I live in silence, nothing, no noise at all. This is normal for a morning like this. As my brain starts to activate, I start to hear things again. The fan is oddly quiet, and my blanket is heavy. I lay my head on its side and squint my eyes as the noise of the shuffling fabric is a bit too loud. I don't know why but my body is sensitive to sounds this early, same with touch. Not only that, but I gaze at the alarm clock across the room as it says 3 something, I can't read the rest. My blanket feels like an elephant is sitting on me, my arm reaches out into the air and is instantly chilled by the air from the fan. It is hard to bring it back down without going limp, everything is heavy. All my organs ache with pain, my lungs feel like they are full of dust and my heart is barely beating. The pressure from the blanket doesn't help, so I grab the edge and hold tight preparing for weight. Unexpectedly my hand burns from the friction, and I am forced to let go and withdrawal, the blanket felt like sandpaper. My brain hurts like it is going to throb out of my skull, it is hard to think. I have my legs and socks on my feet. With all the might I have left I kick the blanket towards my fan and end up covering it. Now I am lying half naked in my bed. Naturally my head sits up and perches on my neck, all I can see is darkness with a static like effect. My eyes don't work like they used to. The next step is to sit up fully. I try, but my spine feels like it is going to snap, and I shake uncontrollably, my back isn't what it used to be. Finally, I am able to sit up, suffering the whole way up, with the help of my hands. Slowly turning my head, it takes a moment to realize where I am, my brain doesn't work well anymore. I swear a bat, or something flies over my head, but it doesn't faze me. Side to side my eyes move in my skull looking around the room, I have a fan, computer, laundry hamper, trash can. We aren't in the psych ward. Knowing this would normally make me excited but after so many times I continue to feel nothing. My computer is to my left, not far from bed, but it still takes effort to get there. Something I lack in this state. In one quick motion I slide my enter body to the left to face my computer. My fingers curl and my eyes retract into my skull. The pain. Without much thought, I spike my foot into the floor and pain surges through my entire lower body. The stress on my bones is going to make them shatter into glass, it is only one short step. It will be worth it. My skin peels off of my bedsheet like I was glued to it with sweat, it is pleasant compared to the rest of my pain. Using the foot that I planted on the floor, I catapult myself across the room in my chair, for the half second all my weight is on my leg, it is by far the worst pain in the world. Like a skyscraper holding up King Kong, the stability shakes, and the glass inside begins to shatter. My legs are not as stable as they were before. The hard part is over, I think as I forget all the previous pain. This new position is a lot less painful than the last, but it still hurts. I cannot escape the constant pain of the morning times. Turning the chair is very easy due to my size, all I have to do is shift a little and lift my feet. The computer is right in front of me. I rest my elbows on the arm rest of the chair as they are smooth. My arms stick out like a T. rex touching the keyboard and mouse, they are also smooth due to wear. I will remain like this for the remaining day, and days after that. Only to rest after 2-3 days have passed. On my computer I am in control, I can change what I want and go at my own pace, not much like real life. Both hands switch to hover of the keyboard as I type in my simple password, I purposely made the password flow easily on the keyboard to prevent strain. Online I am Telix. This is far from me. I am in pain. Constant pain. Self-inflicted pain. I am Ben.

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