In his quarters on the MFV Endaara, Rael’Zorah lay on his sleeping pad, cuddling his lifemate, as she slept soundly in his arms, singing her heelrou . Keelah, it was the most beautiful sound he would ever hear. Yes, normally, it soothed and relaxed his mind and body more than anything in the galaxy.

But nonetheless, he couldn’t sleep.

Yes, the logistical preparations for the coming evacuation were almost finished, but had taken far too long. Ever since he’d last spoken with Mark and Khanah in their home four days ago, those under his command were still working with the humans below to help gather, then transfer enough human-edible food to the civilian freighters in orbit, in which thousands of refugees would reside for several days. Even now, those under Zaal’s command were still preparing those freighters for their arrival. And still, he needed a plan to evacuate them – in an orderly fashion – once his forces arrived at Mindoir.

He sighed. Ancestors, we cant’ save them all. Yes, according to Shala’s scouting reports, Mindoir had a population of around thirty-thousand, too many to evacuate in only days. Undoubtedly, thousands of them were going to die no matter what he did.

He huffed through his nose. And that was only the first of his problems. Yes, by the start of the next ship cycle, the rest of the Fleet would also arrive at this system. Shortly thereafter, the quarian people would begin to colonize their new home. And once they did, only time would tell how the humans there would react when faced with becoming a minority on their own home.

Hopefully, they would remain cooperative.

And hopefully, Khanah would update him soon on what was her plan.

Briefly, he glanced at Maeru, then gulped.

And then there was his greatest problem, his greatest worry.

Yes, once more, he and his lifemate would be separated. He had no choice. For there was no way he could ever bring her and Tali to a warzone. He gulped. But if he failed and died in battle just like his father…then would Felz’elt ravage her mind and claw away at her sanity until nothing remained?

Yes, no psychological condition was more agonizing. So many feared it more than death. And in the most extreme cases, in those who had remained bonded to their lifemate for less than five years, it was a death sentence in all but name.

Nearly impossible to recover from.

Briefly, he looked back to what the condition had done to his mother, to how it robbed her of any ability to feel joy, and to how sometimes she’d rant to herself in private, sobbing, having entire arguments with likely a hallucination of his father. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Just six months after his father’s death, his mother had left him with his foster parents. And shortly after, she had died in battle, having annihilated both herself and the turian pirate lord who had murdered his father with an anti-matter bomb she had snuck onto his flagship.

His eyes watered. If he perished, would Maeru abandon Tali the same way his mother had abandoned him? He gritted his teeth. NO. Yes, Maeru was a much stronger woman. Few women amongst the fleet would be able to handle how often external circumstances had separated them over the past eight years. And she had chosen to become his lifemate, in spite of the risks involved with bonding to a military officer. So yes, she would never do such a thing.

Right?

Maeru stirred. “Ra…Rael?”

He looked into her beautiful eyes. Keelah, what had woken her? A bad dream? “Yes?”

“Ancestors, I just had the most…bizarre dream.” Under her mask, she yawned. “But you’re still awake?”

Briefly, he broke eye contact with her. At the start of the next ship cycle, he could be leaving for Mindoir. So better to tell her now. “I…I just…”

“You have much on your mind?”

He shifted his position, so that he was facing her, with his mask against hers. She put on hand on his mask, then stroked where his cheek would be with her thumb. And his heart fluttered.

“I do,” he said. He took a deep breath. “There is so much on my mind. Keelah, the logistical preparations…they are almost done but have taken too long. No matter what we do, thousands of humans are going to die. And I…I just can’t stop thinking about how…” He broke eye contact with her.

“Can’t stop thinking about what?”

He took a deep breath. Just tell her. Do it now. Once more, he met her gaze. “About how I will have no choice but to leave you and Tali alone on our new home while I am gone. About how, once again, we will be separated.”

She sat up, her eyes wide. “Separated again?”

He sat up as well, then sighed. She spoke those words with such fear in her voice, and all he wanted was to hold her and soothe it all away. But nonetheless, they had to have this conversation. “I know how difficult these constant separations are for you. And I know how terrified you are of Felz’elt . But…” Briefly, he looked at the ground and took a deep breath. Again, he met her gaze. “But I can not risk bringing you and Tali to a warzone.”

A long, tense silence ensued.

Looking at the ground, she took a deep breath, then met his gaze. “ Saera…Saera, please do not do this to me. Keelah, I’ve endured these situations for so long. But now…” She let out a shaky breath. “Now, I’ve had enough. I can not keep living under the constant fear that someday…” She gulped. “That somebody you won’t come back to me. It’s too much. Oh, ancestors help me.” She let out a weak sob. “It’s too much.”

“Sssh,” he said. With one hand, he cupped the back of her neck, then pressed his visor to hers. Eagerly, she returned the gesture. “Maeru…I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Keelah, yes, you have endured so much, more than most women could ever bear. But you must understand that the coming conflict with the Silent Ones…”

Briefly, he looked back to his pilgrimage, to when he had explored a derelict asari warship the Silent Ones had boarded. On it, he had puked in his suit when he saw what had happened to the crew. He gulped, and his eyes watered.

“If they were to ever harm you or Tali,” he continued, “ if either of you were to die or suffer some unimaginably terrible fate because I made a mistake–” Breaking eye contact, he choked on his words, then took a deep breath. Yes, if that happened, then undoubtedly Felz’elt would destroy him. He would become a very, very different man and life would never be the same. Again, he met her gaze. “Then I do not know what I would ever do. So please…until I return, remain on New Rannoch. No matter what happens, I need to know that you and Tali are safe, that Tali will at least have you in her life if anything ever happens to me.”

A long, tense silence ensued.

Gently, she pulled away. “It seems we’re both terrified of Felz’elt .” She let out a nervous laugh, then held one of his hands. He gave it a gentle squeeze and looked deeply into her eyes. “I know you only want the best for me and Tali, and I could never love you enough for everything you have or will do for us.” She tightened her grip on his hand. “But I am not some defenseless, little child. You know better than anyone that I have faced death before, and that as long as I’m beside you…” She cupped the back of his neck, then pressed her visor to his. “I am not afraid of dying.”

Another long silence ensued.

A weak defenseless child. Keelah, I just had to imply that . He sighed. “Maeru...If I unwittingly disrespected you, then I apologize. My fear, it got the better of me and–”

“You have never disrespected me,” Maeru said. She laughed. “Even if you tried, I doubt you ever could.”

He laughed. Ancestors, even during conversations like this, she somehow found a way to make him smile. “Then know this.” Gently, he pulled away from her, holding both of her hands. He looked deeply into her eyes. “If it were just you and I, then I would bring you along with me. I have doubt that you would be fine. But now, we are a family of three, not two. And you are the only person I trust enough to watch over Tali while I am gone.”

Another silence ensued. During it, she looked pensive, as though mulling over his words.

How do I convince her that she is stronger than she believes? “Ever since we started bonding, you have always had faith in me. And even when all seemed hopeless for me, you have always remained by my side. So now…” He put one hand on her visor, just above where her cheek would be. “Now, I will do the same for you. Whatever happens, I have faith that you are strong enough to endure the next few days, and that if I perish, you will not–”

“Abandon Tali like how your mother abandoned you?”

Briefly, he looked at the ground. He gulped, then pursed his lips. “Yes.”

Another silence ensued.

“Keelah…” she said, looking at the deck. “Now, all of this makes sense.” She looked back at him. “Rael, I…”

“Sssh,” he said. “All is well, saera. All is well. ”

“I know.” Closing her eyes, she sighed. “But I will not lie to you. Deep down, what you said is my greatest fear.”

“Your greatest fear?”

“Yes,” she said. “That Felz’elt would make me incapable of being the mother Tali deserves.”

He paused. Looking at the ground, he sighed. Am I forcing her to do this? “That is perfectly understandable. It is what every quarian parent should fear the most. But I know that you are a strong, courageous woman who faces her fears directly. And that whatever happens to me…” He held both her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze, looking deep into her eyes. “You will make the best decision for our daughter. Whatever that decision might be.”

Maeru paused, as though mulling over his words. She took a deep breath. “Oh, very well. Very well. I will stay."

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

He let out a relieved sigh. His limbs felt lighter and more vigorous. “Thank you. I–”

Maeru held up one hand. “On one condition.”

“Name it,” he said.

“Once the fleet arrives,” she said, “I have no doubt they’ll construct a comm buoy in this system to free up some bandwidth for the quantum communications network. So…”

“You want us to stay in touch?”

“Yes,” she said firmly. “While you’re away, we will. Stay. In. Touch.”

He smiled. “Is that all?”

She gave him a playful slap on the chest. “What did you think I’d ask, you teasing bosh’tet? ”

He laughed. “Oh, nothing. Of course, we will stay in touch. Now, come here.” He pulled her in for a hug. Eagerly, she returned the gesture. And together, they laughed as they back down on their sleeping mat.

Maeru snuggled into him. “And one more thing.”

He held her a little tighter, hardly able to look away from her beautiful gaze. “Yes?”

“Once you return,” she said, “and we finally have a home together on New Rannoch, I want to take full advantage of the recent news...” She trailed one finger down his chest. “...and give Tali many, many brothers and sisters.”

He smiled. Yes, in a recent news cast, the prime speaker and the conclave had announced the end of the one-child policy. “And live just like our ancestors before the Long Exile?”

She nodded. “Yes. I think we deserve a large, happy family.”

Briefly, he imagined what that would be like, to live with Maeru and all of his little ones in a spacious home, to wake up every day and see them laugh and play, enjoying everything he never had as a child.

He pressed his visor against hers. “ Saera, nothing would make me happier.”

In a ground shuttle, heading towards her family home, Hannah Shepard took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Just over an hour ago, they had concluded their last meeting with the rest of the colony council. During it, Rael and Zaal had attended remotely, and finally they had put the finishing touches on their plan to help with the Mindoir evacuation.

Yes, whilst her husband would stay behind and help run the colony, she would go with the quarians to Mindoir, along with Anderson, Zaeed, Shun, and the colonial militia forces under their command. Soon, the rest of the quarians would also arrive at this system, and once Rael’s evacuation force received the escort ships it needed, they would finally depart.

Towards such a precarious, uncertain future.

She sighed. Before that though, she and her husband would have to break this news to her boys, that soon she would leave them behind, and that there was no guarantee she’d return.

Wringing her hands, she exhaled. Will they take it well?

Every time either of her boys had cried, it had always been so heartbreaking, and she wanted only to hold them and take their pain all away. But regardless, the coming conversation had to happen.

No matter how hard it might be.

Sitting across from her, her husband was looking out the viewport, his face pensive, as though he was deep in thought. During times of crisis, he always looked so calm and stoic. But no doubt, the coming conversation was gnawing at him too. Yes, deep down, he had always been a big softy.

She smiled. Indeed, no matter what happened to her, at least her boys would always have him as their father.

He looked at her, then huffed through his nose. “We’re almost home.”

She gulped. “Yeah.”

“You look nervous,” he said. He reach out and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Are you okay?”

Briefly, she looked at the ground, then exhaled. What if I don’t make it? “Yeah. I’m okay. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

She met his gaze, and his beautiful, blue eyes were filled with such love, such concern. They never failed to leave her breathless. “I’m just thinking about the boys, about how they’ll react to this, about how they’ll feel if I don’t make it back.”

“I know you’re scared,” he said. “Hell, I’m scared too.” Briefly, he looked at the ground and pursed his lips. “If I ever lost you…then I don’t think anyone could ever replace you.” Once more, he looked into her eyes. “But you know what?”

She let out a weak laugh. “What?”

“I believe in you,” he said. He held her hand with both of his. “I have no doubt that you will use that fear to perform at your absolute best, to do anything necessary to come back here in one piece.”

Smiling, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in a brief but passionate kiss. She pressed her forehead against his. “I love you.”

He smiled. “I love you too.”

Finally, the ground shuttle arrived at her home. As soon as the side door opened, she and her husband stepped outside, then went into their home through the front door.

“The boys should be home soon,” she said. “But in the meantime, what do you want to do?”

“Relax and enjoy the present,” he said, sitting on the couch. He turned on the holo-screen, then put on an episode of Broken World , a historical drama series set during the darkest days of the third world war. “Very soon, that might just become a luxury.”

She let out a nervous laugh and sat right beside him. “You can say that again.”

He wrapped his arm around her, and she cuddled into him. Minute after minute went by, as they watched. But the whole time, she could hardly shake off the unease rooting itself in the pit of her stomach, nor stop imagining worst-case scenarios, ones of her boys crying and sobbing, traumatized for life.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Just stay present. Just stay present.

Soon, out of the large window in their living room, she spotted one of the school’s ground shuttles park just outside her home.

Mark shut off the holo-screen. “They’re here.”

She sighed. Here we go. “Let’s give them a warm welcome.”

She opened the front door, only to spot her boys stepping outside the school ground shuttle. As soon as they spotted her and Mark, they smiled.

“Mommy!” John said, running towards her.

“Daddy!” Luke said, doing the same.

Smiling, she knelt and embraced them both in a warm hug. As she did so, she savored the moment. “Ah, welcome home, boys. Welcome home.”

When she let go of them, Mark knelt and hugged them as well. “Come here, you two.”

Soon, Mark let go. “So how was school?”

“It was amazing,” John said. “We got to learn about Earth and the Sol System.”

“From where we come from, Daddy,” Luke said. “From where we come from.”

She smiled, and her heart melted at the sheer awe and excitement with which they talked about the Sol System.

“Will we get to see it, one day?” John asked. “We will get to visit Earth?”

Before first contact with the quarians, the answer to that question would have been a definitive no. Yes, they’d have to wait decades until the colony had a functioning spaceport, and even longer until there were shipyards in orbit building FTL-capable vessels. But now…

Anything could be possible.

“Maybe, sweetie,” she said. “Maybe.”

She turned and gestured for her boys to follow her inside. “Now come. You two must be exhausted.”

“Mommy?” John asked, following her. “Can you make us Mac’N’Cheese, while we watch The Sword of Qaaro ?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Luke said, doing the same. “I’m so hungry.”

“Pleeeeeeaase?” they said in unison.

Inwardly, she sighed. A part of her wanted to get the coming conversation over with as soon as possible. But who was she to ruin John and Luke’s relaxation time after school. “Oh, of course, I will.” She turned, then knelt and kissed John’s forehead. “Just relax on the couch, you two, while your daddy puts on the show.”

“Thank you, Mommy,” John said. “Thank you.”

She smiled. Oh, how she loved seeing them so happy.

Together, they went back inside. And as John and Luke plopped themselves on the couch, as Mark put on an episode of The Sword of Qaaro , she went into the kitchen, then began preparing John and Luke’s Mac’N’Cheese, boiling pasta in a pot on the smart stove, whilst preparing the cheese sauce. She smiled. Cheese… Every time, she prepared any dish with meat or dairy she couldn’t help but wonder why everyone still named them after food items from before the invention of cheaper, more sustainable air-protein substitutes, indistinguishable from their counterparts in taste and texture. Inwardly, she shivered with disgust. Yes , who would ever want to eat flesh or drink anything from an animal’s teet?

Soon, she finished cooking her boys’ Mac’N’Cheese, then went back into the living room and gave each of them a bowl of it.

“Thank you, Mommy,” John said.

“Thank you,” Luke said.

As her boys dug in, she sat next to her husband and watched the show along with them. For most of the episode, she was hardly paying attention. But then her boys gasped, as dramatic, orchestral music began to play.

“Oh, here it comes,” John said. Her heart melted at the sheer excitement in his voice. “Here it comes.”

On the holo-screen, the main character, Vaelar the Wanderer, was on horseback in the middle of a battle with hordes of bio-mechanical monsters, slaying dozens of them as he fought his way towards his nemesis, Azdregor The Demon King.

“Get him!” John said. “Get him!”

Soon, an explosion threw Vaelar off his horse, but he managed to hit the ground rolling. And soon, the Wanderer was back on his feet.

But surrounded.

Panting, he held his sword with both hands, ready to fight to the death.

“Oh, I think he’s in trouble,” Luke said. Luke covered his mouth with both hands.

“Sssh,” John said. “He’ll win. He always does.”

“It is over,” the Demon King said, crossing his arms, standing on some floating, circular platform high above Vaelar. “You. Have. Lost.”

“Come down and fight me, coward!” Vaelar shouted.

“And risk dying to your sword?” the Demon King asked. “To the only weapon that can harm me, all for an ‘honorable’ death?” The Demon King laughed. “You Paladins and your obsession with honor. Such foolishness.”

“Better to die an honorable death,” Vaelar said, “than live one day longer as a coward.”

The Demon King scowled. “Then your wish is my command.”

The hordes surrounding Vaelar charged. Roaring in fury, Vaelar charged into them, swinging his blade high.

But then the episode ended on a cliffhanger.

“Oh, come on,” her boys said in unison.

John put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Ah, it’s okay. We’ll find out next episode.”

Luke nodded. “Yeah, next episode.”

Briefly, she looked at Mark, as the credits rolled, and he nodded. She sighed. Now or never. “Boys?”

John and Luke faced her.

“Yes, Mommy?” John asked.

“We have something we need to need to tell you,” Mark said, shutting off the holo-screen, “something very important.”

Luke gulped, and her heart ached when she saw the fear in his eyes. “What?”

“For some time,” she said, looking at the ground, “I don’t know how long, I’m not going to be here. I’m going to be away, to somewhere very far away.”

“Away?” John asked, his eyes wide. “Why?”

“Remember Rael and Maeru?” Mark asked.

“Yes,” Luke said, “they visited our house.”

“Well,” Mark continued, “it turns out that they need Mommy’s help with saving the people of another world called Mindoir from some very, very bad aliens.”

John gulped. “From some very, very bad aliens?”

“Yes,” she said, “from some very, very mean and nasty aliens who want to hurt all quarians and humans and ruin everything we have.”

A long, seemingly endless silence ensued. During it, her boys kept looking at the ground.

Eventually, John looked at her. “But why do they need you?” John asked, his voice choked with emotions, his eyes watery.

“Why can’t you stay?” Luke asked.

Looking at the ground, she sighed. Oh, how she hated seeing them like this. “Rael needs somebody like me – a leader – to convince the people living on Mindoir that the quarians are our friends, not scary monsters. If I don’t…”

“Then they’ll be scared?” Luke asked.

“Yes,” Mark said. “They’ll be scared and they won’t listen to anything the quarians say.”

“Even though they just want to help,” she said, “to save them from the very, very mean aliens.”

A tear rolled down John’s cheek, and he sniffled, wiping his nose. Luke looked up at her with teary eyes, his lower lip trembling. Immediately, she went down on her knees in front of them and wrapped her arms around them, holding them close. “But it’s okay…” Briefly, she let go, then wiped John and Luke’s tears away. She kissed them on the forehead

“Please come back safe,” John said.

“Don’t let them eat you,” Luke said.

“It’s okay,” she said. She gulped. Don’t make them a promise you can’t keep. “ I promise I'll be back, and that I’ll be just fine, that none of the bad aliens are going to eat me.” Damn it. What have you done? Gently, she let go, putting one hand on John’s shoulder, and the other on Luke’s. “I won’t be alone. Your uncle Anderson and two of your daddy’s friends are coming too. They’ll protect me. And the quarians…”

“They’re very strong, boys,” Mark said. “They have lots and lots of big and powerful warships, and before you know it, they’ll give these bad aliens the beating of their lives, sending them crying back to wherever they came from.”

John sniffled. “Really?”

Mark went down on one knee and put one hand on John’s shoulder. “Yes. Really. Mommy will be back here in no time. Just you wait and see.”

“Ok, Daddy,” John said, smiling. He wiped his tears and sniffled once more. “Ok.”

“Come here, you two,” Mark said, and then he embraced his sons in a warm hug. “While mommy is away, I’ll be here for both of you. So don’t you worry. Don’t you worry.”

“Thank you, Daddy,” John said, clinging to Mark tightly.

“Thank you,” Luke said, doing the same.

She smiled, then joined them in a group hug, her eyes watery. Drinking in the moment, she burned every detail into her memory. No matter what. Yes, no matter what, she would do anything necessary to come back to them.

Just then, she received an incoming comm request from Rael. Gently, she pulled away, then stood up and answered it, holding two fingers to the side of her head.

“Khanah…” Rael said, “it is time. The rest of my people have arrived and I need you and your companions on my ship as soon as possible.”

“I’ll meet you at the shuttle port,” she said, and then she cut the link.

“What’s going on?” Mark asked.

She took a deep breath through her nose, then pursed her lips, taking one last moment to savor her family’s company. “The rest of the quarian fleet…It’s here.”