Memories flashed through his mind - his mother’s first sight of Wisely, her fury at his broken arm. His father standing there looking relieved as if a broken arm was the least he expected from Cináed’s first trip above the clouds. Wisely had become rather good at catching him when he fell. Maybe he had just a little too much practice, but it is not easy learning to ride a dragon. That might not be true, it was quite easy to ride but what boy would be content in just riding? No, he had wanted to hang off the wing, tail, side and, if he jumped off once or twice, who was to blame him. He was sure, that just as Wisely was now the premiere expert at catching falling humans, he was surely the premiere expert at falling, or jumping, off dragons. It was an achievement his mother would never have been proud of, and Cináed wasn’t so sure if his father would be or not. He wasn’t about to ask.
He couldn't ask. He never would be able to again. This smoke was hurting his lungs and clogging his mind. After all, that is how smoke worked. Cináed had seen many a man puffing on a pipe and losing their minds to the smoke. And here he stood, inhaling the smoke and unable to think or move. It was clearly because of the smoke and not because of the crippling grief. If it was the grief, then there had to be a reason for the grief and so it must be the smoke.
.......
He could smell the smoke and conflicting emotions rose inside him. Wisely, despite his wise years, did not know what to do. He could see the fires rising in the distance, he knew Cináed would have run home but Wisely just couldn’t follow. The joy at the rising smoke was intoxicating, he was a creature of fire, he wanted to burn the forest, to join in. It frightened him.
Once he would have given in to his temptation, but he was not that dragon anymore. He had become Wisely, a name he considered earned, and he had gained wisdom to combat such temptation. The wisdom, maybe the greatest he had ever gleamed, he had learned in a barn with a boy. It was to never face such temptation alone. The temptation was relenting, promising everything, calling to him.
Why had he left Cináed in that meadow? It had been a knight, yes Cináed had been confident he could handle the situation. Wisely even agreed, at the time, that his presence only provoked the clearly confused, if not mentally unstable, knight. But he needed Cináed now. And Cináed, he was sure, needed him.
With despair at his weakness, he turned from his home. He could not go there, he did not want to face the temptation and so he headed for town. It too was ablaze but held less significance to him. He could help put out the fires he told himself, he even almost believed his own lie. His wings beat against the air forcing its currents to do his bidding.
Wisely felt young once again in the heat above the burning buildings. He lowered himself to the ground moving closer to the flames. His mind raced back to his youth when, as a young dragon, he watched his flock burn a city. Watched as the dragons defeated the defenders. Wisely remembered the anger he had felt as one of the massive ballista bolts had knocked his kin from the sky, the joy when the operators burned in the flames of their contraption. He remembered the knights, how they had faced the dragons one on one. Their swords, how he had hated those blades that had cut through scales and hide alike. Such tools of destruction, such fires of destruction, were lost to time but Wisely remembered. He might just be the last on who was left to remember such times. He had felt far different back then; he had wanted to join in, but was too young. When the battle for that city was over, he had found his way into the embers of the largest building and relaxed, it was almost as if he was there again reliving that moment in the fires that surrounded him.
Wisely's eyes opened and he saw he was lying in the coals of the burnt tavern, his head turned looking for the judgmental eyes of survivors seeing him enjoy the loss of their homes. He felt even more depressed as he realized relief was flooding through him because there were no survivors. His first thought should have been where are the survivors not I hope they did not see my weakness. The thing about depression when it comes from one's own faults is that when one thinks about where the depression comes from it only increases. Wisely’s thoughts drifted to dangerous places and he once again remembered his youth and all the battles, all the destruction he had watched, and enjoyed. This time he remembered them not as the good old days but as times he was ashamed of.
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Wisely knew that as an old wise dragon he should learn from what he saw now as mistakes. It should only make him wiser and prove himself truly the wisest of dragons as his age and therefore the lessons from his past were beyond that of any other being. But, he could not break free to do so, not alone anyway.
.......
Cináed felt the hand rest on his back, he realized he had doubled over from the smoke. Cináed did not like the knight who had attacked Wisely and been so disagreeable. But he needed someone, he couldn't face the smoke on his own, after all, it was causing his eyes to tear up at an astounding rate. He didn't want to know what would come next if he didn't get control. He wanted to run into the fire, to find his parents, to find anything alive.
If that hand moved he might just do so, but it didn't. He allowed it to shift to his shoulder as he sat back. He pictured it holding him back, preventing him from running forward. It was the only comfort he could find and so he focused on it and the smoke. He pictured the hand holding him firm and the smoke, well, he pictured it running from him. It was the smoke’s fault after all, why shouldn’t the smoke run away? If that hand wasn’t holding him back, he would chase down the smoke and destroy it for what it had done.
He noticed the hand shift as if to pull away, but it stopped regripping his shoulder as if the owner of the hand was looking for comfort himself.
.......
Wisely struggled to stand, it wasn't that he wasn’t able. No, the heat had eased his ancient muscles and joints. It was that he did not want to. If he stood then he would have to do something, and inaction sounded better at the moment. Cináed would need him. The thought pushed him up. Some didn’t consider thoughts to have power but Wisely was old and had disproven such a theory before. Thoughts had all the power, they dictated dragons’ actions. For how dragons allow themselves to think, truly think during the smallest or largest of situations, would be how dragons instinctively act when there was no time to think. The thought of Cináed drove him, it forced the wind under his wings. It was his compass as he flew over Rock Hill. It was the strength in his legs as he landed next to two crouched people. It was his grace as he rested part of his head in the lap of the young crying man. Finally it brought him relief as the young man’s hand rested on Wisely’s head.
.......
Wow, Cináed remarked, the barn had burned all night. He instantly regretted how his mind wondered, he was not supposed to wonder how much longer the barn beams would burn. He wasn't impatient, he couldn't be, loving sons were not impatient for barns to stop burning after their parents died. They were distraught and unable to notice such details, right?
Cináed could feel Wisely's support and surprisingly his internal struggle. He almost felt the urge to walk into the fire. Then there was a shame but not of the urge to walk into the fire, no, for allowing Cináed to feel the urge. Cináed looked to his friend and spoke in his mind,
“I can handle it, you don’t have to hide from me.”
They were words for Wisely but also ones Cináed needed to say. Cináed could feel the dragon’s agreement and relief. Words were no longer necessary as the two allowed the thoughts to flow between them. Although Cináed did not understand all that Wisely was going through, he understood enough.
“We will face temptation together, we can face all the smoke in the world, We-"
As the brave thoughts returned he voiced them in his mind. Cináed tried to sound confident, even overconfident; not for Wisely but for himself. First, he spoke of the temptation that they would face as Wisely’s nature and past resurfaced. Then he spoke of his own denial, the smoke he had replaced with his anger and grief. Finally he thought of their loss and even in his mind he could not force the words. But Wisely could and he finished his thought for him,
“We will always remember who raised us they will never die in our hearts.”
Cináed stood there letting his minds wander to wonder how much longer the flames would burn. Finally, Wisely organized his words and spoke again,
“When you have a life a long as mine you cannot remember every moment of it. Some moments are lost for a time, and then, something reminds me of them. It is the memories that I wish to forget that will never be forgotten. They chase me wherever I go, but it is because of you Baldwins that, along with such memories, there are also ones of joy and happiness. I have only been the dragon Wisely for a short time, in the way dragons see time, but the dragon Wisely was born here and raised here on this farm. Even as moments and memories are forgotten and the worst of my days will never leave me, the best will stay as well. These years I will remember, the years Wisely Baldwin was raised, the years where a wise old dragon was finally given the love of parents.”
Cináed’s voice cracked as he spoke out loud,
“They were great weren't they?”
“That they were.”