“Hehe! I am known as Grape, the humble monk!”

Du Chen lay on the ground, pitifully looking at the old Taoist in front of him who was chanting Buddhist mantras. He saw a smiling chubby face, the Taoist's robe covered in grease stains, a patch of butter on his left sleeve, a chunk of cream on his right shoulder, a yellowed chicken wing hanging from his waist sash, and in his hand, he held a plump and tender crystal elbow, stuffing it into his mouth as if he were a starving ghost.

The old Taoist squatted beside Du Chen, continuing to gnaw on the elbow, while his other hand, covered in grease and grime, patted his cheek. “Little guy, do you want to eat? If you want to eat, just say so. If you don't say anything, how am I supposed to know you want to eat? If you want to eat, just tell me, and then I'll know you want to eat…”

“Mater, are you acquainted with Tang Seng?” Du Chen's head was muddled from the Taoist's incessant talking. At the moment, he was wrapped up like a mummy in the Taoist's leg wraps, leaving only his head exposed. He couldn't understand how the Taoist's leg wraps could be so long!

“Huh? How do you know that I know the Buddha of Merit, Tang Sanzang? Hey, I'm pretty familiar with his master, Buddha Tathagata! If you ever go to the Western Pure Land, and a bald monk bullies you, just mention my name - Grape!”

“Master, I was wrong. I don't want to go to the Western Pure Land. Please, spare me. I promise I won't steal your things again!”

When under someone else's roof, one must bow one's head. Du Chen confessed with a pious expression on his face, while his eyes gleamed with cunning, searching the walls for an opportunity to escape!

This was a Taoist temple, located on top of an unnamed small mountain, in a state of dilapidation resembling ruins.

And Du Chen was a thief, a skilled thief!

Just now, Du Chen came to the Taoist temple to steal things, but he was knocked down by the crystal elbow of the old Taoist, and then trapped by the leg wraps. Now his back of the head was still aching in the midst of the delicious meat fragrance!

The old Taoist pulled out the chicken wing from his waist and fiercely smashed it on Du Chen's forehead. “Look at your thief's eyes. You were probably thinking about how to escape, right? Let me tell you, little thief who falls into my hands will all be sent to the Western Pure Land to become monks!”

“Senior, I'm only in my twenties this year. I can't go to the Western Pure Land!” Du Chen pleaded bitterly. He started stealing at the age of five and had been caught countless times. He had already perfected the act of begging for mercy. Tears and snot streamed down his face, his eyes were sincere, and his mouth trembled slightly. “Please don't kill me, Senior. I have a two-year-old child at home waiting to be nursed! Spare me, and I'll build a longevity tablet for you, let my son take your surname!”

The old Taoist chewed on the meat in his mouth, pursed his lips, and murmured, “You really are wicked! Do you have a son? Hmph!”

He swallowed the meat in his mouth, stared straight at Du Chen, and said word by word, “You are a virgin!”

Du Chen was shocked and blurted out, “How did you know?”

“Because I am Grape!” The old Taoist looked solemn, then he counted on his fingers and smiled triumphantly, “Ah-hah, you're quite pitiful. You were an orphan from a young age, stealing to feed yourself at the age of five, and almost starving at the ages of seven and nine! Tsk tsk,what a pity! But damn it, you can't steal my jade pendant from me, can you!?”

Du Chen didn't believe that anyone could tell fortunes. He thought to himself that this old Taoist might be a powerful expert from somewhere, hired by his old enemies to investigate his background and specially designed to teach him a lesson.

But Du Chen still slightly opened his mouth, staring dumbfounded at the old Taoist. “You can tell fortunes? Accurately!” His gaze shifted to the milky white jade pendant around the old Taoist's waist, and he smiled awkwardly. “It's not my fault either. Based on your demeanor and aura, anyone would know you're an enlightened master. So, of course, your possessions must be treasures. You see, I'm a thief. How can I resist the temptation of treasures?”

The old Taoist was flattered by this flattery and nodded. “Hmm, you have a point. It's not your fault. If we have to blame someone, blame it on my striking demeanor and aura…”

“Well, can you… hehe, make friends with me and let me go?”

“Life and death have their own destiny! Come on, tell me your date and time of birth, and let me see your destiny. If you're not good enough…” He widened his eyes and threatened, “I'll send you to the Western Pure Land to become a monk!”

Du Chen regarded the old Taoist in front of him as a formidable enemy, and he smiled, “I was born on the first day of the first lunar month, in the hour of the Rat. How does that look to you?”

“Strange!” The old Taoist looked Du Chen up and down, smacked his lips, and said, “Born on the first day of the first lunar month, in the hour of the Rat, with the element of Metal strong. People born at this time should be extremely wealthy. How did you end up almost starving? Could it be that you did something evil in your past life and deserve to starve to death in this life!?”

The old Taoist threw away the elbow he was holding, and his hands began to randomly grope Du Chen's body, with the same expression and posture as when he was touching the crystal elbow just now!

“Master, I have no special hobbies. Please spare a thought for me. I am still a virgin!”

“Young man, what are you thinking? I'm not interested in men! Humph, you're not a little nun either!”

The old Taoist smacked his lips, shook his head continuously, and made gestures of divination with his hands, sighing, “Oh dear, no wonder you have suffered so much in this life! It turns out you were a bandit in your past life and killed many people!”

Du Chen laughed, “Master, can you really figure out my past life?”

“Humph, I can even figure out your all past lives. Come, let me touch you again!” The old Taoist fumbled around with his hands, and then suddenly jumped up, picked up the elbow and took a big bite!

“Wow! You were a philanderer in your past life of past life!! doing evil things for two consecutive lives and still able to reincarnate as an honest person! Are you sure your surname isn't Niu?”

Du Chen shook his head helplessly, “My surname is Du!”

“No, it won't do. You are so outstanding, how can you not have the surname Niu（means niubility）!?” The old Taoist continued to grope Du Chen, saying, “Come on, let me see your past three lives!”

“Oh great Heavenly Lord! In your third past life, you were a corrupt official! It's strange, how can you still be alive? After being a wicked person for three lives, you should go to hell! Did King Yama overlook you!?”

The old Taoist continued to grope and his greasy face became even more astonished, “In your fourth past life, you were a woman who murdered her husband!”

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“In your fifth past life, you caused chaos and rebellion…”

“In your sixth past life, you trafficked children…”

“…”

“In your twenty-seventh past life, you ran a black market!”

“…”

“In your forty-eighth past life, you betrayed your own father!”

“…”

“In your eighty-first past life, you sold fake medicine!”

“…”

“In your ninety-ninth past life, you… you actually desecrated someone's ancestral grave, stole a memento, and deceived a blind widow!”

The old Taoist sat dejectedly next to Du Chen, patting his chest in dismay, and said, “Brother, do you have some connection with King Yama? In these ninety-nine lives of yours, each one is enough to go to hell, but… damn it, you can still be a human being!”

Du Chen was about to fall asleep from the endless babble. He sighed and secretly thought, “So, I've met a lunatic today! What bad luck!”

“Master, with your skills, just for fun, can you figure out what I did in my one hundredth past life!?” Du Chen joked.

“Give me a moment to rest!”

The old Taoist was sweating profusely, with sweat beads the size of beans dripping down his greasy cheeks. After resting for a few minutes, he started to grope Du Chen again. “Oh great Heavenly Lord! In your hundredth past life, you were a common laborer!”

“Heh, not bad. I finally did a good deed!” Du Chen laughed.

“A good deed? Hmph!” The old Taoist glared and said angrily, “You were a laborer working on the Great Wall, but you used shoddy materials and caused the collapse of the wall! And you, when you saw a woman named Meng Jiangnu mourning her deceased husband, you framed her and falsely claimed that she cried so hard that it caused the collapse of the Great Wall!!”

Du Chen wanted to kick him, but he was still bound. “You crazy lunatic! Why don't you say that I also burned books and buried scholars!?”

The old Taoist didn't care about Du Chen's ridicule. He walked around Du Chen a few times and said, “No, someone like you must be sent to the Western Pure Land to become a monk!”

As he spoke, he picked up the large elbow again, intending to smash Du Chen to death with it!

“Master, please spare me!” Du Chen panicked. He didn't want to die at the hands of a lunatic! “You have incredible powers, can you think of another way to teach me a lesson?”

The old Taoist paused, chewing on the elbow as he said, “Another way… I've got it!” His eyes gleamed, even more translucent than the greasy elk on the elbow.

“You're an evil person in your hundred past lives! It's absolutely perfect with that set of techniques! Boy, stand up and bow to me as your master!”

He untied the bandages on Du Chen's feet and tossed them aside.

Du Chen stood up, stretched his muscles, and smirked. “You crazy lunatic, let's say our goodbyes!”

He turned around and ran.

Clang!

When Du Chen reached the entrance of the Taoist temple, it seemed like he had hit an invisible wall of energy, which forcibly bounced him back.

Du Chen was shocked, he turned his head to look at the old Taoist, only to see the old Taoist casually tossing the bandages again. The bandages seemed to have a spiritual nature, flying towards Du Chen like a grey snake and binding him once more.

“You… you're a… monster!” Du Chen exclaimed in fear.

This is not an ordinary lunatic; he clearly knows magic!

“Pah! What magic? This is immortal magic!” The old Daoist beckoned and pulled Du Chen by his side, knocking him down to the ground and sitting on his chest as he lectured, “Well, what's going on these days? In the past, some people would kneel in front of me for days and nights just to become my disciple! But you, instead, want to run away. Strange! Is my reputation not valuable anymore?”

Du Chen trembled all over and mustered up the courage to ask, “Senior, are you really an immortal?”

“Didn't I tell you? I am well-acquainted with the Tathagata Buddha!”

Du Chen didn't know what he was doing anymore. Immortals, they truly exist! He couldn't let this opportunity slip away!

“Master, please rise. I am willing to become your disciple!” he shouted.

“No need, I'll teach you just like this!”

The old Daoist stood up, flipped Du Chen over, and tore off the cloth wrapped around his feet as well as his pants. He then fiercely slapped his left buttock, leaving a mark. “With this mark, hehe, you will be mine!”

Du Chen strained his neck to look. Surprisingly, his buttock was now covered in dozens of tightly-packed lotus flower tattoos, all in bud form and none in full bloom!

The old Daoist pointed at his buttock and explained, “Disciple, look carefully. What I have passed on to you is called ‘Lotus Flower Mirror'. These lotus flowers represent your progress. Once they all bloom, your cultivation will be complete, and you can go drinking with the Tathagata Buddha, the Jade Emperor, and the others!”

Du Chen was ecstatic. He could barely believe that such a fortunate encounter with the immortal had befallen him.

“By the way, let me tell you one benefit first: after practicing my techniques, you will achieve eternal life, never to be reincarnated in the six realms! That is… you will become immortal!”

Du Chen was grinning ear to ear.

What was happening today? Had all the suffering he endured for over twenty years been compensated in a single day?

“Master, as long as I continue to do good deeds, it will be accomplished, right?” he wanted to confirm if it was truly that simple!

“Correct! And it only looks at how many good deeds you have done. It doesn't matter how many bad deeds you've done, as long as you don't do any mischief when doing good! However…”

The old Daoist squinted, seemingly teasing Du Chen, “You are still a virgin, right?”

Du Chen nodded.

“Let me tell you some bad news. This ‘Lotus Flower Mirror' is a technique for virgins. Before completing it, you cannot engage in any sexual activities!”

Du Chen's expression changed.

The old Daoist continued to smile, “And the more you progress, the harder it becomes. When you practice the first lotus, even helping an old lady cross the street can greatly enhance your progress. But when you reach the eighth lotus… tsk tsk, saving the entire human race or something like that will be sufficient!”

Du Chen anxiously asked, “Then how many years will it take for me to complete all these good deeds!?”

“No hurry, since you won't be reincarnated, what's there to fear? Just take your time doing good deeds! About a thousand or eight hundred years should be enough.”

The old Daoist glanced at Du Chen's lower body and laughed again, “But let me warn you, before achieving great success in this technique, abstain from sexual activities; otherwise, the ‘Lotus Flower Mirror' will castrate you!”

“You… so I have to wait for thousands of years before I can engage in sexual activities!?!” Du Chen shouted.“I quit! Just kick me out of the sect!"

The old Daoist stood up and removed the cloth wrapped around Du Chen's feet. "Too late!"

Du Chen stood up and pleaded, "Master, please understand, I am a wicked person through and through. It would be embarrassing for you to accept a disciple like me."

"Are you bad? I have a disciple who is even worse. He knelt in front of my door for several days and nights!"

"But I'm a thief!"

"What kind of thief are you? My disciple stole the Elixir of Immortality from the Jade Emperor and stole the Peaches of Immortality from the Queen Mother. Compared to him, what are you!?"

"But... but..." Du Chen had a mournful expression on his face and finally blurted out, "You want me to become a eunuch? It would be better to just send me to the Western Pure Land to become a monk!"

"Hehe, I've already sent one disciple there, don't want to send a second one!"

Suddenly, a auspicious cloud appeared under the old Daoist's feet. He gracefully flew up and waved his hand. "My disciple, in order to be close to women, strive to do good deeds! Farewell for now!"

In an instant, the old Daoist vanished on the cloud!

Du Chen was first startled, then he burst into curses, "You crazy old man, I'm still a virgin! It's over, I'm going to be a lifelong virgin..."

Feeling dejected, Du Chen turned around and looked at the lotus flower on his buttocks. He was still filled with anger and cursed at the sky, "Damn it, who would be willing to kneel in front of your door for days and nights? That would be idiotic!"

Smack!

Suddenly, someone patted Du Chen on the shoulder.

Du Chen quickly turned around to look, only to find a skinny monk with a pointed chin and chubby cheeks.

“Buddy, which way did that old guy who fooled you just go?” the monk asked.

Du Chen was taken aback. When did this monk appear? How did he not see him? Could this monk also be an immortal?

Thinking of this, he cautiously asked, “Who are you?”

“I am the person you were just badmouthing, the idiot who knelt before the crazy old man for days and nights, and stole Lord Laojun's elixir and the Queen Mother's peaches!” the monk replied.

Du Chen's expression froze, and he awkwardly smiled, “Oh, so you're my senior brother. What's your esteemed name?”

“just call me Brother Wukong!” the monk said.

Thud!

Du Chen plopped down on the ground.

The monk frowned and said, “Damn, how did our master end up with such a useless disciple? You're really tarnishing the reputation of Xieyue Cave! Little brat, even though you're my junior brother, how dare you insult me! I curse you to be an idiot in your next life!”

With that, he also vanished!

…

From then on, there was a peculiar person in the world who did good deeds during the day and stole things at night.

Not long after, Du Chen's first lotus flower bloomed halfway, and then he valiantly sacrificed himself during an act of bravery…

“Crazy old man! How dare you deceive me! Immortality?!”

This was the headline in the newspaper the next day — ‘Thief' Martyr's Final Call!