The title has a question mark at the end when it’s a statement? Why does this question have a period at the end instead.
I’m so confused.
I’m sure that is the first thing you thought when you saw such an unusual title.
Why?
Why is this the title?
That was probably the only reason you started reading this.
Why is it so damn long?
I’m sure you questioned that as well.
Well, the reason is quite simple.
Because the author randomly thought a story revolving around a title like that would be amusing.
What?
That’s it?
Are you freaking kidding me? Give me back the time I spent reading your stupid title and up to this point.
I’m sure those are your feelings after reading up to here.
Let me ask you this before you rage quit and stop reading.
Does spaghetti made out of brains taste good?
…
Sorry, I don’t even know myself why that was the question I came up with. That was literally the first thing that came to my mind. I don’t even know the answer to that question either.
You may be wondering, what is with this story? What is this story even about? Why has this story begun like this?
Well… this story is much deeper than you can imagine. It’s so deeply profound you will be left with your jaw dropped to the floor when I tell you about it.
The story is… nothing in particular.
The story will… go nowhere.
The story will… be all over the place.
The story will be about science. The science of stupid questions.
My teacher once told me there were no stupid questions, but is that really true?
I can’t help but wonder when I hear stupid questions day in and day out.
Why is the sky blue?
Because it is. Who gives a shit? What? Light bounces off the atmosphere at a certain angle and the majority of it that makes it through to us is the blue wavelength after the other wavelengths are filtered off? Does it really affect my life in any way shape or form to know this?
No. For the vast majority of people it does not matter one bit throughout their entire lifetime whether they ever find out the answer to that question. It’s honestly a stupid question that when you know the answer it just becomes common sense.
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The proper question is not why the sky is blue, the real question is why do we even care what color the sky is? The sky could be orange, yellow, red, hell it can even be devoid of color and be black. It can even be a variety of different colours all at once in certain areas of the world.
For all we know we are all colorblind and the sky might not even be blue at all. There are so many other wavelengths and we just arbitrarily chose what is the visible light spectrum based upon human standards. Aren’t we ignorant to ask why the sky is blue when it might not even be blue to begin with?
Blue was just a term we named the color. We could have named blue red and red as blue. They are just names for an occurrence we observe.
Why the hell am I even questioning this by myself and writing about it?
Am I not the one who has become the asker of stupid questions? To question whether questions are stupid, does that not make it a stupid question if there are no stupid questions?
I’m sorry I don’t even understand what I just questioned there. My brain is clearly not large enough to comprehend stupid questions of that degree. It’s a question that makes zero sense as there doesn’t appear to be any correlation between the two parts of the question. See, by that logic there are stupid questions.
I have thus answered the question of whether there are no stupid questions.
Add yet another stupid question that I have destroyed brain cells pondering over.
-100 Brain Cells.
Before I started writing this I was at -109,000 Brain Cells lost, but for simplicity sake I will start over from the point that I started writing this.
Of course that was a lie I pulled straight out of my ass and it was just because I wanted to randomly introduce this loss of brain cell concept into my writing, but the reader does not need to be privy to such facts.
… ah, curse myself for betraying my thoughts and writing out such lies. Don’t worry reader, that previous line was definitely a lie.
If only it was.
Anyways I figure I will answer a few stupid questions before you have the chance to ask them.
How big is your PP?
-50 Brain Cells.
Very small, don’t worry about that.
How high is your IQ?
-100 Brain Cells.
Very small, don’t worry about that. It’s probably 1 or less, maybe even negative in case you were wondering.
How can one have a negative IQ like you?
-200 Brain Cells.
Only I can have such impossible IQ levels.
Why didn’t you just name the story “Stupid Questions by a Dumbass Author?”?
-500 Brain Cells.
… you got me there. I didn’t think of such a big brain title until I wrote that last line.
I guess I know what’s going to make it to the synopsis now. Thank you reader in my head for posing such magnificent stupid questions.
Ehem. Anyways, moving on.
This story will be all about asking stupid questions so don’t be afraid to ask all your stupid questions in the comments down below.
Now back to my stupid questions.
If blood moves through your body fast enough, is it possible to make it boil from heat generated by friction as it moves along the inside of your veins and arteries?
-100 Brain Cells
Ah yes, truly such a masterfully stupid question I have come up with this time.
You may be wondering why in the hell I even want to know the answer to this question. Well it was a question I asked myself when writing a story of course. Stupid dumbass authors ask stupid questions all the time. Anyways, I think it’s probably possible, but just how fast would you blood need to move through your veins for that to happen? If you were in space your blood would boil on its own due to no pressure, but what about when on Earth?
-50 Brain Cells.
What the hell? That’s all the brain cells I lost for that question? Shit. I need even dumber questions I guess.
Well, I’m too lazy to figure out the answer to this question since I’d need to know what the coefficient of friction of veins and arteries. It probably also becomes more complex based upon surface area of different veins and arteries. The amount of modeling and simulating through trial and error that it would take to answer this question I don’t even want to imagine. All for the sake of answering such an idiotic question.
I dare someone to try and come up with a legit looking answer backed by peer reviewed papers for this moronic question that I’m too lazy to answer, that way I can plagiarize your numbers in the other story I was writing before I got distracted by an abundance of stupid questions.
Total Brain Cells Lost From The Start of Lessons in Stupid Questions 101: 1100