It was a day like any other, getting home from his dead end job, Jack Adams hopped on his computer to get some much needed R & R. Working at a super market deli wasn’t the first thing on his list, but Jack was just trying to make ends meet. The least he deserved was to hop online, chat with his friends, and hit the sack, AKA - the shitty mattress he got from his uncle. After a few too many hours, terrible indie games, and some energy drinks Jack isn’t quite sure should be legal, he jumped into bed and for lack of better terms, crashed.

Jack wasn’t sure if it was the caffeine, lack of sleep, or his new medication, but when he fell asleep he dreamed for what felt like the first time in 6 years. Looking around him, Jack saw what could only be described as a combination of psychedelic trip and the opening cut scene to a questionably designed game. Around him, voices caught his attention, some made sense, others not so much. They spat out words of seemingly no relation, some in languages he knew others he did not. Slowly though, they seemed to become just a bit clearer.

Growth. Destiny. A Stick?

He saw images of trees, hulking beasts, pools and rivers flowing around him. Jack felt rushes of energy and an odd sensation, not unlike the adrenaline you feel at the peak of a good run mixed with something he wouldn’t be able to explain if he tried.

“Well this is nonsense”, Jack thought to himself. “What the hell is this, did I eat some expired food or did someone slip me something?” As the dream started to fade, his consciousness did with it, a sensation not unlike vertigo struck Jack.

“JESUS CHRIST!”, Jack screamed as he woke up, still in his bed nothing out of place, though his pants were visibly wet. “I seriously need to read up on these energy drinks, I think I might need to cut back.”

Hopping out of bed, hoping to change out of his freshly soiled clothes, Jack thought about the last time this happened.

“Gosh, I haven’t done this since I was nine, I know that dream was a bit odd, but I don’t know if it was piss my pants odd.”, Jack thought, tossing his pants aside along with his boxers. They were some plain white five pack boxers you get from Target, not quite the best but boy were they cheap.

“Guess I gotta do laundry again.” Jack dreaded, half asleep and wandering to where he thought his laundry basket should be. Upon waking up a bit more, Jack thought it odd that his normally starkly hardwood floor was shockingly similar to the feeling of grass beneath his feet. He was even more surprised by the fact that, he was in fact in the middle of a forest clearing at what was clearly still midnight.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

“Well, shit… now I don’t have pants.”

———

Struck by a wave of undeniably intense confusion, Jack stumbled back to his bed, which he noticed was completely soaked on one side. Looking up, Jack noticed a tree he didn’t see before. It was an oddly blueish brown color, not looking like any tree he remembered from his times as a Boy Scout, not that he really remembered much from that time. Looking further up the trunk of the tree, he saw leaves that looked like maple leaves if they were dyed with blue food coloring, and they looked to be dripping — no, pouring — water down.

“Score! Didn’t piss myself, but my pants are still wet.”, Jack exclaimed in his head. “Now to figure out what happened. Did my brother break into my apartment, and prank me like he did when we were kids? Though this would be the biggest stunt he ever pulled.”, Jack bemused.

Jack and his brother, William — everyone just calls him Will — get along pretty nicely nowadays. Being two years apart, Jack being the younger of the two, he dealt with his fair share of pranks, from whipped cream to a sleeping bag full of sand. This would take the cake though, moving his entire bed into the woods, painting a whole tree blue, and pouring water all over him.

“That sounded way more plausible 30 seconds ago.” Jack admitted.

Just when Jack decided it was time to figure out exactly what was going on, he felt a bit of a pain in his head, actually a similar feeling to the end of his dream the previous night. It felt like dipping his head in a hot pool of water, which slowly spread to his entire body.

[Welcome, you have been selected for the beginner package “Monsters, Magic, and Other such things”.]

“What the?”

A piece of parchment paper floated in front of Jack. There were no wires, or at least non Jack could make out. He went to touch it, and the paper vanished. In its place a new piece of parchment, this time accompanied by a feather pen, already dipped in ink.

[Thank you for choosing QuantaCo, we appreciate your patience. Please select your free gift! Note: Selecting more than one option, will grant you — nothing.]

[1. Guide Book ]

[2. A Particularly Magical Stick™ ]

[3. Pants ]

“Huh.”, Jack said out loud to himself. He wondered what was going on, but also wanted to pick something since this all screamed a certain level of bizarre he wasn’t quite sure he was prepared to ignore. He also thought about that name QuantaCo, what is this — some sort of shitty early 90’s tech company that sells a product you aren’t quite sure your company needs, but you feel like you have to buy it?

“Maybe I’m still asleep?”

The feather flew towards Jack, poking him right in the forehead. The pain told Jack that whatever was going on, it was more than likely real. He weighed his options, of which there were five. He could pick one of these options that the magic floating paper provided him, ignore the paper and walk away, or he could just scribble all over the paper but he figured that was a bad move.

“Well as much as I want pants, and as cool as a Particularly Magical Stick seems, I think the Guide Book is the obvious choice. I don’t really feel like ignoring the one thing that is giving some semblance of information, so I guess that’s what I’ll go with”.

As he grabbed the pen, moving his hand towards the paper, a loud sound somewhere between coyote howl and nails on a chalkboard rang out somewhere behind him. His hand slipped, and went right through the paper as it vanished, though the pen stuck around.

[ Thank you for choosing A Particularly Magical Stick™ You will receive your order shortly. ]

“Damn. That was not what I was going for.” Jack thought, momentarily distracted from the horrifying sound that caused this blunder.