Clare
I huddled in the corner of the room, hugging my knees tightly and burying my face against them as I rocked back and forth in a spot, trying hard to forget what I’d just seen and what I’d just done.
But I couldn’t escape it. The image of Deputy Manager Zayn’s spirit shattering into fragments, like a human-shaped mirror struck by a powerful blow, haunted my thoughts, a constant reminder of my lack of control. Even though he was lying motionless on the floor across from me, his physical body looking serene as if he was just asleep, I knew there was no way he was alive.
There was no way anyone could be alive after their spirit body got wrecked like I wrecked his. However, something kept urging me to go check his body, but I didn’t have the courage to. My rocking movements increased crazily as when I opened my eyes, I met Zayn’s dead, empty gaze as he walked toward me in stumbling, staggered movements with his hands stretched out in front of him like a zombie.
As he got closer and closer to me, my heart started racing faster and faster, as if it was going to leave my chest. Realizing I couldn’t just sit here and wait for him to punish me for ending his life, I stood up and ran toward the only door out of the clinic’s medical supplies’ room, but stumbled into a man. When I looked up, the face I saw was Zayn causing me to release a high-pitch scream, fall, and scramble back away on my hands and knees.
But on the floor right before me was Zayn. Looking quiet with his chest still rising up and down with breath like someone who was alive.
My heart was now almost rent with palpitations when my salvation came.
A familiar hand pulled me up and into a warm and comforting embrace. While rubbing circles into my shivering back, Kai reassured me, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”
And that was how I woke up, still shivering, but my racing heart was slowing down.
It made me feel despicable, because whether it was in self-defense or not, I had still murdered a man, albeit in an unconventional manner.
Before I could bury myself in self-pity, Josie’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “Hey Clare, wake up. You’re going to be late for your first day if you keep sleeping.”
“I’m up now! Thank you!” I called back, sitting up and getting out of bed in the small but cozy room Josie had given to me after Kai brought me to stay with her.
Within thirty minutes, I had taken a shower and was dressed for my first day at Hawkins high. I headed to the living room, which was seamlessly connected to an open kitchen. Josie was already standing behind the counter that demarcated the kitchen from the living room area, fully dressed, probably so she could go to work at the diner she worked at.
“Here, I remembered what you said yesterday about not liking to eat breakfast, so I made you a light one.” She pushed a plate with two toasts while placing the jars of peanut butter and jelly on the tiny counter that doubled as the cooking counter and the dining table in her cozy and quaint mobile home.
However, as someone with humble beginnings who grew up in a tiny shack with my herbalist Fae-Witch mother, I knew better than to despise her trailer park home. If I hadn’t just abruptly moved in with her with Kai’s help, I knew the 2 bedroom trailer would be more convenient for her to live alone.
I didn’t really want to eat breakfast because I had a fatty burger for dinner yesterday, but I hadn’t known Josie for long and I didn’t want to offend her by not eating the breakfast she carefully prepared. I would just walk off the extra food on my way to and from school.
“Thanks.” I said quietly, wanting to tell her I preferred not to eat breakfast at all, but I didn’t know how to say it, so I just shut my mouth after thanking her.
“Do you want some coffee? I didn’t want to make you some because I make terrible coffee. No matter how elaborate the recipe and steps, I always mess them up, so I advise everyone against drinking my coffee.” After saying this, she took a sip of her coffee and then her face fell at the taste of it. “Unfortunately, I’ve been spoiled by Della’s coffee. That’s the name of the owner of the diner I work at. You’ll meet her later on in the future.”
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My fingers twitched. I was one of those people my mom called a fixer. I liked to fix everything.
Josie didn’t like the taste of her coffee. I wanted to fix it. My mom didn’t like the way a herb in her garden was growing, I wanted to fix it. Our neighbor’s yard was full of weeds. I wanted to fix it.
Although I didn’t want to offend her, observing Josie’s mannerisms as she spoke about her coffee made me realize that she would probably not get offended if I tried to fix her coffee.
“Um, can I taste your coffee? Maybe I can fix it?” I lowered my gaze to avoid her gaze as I spoke but couldn't help meeting her gaze to try to gage her response to my offer.
She seemed surprised, but there was still a smile in her eyes as she pushed her coffee toward me. “Here, knock yourself out.”
As if she saw my dilemma on how to sip the coffee, she handed me a paper straw.
I took a tiny polite sip and barely managed to keep my face straight at the taste, though.
How did she manage not to wash this nasty coffee down the drain?
"Can I add some other stuff to it? I might be able to make it taste better." I asked.
“Sure,” she said with a smile. “Work your magic.”
I nodded and went back to my room, opening one of my bags and pulling out a few things from it.
My hands were trembling from the compulsive desire to impress her and make her like me so that she wouldn’t mind me staying at her place and cramping her style as much.
I tried to steady my hand as I added a vial of vanilla extract and a pinch of ground cardamom, which I had retrieved from my bag. Then, after assessing her small but actually carefully filled cupboards, I stirred in a touch of honey and a splash of almond milk, then topped it off with a dash of nutmeg.
"Try it now," I suggested, handing the cup back to her with a hopeful smile, watching as her face lit up after the first sip.
“Wow, it tastes so good.” She exclaimed, taking another sip.
“If you like it, I can make you a cup of coffee every morning.” I assured her, putting on my best smile.
“Oh, I don’t want to be a bother. Just make me some whenever you want some or you’re in the mood. I would feel so bad if you went out of your way.”
I shook my head seriously. “It’s the least I can do.”
She shook her head and refuted me. “Kai is paying rent for you and extra food expenses. I can’t take advantage of you. As your landlady, how could I make my tenant make me coffee?”
Her words surprised me. “He’s paying rent?”
“Of course. Have you met Kai? He never does things halfway. He was probably afraid that I would feel inconvenienced, so he insisted on paying rent despite my refusal. So I want you to be comfortable and feel right at home. For several years, while I was trying to get on my feet, I couch-hopped a lot. If you make me coffee every day, I’d feel like you were treating me like I treated the people I lived with back then, cooking their every meal and all. So just don’t.”
I realized that she, who looked like a casual, uncaring woman, had noticed my little thoughts and scramble to please her. Unfortunately, she didn’t realize that by saying those words, she made me like her more and when I liked people, I still always went out of my way to be nice to them.
Her words made me smile as I finally admitted. “Actually, I do like making drinks. I used to make them all the time at…at home. I’m better at making teas, though, because I’m more familiar with plants and herbs.”
“Really? Well, I don’t mind tea or coffee as long as it’s still sweet. Just make me the sweet version of whatever you want to make for yourself. That’s, of course, if you want to. Don’t force yourself if you’re not feeling it, okay?”
I smiled my first genuine smile. “Okay.”
Twiddling my thumbs, I remembered the words she just said a few minutes ago. “So…how much rent is Kai paying?”
Afraid of her misunderstanding me, I shook my hand quickly. “I’m not just asking out of curiosity—I genuinely want to know so I can try to pay him back. I owe him a lot of money already and I don’t know how to pay that back so if possible, I would love to try my best to pay the rent so you don’t have to collect rent from him.”
I pinched the extra flesh on my arm. “I plan to get a job and…”
Josie held my hand that was pinching red circles into my arm. “Listen, you can get a job and keep the money for other things, but I don’t think you should try to replace Kai’s rent. Kai is…strange. He seems so big and bad with those tattoos and the pierced ears, but he…loves to help people. Just…take it as accepting his help is giving him hope for redemption. What did he tell you when you promised to repay him?”
“He said that I shouldn’t bother and I should…pay it forward.” I said, remembering his gruff tone as he said that while driving me to Hawkins Town to meet Josie.
“Well, just do as he said. Focus on finishing your high school studies in flying colors so you can qualify for a scholarship at a good college. I’m not saying you shouldn’t get a job. Just…don’t let your academics suffer because you’re thinking about money and trying to repay Kai. Got it?”
Even though I felt uncomfortable with owing Kai money and felt like I was taking advantage of him by allowing him to pay rent on my behalf along with all the money I owed him, I could see that Josie was on Kai’s side on this topic so I nodded. “Got it.”
“Okay, so when you’re done with school, don’t forget to meet our pack Luna. I need to leave for work now, so I’ll see you later.” She slipped a crossbody bag over her head, letting it rest on her shoulder and across her chest, then finished the rest of her coffee. “Thank you for the coffee. I loved it!”
And then she was out of the trailer.