6 Weeks Ago
Holy shit fuck! Alera’s mind raced as she followed Ethan and Miguel back to the Disorder Guild Hall. What had originally been planned as a quiet night, just the two of them, had quickly turned sour. But hopeful.
Caleb’s unexpected intrusion into their dinner had been most unwelcome, but the news he shared had been the only thing that had let him leave the Greenbriar unscathed. If he meant what he’d implied, then there was a very good chance they could rescue Leah’s husband, Tae-Won, tomorrow.
“I’m going to go talk to Leah,” Alera broke away from Ethan and Miguel, heading directly to Leah’s room as soon as they entered.
She paused at the door and took a deep breath before knocking, she had no way of knowing how the depressed Druid would respond to what she was about to hear.
“Leah, hon, you okay?” Alera’s hand trembled as she knocked gently on her friend’s door. As usual, there wasn’t any response.
Fuck it, she thought to herself, this is too important. She twisted the knob and entered the room, irregardless of the lack of invitation
“Leah?” She asked quietly to the darkened room.
“Go away!” Leah shouted at her, throwing a pillow across the room. She was huddled on her bed, the same place she’d been when Alera had brought her breakfast. The plate of cold and congealed eggs and sausage was still on the bed next to her, completely untouched.
“Leah, I need to tell you something,” she cautiously approached the bed, slowly taking a seat next to Leah.
“When we were at lunch, a representative from Paul came to see us, about the gold,” she began tentatively.
Leah said nothing.
“And, well, he insinuated that when we pay them tomorrow, um,” Alera hesitated. Tae-Won’s name hadn’t been mentioned directly, she wanted to make sure she wasn’t giving Leah any false hope. “He said, well implied really, that once we pay them, they’re going to release Tae-Won.”
Leah hugged her knees tighter to her body but still didn’t say anything.
“Leah, honey, did you hear me?” Alera asked patiently, reaching out to rub her friend’s back. Leah’s red hair was matted and greasy as it clung to her sweat stained shirt.
She sat in silence, slowly rubbing her friend’s back, as Leah rocked and sobbed.
“Do you believe him?” Leah’s quiet response was unexpected and muffled.
“I’m sorry?”
“Do you believe him?” Leah said again, this time more clearly, as she raised her head from her knees. Her eyes were red and almost swollen shut, her skin looked greasy, except for where her constant tears had run rivulets down her sunken cheeks.
“I….I don’t know,” She wanted to be hopeful, for Leah’s sake, but she also didn’t want to lie to her. She honestly felt that the chances of Paul and Caleb actually delivering on their promise of returning Leah’s husband were pretty slim. “I want to say yes, but I just don’t know, Leah.”
“I don’t,” Leah’s head sagged back to her knees, Alera could hear her sobbing again.
“Even if he’s lying,” Alera hugged Leah towards her, “it could be a chance to get a new lead.”
“Oh great,” Leah sat back up, releasing her legs, and rolled her eyes in exasperation. “A ‘lead’ that won’t go anywhere.”
“Hey, we have to have hope,” she tried to pull the Druid closer to her again, but Leah resisted.
“My hope is gone,” she stated flatly. “Slowly killed once we left Anvasa and extinguished a month ago in a courtroom.”
“Hey, don’t say-“
“I want you to leave,” Leah cut her off, staring straight ahead at the wall opposite her.
“Are you sure?” Alera didn’t move to get up, the few times Leah had actually spoken to her over the last month had all ended the same, angry demands for Alera to leave.
“Yes,” Leah began to nod her head harshly, but stopped. “No, wait.”
“What is it?” She moved closer to Leah, this was something new.
“If I… I want to ask you something,” Leah looked at her expectantly. Something about her face had changed in a second. The listlessness, even if it was temporary, disappeared, replaced with a determined and fierce look.
“Okay…” Alera waited for her to continue.
“I don’t have any hope left,” Leah began. “No expectations, no ideals, nothing. But I have you.”
“Yes, you do,” Alera smiled at her, glad to see even just a glimpse of her old friend resurfacing.
“I don’t think Paul will bring Tae-Won tomorrow,” Leah shook her head, “and even if he does, I don’t believe he will let him go.”
Alera remained silent. She’d had the exact same thoughts, but hadn’t wanted to put that dark thought out into the universe.
“Will you… will you follow him?” Leah looked at the rogue sitting next to her. “Without anyone knowing? Find Tae-Won and help us rescue him?”
“Of course,” Alera smiled again, “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” She sighed. “I’ll just have to let Ethan know I’m going to be gone for a while.”
“No,” Leah shook her head. “You can’t tell anyone, not even Ethan.”
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“Leah-“
“No, if you tell him, he won’t be able to hide it from Paul.” She shook her head again. “And if Paul finds out, he’ll just move Tae-Won again.”
“I…” Alera couldn’t find words. What Leah was asking of her was more than she had ever expected.
“I know, it’s a lot,” Leah nodded sadly, “but I don’t see any other way.”
“You’ve thought about this a good bit, haven’t you?” Alera asked softly, leaning away from Leah as she watched her.
“I have wracked my brain thinking of anything,” she slammed her fists into the bed. “Anything that we could do, anything to get some edge or help. And this is all I’ve come up with.” She took a deep breath, ”Paul will know about your relationship with Ethan, and he’ll see this as a lucky opportunity to hurt him even more.”
“What you’re asking…” she trailed off. “It’s going to destroy Ethan.”
“I know,” Leah answered sadly. “Do you love him?”
Alera was stunned, unable to answer her immediately. Ethan had told her he thought he loved her weeks ago, but she hadn’t been able to answer him. But the truth was, she did love him. Whether it was because of the situation they found themselves in, or anything else, she had fallen quick and hard in love with Ethan.
“Yes,” she finally said quietly.
“And you’ve known him for six weeks?” Leah’s question was determined, the most emotion Alera had heard in her voice in weeks. “But you would do anything for him?”
Alera nodded, tears forming in her own eyes.
“Multiply that by six years,” Leah stared at her. “The pain and the longing and never knowing when or if you’re going to see him again. Is your love for Ethan more than mine for Tae-Won?”
“That’s not fair,” Alera protested as she stood up, but Leah shut her down.
“You are the only one who wouldn’t be suspected,” she continued. “Anyone else and Paul would know it’s a ruse.”
“You’re not just asking me to leave, to disappear” She slapped the bed with both of her hands. “You’re asking me to just abandon him and not tell him why!”
“No,” Leah shook her head, “I’m asking for more than that.” She sighed again. “You have to do it publicly, in front of everyone. So Paul doesn’t have any reason to doubt its sincerity.”
“That’s not better!” Alera’s tears began pouring out. “You want me to break his heart, in front of everyone who he cares about, along with the people who hate him! It’s too much! He won’t ever forgive me!”
“He will,” Leah reached over and grabbed her hand. “When you come back, with news about Tae-Won, I’ll take responsibility and I’ll make it right. For both of you.”
“You would willingly hurt one of the people closest to you?” Alera’s question was almost accusatory. She had never expected that the previously warm and loving Leah could be so heartless.
“To get my husband back, yes.” Leah nodded slowly. “There isn’t a single thing I would do to get him home to me.”
“If I do this,” Alera said quietly after nearly a minute of silence, “you have to promise to keep him safe.”
“I will,” Leah squeezed her hand. “And I will do everything to make it right.”
“Just…” Alera wiped a tear from her eye, “just make sure he’s still here when I come back.”
“I promise.” Leah answered her solemnly, “Thank you, Alera.”
Alera didn’t sleep well that night. She spent the entire time holding Ethan close and sobbing silently. She knew exactly how much pain she was about to inflict on him the next day, and it prevented her from sleeping.
At some point in the middle of the night, when she was sure Ethan was sound asleep, she leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. He had been tossing and turning all night, but finally he was resting.
“I want you to know, I love you Ethan,” she whispered into his ear, a tear falling into his dark brown hair. “And I am sorry. I hope that, one day, you can forgive me.
The beautiful day was marred by what Alera knew she was about to do. All of her friends were on edge and they hadn’t noticed that she was being extra quiet. She had gone out of her way to avoid him all morning. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at him.
When Sam had announced they should leave, Alera had busied herself quietly removing all her belongings from the room she’d been sharing with Ethan for the last month. She left the dragon portrait she’d bought him, hoping he would take it as a subtle sign that she wasn’t gone forever.
“Wait!” Alera’s voice shocked even herself as she yelled out, interrupting Paul’s taunting. Her heart was racing as she forced the words out of her mouth. “I need to say something.”
She barely was able to get through the words she’d practiced over and over in her own head until she finally said them outloud.
“I want out. Of all of this.” Her chest felt tight as she betrayed the only people in the entire game who had treated her with kindness. “I don’t know you and I don’t really know what has happened, but this wasn’t what I signed up for when I first joined this guild.”
The lie hurt even as it came out of her mouth.
She hadn’t known what would happen, but as she’d fallen in love with Ethan, she’d also come to love everyone else in Disorder.
Alera barely recognized what Paul was saying, she just mechanically agreed with whatever he said, driving the dagger even farther into the hearts of her friends, of Ethan.
“Traitorous bitch,” she heard Miguel whisper behind her. The venom in his voice seared her soul. She’d been especially fond of the loud mouthed Cleric.
“You know what?” Paul’s malicious eyes twinkled as he grinned. “Done. You leave them right now and you walk away Scott free.”
“Agreed,” Alera heard herself say as her hand moved on its own accord. An alert flashed into her vision.
Confirm: Leave Guild-Disorder?
I’m sorry Ethan, She could feel her eyes begin to water as she tapped the confirm. A second later she turned and walked away. She didn’t look at any of her, in their eyes, former friends' faces as she moved through them. She couldn’t. She knew everyone would be hurting. She couldn’t even bring herself to see the pain she had caused the man she loved. She knew it would break her.
She felt the familiar pull of her Blink Step as she disappeared in a flash of blue light, but she didn’t go far. Just inside the tree line, where she could still keep an eye on the Blood Dragon guild members.
Tears poured from her eyes as she reappeared and fell to her knees. Her hands trembled and she sobbed when she reached for the buckle on her shoulder that attached her armor. With movements formed from habit, she slipped it free, leaving her bare shoulder exposed to the air.
Her other hand fumbled to remove a tiny dagger from her belt. Alera took a deep breath, and pressed it to her exposed skin. She hadn’t cut herself since she’d been with Ethan, she hadn’t felt the desire to.
A jagged red line of blood joined dozens of faint white scars that covered her skin, her shaking hand had slipped.
The exquisite pain cut through her anxiety, momentarily bringing her back to the world and focusing her. She knew this wasn’t healthy behavior, but having betrayed her friends she needed to feel the same pain she’d just inflicted on them.
Alera’s insecurity over self mutilation had prevented a level of intimacy between her and Ethan, and she hated herself for it. Ever the perfect man, he had never pressed it. Never questioned it, he had just loved her unconditionally. And she had just broken his heart.
She sobbed again, and slashed into her arm. It took her four more cuts to regain her focus. Six bloody lines trickled down her arm. A spell or potion would heal the wound and stop the blood, possibly removing the scars as well, but she didn’t want that. She needed the pain and reminders of all the terrible things she’d done.
She finally wiped her tears and resheathed the tiny dagger, just in time to see Paul drive his spear through Tae-Won’s torso. She could hear the blood curdling scream of Leah and saw Ethan sink to his knees.
Guess Leah was right, she grimly thought to herself. She didn’t feel satisfied that her gambit was already starting to pay off, just sadness for the loss once again for her friend.
She saw Paul, Kalinda, Caleb and the unknown Warlock woman disappear in a flash of light. Her plan had been to follow them on horseback, but now they could be anywhere.
“Fuck,” Alera swore angrily. “Now what?”