As I emerged from my quarters, I could see our communal common room was quite busy. Grunne and Lashawna were watching something on a Vid screen, on a fancy leather couch, and there were a few other Valkyries I had yet to meet. Jhaele, Hilde, Kaitlin and Dargun were playing Settlers of Catan, or something very much like it – and although I was mildly surprised to see a Midgarder board game here, I suppose I shouldn’t have been.
Valkyries go back and forth to Earth all the time, don’t they Siri?
*Often enough. I was caught up in work, and hadn’t been back in a long time. The junior Valkyries get more time on Midgard than the senior ones. We have too many responsibilities.*
Fair enough. I replied, and waved at the girls while heading over to the couch and TV. “Hey ladies!”
“Hey! Welcome back from battle, War-Leader!” Hilde laughed. “How went the battle?”
“Well.” I replied. “We rescued many of our brothers – but Brunhilde would not let me capture her. I had to slay her. The Krell had found a way to brainwash her Symbiote into becoming their slave. I had no choice.” I know the feelings I felt at that moment were mostly Siri’s – based on the memories of the good times she’d had with Brunhilde, but even though they were Siri’s memories, it still hurt. It felt like I failed her... Like I should have tried harder, or done something.
Before I knew it, the six Valkyries I had befriended rushed over and wrapped me in a communal hug.
“I’m sorry you had to do that, sister.” Jhaele said quietly.
“Indeed. I would not welcome that burden, either.” Kaitlin replied. “I’m sure you had no other choice.”
“At the time I felt I hadn’t – but now I feel like I wish I had done more?” I said to them.
“You did your best, sister.” Dargun said, hugging me and trying to comfort me. “No one will blame you for what happened.”
I nodded, feeling a tear or two well up in my eyes.
The hug broke, and I looked at my sisters in arms – these amazing, gorgeous creatures that were trying to console me and make me feel better – and I couldn’t help but smile. It was good to have friends – even new ones I would need to spend years, if not decades, getting to know. “Thanks, ladies.”
“You’re welcome.” Kaitlin replied. “Do you want to join our Catan game?”
“Actually, I thought I’d talk to Grunne and Lashawna, to get some advice on my cross gender bonding.”
They nodded, understanding, and made way for me to go see Grunne and Lashawna, who smiled, and beckoned me over to the leather couch by the TV.
“Hey, Sannyr. We’ve been wondering when you’d be coming to see us.” Grunne began.
“Yeah. It’s been pretty busy since I got here – and it doesn’t look like it will be calming down anytime soon, with the attack on the Krell Homeworld happening soon.”
“Well, I’m glad you made time to come see us.” She replied.
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“I am too.” I said. “I just had a long talk with Siri and she told me a lot about how Symbiotes and hosts bond, and some of what I can expect in the coming weeks and months – and maybe years. Gods, I hope it doesn’t take that long to sort out.” I hugged myself a little, when I said the last comment – although I normally don’t hug myself... Another of Siri’s mannerisms?
Lashawna put her hand on my knee, and nodded. “It can take a long time, Sannyr. I won’t lie. Some cross gender bondings never feel comfortable – but many do find a balance, and a lot even embrace it. You need to give yourself time, War-Leader.”
“I know... It’s just hard.”
Grunne and Lashawna nodded, knowing exactly what I was going through, albeit from different perspectives.
“Have you noticed any changes in how you feel?” Grunne asked.
“My body doesn’t feel like someone else’s anymore. It feels like *my* body – but it still seems wrong. Maybe a bit less wrong than a few days ago – but still wrong. I’ve also been having strange feelings when I’m in the presence of certain Einherjar.” I said, a little uncomfortably.
Grunne nodded. “It’s to be expected. The vast majority of us are Straight or Bisexual – although I know there is a large contingent of gay Einherjar and Valkyries. I suspect since you’re starting to have feelings for the Einherjar, you’re going to end up at least Bi. I hope that won’t be a problem.”
“It’s not a problem, per se, it’s just a big shock. I was straight in my past life as Jason – or at least I thought I was. Now, I’m wondering if I was or not.”
“It’s okay to question who you are, Sannyr. It’s okay to let yourself discover new things too. Does it matter if you’re gay, straight or bi as long as you’re happy and comfortable with yourself?” Lashawna asked.
“Only to a few knuckledraggers or religious folks back on Midgard, I guess. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think I’m trying to cling to who I thought I was before – but some of the changes I’ve undergone are extremely disconcerting. My body being one of them – and my emotional reactions being the other.”
Grunne nodded, her blonde locks tumbling into her face. “I bet dealing with all this long hair is another issue.” She said, laughing as she swept it behind her head.
“Yes!” I replied. “I’m going to have to learn feminine grooming, and it scares me how much I don’t know – and how much I do know from Siri. It feels weird.”
“Yeah.” Lashawna laughed. “You’ll probably find yourself doing your hair one day, and wondering ‘how the hell did I learn how to do a French braid?’ That happened to me quite a lot, in different ways, when I became a Valkyrie. For me it was a welcome change, though, not a disturbing one.”
“It was a bit disturbing at first, but I’m really getting used to having Siri as my co-pilot.”
Grunne laughed. “That’s a great way of looking at it! I really appreciate having Randgríðr with me too.”
“Yeah. Dealing with all the changes I went through would have been impossible without Kinde.” Lashawna replied. “Our symbiotes eventually become our best and closest friends – sometimes closer than even lovers. We’re more like really close twin sisters than anything else, really.”
“Any advice on how I can get more used to my new body – or at least feel a bit less dysphoric for a while?”
“Yeah, actually.” Lashawna replied. “I went to Midgard and picked you up something. I’ll be right back.” Lashawna went to her room, and returned with a plastic wrapped package. “Here, Sannyr. This is for you, from Grunne and I.”
I looked at the package – it looked like a T-shirt or a sports bra. “What’s this?”
“It’s a chest binder.” Grunne answered. “A lot of Trans men on Midgard use them to reduce the feel of their breasts so they can feel more masculine and present more masculine. We thought it might help with the dysphoria, at least for a while.”
“You girls got this for me?” I said, surprised, and very touched by the gesture. “Thank you!”
“No problem, Sannyr. We Valkyries have to look out for each other – especially the newbies, like you!” Grunne laughed.
“Yeah. Even if you are a War-Leader and member of the Twelve, you’re still a newbie, and we’ll all look out for you.”
I couldn’t help but tear up a bit, and I gave them both a hug in thanks. “I just have one question... This isn’t magical, like our Valkyries secrets, is it?”
Lashawna laughed. “No girl, it isn’t magical. It’s just nylon and spandex from Earth.”
“Thanks!”
After that, Lashawna, Grunne and I talked about our experiences with our changes – how I’d felt when I’d first changed into the androgynous version of me – and when I’d fully changed to save my dad. Grunne told me about her first cross gender change in the 14th century – A Christian monk named Aldis of Cromwell had taken up the sword to defend a Viking village from bandits – and became her host. Lashawna was ecstatic about her change – and her Symbiote, Kinde, apparently made an effort to find valiant Trans-Women as her hosts, so she could gift them with a body they deserved.
A few hours passed, and dinner time approached. Lashawna smirked – and so did Grunne, and I knew something was up.
“What gives?” I asked.
“You’ve never been to the feasting halls of Valhalla, have you, Sannyr?” Grunne asked.
“No... Oh my gods! You mean Valhalla is the dining hall?!”
“Where else do you expect the Einherjar and Valkyries to eat? A common cafeteria?” Lashawna laughed. “Hey girls! It’s Sannyr’s first time going to the Feast hall! What say we accompany her and show her how its done!”
Cheers erupted from the common room, and in moments, Grunne, Lashawna and I were swept away by a gaggle of Valkyries, all gossiping about their first night in the mead-halls of Valhalla. I didn’t know what to expect – but I was starting to suspect I was being dragged off to a rave where supper was served.
I grinned from ear to ear. I was surrounded by my sisters, and I was going to dine in heaven with the gods. I had never even dreamed of this moment, and now it was becoming real. I didn’t know what to expect – but I didn’t care. I was going to sup with angels in heaven... It was one of the greatest moments of my life. I gladly went with them.