Rob snapped his fingers, and she suddenly found herself sitting at a table with a tea set neatly laid out on it, alongside a mountain of treats, (as if she could even think about something like eating right now, well obviously she could, the hard bit was not thinking about it now she'd started. As an intangible being could she even eat? Would she gain weight? Now it was tempting to try, just to see what would happen if she did, but maybe focusing on the entity capable of ripping her soul from the void before thinking about the little things like cupcakes would be a good idea right now.)
“I am what you would call, in mortal terms a god, lower case G mind you, the distinction is important. Now loath as I am to admit it, that means that I answer to a higher power, a big G if you will. He asked me to recruit you, or send you to what comes next should you refuse, I do so hope you don’t follow through on a silly idea like that though. The boss would really not appreciate your refusal, and it is definitely in your best interests not to irritate a God, they know how to hold a grudge. It’s your choice, but a refusal would likely be an uphill battle, pushing a boulder, for all eternity, so I highly advise you think carefully, capisce?”
“I see,” she replied, it seemed simple enough so far, “and this involves me how?”
“PATIENCE, I’m getting to that.” Rob snapped, not in a serious way thankfully, thinking about it she doubted he did anything seriously, and sincerely hoped after that little mask slip earlier that he never would, he seemed like the sort of individual for whom severity came with consequences. “Now, my employer suffers from the most unfortunate condition an immortal can suffer from.”
“That being?”
“Boredom” Rob replied with a smirk, “when you get to be a few billion years old things get a little tedious, especially if you are constantly babysitting the same handful of worlds, and dealing with the same old problems, from the same kinds of mortals over, and over, and over again. It’s like an eternity of weeding.”
“So let me get this straight, what you want is for me to act as some kind of cosmic jester, and ripped my soul out of the void because your boss was BORED?” She snapped. She wasn't even sure if she technically had a head at the moment and this guy had somehow made it ache. She was scared, confused, but most of all ANGRY. This smug git was not helping in that regard. But at least she wasn’t in quite as much trouble as she could have been. Without her body, her emotions were muted enough that she hadn’t hauled off and punched him one. (Probably just as well, as clobbering a god, either big G or little g didn’t seem like a good plan, though how much trouble she would have been in would likely vary on a case-by-case basis.)
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
“Well more like a little monkey balancing on a ball, an amusing little diversion. If you prefer I could send you downstairs to work off your debt.”
“Oh gee that sounds so tempting, PASS, so I’m getting isekai’ed with some kind of cheat power or something? Cause having read some of that crud I have to say I have zero desire to be involved in that mess, even if the alternative is hell.”
Rob cackled at that, “Oh you mortals still genuinely believe that happens? Seriously? Why would we do something pointless like that? Your struggles are what make you lot so fun to play with, plus as I already explained to you our boss manages that world. Transferring heroes is all well and good in theory, but all that nonsense does is leave a hell of a mess to clean up later, and usually a whiny, entitled demigod brat who will lean on daddy for everything. Then probably either try to supplant his role in the realm or get all Oedipal.”
At that he rolled his eyes, looking a little ticked at the thought, (probably the most genuine emotion he had expressed this entire discussion come to think of it. This must be the cosmic equivalent of being sent out for milk and cigarettes. She couldn’t help but wonder how many times he had been sent out on little jobs like this.)
“Why would we want that mess? Cheat powers just imbalance things, and that leads to paperwork and legendary weapons that have to be kept track of. It’s more trouble than it’s worth. Of course, some of the more incompetent lesser gods still try it on occasion, playing with mortals was something of a trend in your old world a few millennia ago. Mainly just for fun though. These days your gods don’t bother, the mess your so-called “heroes” leave behind is always such a pain, besides even the most creative things they could cook up pale in comparison to how thoroughly you lot mess with each other. It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic.”
“Then what do you want me for?” She asked, this was getting confusing now, and she was beginning to think back on chess games, wondering if this was how the pawns felt. (She sucked at chess, partially because there was nobody to play with her, and partially because even if there was she hated sacrificing the little pieces, now she was thinking back on it she wondered if, with sentient pawns, the chess board would rapidly go full-on revolution. Hell as a newly aware pawn herself she’d support it.
“Oh that’s simple,” Rob replied with another grin, “we want you to make, and spread stories.”
At that she felt her nonexistent heart quicken, she sat back and did her best to look nonchalant, (she had to do her best to get the most out of this mess after all.) “OK” she said, pouring herself a cup of tea, “now you have my attention.”