A carriage sporting the illustrious Black Rose emblem of the Norte Dukedom rolled through verdant plains.

Thousands of honor guards escorted the carriage, making sure that even rouge monsters had no chance of destabilizing the Dukedom.

Though the army stopped any rogues or rival nobles from threatening the Count, they couldn't stop the man from feeling threatened...

---

I can't believe this happened to me.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" I muttered under my breath, fearful of the escorts hearing me.

I never actually thought about being reincarnated, I definitely would have paid attention to this or that.

But I was no scientist, I couldn't so much as impress these 'savages' with dropping gunpowder from my hot air balloon, never mind recreating say, a Chevy Tahoe from scratch.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" But that didn't even fucking matter, because this was a fucking fantasy world. 

The plus? I was fucking set. I was the political reject of a county, who somehow had the luck to be married off to a Duchess right before she was 'assassinated'.

If I didn't know any better, I'd be suspicious too, but both my memories agree that me and mine had nothing to do with it. 

Going by the novel...

The royal family didn't bring it up because they were the ones to arrange the assassination.

The higher-ups in the Dukedom didn't bring it up because she survived and she went into hiding.

That Duchess though…

"Fuck…"

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She's scary. The only reason the royal family dared to make a move was because they had the best assassins in the land, and wars tend to take a long time.

If my arrival fucked up the timeline somehow, and she was present at my arrival…

"Fuck."

I'd just have to be a puppet until I can manage to save up enough money to start making power plays.

...which would take years.

Years I don't have.

"Ploughing milksop rabble!"

A nervous peal of laughter could be heard outside the carriage as I allowed what I could only describe as 'unprompted fantasy medieval cursing' to distract me.

It distracted me from the minus side. Everything else? Nothing. I could be exiled and I would still be able to use the knowledge of 11 volumes and three spin-offs to be a big shot.

The real minus side is that I arrived before the plot. Eight years before the beginning of the story, and twelve years before the Mad Lich King Miedo reappears and promises to destroy the entire human continent.

Though, that wasn't the only thing Count Comerciante, now Count Norte, had to worry about.

There were several villians in the series 'Fantasia Nobility', but only three events he had to worry about, assuming the novels held water.

1. His execution.

2. The Royalist/Nobility civil war.

3. Guess.

The first event was easy, don't be a dick to the three kids. Pull that off and even if I prove to be woefully incompetent, which I fear I might, then the third son, protaganist, btw, won't deliver me a fate I don't even feel comfortable thinking about.

And the Duchess should resurface by the time the second event happens, so it should no longer concern me.

And then there's three…

…

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

The series had its ups and downs. The problem is, all those fucking ups and downs seem to align against me in the case of Miedo.

Up. They really made you root against the villains. The scenes describing what Miedo did to captured souls were really fucked up.

i.e. I couldn't ignore him at all.

e.g. He'll fuck my shit up in the worst way.

Down. The protagonist relies super heavily on deus ex machina, macguffins, and enigmatic encounters.

i.e. I can't recreate the path that Fiel Norte took at all.

e.g. Some of that shit had a lower probability of happening than Dream's ender pearl drops, which is saying something.

Up. The power balance of the series was pretty well done. 

i.e. I couldn't be sure that the hero would trump the villain even with the same power set.

e.g. I don't have an example, fuck off.

Did I just tell myself to fuck off?

…

Whatever, it keeps going on and on like that. Point is, no matter what angle I think of, there's no way for me to go "Isekai, baby! Fuck yeah!" and punch him in the nuts.

Not that he has any.

Or well, maybe he does, what do I know? They'd just be shriveled undead nuts.

For whatever reason, that didn't come up in the novels.

Ever since I woke up in this god-forsaken carriage a week ago, it's been hanging over me. It's like I'm afraid he's going to pop up, yell "Old monster, baby! Fuck Yeah!" and punch me in the nuts.

It sucks.

No plan I will make will survive first contact.

My every action depends on my environment.

And worst of all…

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I slammed my hand over my mouth, only to move to my eyes.

My voice was barely a whisper as I cried…

"Why wasn't there a fucking system in that series?!"