Rose

The cold night breeze brushed my cheeks as I stared down at the city lights. Sitting at the edge of a thirty-storey building's rooftop was nerve-wracking but the glimmering lights somehow eased my inner turmoil. 

"It's beautiful." I tried to fake a smile but warm tears rolled down my cheeks as I recalled the painful events that brought me to misery.

My family and friends ostracized and abandoned me. My fiancé and my two-faced sister whom I cherished and trusted, betrayed me. 

I trusted and loved both of them, so how could they betray me? 

How could they do that to me?

I closed my eyes, feeling the coldness of the night, trying to put my mind at ease, but memories came rushing in, like an unprecedented storm. There was a sudden surge of unbearable recollections and I was too vulnerable to chase them out.

"I'm sorry Rose I fell in love with Sophia."

"Rose, you're fired and we'll see you in court."

"I never knew Rose was such a whore, How can she live with this."

"Rose...Rose...Rose.."

"She's better off dead." 

I guess that's true, maybe I'm better off dead. Maybe I'm better off as a corpse, then they would just dump my body anywhere to rot since everyone had abandoned me.

They would never know it's Rose, 'the slut', 'the scandalous', 'the criminal', 'the miserable', and they would eventually forget me. 

They would forget my past and woeful life. They would forget the criticisms and judgments they bestowed on me. People would continue to live and time would still tick by, even when I die. 

I chuckled lightly at my bitter thoughts, yet it sounded more like a painful whimper.

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This wasn't supposed to happen to me. This wouldn't happen if it wasn't for Sophia-

"It was all an act, Rose. You were stupid enough to believe all my lies-" her words were all muffled in my head as I started to feel a pain in my abdomen. The stress and negative emotions had taken a toll on my body and my encounter with Sophia made something in me. . . snap.

"Sophia. . . help," blood started to roll down my thighs and the pain was unbearable. 

"Sophia, help me. . . my baby." I had whimpered.

I touched my stomach and felt the emptiness. What was once full of life and warmth greeted me with nothingness.

My baby. . .  my baby who was my light and only hope. The only one who could bring me out of this anguish was gone. The only one who could fill this void in my heart and soul slipped through my hands. 

My baby is dead and gone. I'm like an empty vessel trying to live and breathe without any reason to.

"They should all suffer! They should all rot and die!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, but the sheer cold and the dark made me realize I was weak. It made me grasp my reality that neither I had anything nor I was anything.

Yeah, maybe it would be better to die and free myself from this suffering.

I slowly rose up, holding the railings to support my trembling knees. My hands were cold and numb, and I almost lost strength to grip the railings.

It's an understatement to say I was scared. My heart was beating like crazy, my joints felt all mushy, and my head was spinning like crazy but nevertheless, I looked down and felt nausea kicking in. The looming darkness below was pulling me in, taunting me to embrace it.

I was tired of coexisting with the pain. I was tired of trying to live. I was tired of crying and cursing them all. I just wanted it all to stop. I just wanted to be free. Was it really that hard to be free? 

If death is the only way to stop this endless pain, then so be it. I will gladly embrace it.

I shut my eyes tightly, mustering up courage, leaving me breathless, and without looking back, I jumped. Plummeting a hundred feet to the ground ensuring me my demise would be certain.

The wind coursed through my body painfully but it couldn't be compared to the agony I had been enduring.

"Aaaah!" I yelled, letting out everything, the pain, the agony, the fear of dying.

Is this what they expect? Is this what they want? 

Is this what I want?....

NO!

I wanted them to suffer as I did. I wanted them to experience the excruciating pain I had been through, like a thousand needles piercing my heart and body. I wanted them to feel the emptiness and the darkness consuming every bit of their existence. I wanted them to feel how it's like for your soul to be torn apart.

But I was weak, I was a coward. I couldn't do anything to protect myself and my baby.

If only. . . . . 

If only I could bring back time, I wouldn't make the same mistakes twice. I won't let them deceive me and trust them easily. I'll ensure they'll be the ones suffering instead of me.

If only I could...