“You’ll cut me.” He said again but still, reluctantly, let her have the razor in her hands. It was a sharpened knife-like razor.

“I won’t dare., she protested with a bit of laughter in her tone now gesturing for him to sit down and let her have her way.

Sighing resignedly, Ru Shan Yong really sat thinking that one cut or two -maybe a bit more- didn’t really matter, they would heal anyway before they arrived in the capital and it wasn't like it really hurt.

All this started because he innocently just wanted to shave his beard. He wasn’t really minding his appearance previously, it was the least of his preoccupation these past weeks, but looking in the mirror when waking up he found that he had let it grown too much this time around and he didn’t particularly like it. With or without it, he was dashing had chimed in his wife but seeing him determinate to shave she suddenly found herself in the mood to serve him and do it for him.

Well, this woman, eagerly serving others was a first and he didn’t really know if he should consider himself lucky or unlucky to be the subject of her service. He had only look on as she had shooed her servants -who were asking behind the door if they should come in and help her bath and dress-.

Mu Rong An leaned on him, smearing the foam on his chin and, with a concentration he had never seen her have before she delicately passed the knife over with all the precaution she could muster. Each time wiping the mixture of foam and hair on the borders of a small basin before wiping it again on a towel then coming back to his face. Her gestures were slow and careful really not wanting to hurt him. It was a bit of a strange sight. And seeing her so serious had him lift the corner of his lips a bit which got him to be pinched on the cheek and scolded,

“Do you really want to be cut? Don’t move your mouth, ah.”

“…” He was still the husband, wasn’t he? He was still older than her, wasn’t he? How come he was treated like this?

“Lift your chin a bit.”

He obediently did so, yet seconds later he took in a sharp breath as the iron pierced his skin,

"Ah! Don't touch! Don't move!" she said immediately, wiping the blood that leaked with attention. "Wasn't my fault," she grumbled in a whisper as she got even slower after that.

"..." Was it his fault then?

And when she finished, she wiped his face with a clean towel, sat on his thighs and observed her handiwork, proud of herself. Well, he had to give her that she did better than he thought she would. Three cuts that didn’t even bleed that much was good for her first time and she had this elated expression, caressing his face, as though she did something wonderful that he couldn’t quite help himself but pull her hand to seal their lips together.

“Will you be helping me every day from now on then?” he asked in a whisper in her ear.

She pushed his chest to see his face once again and frowned a bit, as she passed her hand on his chin,

“Smooth is good," she replied "but I like it when it’s ticklish too. So no. Otherwise, when will this beard grow again?”

Ru Shan Yong really didn’t know how to feel, it seemed his appearance from now on was to be decided by her when he should shave and not. The corners of his lips wouldn’t stop raising though and when she bent down to kiss him again he thought it didn’t really matter, it was fine to do it as she liked.

She yelped when he suddenly stood up with her in his hands,

"We should bath already," he said, "else the water will grow cold."

She just wound both hands behind his neck and kissed him again.

***

The morning they approached the gates of the capital enough to see them, Ru Shan Yong left the carriage to mount on little black and Mu Rong An knew then that he would be finishing the travel there. It wasn’t that he previously did all the travel in the carriage; actually, most of the time, he was on little black’s back, galloping near her window. However, for some time of the day, he would keep his wife company by directly sitting in front of her. But now, he was in the front line, the first to be seen in the procession and Mu Rong An, left alone in her carriage, clasped her hands together, her thoughts a bit of a mess.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to come back to the capital; in actual facts, coming back here was great but she couldn’t help but wonder how it would affect the new harmony she finally found with her husband. He would be back to his friends and she was thinking about two particulars ones of them. If she had to be honest –would she really be if he asked?-, she would quite like for him to cut ties with them. However, she was perfectly clear though, that she couldn’t seriously mess their relationship even if she tried…

She wouldn’t… That’s how she was feeling at this moment anyway… she just hoped they would give her the courtesy of not trying to mess her relationship too…

The procession passed through the gates, the population’s cheers got even louder now and Mu Rong An firmly kept the carriage’s curtains down, trying not to think at all.

At one point, the men halted while the carriage kept advancing and when it advanced enough to catch up with Ru Shan Yong who was perched on his mount, unmoving, the man then had his horse came closer to let her know that he was going to the palace first and, she, she would be directly accompanied in the Ru residence. Mu Rong An didn’t immediately respond, letting the silence floated a bit, before saying, “I know”.

He ordered his men then to move forward. He stood there, watching the carriage go for time, before having his stallion move to the other direction followed by his men.

***

Coming back in the Ru residence, Mu Rong An, this time around actually did some efforts to know her in-laws, to better their views of her and ameliorate their relationship. If before it was mostly politeness, now she was sincere in trying to be filial. Ru Shan Yong loved his family and she really had no reason to find fault with them. They were, from now onwards her family too and she sincerely hoped they would be getting along.

***

The night came and Ru Shan Yong still had to come back. Sitting by the small table in the chamber, gazing at the window, she had almost forgotten that sensation.

Waiting.

Would she have remembered if she didn't converse with her sisters in law? Ru Shan Yong's biological sister, Ru Ying Yue didn't talk all that much but his elder brother's wife had wanted to accommodate her and not let her feel like a stranger in the room. However, Hui Yin didn't really think she had much in common with this younger sister, so after the common greetings, she had Mu Rong An talked a bit about her life in the borders before lamenting jokingly how she, she never had the chance to accompany her husband.

The conversation didn't last long. Her mother in law said that she should rest early for she must be tired after all this travel. And sitting here, all alone in this big bedroom, it finally dawned on her that actually, she was really married to a general. A general. Someone bounded to go to battlefields and risked his life. Someone, she would be unable to see at will.

She wasn’t a person who could mount a horse and brandished a sword to actually claim to him ‘I’m going with you’. She was bound to wait. And wait. And wait... Maybe there were times when it wouldn’t resolve itself in months like it did with the Fen country, maybe it could take years before he comes back… And maybe… despite her wait,… he would never come back.

If it was like this, wouldn’t it be better for him to actually work in the capital, to be promoted in the capital’s defense or work for the palace? She wondered a bit if she could persuade him to ask for an affectation in there.

She gazed at her bed. It was the same one she had slept on in their wedding night -not that they shared a bed that night-, all too big for a single person now she thought. She really wished he would come back to her and sleep here for she had already forgotten how it was to sleep by herself.

She was dozing off when he came back, her neck already sored for she had lied down uncomfortably on the table. She vaguely heard him sighed helplessly before he lifted her and tucked her to bed, then changing his clothes and lying by her side snuggling to her. He sighed comfortably now and she snuggled closer to share his warmth.

***

The day after, even if Mu Rong An wanted to return to her family to greet them, it would have to wait, for a feast had long been prepared by the Emperor for the general and was just waiting for his return. So it seemed before getting to see her family members, she would have to first play pretend in the palace. And with her best smile on, she was ready to go.

“You won’t try harming people, right?” Ru Shan Yong asked quite bluntly with a frown on his face as they were both ready and about to go to the carriage.

And by people, he most certainly meant Li Ming Qi. That was a subject of conversation they didn't have since long ago and he genuinely couldn't tell what kind of thoughts his wife had concerning his friends. She had said not hatred but for this person, it could mean a variety of things. Mostly bad ones.

“Of course not," she said pursing her lips. That person and her, if they both could go on with their lives and not interact at all would be best but since it couldn't be, she truthfully said, "At worst, it would only be words.”

"Mu Rong An," he said with a sort of warning in his tone and she smiled at him,

"Have I ever been rude in public? I'll be the very picture of courtesy. I really have no reason to be in disharmony with people now, do I?"

He seemed to think a bit before saying,

"It's alright to fight back though," He added just in case it was actually his friends that incite her ire.

Even though he already talked to the three of them Ru Shan Yong really couldn't predict how they would react. If only by being just polite it would be good enough.

Mu Rong An didn't acknowledge his words for she really needn't his authorization for this. For those who picked on her, she had always retorted in kind so far and she wouldn't stop doing it now. Either way, that woman was now a princess consort, she would have to be courteous to her; however, if it was the other that started it, no one would fault her then in defending her self.

He seemed to read her thoughts, though he didn't rebuke, just lightly knocked her forehead with his finger; frowning at him, she lifted her hand to massage the place. It was good, he thought, to see her face displayed so many emotions now but he knew once they stepped in the Palace, her smile would be as fake as all the others.

“And you have me too,” he assured.

She opened her mouth but didn't say anything and in the end closed it, shifting her sight, not looking him in the eye, she murmured an "En" that he almost didn't catch.

What now? Was she blushing? That's an endearing sight!

He made a motion to touch her hair - a gesture he seemed to like recently- but before it reached she already swatted his hand away. Her hair had already been dressed so beautifully what was he messing it for!

***

Mu Rong An really didn't have to wait long before meeting with the second prince and his wife again. It just so happened that they arrived almost at the same time in the Palace.

Hen Ru Ying wasn't living in the imperial palace but in his own residence which wasn't too far and upon entering the palace, from one point, everyone must go down the carriage and finished the road by feet. Seeing the general just some meters in front, the second prince had a servant go and asked of the general to wait for them to catch up so they could arrive together.

Mu Rong An long ago had her signature smile on her lips and said nothing, standing still near her husband while looking back at the approaching couple. She sneaked a peek at her own husband. The corners of his lips that used to be slightly lifted each time he saw Li Ming Qi previously weren't today. Her heart finally calmed down. She could now believe he really let go of his feelings. So, her mood better, she reported her attention to the incoming people.

Wasn't it cute, they were wearing matching clothes!

Li Ming Qi didn't change much or maybe she now had more presence than before. Her husband was dotingly holding her hands almost as though, would she so wished, he was ready to carry her and spared her the walking. Mu Rong An noted too, that none of Hen Ru Ying's concubines were present. She bet one really did court her death by constantly opposing this female lead and the other -who certainly faked an illness today- was planning on not minding her husband anymore but curry favor with the new wife.

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Wasn't it kind of unfair? Others were deemed unvirtuous if they oppressed the concubines but this person had the world singing praises for her virtuousness instead albeit that was the handiwork of her husband's influence. They were in love and since marriage, the prince never strayed. People were acclaiming this even more so that this husband liked to profess his infatuation.

As she was looking at them, the one Ru Shan Yong had his eyes on, was her. Somehow, it was important for him to see which reaction she'd have upon seeing the second prince again. No longing he could see or tenderness. Good. And upon looking at Li Ming Qi too, she was still calm.

There wasn't any anger in Mu Rong An, really, maybe something akin to boredom so she couldn't help herself then but wish for this 'perfect' woman to trip and fall and if possible, drag her equally 'perfect' husband in that fall too so that she, Mu Rong An, could attest how well matched they were and she certainly wouldn't forget to praise their so-called harmony.

Ru Shan Yong cleared his throat and she flashed him an innocent smile. Wasn't he way too much perceptive lately?

The royal couple finally joined them and they exchanged pleasantries before continuing the road together.

***

Once inside the great imperial hall, the sitting places had been arranged so that the second prince and general Ru sat side by side so consequently, Mu Rong An and Li Ming Qi were quite close too.

There wasn't a separation for men and women, the hall was slowly getting filled while waiting for the Emperor and Empress to arrive.

Something Mu Rong An discovered later in the ongoing discussions, it seemed that Li Ming Qi already had a son of some months now, so she could only follow suit like everyone else and ask how the child was, though, she couldn't really be sure what this new mother responded. She suddenly developed selective hearing, ah, which was wonderful, absolutely!

And while others were marveling at the crown princess cold countenance, noble aura, and whatnot Mu Rong An was thinking if she should just fake illness and leave earlier. It wouldn't be good though, the banquet had yet to start and she couldn't really miss the Emperor praising her husband now, could she? It was just that she would have preferred a different sitting position.

Anyway, she had a fake smile on that Ru Shan Yong definitely wouldn’t be proud of and participate in the conversations while her husband was deep in his.

***

When the Emperor and Empress left and everyone started following, and although Mu Rong An too, wouldn't have mind returning home -heck, she wished they would return already!- she still denied being tired when asked and so, Ru Shan Yong left without worry with Hen Ru Ying somewhere to catch up all by themselves; and she, she was wondering now if she should go out to breath a bit rather than stay here to answer all these questions the women around her fancied asking.

“You were politer than I thought you would have been,” interrupted the voice of the princess consort when she really did go out.

They were just outside the hall, not far from the passage and even though Mu Rong An's servant had previously wanted for her mistress to wear a coat, the other had claimed to want to feel the cool breeze of the night some more.

"Is princess consort so bored that she would come to seek my company?" she asked with a smile.

There were so many people in there trying to talk to her, what was she doing here? Was she feeling lonely if no one was making things difficult for her?

Li Ming Qi looked at Mu Rong An for a time. The other was clearly not welcoming her presence but there was no longer this murderous aura she was filled with when facing her previously.

"Were the northern borders an enjoyable place?"

Was Mu Rong An supposed to say she liked staying in a place of war? She just kept her mouth shut.

Mulling her words over, Li Ming Qi finally said after a sigh,

"Life goes and continues. A deception isn't bad sometimes and help the growth. The past shouldn't be thought about with longing but should serve as a lesson."

"..." Who asked this woman her opinion? Mu Rong An's smile didn't waver but her eyes grew cold.

Seeing that the other wasn't willing to converse, Li Ming Qi turned to the servant by the side and ordered,

"The night is getting colder, what are you waiting for, already put that coat on your mistress."

Such a thing had Mu Rong An's polite smile went warmer as she lifted her hand to motion for her servant to stop,

"Princess consort still has the time to care of others I see. It is quite unnecessary."

"What others," said the now princess in a smile, "there is no need for such politeness between friends... Aren't we friends now?"

Mu Rong An's smile widened some more,

“I don’t dare accept such a friendship.” She said, adding in her heart, 'even if the world had no more people, I'm afraid there are still some that I would never befriend.'

"... This may be a saying you may not know but it goes 'never say never'," chuckled Li Ming Qi. "This princess had been friends with the general for a longer time and can help to give his preferences, what do you say," she tried again.

"One would wonder when the princess consort learned to be a dog who catches mice."

Before Li Ming Qi's servant could get angry and rebuked, her master was chuckling again, feeling that indeed, she was a bit meddlesome now. She had first thought that whatever magic Ru Shan Yong did to this woman it made her more amiable, but apparently, that was just an impression or maybe as long as the person talking to her wasn't Li Ming Qi she was genuinely amiable?

The first prince Hen Ming Jin got out of the hall at this moment and greeted them, particularly lingering to talk to Li Ming Qi with unending appreciation.

The first prince was bound to die. Previously, the physician had predicted three years left to his life. Always suffering, he was never seen in public, forever in his residence drinking terribly bitter medicines every day. Li Ming Qi arrived and ameliorate his state. For that, he was quite fond of her. He wasn't experiencing that excruciating pain anymore and even though she too said he couldn't be saved, she added to his lifespan a bit, saying that he still had seven years to go at least and nine at best.

When the man left, Mu Rong An couldn't resist saying,

“Isn't godly doctor the title bestowed upon you? What is it that you can't really cure?"

"Sometimes no one can do anything," she sighed with regret.

"Indeed. no one is God. What the princess consort can do and cannot, only the princess knows. The Emperor had already prayed but wasn't listened to, maybe when the second prince would be crowned then this time around all wishes could be satisfied."

Li Ming Qi smiled too and Mu Rong An thought, it was as fake a smile as everyone else in the Palace now.

"Indeed. Let us hope."

If asked, Mu Rong An would say that Li Ming Qi was simply refusing to cure the first prince. Of course, whether the woman really had the ability she didn't know but just for the sake of antagonizing her, she rather thinks that the woman was securing her hubby's dragon seat and either way if the first prince died easily without a stream of blood to follow it was best for them.

One had to wonder though if he was coveting it in the first place. Informed since birth that he wouldn't live long, he certainly wasn't.

The one who would sit on the Emperor's throne was Hen Ru Ying. He and his desire to unify the world.

Calling for a palace servant, Mu Rong An had him pass a message to her husband stating that she was quite tired now, while she returned to the hall to wait for him.

Li Ming Qi looked at her, sighed once again and thought that she did try anyway.

In a pavilion, just the two of them, Ru Shan Yong and Hen Ru Ying were talking while sharing wine. They talked about the borders first, Fen country, the new weapons,... and in the end, redirected their conversation to Ru Shan Yong's marriage after having talked about Hen Ru Ying's baby.

"Are you really planning to stay married?"

Even now, the second prince couldn't quite understand what prompted his friend's decision and even more, he chose Mu Rong An as the one he wedded.

"By now you must have experienced countless reasons for a divorce to be approved."

Ru Shan Yong vaguely thought about someone threatening to harm any other woman he would be infatuated with and the corners of his lips rose a bit,

"None at all," he said and the lie was actually a truth for despite everything he knew of her, divorcing Mu Rong An wasn't something he envisaged at all. It sounded like a ridiculous thing actually.

Hen Ru Ying observed his face a bit,

“This prince remembers your words of four years ago," and he proceeded to repeat them although adding some words and deleting others.

"If it comes down to it and if by sheer will, I think I'll never marry" had once said Ru Shan Yong in a gathering. "They talk another language entirely." There he was talking about the ladies in general. "I won't understand her and she won't stand me."

Not everyone was like the sisters he had at home after all.

"And I remember your words being way harsher than mine."

"Indeed," Hen Ru Ying conceded, in a laugh, "but Qi'er is different while Mu-"

Ru Shan Yong violently put his cup on the table, the thing cracked and broke and the remaining wine spilled all over. The abrupt sound effectively cut Hen Ru Ying's words and the latter looked at his friend who had a somber expression on, the smile long gone,

"My wife," he said with a tone of warning.

His friend was serious, the second prince realized. Since when had they not being crossed with each other? It should certainly be way back from when they were still kids yet now his closest friend was getting angry at him for another person? And for Mu Rong An at that?

"It is indeed I who went too far," Hen Ru Ying apologized, not ready to turn this joyous night into a quarrel. "No need to take it so seriously."

The servant sent by Mu Rong An came at this moment and Ru Shan Yong got up to go, but halted to state,

“If it comes down to facts, I think my previous words can be considered as lies now.”

He was starting to understand her just fine after all and she didn't seem to be struggling too either.

***

Back in the Ru residence, in their courtyard, all ready and set for bed, as he looked at his wife who, since the carriage hadn't uttered a word, Ru Shan Yong asked,

"How was it with the princess consort?"

He had deliberately left them together to see if their relationship could be bettered. Although he didn't think they would be all suddenly the closest friends in the world, he still wanted though for them to be able to stand each other's presence without forcing themselves; without Mu Rong An having to cage all her anger in a smile. He had waited for her to talk about it or even complained but she said nothing so he could only resolve himself to ask.

Mu Rong An was sitting on the bed, pulling at the blanket to slip under, she paused in her movement to look at him who also sat on the other side of the bed.

She pursed her lips. She had wanted to catch up with her friends that were present or talk to her brother alone but it was as though that Li Ming Qi was following her everywhere so much that she had to step out and breath. So no, she didn't particularly find the banquet pleasant. From the moment he stepped out with the second prince it became stuffy for her -and that because she was particularly trying to mind her words-. She wasn't sure she would keep minding them all that much in the future. She kept on distracting herself with the idea that she could always send cards to invite those she liked in the residence later anyway or directly go visit; else she swore, princess consort or not, her mouth would have ended slipping and bringing calamities to let him deal with it! It wouldn't be bad, hadn't he said she could count on him?

"It was entertaining," she responded anyway not wanting a lengthy conversation on those people at the moment. "The crown princess was bored so I accompanied her to talk a bit," Ru Shan Yong certainly didn't miss the insincerity in that smile of hers and sure enough, she added, "unwillingly, of course. Not that in her greatness she minded; she is all healthy now, good and well... we talked for some time..." her smile got even brighter, "it was amazing."

"...I won't meddle anymore," Ru Shan Yong promised in an apology tone and quite helplessly added, "we are out of the Palace can you stop smiling like this now?"

She didn't, "Why," she asked, "I had such a good night! Listening to everyone around praising the princess consort and so loud near me... and I didn't mind that" she said hastily before he could cut her, "but she had to follow me everywhere I went... forcing me to listen to her life... and yours," that's where her smiled died "as though she wanted to prove a point."

Ru Shan Yong furrowed his brows too,

"Mine?"

"Your great friendship! It's not like this wife is unaware of it!"

He took her hand that was holding on to the blanket in his and pressed a soft kiss to her palm, brushed his lips over the inside of her wrist. The gesture seemed to calm her and her eyes searched his.

"It's disappointing you that I don't want... I can be polite to her. She is the princess consort, I would still have to be polite to her... To give people face... I can do it... I learned it all my life... I can play pretend... but don't ask me to genuinely have her in my heart."

"I can't be disappointed..." he said his hand on her cheek, "it was my wrong... and it's alright... keep telling me... don't bottle up things..."

"She was polite maybe even amiable... I just didn't want to see her... Maybe I was jealous... Did you know," her voice got softer and softer as she lowered her head "... she has a child... a boy... a healthy, living, boy"

She had put a hand on her stomach, without a doubt reminiscing that child they lost.

He lifted her chin and kissed her. Soft kiss that got heated quite soon. He whispered to her in ragged breaths, forehead touching, mouthes close, hot heated breath mingling,

"You've got nothing to prove. Being you is enough and for anything else, we are together. We have a lifetime to understand each other... a lifetime to know each other in and out."

He kissed her forehead, her temple, her cheek, descended to her neck slowly pushing her on the bed; his hands everywhere as though wanting to physically prove her to her that she indeed wasn't alone.

Clothes flew left and right, pants and soft moans filling the air.

"Don't move," he ordered when she wanted to bascule their position and he went even further down the bed, stretching between her legs. He rubbed his cheek against the inside of her thigh, trailing kisses over the well of her knee; she shivered, moaning as he smoothed his hands over her hips. He nosed at the crease of her thigh, his breath soft and warm against her; he slid his hands down to open her legs further, his palms warm against her sweaty skin, then drew his tongue-

She yelped,

“You! Where do you think you’re licking?"

He chuckled. "I remembered someone once doing the same... and refusing to budge!"

She whimpered, hissing the inhale through her teeth when he pressed his mouth to the high juncture between her legs, his face buried in the cradle of her thighs, his hands an upward slide across the soft slope of her low belly.

“Don’t talk when in this place.” she scolded albeit panting and not very convincing. Dear! he kept on licking and she gasped, trembled; Heat rushing all over her body, under her skin, down her belly, wetting her all the more.

Her eyes closed and her hands clenched in the blanket. Breathing was so hard. And he kept on licking so brazenly. The initial shame dissolved as she couldn't think anymore, her panting louder, her breath more ragged. He kept on feasting on her unabashedly, his tongue parting her and delving inside. Her hold on the sheet tightened. She threaded the fingers of one hand in his hair, was she pushing him out or pushing him in for a deeper contact, she didn't know. She was gasping and trembling, heat twisting in her belly. He curved his hands underneath her, moaning and lifting her closer to his mouth, and she pushed up against him, desperate and unable to breathe, finding her release had her back arched and his tongue fluttered and curled. She cried his name, holding his hair firmly not caring at the moment if it hurt him or not, heart beating fast, toes curling.

He chuckled as he lifted himself up. Her face was redder than it had ever been and he felt a sensation of accomplishment then.

She could taste herself when he leaned up and kissed her, sharp and slightly sweet; he mouthed at her neck, dragging his lips over to her collarbone. He made a low noise against her neck as he slid inside her. It took her a few long seconds to regain her composure, and she was suddenly aware of a heated length. She reversed their position then and he let her set the rhythm...