Marcelo figured he was having an elaborate dream until the slice from the skeleton’s sword hurt. A lot.
He thought he’d wake up then and there, but no—his side kept bleeding. Worse, his favorite shirt was torn.
“Curse you!” Marcelo yelled at the skeleton, who did not care nor feel, for it was dead. Marcelo, too, felt like he was going to die—of shock,
—ingly bad fit-esteem.
What was I doing? Marcelo thought. First, I put my glasses on the table, then I jumped into bed, then I died,
—Of embarrassment, thinking about that one time I did that one thing, then…
The skeleton sliced again, and Marcelo jumped back.
He fled to the corner of the stony room like a cornered animal.
I have no weapons, Marcelo panicked. And this skeleton is about to slice me up like salami. What do I do?
It was then Marcelo noticed that there was something odd about the skeleton.
He squinted. “Are those Jordan 1’s?”
Upon closer examination, yes. Those were Jordan 1’s.
Not only that, but his vision had a health bar.
What… Marcelo thought, would happen if it went to zero?
Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.
He honestly had zero clue. That was because he didn’t watch Sword Art Online like a beta male.
Oh yeah, and he remembered his side hurt a lot—OUCH.
The red bar decreased slowly, like his credit score.
Sorry, I lied. Marcelo’s credit score been broke, but as for his life force—there was hope.
“There’s still hope…” Marcelo readied a fighting stance. Then, the blade from the skeleton closed in on him, scraping his cheek.
There is no hope… Marcelo thought. For my Off-White graphic tee. But that was a dead trend, anyway.
Then, Marcelo noticed something odd about the skeleton. Sure, he had a sword, and his body language was pretty solid, but not just that.
The skeleton—its moves were repeatable.
Marcelo figured it out.
He pulled out chalk from his pocket. Why did he have chalk? Well, you see…
Anyways, with that chalk, he scribbled a basic system.
The Alpha Skeleton’s Basic Attack Pattern:
Slice right -> Step back -> Pierce -> Step forward -> Slice left.
Slice diagonal upper-right to lower-left -> Slice right low -> slice diagonal lower-right to upper-left -> Slice left high.
Slice vertical top-down -> cyclone attack -> light attack -> strong attack combo (+5 charge) -> euro step with the sham god.
Once he figured it out…
“I got you now!” Marcelo exclaimed as he dodged a dangerous shank to his other side. He was in the correct position. Using his limited knowledge of self-defense from 15-second YouTube ads, he ripped the sword off the skeleton.
With one decisive blow, the skeleton was a goner.
Marcelo noticed a blue bar on his “interface.” He leveled up.
“Would you like to receive your reward?” It asked.
“I want a new car,” Marcelo joked as he watched his health dwindle down with the sanity of watching a car with the low-gas light on and wondering if you’re going to explode on the freeway.
“Your request is granted,” The system said. Marcelo heard rumbling noises.
“NO! I want a potion! PLEASE!” Marcelo pleaded with the system.
“… Your request is granted.” A red vial fell from the dark sky.
Marcelo caught it and drank it greedily.
“This tastes gross,” he commented. “Is there any way to make this taste better?”
“I am but a system,” the system commented. “Why don’t you Google it?”
“Fair enough.”