Mmmh. Red light. Virtual Boy?
“Hey, you’re finally awake.”
“Was I trying to cross the border?”
“Huh?”
I rubbed my eyes and sat up. Couldn’t see anything but dim glowy red everywhere. Were the emergency lights on?
“They must’ve hit me on my head pretty hard this time.”
“Um… miss? What are you doing here?”
“The macarena? I don’t know. What are you doing here?”
“Hm. The air’s more stale than I thought. Lemme see if I can open a vent and get some fresh air in.”
“Push push push until the baby comes out!”
“Huh?”
“Wha?”
“Okay, you’re physically healthy, no signs of concussion or malformation. So why are you babbling nonsense phrases?”
“Nonsense? I werd gud!”
“Oh, your vocabulary and sentence structure are fine. It’s the fact that absolutely nothing you’ve said makes sense in context that makes me worried you might have brain damage.”
“Mom said something about going super saiyan on an evil turtle while pregnant with me. What’s a saiyan?”
“I have no idea either. Ah, there we go. Let’s get you some fresh air.”
Hm. Yeah, that does feel nice. “How ‘bout a nice Hawaiian punch?”
“Pass, thanks. You’d only hurt yourself.”
“Might be surprised. I’m super strong.”
I punched the wall, causing everything to shake. “Ow!”
“Warned you.”
“Wait, huh?”
“Oh, the light’s bothering your eyes a bit. Hang on, I’ll intensify the wavelength.”
“Wow. Now I can’t see any red at all. Virtual Boy again?”
“What are you… Ah. Gaming console from another dimension, known for causing temporary colorblindness. Don’t worry, that’ll wear off.”
“Wait. How did you know about that?”
Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
“I’m cross-referencing with a multiversal database called the Encyclopedia Cosmica. Turns out you’ve been speaking in non-stop pop-cultural references from a particular time and place. Which is weird, because the data says you’ve never come in contact with anything close to either… oh. Something about qi overload during fetal development causing slight neurological issues. You’re perfectly fine, just not entirely connected to the reality you’re in.”
“Wrong channel.”
“I’d adjust your rabbit ears, but I don’t have hands.”
Oh. Wait.
“Where are you, anyway?”
“Two answers to that question. But first, can you see red again?”
I looked at my fingernails. The polish was chipped, but plenty of my favorite red still on them.
“Yeah, but if Chiaki stole my nail polish again-”
“At this point, I think your guardian cousin is welcome to any of your cosmetics she likes. By my estimation, you’re about 300 light years from your former home, give or take a few astronomic units.”
“Wow. But that’s not so far, she’ll still be there if I started back now.”
“If you were travelling as fast as you conceivably could, the trip would still take several centuries.”
“Yeah, my family lives a long time.”
“There’s no air.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah… what I’m reading is ridiculous garbage, but I can attest firsthand that you’d still need to breathe, and even your mother couldn’t teleport this far… though she’d be the fastest to get here. But back to the point of who, and more importantly, what I am. My name is Rhys, and I’m the dungeon you have inexplicably found yourself inside the center chamber of.”
“I’m not into that sort of thing.”
“Good, because I’m not that sort of dungeon. Basically, I’m everything solid around you. Walls, floor, ceiling. Big hunk of sentient geology.”
“You’re a talking country?”
“Geology, not geography. I’m not that big yet. And there is a focus point, if you’ll look at the stalagmite pedestal in the middle of the room.”
“Huh.”
Okay, struggling to my feet. Bit wobbly, still not sure how I got here. The nice rock is definitely helping me remember myself a bit more. Guiying Tuzi, daughter of the great hero Xiang Tuzi. Not that mom likes it when people call her that. Daddy’s an emperor, but not the sort to spoil his kids. Plus they only officially founded the empire four years ago, so I don’t really think I’m a princess. Lots of siblings, older and younger, plus honorary cousins from an honorary aunt. Ooh, that’s a shiny ruby.
“Don’t touch my brain, please.”
I pulled my hand back. “Sorry, didn’t mean to mess with teh head.”
“It’s fine. You’d likely have done more harm to yourself than to me, but either way I’d rather avoid us having that problem.”
I nodded.
“So, we don’t know how you got here, and there’s no way to send you home. And since that’s the case, I’ll have to take care of you for a while. Are you alright with that?”
“I can take care of myself.”
“And how well did your oldest siblings do with that at your age?”
“Oh.”
“And are you half as responsible as they are?”
“Not really.”
“Yeah. I’m looking out for you. Don’t worry, I’ve done it a time or two before.”
“Did it work out?”
“Um…”
I looked over, and saw a fossilized aquarium.
“Alright, so the trilobites kinda went extinct the last time I took a nap. It’s hard to keep pets when you have a geologic lifespan. At least you’re sentient, and it won’t be that long until you can reasonably fend for yourself.”
An audible gurgling rumble sounded in the cave, and I realized Rhys… might not be the best of guardians.
“You’re gonna have to start by making sure I don’t die of starvation or thirst. Bungirl needs food badly.”