Grandma Gowdie's days are not just filled with baking and sowing and napping and scuttling off goblins. Even a lovable old grandma like that of Gowdie could get in a little trouble every now and again. It was only a matter of time before trouble came to find her, and one day, it did with three heavy strikes at her door.

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

"Crone of this hut, you are charged with heresy against the Royal Crown and sentenced to execution. Let me in! Let me in!"

Grandma Gowdie yelled back, "No! No! No! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin."

The angry voice on the other side of the door shouted again, "If you don't open, I will huff, and I will puff, and I will blow your house down!"

Grandma Gowdie quickly searched within her little hut until she found the ratty red riding hood still unclean with the crimson of the girl who wore it long ago. She threw the hood over herself and returned to the pewter cauldron of glowing yellow on her stove.

The angry voice shouted out even more angrily than before, "You have until the count of three to come out!"

Grandma Gowdie turned to her goblins and spoke quickly as the countdown was upon her. "I have one last task for you two creatures before we may go our separate ways. The task is threefold and must be done exactly in the order which I say."

The wolf bellowed, "One!"

"By the stew with which I brew, you must quadrice deny what you never knew."

"Two!"

"By the snake which never sates and has its poison composed of two. You one must be all, and through it have all; by it is all, and if you have not all, then all is nothing."

"Three!"

"Finally, you must bake from this stew your desire anew!"

Outside, there was a huff, and there was a puff. Swiftly, Grandma Gowdie grabbed her robes in a tuft, pinched her nose, and, with the red hood atop her head, hopped into the glowing cauldron and melted into a red paste. Handful and Graceless were mortified but could do nothing as the old woman dissolved away, and a wolf wearing royal regalia blew the door in with such a gust it tore the whole hut apart.

The two lowly goblins, with nothing but the names bestowed onto them, quivered in fear as a wolf with notched ears and fangs as long as knives stormed through the destroyed shack, his armour rattling with every step. He looked all over the ruined cabin but could not find any Grandmas.

The wolf snarled at the terrified goblins. "Pitiful creatures, tell me where the witch calling herself Kleopatra has run off to, or I will gobble you up!"

Terrified, Handful and Graceless hugged each other. "Sir Wolf, Sir Wolf, we know not of this person. We've never seen, never heard, nor never thought of no Kleopatra before."

The wolf could smell the goblins' fear but could not smell any lies. "Fine, since I smell nothing but the truth from you, I will let you miserable things go." The angry wolf stormed off to huff and puff down some other grandma's house.

Graceless and Handful sighed in relief, having escaped with their lives, but Grandma Gowdie was now gone. Looking at the cauldron she jumped in, they found it completely empty save for a small red rock at the bottom. Graceless took the rock. It fit easily in her tiny hands, was soft like putty, held the heft of a fat cat, and smelled of brimstone.

Graceless and Handful stood in the ruined hut which had been their home over the past seasons and smiled. Grandma Gowdie was gone, no more being told what to do, nor how to do it. No more punishments for staying up late, or eating too much candy, or accidentally killing villagers. Graceless pocketed the strange red stone, and the two returned to their lives in the wild.

On the first day, the brother and sister ran freely through the underbrush and across the canopy, chasing squirrels and eating whatever they could catch.

With the rise of the first moon, as the sibling goblins settled in a stolen burrow, they were not happy. Their food was raw and lean, the day hot and sticky, and the forest so full of bugs that even the small snakes would bite their tails in stress.

Worst yet, they had nothing important to do, no traps for Handful to craft, and no people for Graceless to mock. As one elbow jabbed into the other, and the mosquitoes picked at their exposed toes, the two agreed, "We don't miss Grandma Gowdie one bit. She was mean, and bossy, and no good. We can do whatever we want without her."

On the second day, the two goblins visited a local town to rustle. When they arrived, they found all the townsfolk gathered outside the bakery. The people were shouting, "This is an outrage! How could such an evil woman throw children into an oven? Never has a more wicked deed been done."

One of the townsfolk spotted the two goblins listening and called to them. "You two fowl beasts. Surely, all you dark monsters know one another. Tell us where Maria the Copt is so we may burn her at the stake!"

Handful and Graceless denied the wrathful mob. "Angry townsfolk, Angry townsfolk, we know not of this person. We've never seen, never heard, nor never thought of no Maria the Copt before."

The crowd heard their pleas, "Fine, since we hear nothing but the truth from you, we will let you miserable things go." The two goblins were forced out of the village, leaving the people behind in their ire.

Then night came, and the two siblings found an abandoned cabin made entirely of candy. What at first seemed like a wonderful shelter proved quickly the opposite: the cabin was riddled with holes letting in the biting wind. Without a fire to warm them, it was so cold that even the medium-sized snakes would bite their tails in stress. The two siblings huddled close and agreed, "We don't miss Grandma Gowdie one bit. She was mean, and bossy, and no good. We can do whatever we want without her."

On the third day, the goblins wandered by the city's outskirts, hoping for adventure to invite, when they came across a beautiful derelict queen in nothing but her undergarments with two equally beautiful children following her by hand. She was dirty and bruised from running all night, and the children were still groggy from having been foisted from their beds. When the runaway queen spotted the goblins, she hid her children behind herself and shouted at them. "Monsters, has the malevolent Medera sent you? I will not let her or her conniving man eat my Sun and Moon nor have themselves of me. Ne'er has a more wicked deed been done, and ne'er again will I let flax prick me to awaken the woes of my sleep! "

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Handful and Graceless denied the paranoid mother, "Distraught woman, distraught woman, we know not of this person. We've never seen, never heard, nor never thought of no Medera before."

The woman hugged her children close and glared at the goblins, "Fine, since I see nothing but the truth from you, I will let you miserable things go." And the runaway group disappeared into the woods.

Night came again, and the two siblings found an abandoned palace covered in briar-rose to be their home. The briar-rose was everywhere, and it pricked and stabbed and stung so much that even the big snakes would bite their tails in stress. The goblins laid on the cold cobble, with thorns stabbing into their backs, and they agreed, "We don't miss Grandma Gowdie one bit. She was mean, and bossy, and no good. We can do whatever we want without her."

On the fourth day, the goblins went to the prairies, where magic was said to be abound and all manner of things could speak, even those that shouldn't. Maybe they could find some fun in a talking tree or stalk of wheat. Instead, the siblings found a young lady, her fingers bleeding and her skin pockmarked with the burns of boiling tar that still clung to her hair and clothes.

The ruined girl spotted the two goblins and yelled, "More minions of that horrible Paphnutia, are you? Well, you can tell that slave-driving witch that I'll work no more for her. I will not spin, nor dust, nor tend anything that is more befitting of a cindered servant. My effort is worth more than her greatest of riches. Never has a more wicked deed been done. Why not take my pretty, tireless sister if she is so good?"

Handful and Graceless denied the woman, "Lazy girl, lazy girl, we know not of this person. We've never seen, never heard, nor never thought of no Paphnutia before."

The girl had no will to argue with the goblins and spat, "Fine, since I feel nothing but the truth from you, I will let you miserable things go."

The night came, but the goblins could find no home for where to sleep. The sky was getting darker, the wind sharper, and through the veil of black they could hear predators lurking. Not having a home or a place to be safe was so stressful that even the largest snake in the world would bite his tail in stress.

As it would so be, through their meandering in the dark of night, the two goblins did indeed find the largest snake in the world. It was a terrible beast, taller than a mountain and long enough to wrap around the world twice over. With his eyes the size of moons, the snake quickly spotted the goblins in the dark. He let go of his tail and spoke to them, "Little green children, why have you bothered me in my meal? I am so hungry that even this speech anguishes me." As soon as the snake finished speaking, he bit down on his tail again to resume his meal.

When Handful and Graceless saw the enormity of the serpent, they collapsed in terror. "Oh, please, unfathomable monster, do not harm us. We meant you no bother; we were simply searching for a place to rest the night."

The snake chewed a while longer on his tail before an idea came, and he spoke back, "Rest in my mouth, then. My body is warm and will shield from the elements; my power is great and will ward off predators."

Graceless sneered at the trickster snake, "You cannot deceive us. You plan to eat us so you may sate yourself on our meagre bones. Your fangs will tear us to pieces, and your venom dissolve our flesh."

The snake replied, "I am far too large for you to be anything more than a mote of dust. As for my venom, one part is in one fang, and the other is in the second. Either venom is like water without the two fluids mixing, and my fangs are so large I could never bite you with both at once. Come and rest within my insides, and you will be safe this night."

Handful and Graceless hummed and hawed but eventually decided, "Fine, since we sense nothing but the truth from you, we will go within you."

The snake bared its tower-like fangs, Graceless held hands with Handful and clasped the red rock in her pocket. They all entered the monster.

The many sharp spires of teeth scared the goblins, so they walked further into the beast until the cavern of flesh expanded into a river of steaming yellow liquid.

The goblins found a stranded boat with a bed in its cabin, where they finally felt comfortable. It was warm in this place, with large beds and no bugs, and finally, Graceless said, "I do miss Grandma Gowdie. She was mean, and bossy, but she cared and tended to us. I would do anything to be with her." and Handful agreed.

The next day, the two awoke and went to leave but could not remember which direction they had come from. They chose at random and set down the muscular tunnel. As they walked, the serpent passage grew larger and larger, and the river expanded to a lake with a ceiling so high they could only see pink above them.

They walked around the lake until they came to a moss-laden swamp. Above them, the pink ceiling was so high, clouds drifted by. They walked through the swamp until, eventually, it rose into a deep, lush forest; the ceiling above lost to their sight beyond a haze of blue. They travelled through the dark forest until they came across the world's largest serpent biting upon his own tail. With his eyes as large as moons, he easily spotted the approaching goblins. "Hello again; I hope you enjoyed your rest, even if my insides don't make the most pleasant abode. I wish you the best in finding a place you may call home. Now leave me be to my meal."

Graceless pulled out and pondered the red stone in her pocket. "We should bake something anew from this stone in memory of Grandma Gowdie's wishes."

The goblins sought out a village baker. When they found the pastry place, an old lady welcomed them in. She was old and wizened, with a harsh but kind demeanour that reminded them very much of Grandma Gowdie. They thought surely she could bake their desire anew.

The old lady thought it was strange that two goblins would ask her to bake with a red rock, but they looked so forlorn, and she was such a kindly old lady, she obliged them.

First, she crushed the rock and ground it down until it was a red powder. Then, she purified the powder, and she sieved and sieved until it was spotless red. Then, she fixed the powder with some sugar and spices until it made beautiful rose-coloured dough. Finally, she placed it in the oven, and it rose and rose until the rose dough rose into steamy loaves of wonderfully sweet and savoury bread.

When it was all finished, and the goblins could barely stand to wait any longer, the granny baker opened the oven. Handful and Graceless held their breath as they expected to see Grandma Gowdie pop out. But when the kindly old lady turned, she only placed before them sweet red bread. "Here you are; never before have I ever seen a more delicious seeming pastry. You are two very lucky goblins."

Handful and Graceless only sadly looked at the delicious goods, "Not lucky enough. We are not hungry anymore. Give this nonsense treat to whatever child comes wanting their sweet tooth filled. This is not what we desired." And so the goblins left with tears in their eyes.

For a few hours, they wandered aimlessly, feeling lost and without purpose. In their meandering, Graceless spied a young child crying on the side of the road, her hair wet with red. "Look, Handful, a defenceless little girl. Robbing fools would always bring us cheer."

Handful didn't feel like mugging anyone, let alone a crying child, but thought he should give it a try all the same. As they approached, the girl's cries only made them feel sadder. They had done so much and seen so many great adventures that abusing a small child did not seem like fun anymore, not without their Grandma Gowdie around. By the time they reached the girl they actually felt sympathy for her, and even stranger still, they asked if she needed help.

The girl rubbed back her tears as she spoke, "I was attacked. They beat me over the head and stole my basket of baking and my finest riding hood."

Unused to playing the consoling sympathizer, Handful sat beside the girl and told her, " We can devise a plot to trap your attackers."

The girl sputtered a laugh between tears. "That sounds like too much of a Handful."

Graceless sneered, " We could beat your attackers over the head like they did you."

The girl looked up to the older goblin; she wiped the last few dried tears from her cheeks and spoke, "That sounds too Graceless."

The young girl dabbed at her bleeding head and slowly stood with the help of the two goblins, placing a supporting hand on either shoulder. She took a wobbling step. "Maybe we should try something new. We've had enough fun in this land. I heard of a new world to the west where they are having a problem with monkeys that fly."