I was put into my grave and dirt was being placed over me freeing me from all my worries.
“What if I just don’t move from here, I feel the best when I am laying down on this bed, all the discomfort and stress goes away, this bed literally feels like heaven itself, why would anyone want to move from here?”
And just as I was thinking this, saying it in my mind I fell asleep, the fake sleep, which would only make me transfer into a different situation but subconsciously I would be awake and rotting my health away.
***
My mind was once again showing me things from a different pair of eyes. I again opened my eyes on instinct but was for the first time glad for what I was shown.
I felt the fresh wind blowing, it gently caress hitting my face and bouncing back, laying down feeling the natural bed beneath me, with grass grown the perfect length, soft as cotton, the shadow of the tree casted over me, protecting me from the sunlight, rustling of the green leaves, the sound of birds chirping, waves on the sea being formed, making me experience the beauty of the nature.
I stood up and saw that I was in a small town built by the shore, acting as a small hub for sailors and small cargo ships. The time seemed like it was in between the end of the 1700s and before the start of the 1800s just, just before the invention of automobiles.
I Started walking back as I was a little away from the center of the Town, I was surprised to see how the society looked at this time, it was quiet beautiful to see that the people actually moved around, the atmosphere and environment were clean, people loved to gather, communities liked to talk to each other, the fashion wasn’t bad either in fact it was better than today, at least the people covered up, respect was a common thing, men respected women so did women respected men, kids respected elder so did others. a society to be called one.
I still didn’t know who I was but the look of my body structure and language I was a 18 year boy the same age as I am in real life, I subconsciously walked home, not knowing how, I was about to open the gate of my home which at first glance I could tell was of a middle class family, with cracks visible from the outside and small hole in the door which had DIY fix, I heard my name being shouted from inside the house.
I knew it was my name because as soon as I heard it memories of that person started to flow and just like any other time I was not Ainmosni anymore I was that person, I could only see from his eyes, hear from his ear and feel things from his body, I had my conscious but I couldn’t control anything, it was as if I was being forced to see a movie in which I can’t do anything, just like in the previous thoughts I had or events I experienced.
I was a boy named Joseph, living with my parents. I had two siblings, one was Alice, she was my little sister, 9 years old and the other was my little brother named Thomas, 13 years old. My Dad was a worker at the harbor who dealt with the small cargo ships that would come into the village.
I heard my name being called from inside, I entered my house to see my mother asking my sibling about me.
Mother.
“Thomas, where is Joseph, you tell me this instant!”
Thomas,
“I don’t know Mother, he left a while ago saying he will be back in a few moments.”
Mother,
“That boy always does what he wants, I want to get something from the market but I also have to cook dinner before your Father comes, I don’t want him to be waiting when he comes home exhausted from work.”
Joseph,
“Don’t worry Mother, your servant is here, tell me what I need to do and it will be done.”
Mother,
“Youu! how many times I have told you to tell me before you go out, I should know where you are and what you are doing”
Joseph,
“I am an adult now, Mother, I can take care of myself.”
Mother
“Then why don’t you cook your dinner by yourself.”
Joseph
“I promise from now I will tell you every time I go out.”
Mother
“Alright enough with these gestures, here's some money, go to the market and buy me some Chicken meat and don’t be late!”
I put my hand my and saluted her, making sure that she knows her orders are my command, as I was leaving Thomas snitched.
Thomas,
“Mother, make sure that he brings back accurate change, he always keeps some for himself”
I looked at Thomas with eyes of betrayal while Mother looked at me with eyes of Really.
“Yeah, I will bring back the exact change and give you a precise calculation of things.”
And again, as I was about to leave a little voice of a sweet person. my sister Alice.
Alice,
“Emm. Brother, can you bring me some candy, I really want candy, Mother can I have some candy.”
Mother looked at me with eyes of approval.
Joseph,
“Alright, I will bring some candy.”
Thomas,
“Me too, me too.”
I looked at Thomas with eyes of Oh Really,
Thomas looked at mother after which mother looked at me.
“Fine, I will bring it, why is it that I am always portrayed as the bad guy.”
After that I left, I walked through the beautiful yet busy town because it was the time when the merchants roamed the markets to see any goods they can buy, the sound of heavy footsteps from people caring their stuff, the shouting of shop owners to attract customers, the small act done by people to show their talents, the town in the state it should be in.
I also goofed around before buying the designated things, seeing the merchants set up their small shops, seeing the new things, finding some amazing crafts, until I reached the meat shop and bought what my mother told me. On my way back, I bought some candy for my siblings and arrived back home.
I gave my mother the remaining change and the stuff she asked me to buy while handing the candies to my siblings.
Mother,
“Don’t eat too much of it or your teeths will break and Joseph, you come with me and help me in the kitchen.”
I bowed down and waved my hand through the air.
“Anything for my Queen.”
Mother while smiling.
“You and your words and you two after eating go and set up the table and don’t make a mess.”
Both Alice and Thomas,
“YES!”
I helped my Mother in the kitchen while my sibling set up the table while having fun.
I was seeing this, hearing my siblings laughing, having fun in the back, me joking around with my mother and helping her out, it felt nice.
After a while our Father came back, exhausted but smiling.
Alice runs towards Father,
“Father!”
Father picks her up and give her a little spin,
“My daughter, I am back.”
Mother,
“How was your day?”
Father,
“It was nice, there was little more than usual but good.”
Mother,
“Then go ahead and wash up, dinner is ready.”
After a while everyone sat down at the table and had dinner.
My father asking me what I want to do next, my brother and sister fighting on the table, picking on food, my Mother scolding them, the lively environment, the happy family I yearn for.
Tring Tring, alarm clock ringing,
“HAH, HUH, HAH, HUH, HAH, HUH.”
I woke up, feeling happy, I wasn’t sweaty this time nor was my breath heavy or pant up, there was this satisfactory feeling that I felt, I was smiling for the first time in a while but than my memories started to come to me, my feelings,
“It really is nice having this feeling and the things I saw, for the first time I am happy that I with my thoughts, happy that I actually experience something nice but.”
My voice begins to shake and ache.
“But why can’t this happen in real life, why couldn’t I have a nice family or moments like that, the only thing I wished for, the only thing I ever wished for was to have a warm meal with my loved one.”
Then I remembered that these weren’t my thoughts, they were experiences which I was forced to go through, things were starting to sit right, I was getting to know more about the person who was doing this to me, I started to speak scared to dive into my thoughts, I spoke out loud to figure out things.
“I know that these thoughts are controlled by someone and from the experience I just went through, I now also know that he is someone who knows about me, someone who knows what I really want, someone who is close to me, I don’t really have that many people who actually know me or can understand me. Who can it be, could it be someone from my part time jobs, it can be someone from my college who has held a grudge against me or could it be, it can’t be, it can’t possibly be!”
I started to panic, scared thinking of what would happen if my suspicion is right, I started to pace around the room in distress.
“It can’t be him! He is out of town but he knows the most about me but he has also helped me the most, he has no reason to do this, I am just getting paranoid, it could be any one.”
Then suddenly I got a message. I checked to see that it was from Jack, I was about to read the message but I hesitated, not knowing how fear had built its house inside me, I was hesitant to open a message from my best friend, with my suspicion growing more and more.
I finally read the message and my suspicion...
***