Pain, cold hard pain.
All I can feel is all-consuming, mind-numbing, harrowing pain. So cold, abstract and untouchable it contradicts with its ability to shackle one onto one's knees, to make one convulse on the ground, to rip open earth in despair and tear your throat with gutural screams.
I don't understand it...
Why is there so much pain, why do I only feel pain. Am I... pain itself? No, I don't think so... I am not pain, but I feel its entirety.
Scalding pain deluges my mind, my body. Do I even have a body? Haha... I don't even know. Only pain exists, pain, pain, pain, pain, PAIN! ONLY PAIN EXISTS!
IT KILLS ME, IT KEEPS ME ALIVE! BUT ONLY PAIN EXISTS!
ETERNITY! PAIN! ETERNITY! PAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Pain is my existence, my existence is eternal, thus, pain is eternal! I know the truth! Pain, pain will always prevail. There is no cessation to pain, IT IS, IT WAS, IT WILL BE! No quietus, no death, no valediction to life, will end pain and suffering.
And so do these flames....
I don't know, I don't remember, I don't feel, I don't hear, I don't see, I don't taste, I don't smell. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't! I am nothing. I am just pain and fire. Fire and pain.
The fire consumes me, it makes me feel pain, pain stokes the fire, fire stokes the pain. They intertwine in painful harmony, coil around my very self, snap at me with crimson fangs, take a bite out of my sanity and leave a yawning void. It won't take long, the fire and pain got me... soon I will be no more.
I tried to scream but my voice, my thrumming voice, was nothing more than stentorian clangour in the perpetual darkness. The darkness, it suffocated me, weighed down on me... so much darkness. Pain, fire, darkness. All that I am, all that is.
Woe? No... There is nothing I can direct my lament to, nothing I can do to lessen my pain, the burden, the sins. Pain, darkness, fire, when will it end? I want to give up. I want to succumb to the fatigue, to my lethargic mind. Surviving is cumbersome, let's just... die... that's good...
"Endure... Live on..."
What? I can't forsake my own self, I have to prevail!
Selfish, I began to ignore the pain, shift it into the recesses of my mind, the pain that assaulted me, punished me with divine retribution but I realized, I had to take this burden onto my back, this painful and hard burden, -It has to be done!- at this foreign place. What was this place? There is something, something else entirely from the seething pain. Ah! A word. I know it!
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Purgatory.... *ahhh*, that's how they called it, the everlasting flames, breaking will and mind, but...ahahahah... no not with me. I will make the flames burn, I will break the fire's will! But... what comes next? There was something behind the veil of flames. I- I had to endure, I need to endure! Curious, inquisitve even, I wanted to know what existed behind the sempiternal sea of sanguine waves. Waves of fire... So. Much. Fire. I had to know! But the fire is painful, don't go. But I will, I can, stand tall, face off against the flames. The pain will kill you! The pain will be eternal! But so am I, I-I will stand above it! You throw your life away, stop it! You are broken! Kneel and submit to the flames! I won't submit, I won't submit to the flames, to you! YOu haVE to SuBMit, concede to the pain!!! I WILL NOT, I WILL NOT SURRENDER MYSELF!!! FOOL, yOu HAve nO iDea! I wiLl BrEak yOu! Make you kneel...
Y-YoU SHalL bURn!!!!