Alexis

The sea is vast before me, and as I swim side to side, I feel a pang in my chest. I begin to swim in circles, my eyes searching above me for the ship. I think for a moment that I see smoke, but it’s gone as quickly as it came, almost like an apparition. I look at the sky, and mumble something like a prayer. Other sailors have always had faith, but I was never sure what I believed in. What could I hope for, when it always felt like only I could catch myself? When I look down again, I see a brown object a couple yards away. It looks almost like a barrel?

I start swimming towards it, my body feeling like it’s dragging behind me. When I get to the barrel, I try to put myself into it, but the barrel spins over, the bottom side of it coming above. I struggle against the barrel forcing it upwards. The barrel and I struggle, my body aching and the barrel simply letting the water toss it over. Finally, I manage to hold myself close enough to grasp most of the barrel’s body, and I put myself in, my body falling in like a lump.

My body relaxes into the barrel and my eyes close. I try to stay awake, but my body betrays me.

Micah

I awake to the sun peeking through the blinds on the window. I can’t feel my toes or my hands, the bed below me, the only thing I can feel is my heart beating hard against my chest, begging to be let out. I’ve felt this feeling more often the past couple of months. Sometimes, I can remember the semblance of a dream. A figure speaking to me in hushed tones, confident eyes against darkness. Other times, I remember nothing. This time my mind is blank, and my chest keeps blaring out at me.

I grasp the blanket above me, holding it in a fist. I tighten my grip until I can feel my chest slow down. When I decide to get up, I realize the house is entirely silent. I hop out of bed and shuffle through the hall, yelling out my mother’s name.

If she’s here, she’ll correct me in anger for calling her by her name.

“Felicite!” I yell.

“Felicite, are you there?”

I’m greeted by silence. When I get to the kitchen, the bowl on our table has fruit, and there is a loaf of bread, ready to be eaten.

I look through our cutlery, hoping to find a knife to cut into the loaf. I hear two thumps at the door, and hear the shuffle of a person moving behind it.

I walk over to the door, expecting to see my mom holding groceries. I open the door with a smug smile and am greeted instead by a mildly familiar face.

“Micah"

“Roan” I respond.

I size him up, he’s taller than the last time I saw him, and his facial hair more scraggly, likely from weeks of being at sea.

Roan moves towards me as if to give me a hug, but I step backwards, trying not to have an upset look.

“Where’s Alexis?” I ask, a stiffness in my voice.

Roan looks taken aback, and his hand instinctively goes up to his growing beard. He looks at me, a small smile growing on his face.

“Not excited to see me?”

I let out a breath.

“Let me think Roan….”

“Am I excited to see you”

“Well you are alive, so there is that. Which probably means Alexis is fine”

“The last eight months haven’t been that fun to tell you the truth. Instead of pursuing anything else, I’m with Felicite at the shop every day. I run errands for all of our neighbors. The only exciting”

I start to trail off, when I realize Roan is simply looking at me puzzled.

Roan starts to say something, then he stops.

“Alexis and Felicite are both at the dock” he sighs.

I shove past Roan, and I start running. The gravel is cold and hard below my feet, and I run as quickly as I can, trying to avoid getting any cuts. When I get to the sand, my mind switches off.

I hear nothing but my heart in my chest and the sound of the sea ahead of me.

When I’m close enough to see a boat, my feet speed up below me until I can see the bowsprit.

“Morning” I shout at the person simply sitting.

“Oy” he replies, uninterested.

“Alexis?” I ask, not able to see their face.

The person shakes their head, and I realize their hair is too short to be her. The point towards their right, and nod their head at me.

I run right towards a giant boat, the sun seeming to shine upon it. When I’m closer, I see someone in a massive hat with a plume to the side, nearly identical to the last hat I saw my sister in.

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I run up the plank onto the ship, and I see Alexis talking to two other people. She has what looks like a smile on her face, and she talks excitedly, her hands moving with her words. I walk right up to the group and interrupt.

“Alexis”

“Why didn't you come see me? You sent your errand boy?”

“Micah!” my mother barks at me.

In my anger, I hadn’t noticed her. When I look at her, her eyes soften and she looks at me, pleadingly. I know she hates my temper. Whenever Alexis comes, she rushes to see her, bringing her gifts and coddling her. She never asks Alexis where she's been. Asks her what keeps her from her family. From contributing. From caring. Felicite simply takes the crumbs that Alexis deigns to gives us, and she swallows them whole, letting the small bitter pieces fill her up.

I refuse.

“Alexis has been busy, Micah”

“She brought some gifts along, to help take care of everything”

I stare at my mom, my eyes hard, and turn back to Alexis.

“ALEXIS”

“YOU THINK WHATEVER THIS IS, IT’S ENOUGH? YOU LEFT WITHOUT A WORD. YOU LEFT ME TO DO EVERYTHING”

The person next to Alexis pipes up now, their face going from an odd serenity to fierce in a moment.

“You want me to deal with them, Captain?”

“I’m happy to detain them below deck”

“No” Alexis shakes her head.

Alexis walks towards me, and she pulls me into a hug. Her arms are strong and I struggle against her until I am able to free myself. I walk further back.

“I’m furious with you” I bark at her.

“No matter how tired I am, I work at the shop every single day. I wake up at dawn almost every day, and sometimes we don’t leave until the sun is threatening to come back”

“Half the time we don’t have anything to eat”

“You are out there, traipsing around the world fulfilling some sort of foolish dream of yours. And where am I?”

“Here, trapped on this island. Working for pennies. Caring for our mother. When do I get to live?”

Alexis laughs, the sides of her mouth failing to smile.

“Give me a moment, will you?”

Alexis walks away, her boots heavy on the deck and moves towards two crew members at the right part of the deck. The group talks in hushed tones, quietly enough that I can’t make out any of what they’re saying.

When Alexis comes back, she talks to her crew mate and our mother about her recent trips. As she drones on, I roll my eyes and look away. Admiring her ship.

I hear my mother pipe in, but none of her words register. All I can hear in her voice is the joy and excitement. She’s so happy.

I walk away, willing the anger to leave my body. I find myself walking up the small steps and onto the upper deck. I walk until I am at the edge, and I look over at the ocean. The sea and the sky are partners today, the cerulean and cornflower melding into each other. The water ebbs and flows, the waves are so small that I can hardly perceive them.

Calmer now, I turn to shout at Alexis and invite her to stand up here with me.

I see a burst of light, and Alexis screams.

I feel my body fall, my eyes closing and my body becoming heavy. I open my eyes and my vision is blurry, I can hardly make out anything in the water.

I feel my feet struggle below me, and I try to stick my arms out above me, but they flail weakly.

The more I shuffle my feet, the more I sink downwards. I feel the sea shift all around me, pressing me down.

I stop struggling and my body seems to stop.

The water engulfs me.

The world is dark and silent.

It stops.

Somehow, my body stops struggling and I am above the water. I gasp, eyes still closed.

I breathe over and over again, my breath is shallow and I can feel water coming out of my nose.

I breathe even harder and force my eyes open. My vision is still blurry, but I see a woman with dark eyes staring back at me.

“What kind of pirate are you?” her voice teases.

I shake my head stiffly at her, but she reaches out for my hand. I stick my hand out as far up as I can manage, barely making it above the water and she grasps it, her arm strong and shoves me above the tide. My eyes are open but I see nothing.

I am on a small island. The warm sand below my feet. The sun is lowering in the sky, and the sky is shades of beautiful umber and pink, candylike. I walk forward instinctively, my body following my feet. I walk and walk. My feet feel lighter and lighter, my hands are warm as if the sun were shining on me, even though it continues to lower.

I see a small hill, not quite a mountain, with a small stand at the top. I keep walking forward, my body in a trance. I feel happy.

I walk up the hill and directly to the stand. There is a woman there, her hair following out of a small bandana, she is wearing a skirt and shirt that are humble, but she radiates brightly.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

I smile at her dumbfounded.

“Come here” she says and gestures for me to walk behind the counter, near her. I walk behind the counter until I am only a few feet from here. She reaches her arm out, not quite touching me, and gestures with her other hand for me to come closer.

I move closer and she holds me and steadies me with one arm and moves me closer to her. She moves me so close I can almost feel her breathing. She holds me with both arms now and looks at me with both of her eyes. I look into her eyes, and I see nothing. Her eyes are empty, like two vacant sockets. I’m not scared. I can’t stop looking. When I’m fully still, she moves me onto a stool and she shuffles behind a small beaded curtain, making odd noises.

She comes back with a steaming cup that she sets on the counter. She pulls out another stool and sits facing me.

“Your hand” she says.

She sticks out both her hands expectantly, and I put my right hand on her right hand. She puts both hands on my hands. Then she holds my hand up to her face. With her right hand she traces patterns on my hand. I feel a warmth as the patterns are traced. I feel myself talking as she touches my hand gently, but I cannot hear my own words.

She gently puts my hand on my lap, then takes the other hand and puts it over. We sit there for a moment, her hands holding my hands on my lap. I close my eyes. I hear my heart. I hear the waves beyond us. The wood shifting below us. Then, nothing.

I open my eyes when everything becomes quiet and still again. I look at her face, but she holds my right arm up and tells me to look. I look.

I see blue and white patterns etched on my hand.

“There you are” she says softly.

I feel myself reach out to her but she gently holds my arms and leads me into standing.

“You’re ready,” she says.