"The world is a crazy, beautiful, ugly complicated place, and it keeps moving on from crisis to strangeness to beauty to weirdness to tragedy."

David Remnick, American Journalist

Monster: Cobra Chicken

Type: Bastard Bird

Habitat: Prairie Lakes

Immunities: Water, Air

Resistances: Fire

The Cobra Chicken is a fearsome beast that resides at the edge of prairie lakes. Carrying itself with excessive and indefensible confidence, the Cobra Chicken lives its life hating everyone and everything that comes within twenty feet of it, save for more of its kind. The massive bird is resistant to most types of elemental magic, and its thick layer of feathers serves to shield it from all but the strongest attacks. The bane of the prairies, its liquid poop makes the ground slick and foul. There is no avoiding it. It gets everywhere.

“Honk!”

The truck-sized Canada goose’s long, black neck struck forward like a cobra. Calista dodged to the side with her defensive footwork and stuck her spear square into the bird’s chest. The goose’s wide, flat bill shattered through the trunk of a poplar tree at the edge of the prairie lake, causing it to crash to the ground.

The goose hissed its displeasure as Calista’s spear struck, but it didn’t pierce deep enough to get past its feathery layer of protection. It extended its brown and white wings and flapped vigorously, its deep, angry honks carrying across the water.

Caught in its gust, Calista was sent flying backward into the lake.

“Fuck! Milly, a little help here,” Calista shouted as she spat a mouthful of fetid lake water from her mouth. “Gods, the water is full of goose crap. It’s floating on the top, and it itches so bad!”

Calista’s limbs began to break out in hives, and she started to frantically scratch while she treaded water.

“From above, Cally!” shouted Milly, intertwining her hands.

The water beneath Calista began to roil, and suddenly a pillar of water launched her twenty feet into the air. She recalled her spear and activated Talaria of Mercury for a few seconds of flight, headed for the goose.

Milly hurled balls of fire at the goose’s head as Calista zoomed through the air over the creature’s back.

Calista’s Companion of Artemis talent had shown them the beast was immune to water and air and resistant to fire, which is why Calista had taken the lead, but Milly had discovered bursts of flame, while dealing little damage, did create a distraction that kept the bird from looking skyward and momentarily blinded it.

As Calista caught her spear and deactivated her flight directly over the goose’s back, Milly pressed her hands to the ground and encased the goose’s webbed feet in a coffin of earth. It honked in rage as it tried to free itself, successfully tearing one leg free before Calista landed.

Calista thrust her spear into the soft flesh at the base of the bird’s neck and severed its spine. The beast’s final hiss sounded like a leaking tire as it collapsed to the ground, dead.

Calista slid down its back and landed in a pile of goose poop, nearly slipping on the slickness.

“Eww… gross, gross, gross,” Calista moaned, as she tried to simultaneously scratch and scrape off the thick, green excretion. “Please tell me we got it this time.”

Milly laughed at her girlfriend’s attempts to dislodge the foul-smelling liquid. She directed a stream of water at Calista’s feet to wash them, leaving no trace of its foulness on her sparkling skin. She sucked out the water in Calista’s clothes to dry her out as she used healer’s touch to deal with Calista’s hives.

“Thanks, honey. You’re a full-service doctor and laundromat,” Calista chuckled.

Milly opened her inventory and frowned. “No Cobra Chicken venom, Cally. Just a bunch of feathers and eggs like last time.”

“Gods damn it…,” Calista moaned. She opened her inventory and walked forward until the screen touched the goose. Its massive corpse disappeared, added to her inventory. “At least Billy will have something other than boar and mushrooms to cook. All these geese will keep the Castle of Glass fed for a week. All courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood Witch and Huntress.”

“I’ve never had goose. Is it any good?”

“It can be, if it’s cooked right,” Calista said definitively. “Kinda like roast beef. I’m sure Billy can figure it out with that spatula of his.”

“Well, do we keep going?” Milly asked, staring across the lake towards the next goose.

“I’m not leaving here without that venom,” Calista declared, her fiery eyes fixed on the closest one. “Let’s go.”

Congratulations! You have defeated Cobra Chicken Flock.

You have been awarded 5,000 experience points.

Items: Cobra Chicken Venom x 1 (rare), Parasitic Poop x 3 (uncommon), Bill x 5 (common), Feathers x 15 (common), Goose Eggs x 25 (common)

Gold: 1,000 (+200 from Enhanced Scrounging)

* * *

Monster: Manifold Toad

Type: Atypical Amphibian

Habitat: Jungle Mudholes

Immunities: Poison

Resistances: Earth

The Manifold Toad is a knot unto itself. It may seem like easy prey, but with hallucinogenic excretion and a stinging tongue, the Manifold Toad has a diverse array of defenses that become increasingly dangerous the longer a fight goes on. While not life threatening, the hallucinogenic properties of the Manifold Toads excretion will cause temporary intoxication that can render its target helpless.

The sweltering jungle heat was oppressive as Milly and Calista crouched in the ferns alongside the jungle river, watching the boar-sized toad half-buried in a nearby mudhole. The thick, bumpy skin of the toad was dry as leather, except for the twin pustules along its back that released a the hallucinogenic white foam.

Across the mudhole, a chimpanzee sat on a rock and clutched a much smaller toad in its hand. Milly gagged as the animal took a long, slow lick along the toad’s back. Eyes growing hazy, the chimpanzee fell backwards off the rock and splashed into the mud, its body twitching with pleasure. The small frog squirmed out of the monkey’s grip and hopped back into the mud, unharmed.

“Want to give it a lick?” Calista chucked softly.

“Don’t be gross, Cally,” Milly replied, her face coiled in disgust.

“Well, the chimp seems to be having a good time,” Calista laughed, until an eagle with a twenty-foot wingspan and claws as long as Milly’s forearm dove from the canopy and snagged the chimpanzee in its grasp. It soared back into the air and carried the chimpanzee away. The chimpanzee was so high on the hallucinogen that it didn’t realize what had happened, and all Milly heard as the eagle flew away was the primate’s screech of joy as it soared over the jungle, its intestines hanging out, destined to be dinner.

“Well, this jungle is horrible,” Milly said after the eagle was out of sight. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with an equally sweaty hand. “I’m drenched in sweat, there are bugs everywhere, and apparently we have to keep an eye on the sky for death birds.”

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“You should’ve zapped that bird when it went for the chimp,” Calista advised. “Probably some good crafting material on a bird that size.”

“Maybe you should’ve thrown your god damned spear, Calista,” Milly snapped, louder than she intended.

The Manifold Toad’s eyes shifted towards them, their cover blown, but it remained lazily resting in the mud.

Calista gave Milly a disapproving glare.

“Sorry…,” mumbled Milly apologetically. “I don’t like the heat. The sweat causes my clothing to stick to my skin, and I can feel it cling to my fat. I hate it. It makes me feel ugly and gross.”

“Funny, I rather like your gown sticking tightly to you. I can see all your delicious curves,” Calista purred, her eyes lingering on Milly’s breasts and hips.

“Cally!” Milly said with mock protest. “Don’t we have a toad to hunt?”

“Yah, I guess so,” Calista replied. She activated their Pinga’s Redeeming Protector shields. “Spear or magic?”

“Magic. It’s not resistant to fire or air, so my lightning should work on it. Ready?”

Calista nodded. Milly jumped up and slammed her hands together, and her lightning struck the toad on the side of its head. Its eyes bulged as electricity coursed through its body, and it exploded into a shower of toady guts.

“Fuck!” Calista shouted, as she extended her light shield over them like an umbrella. Milly heard the splatter of flesh bouncing off the shield and into the river behind them. Ravenous, foot-long piranhas swarmed the chunks and devoured them in moments.

“Well, that was something,” Calista laughed as she let the shield fall.

“Cally, did you get a notification?”

“No, why?”

Milly peered over the ferns and groaned.

Two Manifold Toads, each half the size as the first, lay half-buried where the original had once been. Their angry eyes stared at the two players as they began to squirm free of the mud.

“Well, that’s not…” Calista started, as the two toads sprang forward impossibly fast, their ten-foot stinging tongues extended towards them.

Pop.

Pop.

The tongues struck Milly and Calista’s one-shot personal shields before they could dodge, but the impact caused the toads to recoil in surprise. Calista hurled her spear as Milly unleased a second lightning bolt point-blank.

This time, when the two toads exploded, Milly and Calista were too close to shield themselves from the splatter. It covered their chests in green and brown ichor.

A piece of foam-covered skin flew into Milly’s open mouth. She spit it out as she tried not to vomit. It tasted like the goose poop had smelled.

“Please don’t tell me there are four toads now,” Milly begged. Her world began to spin, and a misty haze settled at the edge of her vision.

“There are,” said four identical toads croak. She looked towards the speaker and saw its skin shimmering fluorescent pink and purple. “You done fucked up, witch.”

“Cally…” Milly whispered uncertainly, her thoughts floating like clouds in her mind, untethered to solid structure. “I don’t like it when they talk. Do you think Twotongue will be mad at us? They could be related. I don’t want to make Twotongue an orphan!”

“Milly, what are you… oh, honey,” Calista replied, seeing the hallucinogenic white foam on Milly’s lips and her dilated pupils.

The four toads, each now the size of a housecat, leapt towards the girls with stinging tongues extended. Calista whirled her spear quickly, popping three of the toads in mid-air before the tongue of the fourth struck her elbow.

Calista shrieked as pain travelled from her elbow to her hand. It felt like the sting from a hundred bees and she lost her grip on her spear. Its tongue struck again as the toad landed at her feet, striking her knee, and Calista felt her leg buckle.

Six toads, each the size of a Guinea pig, joined the last remaining housecat-sized toad and stared at Calista with their angry, beady eyes. She raised her light shield just before the tongues shot forth. Her shield began to splinter and crack as each tongue struck in quick succession, her magic draining quickly.

“Milly! I need your help! Snap out of it!” Calista shouted desperately.

“It’s so hot in the jungle. Aren’t you hot?” Milly panted as she began to undo the ties at the back of her dress.

Calista had an idea.

“Yes, honey. It’s incredibly hot. You can cool us down, right?”

“Cooooool?” Milly slurred, enjoying the way the word made her lips pucker as she slipped her dress off her shoulder. “I can make it cool…”

“Yes, as cold as you can!”

Milly thrust her arm into the air with an exaggerated motion and channeled water and air. A wave of chilled air erupted from her palm and blasted both players and toads with instant sub-zero temperatures. The humidity in the air turned to snow, and mud froze beneath their feet.

Calista felt relief in her limbs as the cool air dulled her stings, but within a few seconds she felt a tingling numbness in her fingers as the chill accelerated. She gazed over at the toads, which had frozen in place from the rapid temperature change.

“That’s enough, honey,” Calista said through chattering teeth.

Milly ceased her magic. A thirty-foot radius around the witch was blanketed in a thin layer of frost and snow. The mud was frozen solid, as were the ferns around them. A thin shard of ice floated down the river, a wiggling piranha sticking out of its frozen surface.

The cold would not last long. Calista could already feel the heat of the jungle driving away the frost, and the snow at the edge of the frozen circle was beginning to melt. She forced herself to her feet and prepared to shatter the toads one-by-one.

She stopped an inch before her first blow fell as she had another thought. She opened her inventory and carefully – very carefully – pried the toad’s feet out of the frozen mud and lifted it with the end of her spear. She tipped it into her inventory screen, and it vanished.

Manifold Toad (frozen, dormant) acquired.

“Yes!” Calista said victoriously, as she scooped each of the six remaining toads into her inventory one-by-one. “Maybe we can farm these little guys?”

“Cally, I’m still warm. I hate this jungle!” whined Milly. Calista looked over and saw her girlfriend with three inches of snow piled on her hair, her gown pulled down to her waist. “The toads were mean to me, and that hawk is giving me the funny business.”

Calista nearly snorted with laughter, until she saw the massive eagle plummeting straight for the hallucinating Milly. She dashed across the frozen mud, her Talaria of Mercury allowing her to cover the short distance in a flash. She erected her shield just in time for the eagle to slam into it. The shield shattered from the blow, Calista’s magic depleted, and there was a resounding crack. The eagle collapsed to the ground, its neck broken.

Calista skewered it through the heart to end its suffering.

“Luna… I don’t like this feeling,” Milly slurred. “This is a stupid game mechanic thingy. You need to get rid of it… I… uck…”

Milly lurched and vomited into the thawing mud. Calista rushed to her girlfriend’s side and held her hair back as the hallucinogen worked its way out of her system.

“Who the heck is Luna?” Calista wondered as she gently rubbed her girlfriend’s back and waited for her heaves to cease.

Congratulations! You have captured a Manifest Toad family.

You have been awarded 3,000 experience points.

Milly Brown has increased to Level 27. Two attribute points acquired.

Calista Gale has increased to Level 26. Two attribute points and one class talent point acquired.

Items: Eye of the Manifest Toad x1 (rare), Manifest Toad extract x2 (uncommon), Tiny Manifest Toad x6 (frozen, common), Small Manifest Toad x1 (frozen, common)

Gold: 500 (+100 from Enhanced Scrounging)

Congratulations! You have defeated Eviscerating Eagle

You have been awarded 300 experience points.

Items: Eagle beak x1 (uncommon), Eagle claw x1 (common)

Gold: 100 (+20 from Enhanced Scrounging)

* * *

“Not one word to Rain, Cally. Not. One. Word,” warned Milly as they arrived back at the Castle of Glass, the sun setting in the west. The smell of roast boar wafted from Billy’s BBQ, causing Milly’s stomach to churn uncomfortably. She was in no mood for food.

“No promises, honey,” Calista said, as she added her two points to her magic attribute and upgraded her Battlefield Communication talent to advanced level. The advancement increased the range of telepathic communication with Calista’s captains – Rain and Milly – from three miles to three hundred miles, which effectively gave them the ability to stay in constant touch for the immediate future.

“Hey Rain, we got you the venom and the eyes,” Calista mentally projected to Rain. “And, surprisingly, a load of coffee beans. They were growing on the trees around the toads. No Firebush thorns though. We’ll head to the mountains tomorrow for those.”

“Woah, this telepathy feels strange. It’s like you’re in my head,” replied Rain curiously. “It’s really distracting. Are you two okay?”

“It gets weirder the further we get away from the Castle of Glass, but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t manage. Though Milly went on a little… trip… during our last fight.”

“Cally!” Milly protested. “It wasn’t my fault, Rain. That stupid toad blew up and I started hallucinating. My Incorruptible talent was supposed to protect me from stuff like that.”

“I think it prevents your mind from being controlled, Mils,” Rain responded. “This sounds more like you were on drugs. It’s good you know there is a difference now. It won’t be the last time we encounter something like this.”

“Drugs?” Milly slumped. “I didn’t think about it like that. That’s worse.”

“We’ll be up soon, Rain,” Calista said, then ended their connection. She turned to Milly, anticipating the emotions that were stirring inside her. She knew the look on her girlfriend’s face – it mirrored the one she had when the bottle of scotch had been passed around the grieving Freelancers. “Honey, you weren’t drunk or on drugs. It’s just a stupid mechanic in this stupid game.”

“Yah, I know,” Milly replied as she took strength from Calista’s hand in hers, though she had a hard time shaking off the dark memories that intruded in her thoughts. “But it still feels wrong.”

“Well, let’s go see what Rain has made for us while we were away,” Calista said chipperly to distract Milly. “It’s like retail therapy, but everything is custom built for us!”

As they waited for the elevator, Tyrell, Minerva, and her companions wandered into the lobby through the prairie entrance. Their goblin vests were spackled with blood, but they were healthy and in good spirits. Their exuberant laughter trickled across the lobby. It was laughter that spoke of the potential they could achieve if they were brave, and held within a promise to return to the wilds once again.

Minerva waved enthusiastically at Milly as they stepped into the elevator. Milly waved back, the warmth of the gesture helping to drive away the darkness. She’d helped people survive today, and it felt like a missing piece of her time here clicked into place.

Despite the schemes of the CEOs, she knew that her coworkers – her fellow players – were just trying to survive. They would all be here for years – if they ever left at all – and there was a long road ahead.

A road they had to travel together if they wanted to survive.