Upon Raiva’s return, Shelly flew towards the door to inquire about the results of her venture out.

“How did it go, my lady? Where did you go? Have you eaten? Frederick should be back soon if you need to have some food before dinner. What’s that parcel?”

Raiva couldn’t help but laugh at how normal this interrogation felt in comparison to the strange day she had found herself experiencing.

“I have eaten, Shelly, thanks. I met Octavia while finding a place for lunch, and she introduced me to her store,” she made her way to the sitting room and placed her parcel on the coffee table, preparing to dramatically unveil her newly acquired treasures. “And I am happy to report that I went above and beyond, with a season’s worth of clothing for every season this year, the spring wardrobe to be delivered in a month. That means, among other things, some forty sets of clothing, not including the order for everything that goes with it.”

Shelly gasped dramatically, grasping the back of a chair to steady herself. Tears welled up into her eyes. Before she could get any more excited, Raiva gently pulled her into the seat next to her.

“And before you faint on me from joy, I want to show you the hairpins I bought. I doubt you have seen anything like them.”

She opened the parcel and unwrapped them one by one, sliding them towards her on the table. The room was filled with an unusual stunned silence from Shelly until she finally found the words.

“I have to say, my lady, I- These are… I was expecting, or, well, hoping for a hairpin maybe made of silver or ivory, but this, this is…”

She picked up the rosewood brooch and pin set and couldn’t quite keep her eyes from going wide or her mouth from being slightly agape.

“How does the chain…? Oh my stars. This is beautiful, where did you find these?”

“By accident, in a park, at a booth I stumbled across,” Raiva chuckled. “His name is Finn, and where his wife is from these are supposedly fairly common. She made these out of boredom last winter, he says.”

Shelly let out an indecipherable noise, somewhere between astonished and dumbstruck. She had to put the pin down carefully before leaning back in her chair and beating on her chest dramatically, apparently trying to remind her heart how to beat correctly.

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“My lady,” she finally said. “I have no words. None. Astonishing.”

Raiva laughed a hearty laugh, feeling like she had finally won in an argument against her.

“So no objections?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well then,” she smiled and arose, gathering up her hairpins carefully, suddenly worried they might break if she dropped them. “I’ll count on you again next time when I go out. Ah, and for when Finn and his wife come by at some point. I wanted to commission something from her, but we’ll have to see if she acquiesces.”

“What? When?” she jumped to her feet at the mention of guests.

“I have no idea,” Raiva chuckled as she walked off to her rooms, closing the door behind her.

Carefully tucking her purchases away in a drawer of her dressing room, a prolonged sigh escaped through Raiva’s nostrils.

She looked around the mostly empty room.

Shelly put so much effort into all this storage space. It’s an outrageous amount, really.

Her fingers slid along the solid oak chests, drawers and display shelves, her eyes landing on the empty hangers lining the room.

It looks so empty. Did I not notice that before?

She took down a blue linen dress and held it in her hands.

I still don’t regret getting rid of the remaining clothes. I’m not suited for those opulent dressed and coats and skirts and hats without those two next to me.

The dress returned to its spot and Raiva sat down, arms wrapped around herself and looked at herself in the mirror a few feet away.

I’ve lost weight.

I haven’t been good to myself have I?

I didn’t plan for this.

I didn’t deserve all that pain.

The ridicule.

She felt a lump in her throat.

Why did they leave me?

Why am I the one that made it, the one that’s left to pick up the pieces?

I never wanted this.

I never asked for this.

An indignant tear rolled out of her teary eyes, one that was promptly erased from existence by her angrily wiping it away. She stood and brushed herself off and stood in front of the mirror, looking back at herself.

“I’m worthy. I am allowed to live my life. I can be happy.”

She took a deep breath.

I will always remember them. I will never stop loving them. I am worthy of happiness. I will not be haunted by their memories.

They would want me to be happy. I want me to be happy.

You were right, Giovanni. Fuck the gossips.

And fuck your parents, Tristan.

She straightened her back and nodded to herself.

I don’t need more love that confines me. Erases parts of me. I will not hold myself back anymore. I’m going to be selfish. Greedy. I’m going to do whatever I want to.

I’ll buy pretty clothes and exotic hairpins and dress up and sleep with whoever I want to and not look back.

For now, however, she just wanted to steal something edible out of the pantry and go to sleep.