10

Breathing in, breathing out. Breathing in…ouch, head hurts. Those were the few words that James’s mind conjured, as his slow return to awareness began to be felt.

A sigh, followed by weary and burning eyes opening with great effort. Dimness and an overwhelmingly dark environment met James’s eyes, as his tired body struggled to keep itself from failing to gain the battle to retain his consciousness.

He rubbed his eyes more brusquely than he knew he should, but right now he couldn’t make himself care anymore. With a grunt, James started to slowly get up, only to find that his knees could hardly carry his body weight without leaning onto a wall.

He sighed and closed his eyes, slowly allowing gravity to pull him downwards towards the harsh floor. He felt tired. Not the kind of satisfied tiredness that accompanies a long day of working, or the content exhaustion of indulging in your favorite activity. Not even the feeling of having been on holidays and needing a rest from all the rest. It felt…like a betrayal.

A deep, unprovoked and unfair betrayal of his young body to himself. He willed one foot to move ahead of the other, only to be met by the grimmest realization that his weak body was not his own to control, to move, to propel forward.

That despite the jumbled commands his confused mind yelled at his muscles, not even his willpower was enough to lift his body. Of all the precarious situations James had found himself in throughout the years, there has never been a more bitter knowledge than being aware that your own body is capable of trapping you in a fate of doom. Destined to fail, it’s what it felt like.

James sighed once more, I just want to go home, he thought. Home…where is home? Do I…have a home? Someone to return to? Where do I live? Can I even call my life…living? Or am I simply surviving every…single…minute?

James grit his teeth and bit his tongue down, hard enough to draw blood. The metallic tang, followed by the sharp sting, provided an immediate sense of clearer thinking, yet…his thoughts still meandered abstractly. Unable to reach forward and grasp a line of thought to follow devotedly, his mind promiscuously moved from one idea to the next, incapable of fully forming coherent words or images. It felt like…interference. Outside interference, in fact.

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The thought made him shudder, although he didn’t quite know why. As it stands (or in his situation, it sits) James also came to realize that he also didn’t know where he was, or what he was meant to be doing. Just…the constant pressing and uncomfortable feeling of having his thoughts jumbled and confused.

He closed his eyes briefly, and then slowly looked ahead mindlessly. There was a shadow of some sort. A being, not quite hovering but also not standing. The more you looked at it, the less it seemed to exist in reality, and yet its presence silently echoed in the room.

James could only openly gape at the sight, not sure how to react. Something about the being unsettled him deeply, and yet he could not bring himself to remember what it was. Remember…what are memories, how are they made? All trains of thoughts got abruptly interrupted, as the ever shifting nature of the creature seemed to slowly approach, imperceptibly so.

No arms, legs or recognizable features were discernible in the being, but James could only look in horror as what could be interpreted as an outstretched arm reached silently forward, each smooth and constant approaching motions making it clear how inescapable the grasp of this creature could be once it held its prey.

Suddenly, a brutal and violent intrusion of his mind tore a scream out of his throat, as a multitude of images filled his mind’s eye forcefully. The speed of which the images assaulted him was enough to make his eyes water from the strain.

A city full of alien creatures. A room filled with all sorts of cataloged beings, humans included, being studied and experimented on. The metal and it’s far-reaching tendrils that encompass an entire planet. People screaming, crying. Others completely apathetic. Confusion and despair. Chaos.

With each image granted, the headache grew more and more unbearable, blood tricking down James’s nose without his consent or awareness. A mental parasite feeding on him from inside out, growing unrestrained as it consumes him and diminishes his strength.

He held his head tightly in trembling hands, shaking and writhing on the cold unforgiving floor, as pained groans clawed out of his mouth. His sense of self felt paper thin with each passing second, as with each intrusive thought that invaded his frail mind, a dozen seemed to be robbed from him, carelessly ripped apart from his psyche in an overpowering display of brutal, unjustified violence.

Then, an almost sickeningly tender, dark hazy grip caressed James’s head possessively. Sleepiness began to took over quickly. James’s heavy eyelids forcefully closed against his will.

And suddenly, his mind completely and utterly shattered. For the first, and last time.