Sofia's head felt fuzzy, as if she were trying to make her way through a thick fog. She had been reasonably well all day, perhaps a little tired and with a bit of a sore throat but nothing more. However, as soon as they sat down on the bench she started feeling so cold that she couldn’t stop shaking. Soon after, she became so drowsy that not only keeping her eyes open had been a real struggle, she also hadn’t been able to think clearly either.
Yes, she remembered the moment when she curled up next to her friend seeking his arms, his warmth and the smell of his skin, and a part of her had been horrified. The other part had decided to silence the first and seek the comfort and security he provided.
What happened next was even hazier. She remembered walking part of the way, if that shuffling could be called walking, and at some point someone took her in their arms and carried her the rest of the way. She heard Sara's voice, so it might have been her. The big girl was strong enough to hold her if she wanted to. However the memory in her nose was another one. That scent and the reassuring heartbeat did not belong to Sara.
She didn't know at what point they arrived at her house, and she didn't know, nor did she really want to know, who took off her street clothes and helped her into her pajamas. It was a horrible, childish pajama, with a pattern of sheep, but it was the warmest one she had and she was grateful that they had chosen that one despite how embarrassing it was. There she was right now, sitting on her bed, her back against the pillow and with her blanket covering her. Despite the layers of cloth, she was still shivering from the cold brought on by her high fever.
Perhaps the most curious thing about it all was that her energy had stirred in her chest, unmoved by the fact that she was sick. The moon had risen, and perhaps that was what had awakened Sofia, who was still drowsy. Although it may also have been the smells that reached her nose and whetted her appetite. After a few minutes, Dave returned to the room with a tray that he placed on her old, rickety desk.
“I made soup. It has chicken, eggs and some vegetables I found in the fridge. I don't know if you'll like it, but my mother always made it for me when I had a cold. I also made you some tea with honey and lemon, and I found some fever-reducing medicine. You should drink it,” he said, handing her a glass with a white liquid that looked disgusting and smelled even worse.
“Thank you, but you didn't have to go through all that trouble,” Sofia said.
“I don't mind at all.”
Sofia drank the contents in one gulp and grimaced in disgust. It was a bitter concoction that tasted like crap, but she knew it would bring her fever down pretty quickly. With an apologetic smile, Dave took the glass from her hands when she handed it to him and went to the desk to get the dinner he had prepared.
“Where's Kas?” asked Sofia when she realized that her dog wasn't there.
“Sara is taking him for a walk. Don't worry.”
Dave knelt next to her bed, put the tray on her legs and held it so it wouldn't tip over. Sofia, overwhelmed with gratitude for everything her friends were doing for her, twisted her lips into a smile and started to blush. The soup looked very good and the tea gave off a distinctive honey smell that made it very appetizing. Carefully, Sofia picked up the spoon and began to eat. The hot broth and chicken meat filled her stomach and chased away some of the cold that had crept into her bones. Between spoonfuls she also took sips of the tea. It was sweet and she could taste the pleasant honey flavor. When she finished her dinner, Dave removed the tray and put it back on the desk.
Shortly after, Sara got back from the walk. Kas ran straight to the bedroom and jumped onto the bed to give Sofia wet licks. Laughing, the girl stroked the Dobermann's back, though a brief glance at the boy, who was standing by her bed, allowed her to see an expression marked by a smile and a look of nostalgic sorrow. When the dog finished saying hello, he laid down at his owner's feet, and Dave walked over to the bed and helped Sofia settle down to sleep. As he fixed her pillow, Sofia noticed that his hands were shaking a little and his breathing seemed a little more agitated.
“Are you feeling sick too?”
Dave shook his head.
“It's just my muscle contraction. Don't worry.”
Although his smile tried to be reassuring, Sofia couldn't help but notice that it was controlled again, just like when they first met. It didn't help much because his fangs were so large that they were visible even when he spoke.
“Are you worried about me?” asked Sofia, who could barely stifle a yawn and felt her eyes begin to close.
“Of course, how could I not be? Now try to get some sleep, okay?”
“Mmmhmmm...” she murmured, no longer able to vocalize since sleep was already dragging her into the dream world.
Sofia closed her eyes and her breathing became slower and slower as she drifted into a deep sleep. Thanks to the thick blanket and Kas's body lying next to her, the cold that the fever had caused was subsiding. The soup and tea Dave had prepared for her were also helping to keep the feverish shakes at bay. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she hugged herself. ‘Shit, I think I'm falling too much for him, but I could get used to this’.
A muffled moan reached her ears and snapped her out of her thoughts. The shiver that ran down her spine was so intense it made the hair on the back of her neck bristle. Although she tried to avoid it, she eventually gave in to her nature and shook off her nervousness like a dog would. She didn't like it but she wasn't always able to suppress her natural behavior, and she had to admit it had helped quite a bit. ‘To be fair, I'm not controlling myself much lately,’ she said to herself, biting her lip, and looked around to try and locate where the sound had come from. It had been a moan of pain, of that there was no doubt.
“Man, you can't keep holding it back,” said a distant voice from some undetermined place.
Sofia was in a pine forest but it was nothing like the one growing around El Cerro. Those trees were much bigger, so much so that she looked like a gnome in some fantasy world. The moss and ferns around her were bright green, and the lichens growing on the rocks were of a vivid yellow color. Although it was a hot summer day and the sun was shining high in the sky, there, under the shelter offered by the branches, the air was cool and smelled of damp earth and vegetation. Those familiar scents soothed her a little.
“God, I know...” That voice sounded strange, choked, and Sofia's hair bristled even more. “You know I'm not one to break the rules, but I'm going to have to go out... I can't take it anymore...”
No, it wasn't El Cerro, it was another place, one she also knew, although that distorted version was an interpretation her head was making up. Thanks to the magic of dreams, Sofia knew that somewhere on the other side of the forest was a farm with cows and horses that belonged to some friends of her mother. Maybe that's why Ana appeared and shot her with a water pistol. Those voices that sounded strangely distant were silenced by the cheerful laughter from the one who had been her best friend throughout her whole childhood.
“Ana!” Sofia protested as she ran her hands over her face to wipe the water from her eyes.
“Hey, wolf girl, getting lost in the trees again?”
Even in that dream, Anna was just as she remembered. Almost as tall as she was, she had long black hair that she always tied back with a red bandana, big brown eyes and tanned skin due to the many hours she spent under the sun while working at the farm. Her body was as fit as Sofia's, something that had less to do with the hours she spent tending to cows and horses, and more with the trade her family had been involved in for generations. They were hunters, all of them.
“You know I don't like it when you call me that,” Sofia said, holding back the urge to curl her lip and snarl.
Yes, Ana knew her secret. How could she not, after having seen many times how the wounds she got while they played closed in front of her eyes. Yet they had grown up together and were almost like sisters. Not all hunters were sadists who hated cinanthropes. Some were just sadists who made a lot of money selling their pelts, but they protected their own like lions. That lioness was Ana.
“And you know that you are my sister first and foremost. What have you heard?” asked her friend, who put her arms akimbo and twisted her mouth into a lopsided smile.
Sofia looked towards the forest and bit her lip. Ana hadn't heard it, like so many other things. Sofia was used to having such keen senses that the rest of the kids were incapable of understanding how she perceived the world, but it didn't make her feel any less alone. ‘I wonder what it would be like to meet someone who can hear, smell and see like I do’.
“I'm not sure. A moan, I think, but it didn't sound human. It almost sounded...”
A howl split the air and rose above the treetops. ‘A wolf’ Sofia felt a knot of nerves grip her stomach and she started to pant like a dog under the summer heat, ‘a wolf like me!’.
Sofia had known from a young age that she was different. It wasn't just her canine behavior. Her senses were also as sharp as those of a dog. A part of her knew she was not human, she was a wolf. One who looked like a person, but still a wolf. Though she knew there were other wolves like her, such as her father whom she didn't know, she had never met one before. She was so excited about knowing that there was someone like her out there that she raised her head and howled back.
“Buddy, I'm not saying anything, you know that, but be careful,” Ana said, though her voice sounded a little strange, as if it were far away, and her timbre was different from what she was used to. Still, her head normalized it and the story went on as it should.
“Thank you.” After giving her a grateful smile, Sofia broke into a run in the direction where the howl had come from.
The next thing she knew, she was dashing through the forest on all fours, but her body was no longer human, it was that of a she-wolf with gray fur. The sun was still shining brightly and the scents of nature filled her nose with each breath she took. Between the high branches he could still hear the echo of that familiar howl that was making her heart beat faster, and not just because of how fast she was going.
“Take care of her. I'll be back soon, I promise.”
A small clearing opened up just ahead of her, but Sofia didn't pay attention to the crystal clear stream, nor the carpet of moss that covered the ground, neither the pale green lichen that hung from the tree trunks. No, her gaze went straight to the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy, and her heart began to beat even faster.
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‘Dave...’
She recognized him, of course, he was her best friend and the boy she had a crush on, but the dream was treating that encounter as if it was the first time they met. However, in there everything made sense, no matter how ludicrous it was.
When he saw her appear, his lips parted in a wide grin that exposed his canine fangs and he looked at her in wonder. Sofia, who thanks to the magic of dreams was back in her human guise, smiled shyly and blushed, though she couldn't tear her gaze away from those eyes. ‘He has eyes as blue as the sky on a clear day’.
Something stirred in the back of her mind, a memory too hazy for her to see clearly. Yes, it was the same thing she thought when they met, but those words echoed with the same chords of a familiar song she couldn't remember the title of.
“You heard me howl. Are you a dog like me?”
Sofia bit her lip and nodded.
“More or less. I'm a she-wolf.”
The boy's grin became much wider and before Sofia could react, he leaned toward her and his lips landed on her mouth. A gasp rose up her throat and all her muscles tensed, but he was kissing her so softly that she felt a pleasant warmth wrap around her like a blanket. Swayed by that sensation, she closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around his neck and surrendered to the kiss. Dave slid his hands around her waist and pulled her close to his chest in a gentle embrace that felt as if he was afraid of hurting her. He was such a tender, sweet boy that it seemed unbelievable that behind that human-like disguise there was a predator capable of crushing bones with his molars.
When he pulled away and their eyes met again, his lips curved into that beautiful smile that made her shiver from the inside. Not the restrained smile, but the spontaneous one, the real one. The blush on her cheeks brightened when she saw the four large canine fangs that betrayed his nature. ‘I won't deny that I find him very, very attractive’, she bit her lip.
“Come with me.” Dave gave her hand a gentle squeeze to encourage her.
“Where to?” Sofia tilted her head to one side.
“To the woods.”
Sofia licked her lips and looked away to sniff the air to her left. A knot of anxiety gripped her stomach so tightly that a high-pitched whimper escaped her lips. He wasn't just asking her to go with him so he could show her the secrets of that place, he was asking her to embrace her true nature and leave the human world behind. That meant giving up forever her wish for a normal life. She didn't know what to do.
The forest and all it contained began to fade as her mind returned from the dream world. Little by little she started to become aware of reality, of the blankets covering her body, of the comfort of her pillow and of Kas lying next to her. When she opened her eyelids, the bright morning light hit her like a flash and she had to close them again. Sofia let out a growl mixed with a groan and rolled over to escape the glare that was pouring in through the window.
As she rubbed her eyes and blinked to get used to the daylight, she thought about the dream. It wasn't the first time she'd had it, and while it wasn't always identical, there were some recurring details. It always started with her playing with Ana, probably because she missed her friend. Then she heard the howl coming from the forest and she followed it until she reached the clearing. There was always a person there but she was unable to remember his features, no matter how hard she tried. However, every time, without exception, he asked her the same question. ‘Are you a dog like me?’.
What had changed that time was the stranger's identity. It was the first time she was able to remember his features clearly, something easy considering she had seen him just minutes before falling asleep. It made sense. Though she had long denied it to herself, ever since she was a child she had been curious about her people and she had often fantasized about searching for other cinanthropes. She was sure that this recurring dream represented that desire, and now that she had finally met another weredog like herself, it was only fitting that the stranger should assume her best friend's identity.
A deep sigh escaped her lips and she looked at the spot by the bed where Dave had knelt to help her with dinner. A blush began to spread across her cheeks as she remembered what had happened between them inside the dream. It had only been her wishes and desires, and nothing more. For the moment she was still human, her friend's lips had never touched hers and she didn't know if he was aware of his true nature or not. What had been real was the warm shudder that shook her belly when he kissed her.
“The last thing I need is to start fantasizing about making out with him. I'd better start thinking of him as a friend before I fall in love and get disappointed when he doesn't love me back,” she told herself.
Kas raised his head and looked at her with interest, as if he really cared about what she had to say. Smiling, Sofia rubbed his head and got up from the bed. The dog didn't understand words other than those that could be relevant to his day-to-day life. It was only natural to think that he would not understand anything about matters of the heart. Yet he always stared at her as if whatever she was saying was the most fascinating thing in the world. Dogs were like that.
After stretching and arching her back to loosen up her muscles, Sofia left the room and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. There she found Dave, who was preparing a breakfast of toast with olive oil and tea with honey and lemon. When he saw her, he smiled and approached her. His smile was again more spontaneous and wide than the night before, and he himself seemed to be well rested. Discreetly, Sofia glanced at his teeth, visible under the parted lip, and noticed that his fangs were indeed sharp, but they were of normal size. With the moon setting, this was to be expected. What surprised her was the brief twinge of disappointment she felt. ‘Is it because I find him more attractive with his dog fangs? Or because a part of me wants to accept his invitation from the dream?’
“Good morning. How are you feeling?” he asked. Before she could answer, he placed a hand against her forehead. “Your fever seems to be down.”
“I feel better,” Sofia said, joining in his smile.
With him this close to her, she as able to observe his features better, and was aware that the dream version had also been distorted. In person he was even more attractive. As always, he wore his blond hair tousled, and the sun streaming in through the window highlighted its color. His eyes were a shade similar to the clear summer sky, a deep, vivid blue. ‘Like the sky on a clear day’, she thought, and again she felt something stir at the back of the mind. He had not yet shaved, so the blond fuzz that grew on his chin and jaw made him look more mature, more like a man than a boy.
“I'm glad. You gave me quite a scare yesterday. You had a very high fever and I didn't know if I would be able to bring it down,” Dave replied as he returned to his task of cooking breakfast.
When he turned around, something seemed to fall out of his hair. Sofia bent down and picked it up. It was a deep green, needle-shaped leaf. She recognized it, it belonged to the wild pines that populated the patch of sierra above El Cerro. The same pine whose scent the boy carried impregnated in his body like a perfume, the one that caught her attention when she first met him. In the last few weeks he seemed to have lost it, but he was once again giving off that strong aroma that reminded her of the forest.
“Have you been here all night?” asked Sofia while looking at him very closely.
“I went home for a moment to change my clothes and get something for dinner. I didn't want to take advantage of your kitchen. Sara stayed until I got back, so yes, I've been here all night. I slept on the couch, I hope you don't mind.”
“Not at all, thanks for staying,” she said, unable to suppress a blush. “Your godfather doesn't mind?” she asked as she prepared a bowl of kibble for Kas.
Dave let out a quiet sigh.
“Martin is not a bad person and he cares about me, but he's a solitary and bitter man. As long as I stay out of trouble and fulfill my obligations, he doesn't mind too much if I stay out all night. He's not my father, he's just someone who has to take care of me.”
“Do you miss them?” Sofia asked, approaching him.
“Yes, I miss them.” The boy looked out the window without really seeing the street outside.
“What about the rest of your family? You told me you have a sister and a grandmother,” Sofia asked.
“It's... complicated.” Dave took a deep breath before continuing, and Sofia could see he was forcing his lips into a smile because he wanted to push those thoughts out of his head. “Listen, I thought we could celebrate Christmas Eve here, if you want.”
“Weren't we going to Sara's?” Sofia asked.
“We shouldn't. You had a high fever last night and it's better if you stay home and rest,” he said while he placed the toasts on a plate to bring them to the table. “I can make some dinner with what's around here, or I can go out and buy something for the two of us. I don't have a lot of money, but I think I could fix something, and Sara said she'd drop by after dinner.”
“I feel fine now!” Sofia protested.
“Yes, but if you go out and get cold, you'll get a fever again. You'd better rest for a few days to recover completely,” he said with a warm smile, and went to get the two teas with honey. “Besides, I'll be here, and Sara will come later. I know I may not be as much fun as Sara's sisters, but I'm sure we can play a card game or something.”
No, Sofia thought, blushing visibly, Dave wasn't like Sara's sisters. In fact he was better. Maybe he didn't have that chatty spark but he had stayed there all night to take care of her, had cooked her hot soup and tea, and even prepared breakfast. The idea of spending Christmas Eve with him seemed perfect. Perhaps she was a little sad to miss the party at Sara's house, because the previous year she had such a great time with her family's craziness, but the warmth that welled up in her belly made it quite clear what her preferences were. Smiling, she ran over to him and closed her hands over one of the teacups, tucking his fingers in the process. The boy was a little surprised and his cheeks turned pink, but his lips responded by opening into a smile.
“Okay, but let me help you with dinner,” Sofia said, who took the cup from his hands to walk over to the table.
“Sure.”
They both sat down to enjoy the breakfast the boy had prepared. Sofia thought the situation was simply perfect, one of those things her mother had taken away from her, the simple possibility of being able to invite a friend over. It was something she could do now because she was away. Again, she allowed herself to dream of another life, one her mother was no longer a part of and Sofia was able to do all those normal things. She imagined herself living on her own and being able to afford to lead a normal life for the first time. A simple, mundane, human life, and she wanted Sara and Dave by her side.
Discreetly, she glanced at him. The boy was eating absent-mindedly and was looking out the window. Through the glass he could see some sparrows flitting between the ground and the branches of a nearby tree. Like any good predator, the small birds’ erratic movement caught his attention, but there was no tension in his muscles, not like when they perceived that deer smell that plunged him into painful agony. No self-respecting predator would waste their energy on something as tiny and insubstantial as a sparrow. Whatever they could get from consuming its flesh would not compensate for the energy spent.
A simple, mundane human life. Sofia looked down at the steaming cup of tea in her hands. From the looks of it, her friend wasn't going to be able to have that. The question she had begun to ask herself was whether she was willing to give up her dream to become hopelessly bound to the world of shadows. Pursuing a relationship with a cinanthrope meant living with the fear of losing him to hunters. Not just him. Even if Sofia never changed, her blood was still that of a cinanthrope, and any child they had would be like them. A pup with all the behavior of a dog who would have to be taught to hide and control his or her nature, and who would change at some point during adolescence.
Having him as a friend already meant living in fear of losing him to a fucking hunter. Accepting him as a mate would mean giving up her dream of a normal life forever. She looked at him again. The sun lit up his face, his blond hair and those blue eyes she couldn't stop thinking about. She liked him, and what was worse, she loved him, and the temptation to tie herself to him was becoming more and more attractive to her.
Sofia bit her lip as a knot of anxiety tightened in her stomach. She was willing to accept him with all the consequences, even if it meant giving up her chance of ever having a normal life. The question was whether Dave would be able to accept himself when he discovered what he was, when his body changed to show its true appearance.