Once again, I Elia Sicar would be your host for this chapter, as for the request of my Master to tell you of my story. I shall continue from where my Master have left off from the events that happened in the cave.

Having seen the demise of my precious friend, it pained me to my very core. Even after I cried myself to sleep atop of his dead body, I still felt the pain in my slumber. It was as painful as the time I have lost my family and village. In my sleep after I have collapsed in that accursed cave, faces of my father and mother haunted me, along with the image of Aran’s corpse.

In my nightmare, they asked me why I let them die, and why I was too weak and could not do anything? They blamed me for their deaths and their pains, but most of all, they told me how they were disappointed in me.

They told me how disappointed they are, for me not being able to avenge them. As the figures of my family and friend bombarded me with hateful words, I felt something in me once again bending, a thing that I am sure that if it breaks, it would make me lose myself and be driven to madness. Though before it can collapse in the pressure of the burning words of my nightmares, I awoke.

When I opened my eyes, I only saw a blurry image of what I could only guess as the ceiling, I tried to blink away the haziness of my eyes and succeeded, but then I felt something flow on my cheeks that came from my eyes, they were tears and they reminded me of the living hell and nightmare that I just went through, and most importantly, they reminded me of the reality of the death of Aran.

Those few tears that fell was then followed by more and more, me not being able to stop them from falling, and also not being able to deal with the pain in my heart.

Silently I cried, I didn’t care where I was and how I came to be there, I just cried. I let out all of the tears I can and was left empty of tears to cry. Two times I witnessed the end of those precious to me and twice I was not able to do anything, I was the cause of their pain, in both my inability and my struggles, the blood of their lives was clearly on my hands. And so I let go, I let go of the will to continue on.

That was when I noticed that I was inside a room; a proper one. It was like one of those rooms in the mansion of Aran’s master that would be prepared if there is someone had visited and decided to stay for the night. Though I didn’t really cared, I just went and stood up from the bed I was on and walked over to one of the big windows on the walls of the room, when I pushed the curtain to the side of my chosen window, sunlight greeted me.

Even the sun’s light wasn’t able to persuade me to postpone or think over the actions that I decided on. I then opened the window and climbed its frame, it was big enough to accommodate my height, at that time it gave me a small feeling of joy as I thought to myself that finally things are going in my favor for once. With a small smile, I turned my gaze bellow and when I saw that I was four floors up from the ground, I felt lucky.

Satisfied at the sight, I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the faces of those I deemed I harmed; my father and mother, those elves that was in the same wagon that transported me to the slaver’s place of sale, those that was with me in that wretched place, the two elves that was with me when I was bought, the same ones that died because of my defiance, and lastly, Aran.

As I tried to remember all of them, I felt the strength of my legs slowly waning, until finally I fell off. The wind that blew into my face as I approach the ground felt comforting, for me it was a sign that finally I wouldn’t cause anyone more pain.

But that small comfort of mine was then taken away when I felt a hand grasp my right leg, it was firm but soft at the same time, it was even strong enough to not let me slip even for a little. After a second the hand then pulled me up into the window and proceeded to haul me back in the room, it happened so fast that I was not able to resist.

Sprawled on the ground, I then lifted my body with my arms and looked behind me to see who pulled me away from my rest. There I saw woman who carried an air of authority, she has brown hair and has eyes of leafy green, she also has long flowing blue robes as clothing that reached her ankles. Her powerful presence was slightly marred however by her current body position, she was on all fours on the ground and she was heaving, trying to catch her breath.

As the woman tried to gather her lost air, I inspected her; she doesn’t look like she would have enough strength to pull me up based on how thin her arms and legs where, and even if she did have enough strength to pull me up, it wouldn’t still have been almost instantaneous. But all of these thoughts was chased away by the irritation that slowly crept into my body, irritation that was enough to force my dried eyes to shed more tears.

Swallowed up by the emotions that stirred me, I posted a question to the woman. “Why? Why did you stop me?!” I exclaimed. She did not flinch even after bearing the full force of my voice and ill will, instead, she corrected her posture and sat on the floor with her legs bent under her.

Once seated, instead of answering, the woman just looked me in the eyes; her gaze deep enough to see into my soul. I flinched when I noticed her soul searching stare and forced myself to avert my eyes to prevent her from seeing more of me. But somehow, in that moment that she tried to look into my deepest parts, I felt comforted; a feeling I long have since forgotten.

Though, that feeling reminded me that I am not worthy of such things, for I should be punished for the harm brought and lives that I’ve and ended. If I still have a lot of tears to cry, my face would have been a flowing river at that time. The woman saw this but didn’t do anything, she just sat there and stared at me, though I can tell by the look in her eyes that she knew what came to me.

Trying to divert myself from the blue robed woman, I asked again. “Why?” This time she finally answered. “Because I do not want to waste the efforts of those who have saved thee.” Came her reply. Those words reminded me of Aran and his last moments, he protected and saved me, that was his last act. Gritting my teeth, the anger that blossomed inside my heart towards myself but then directed itself to the woman.

I glared at her with everything I have but it didn’t fazed her even slightly, it seems like she knew that the anger and hatred I was pointing at her was not because of her and that it was more like these feelings were for myself alone. Frustration then came as everything I threw at the woman that seems to not be affected at all and that she was deflecting it back to me; the rightful target of all the emotions that I released.

Knowing no ways to relieve myself of the frustration, I slammed my right arm at the floor to vent out my feelings. One did not satisfy me and so I did it again and again until my arm was bleeding and bruised, the woman didn’t stopped me and just closed her eyes as I was pummeling the solid ground.

When I finished and exhausted from both effort and pain, she opened her eyes again and started to heal my injured arm with her water magic. It confirmed to me that she knew what my feelings were.

Once again I felt the comfort that came to me when she looked into my eyes, the water that enveloped my arm was gentle and soothing, things that became foreign to me. The feelings that I am experiencing cooled my burning heart and help me calm down, but soon the calmness became too much for me to bear.

Feeling only pain and hatred had dulled my heart and erased the gentleness that my mother had taught me, and feeling the gentleness almost on par with that of my mother’s has broken that dullness and allowed me to once again ‘feel’. It seems like that same gentleness melted the parts of my heart that helped me withstand all the bad things that happened to me, and it made me break down and pour everything out.

Seeing this, the woman with brown hair crawled to me and embraced me, an embrace full of sympathy and with full knowledge of what I’ve been through, like she had went through it herself. I didn’t felt any trace of pretending either, it was pure compassion for a fellow victim. I soon found myself returning the embrace as I cried tearless on her chest. How I wished that I had tears to shed to help wash away every bit pain I felt, oh how I missed the warmth of someone’s full understanding of my burdens.

The woman’s compassion helped me cleanse myself, I may not be able to become whole as I was before everything was taken away from me but her mercy allowed me to rest my withered spirit. I don’t know how long I cried in her chest, but after I have calmed down I felt so weak; I have drained myself to the point that standing up would need some effort. Seeing that I have calmed myself, the woman released me from her embrace and stood up, she then offered her hand to me which then I took.

As she supported me, I stood up on my weak legs with most of the effort coming from the woman, once I was on my feet, she spoke. “I have prepared for thee a meal and clothing, thou have been in a deep slumber for 3 days, ye would have to regain thy strength for thine own betterment.” Came her words.

Hearing that, Aran came into my mind, with the guilt inside of me still not completely washed away, I became worried of what his body’s condition would be after being left in the open for 3 days. With panic rising in my mind, I asked the brown haired woman of the condition of my friend. “Where is Aran?! I need to find him!” I exclaimed, before I was able to run off and stumble on my weak legs, the woman caught me and answered my questions.

“Fear not, thy friend resting his head here in our land in peace. We would not let a soul disturb his eternal slumber to honor his good works.” She said as a reply, even feeling that her words were true, I was not able to take reign of my emotions and was about to ask to be let go but then the woman continued. “I Lira the wife of Koor whom is the helm of this city, giveth my word that I would accompany thee to where he lays, however I would first ask thee to take a small rest and partake of the meal that has been prepared for thee. I am certain that thy friend would not want to see thee in a sorry state.”

The last past of her words struck me. She was right, showing my face where Aran grave, looking worst than when he saved me would do nothing than insult his sacrifice for me, and so I complied. The woman who introduced herself as Lira then helped me get back to my bed; resting being the first choice I chose over food. A soon as I was comfortable I felt myself drifting away, and soon I found myself in the world of dreams.

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This time, I didn’t saw any nightmare, instead I dreamed of the joyful memories I had with everyone I cared about. My emotions was stirred between happiness and sadness, but I felt no trace of anger and hatred that I grew accustomed to. Soon I awoke, the first thing I noticed was that my sleep has taken the better half of the day, confirmed when I saw the reddish light that peeked out of the windows’ curtains. The light invited me with its soft rays to see what the cloths that hang before the window.

I accepted the soft invitation and stood up from my bed, I felt the strength I lacked before has returned and for that I am grateful. What greeted me was a city of granite buildings that stood like art sculptures; one can see the effort employed in creating these structures, what more added to the beauty of the city was the paved cobblestone sidewalks and concrete roads. At their sides metal poles of great craftsmanship lined the road which I witnessed providing light as the rays of the sun finally left.

It was a city of wonder and it is a wonder how I didn’t notice it before. As I was admiring the scenery, I spotted a group of people, they were talking happily but I found something peculiar about them. They are covered in full sets of armors from head to toe but they also wore fabric clothing above their armors. And what more was that they were not carrying any weapons, it was like they are just living a normal day.

As the peculiarities of my surroundings boggled my mind, the door of my room opened, having been trained by Aran as a personal guard like him, I took a stance and prepared myself for battle, but then when the person that emerged from the door shown her face, I relaxed. It was Lira, the wife of the Chief of the city.

She carried with her a cart full of food that ranged from bread to grilled meat. The smell of the cuisine then invaded the whole room and when the scent found its way to my nose my stomach gave a loud growl as if telling everyone that can hear that it needs to do its work. With a small giggle, Lira then pushed the cart towards the foot of the bed, she then motion for me to sit which I obeyed. After only giving me the eating utensils for a second, I almost lunged at the plate that was set in front of me, I may have done so if not for Lira catching me and holding my shoulders.

I was confused as to why she did that, so I looked her in the eyes, that’s when I saw a sad smile on her face, she then spoke to me. “First, give ye thanks for the blessing in front of thee.” Came her gentle words. Again, her words shook me to my core. As I suffered in the hands of my captors. I never once uttered a prayer of thanks giving to my Creator, in those times, I only had disdain for the people around me, and so I reasoned to myself that the food that they were giving me were nothing more than a way to keep me alive for me to suffer more.

Looking back, I stopped praying the moment that my village was raided. Another wave of guilt washed over me, it was one of the strictest teaching my late mother and father taught me, but I have neglected it. And so, I prepared myself to pray; I placed my right hand to the middle of my chest, my palms open, I then closed my eyes and raise my head up.

The moment that I opened my mouth to speak, memories of my suffering overwhelmed me, it was so sudden that I found myself unable to utter a single word, doubt then entered my heart and questions entered my thoughts; questions on why I would pray to a being that had left me to suffer. But as I slowly drowned in these doubts, I heard Lira’s voice.

“O great Creator of heavens and earth, I give unto thee my gratitude and my thanks for the food and sustenance that thou hath given us, I thank thee for the opportunity to meet a person who I can raise my helping hands unto and lift her up. I ask thee that thou shalt grant me the strength necessary for me to help in her healing. This all I pray unto thee, O great Creator.”

The moment that I heard her speak, I opened my eyes and looked at her, she was praying in the same posture that we the Elves only use, she had done so in such perfect manner that I would started to doubt if she really was a human, even the words she used, they were in old Elvish which were difficult for a human to use, let alone speak fluently, but she did just that.

After she finished, she gave me a knowing smile, that’s when I remembered my assumption that she may have experience the same things that I did, maybe even more, but she still gave thanks for the things she have been given. A feeling of shame came to me as these thoughts came, but once again Lira comforted me, she reached out and caressed my cheeks, her eyes once again telling me that she knows the things I feel and that she was there for me.

That helped me pull myself up from the depths, as thanks for her prayer for me and her hospitality and help, I dove in the platters she prepared for me. The flavor of each and every meal I ate exploded in my mouth; even after my rescue from the cruel nobility by Aran’s master, I have not been able to taste the food that I ate, all of it for me was dull, I did not know why it was so but eating was a struggle for me, this on the other hand was full of flavor that I have long missed and forgotten.

And so I ate, every bite felt like some pieces of myself returned; pieces of me that I didn’t know was missing. In the middle of my eating session, Lira asked me something. “Is it to thy liking?” To which I answered quickly. “Yes! Yes it is.” I exclaimed. With a bright smile, the green eyed woman then again caressed my cheek; at first I though she just wanted to do it, but then I felt her hand wipe away something wet, it was my tears once again. Confused I looked at Lira with an unsaid question, but she understood and answered.

“I believe thy words, and I am glad to have an opportunity to be of an aid unto thee. It has been a long time from whence I have prepared a meal. It is a pleasure to see that it can still place a smile unto peoples’ faces.” She said, I then felt my lips with my hands and found her words to be true, I was smiling and tears were falling down my cheeks. I attempted to speak but Lira just urged me to continue eating, and so I did.

After my meal, the kind woman then helped me dress myself, once I we were done, she then guided me to where Aran was buried; the building that I was admitted in had few customers and all of them wore armor and clothing over their gear, with the only exception of the young maiden that stood at the front counter. The outside was breath taking but again, I found that the almost all of the residents of this city wore armor from head to toe along with clothing above their protective gear. It was a peculiar sight.

Soon we reached the graveyard on where Lira claims Aran is buried; again I was boggled by the sight. Above a flat grassland, weapons above metal pedestals littered the ground, weapons and shields that still bore the scars of battle. They marked the graves of the ones that lay there, and even with these arms of war made it look like an armory it still gave the place a solemn air.

The woman with brown hair then continued to guide me in silence towards Aran’s grave, as we walked I continued to marvel at the graves that we pass through; all of the weapon markers above them have deep dents and large chips, non were in their pristine state, I first thought that it might have been because of time but then, I saw some people trying to maintain the graveyard by cutting the overgrown weeds and plants around the pedestals and weapons. This made me wonder as to why there was a lot of these kind of graves, were they all soldiers that fell in battle?

My unsaid question was answered by Lira not long after I have thought of it. “All of these graves are for all of those that fought for our freedom. We made their markers out of their weapons as thou has seen, this is our way to remember their sacrifices for our sakes, along with the greatness of their deeds. And we have recognized the greatness of thy friend and for this cause we have erected his weapons amongst our fallen.” She finished.

After she has said that, she pointed forward towards our front, there just a short distance away from us, a grave with a pedestal for a sword and a shield. I recognized the weapon as soon as I laid eyes on it, even though it has dents and chips like the ones before it, I was certain that they were from my beloved friend Aran. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes, both gratitude and pain swirled inside my heart, though, when I started to walk towards the laying place of my friend, I saw the one that has refused to do what I asked him, even after begging him.

He was standing on the side of the grave, his back facing me. A different emotion rooted itself in my heart; hatred. My body then started to tremble as I clenched my hands into a fist, I put so much strength on them that my nails dug wounds on my palm. As I shook in my place, I felt a comforting embrace enveloped me, It somehow melted the growing roots of wrath inside me and it was also enough to distract me and turn my head and tried to look behind me from where the embrace came.

Once again, it was Lira. I then notice the small water particles around the two of us, I was confused at first as to why she was using Magic but soon understood its effects. It was a Spell that helps a person become calm. Again she spoke before I can utter a word. “The bonds we share with others are indeed mighty, it can usher powers that we have no knowledge that we have, though it can also cause pain and lead one to ‘blindness’. I was one of those who once walked ‘blindly’ upon the earth, and caused more pain than that I have felt.” She explained in a soft and low voice. Truth was carried by her words like before, there was no trace of deceit of whatsoever, she had just laid herself bare to me.

“And for that reason, I implore thee o young one, to please open thine eyes and make a Righteous Judgement. I would that ye should open thine eyes and see not only the pain of thine self but also of those around you. To not blindly walk the earth and cause pain that ye have felt and more.” She finished, I didn’t understand what she meant by that but then she asked me to look closely at the man in armor in front of me. Still being in the effects of Lira’s Spell, I cooperated and looked closely at the man.

His armor was odd, it has small cylindrical parts that connected by a rod to the joints of his limbs, his abdominal regions too were too thin for a man’s body to fit, which too was supported by those cylindrical things connected to a rod. There’s also some kind of flexible tubes that ran along some parts of his body. It was peculiar, it was like he’s not a human or any race in particular, it was like someone place a soul inside some kind of puppet. But then as I look closer at him, I noticed that he was trembling, and that his hands were clenched into a fist.

It was like he was suffering from pain but he didn’t look injured, not in the slightest. Confusion then took me as questions started to form in my head. What is he? Why was he in pain? Did he knew Aran before? Is he regretting not helping him? Why was he even visiting Aran’s grave? These questions and a lot more came, I tried to process them but couldn’t come up with a definite answer for any of them. And so I asked one of them out loud. “Who is he?”

Lira who was still embracing me from behind answered my query. “Behold him, he is a soul of a young boy of an age of 17 years placed inside a body of steel. He chose to be there so that he would have strength to fulfil his dream of helping and saving, however, upon waking up, he failed to fulfil his aspirations and was not able to save a Beastman from death. What more, he was not able to comfort the crying Elf that asked him to heal the man of whom he failed. Even more he could not shed tears to wash away all the pain he bears from those failure, even for a moment. In a span of a day he failed himself and others around him even after receiving a means to fulfil his dream, and so, he feels miserable even unto the burning of his own soul.”

With the calmness brought by the Spell of the woman behind me, I was able to ‘hear’ the words she spoke about the man before me. Again all of it was true, not a single word had a taint of lie. Consideration then enveloped me; as young as I was in the terms of how the Elven Race consider age, 78 years is far larger that 17. And bearing burdens of the weight of failure of not only to ones self but to others and it even causing pain and a lose of life is heart breaking. To top it all off, he does not have the ability to even for a little cry and let the pain fall as tear. And there was I, who have not heard the story of the being in front of me; was hell bent on tearing him apart however I can.

Shame struck me with a strength like that of lightning, so much so that I wanted to disappear from existence. All of the things that my loving parents have thought me was cast off as naught and I was even ready to tear down someone who was already buried deep in pain, indeed I was ‘blinded’, I was even ready to inflict pain that is more than that of what I felt. Strength then left my body, I also started trembling, though, not because of ill emotions for others but because of the realization that I have tainted the things that my father and mother have taught me.

There on that night, as a woman who knows my pain embraced me, I cried as I uttered apologies to my late parents and the being in front of me. Though I only said those apologies in a low voice fearing that it would not be enough to compensate for the things that I have thought of and pain that I may have caused.