The voice gnaws at the base of his skull, cutting deeply. The darkness around his envelopes him like a cocoon, growing tighter with each word.
“You’ll always be alone.” it says.
“I know I will.” he responds. “I have to be.”
“No, you’ll always be alone because no one loves you. They never will.”
“She did. I know she did.”
“She didn’t. She couldn’t. She never did.”
“She did. I felt it. I knew it when I looked into her eyes.”
“Illusion. No one could ever love someone like you.”
He felt it sting sharply, knowing that he had always felt the same.
“I’m broken.”
“You are. You always will be.”
“I don’t want to be this way.”
“Too bad. You always will be.”
“I can change. I can fix things.”
“You can’t. You’ll never know happiness.”
“Why not?”
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“Because I am here. I am bound to you, and as long as I exist, you will never be anything but a pathetic, sniveling little worm.”
Tears well in his eyes, knowing that what the voice was telling him had to be the truth.
“I really did love her.”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. No matter what you do, you will always circle back to here, with me. You will always be alone. You will die alone. Empty, unloved, and alone.”
“But she did. I could feel it. The warmth of her gaze when she looked at me. That day, for the first time, I felt loved like I never had before. I wanted to freeze time and stay right there in that moment forever, basking in her light.”
“Or did you simply imagine it? Projecting into her what you so desperately wanted to feel?”
“I...I don’t know. Maybe. I so wanted it to be real.”
“It wasn’t. It was all false, a useless hope that needs to be shattered.”
He sighs heavily, the tears streaming down his cheeks, his body deflating.
“Why did I lose her?”
“She was never yours in the first place. You were nothing to her. Just a trinket, a pawn. A momentary toy to have fun with, until it was time to throw you away.”
“No, she’s not like that. I know that we were special to one another.”
“You were nothing to her. You never could be. You will never be anything to anyone.”
“Why do you say these things to me.”
“Because you need to hear them. Because you need to face the truth. Because you are pathetic.”
“Are those the only reasons?”
“No.”
“What’s the real reason?”
“Because you let me.”
He hangs his head, knowing that the voice has won. It always does.
“She was my world. I would have given anything for her.”
“Would you have given your life?”
He looks down, seeing the instrument lying before him. A trickle of light glints off of the cold, black metal.
“I can’t.”
“You have to. It is the only way.”
“There has to be another way. Anything but that.”
“There isn’t. You will never escape me. You never be rid of me.”
“I hate this. I hate feeling this way.”
“Then do it. Get rid of me. Get rid of all of it. Pull the trigger.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? What else do you have to continue living for?”
“I....”
“Don’t you want to finally be at rest? At peace?”
“I....”
“It will all be okay. Pick it up.”
He reaches forward, taking the grip into his hand.
“Good. Now, be a good boy and lift it up.”
He does as commanded, the weight heavy in his hand as he places the barrel into his mouth.
“DO IT.”