After practically dragging jolie back to her house and being forced to transmute at least half an ounce of more green leafy stuff for jolie, her countenance went from giggles to all silence and stares at the tv.Rome was to busy to text back it seemed, so i just opted to sit and focus on breathing deeply and calmly as i watched the show,almost an afterthought. At some point I'm unaware of, Jolie had started staring at me with a slightly scared but determined expression underneath the cloudy look in her eyes.
“T, I... I need to ask you a serious question...a few, actually.”
I nodded in consent, silently breathing as I waited for her to formulate the words. It took her a minute before she closed her eyes,took a deep breath,and then looked at me, cloudy eyes gone,replaced by burning orbs and more than a little anger.
“After everything I've heard and seen..i come to the conclusion that everyone sees the light as god,or the source, and darkness as the isolation chamber that brought that source to create to further understand itself.or they believe it to be something like multiple dimensions in one space constantly gravitating towards one another,smacking into each other every few bazillion years, causing big bangs and fueling each other's cycle of universal life,death, and rebirth, but they're all wrong, but all on in the right track..is that good so far?”
I nod in assent, and take note that she came to many of those conclusions herself considering I only told her I'm the leftovers from the mental split darkness and light had over something I can't remember. This girl was way smarter than even I had realized, and she definitely deserved my full attention.
Continuing with a nod and a shaky breath she wrung her fingers,nervousness slipping in, but the anger, it was unbearably focused on me.
“then..doesn't that make you God?”
The last part she practically spit out with animosity. Her fingers were going purple from the bruising of her squeezing so hard. I felt like a shrew in a viper pit.
“No,definitely not creator.but yes,In the whole, we all are a piece of it.” I won't deny I was trying to get the focus of her wrath off me while also telling the truth, but the second the words ’But,yes’ exited my mouth, she had already shot up and took a step my way, the last few bits had come out hurried and my hands were raised defensively.
Sure I could take her easier than snapping twigs with a rockslide, but c'mon, NO ONE likes getting suckerpunched. She was tense, to say the absolute least. “Why is it, that even you are giving me such crap explanations and calling it food as you shove it down my throat?!” she was at this point,visibly shaking, hands clenched so hard her knuckles were white. I immediately stood up, hands still raised in surrender,and spoke slow and as calm as possible. “I get you're angry.you want answers,and I'll tell you what I can,but past a certain scope even I don't know everything.even I'm in the dark,”I grimly smiled inwardly at the pun. Jolie didn't know about Rome being directed to me by the darkness..and only Rome really knew about the man whose existence I wiped. “Jo, you're right. I'm one third of a being so high on the food chain almost nothing else matters..but I'm not actually...god.even the light humans attribute to creation isn't God, just a part. I'm not even sure the light understand more than just..being..” I dropped my hands, my eyes downcast” look just..sit...i’ll tell you what I know, and what isn't a gaping black hole in my memory. But I need you to calm down. Some might be confusing, and like I said before I only know so much. I don't need you to be ready to tear into me when this is frustrating enough.”
For a second,I couldn't see past her rage..she stayed there glaring at me for a very uncomfortable few minutes,but I didn't dare move until she sat. Slowly, she let out a breath,and slowly eased her way back into the couch. She sat for a second, leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, hands clasped and her head down as she breathed. I slowly sat next to her, trying not to touch her or distract her as she diffused her anger. She looked up at me after a while,eyes cold and trying not let slip her still bubbling upset, and nodded for me to continue speaking.
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“okay,” I took a deep breath, thinking of the best approach. “the best way to start this is, well...the difference between light, and darkness, is nothing but difference itself simply given shape.they are the same, just in the sense that they describe the same thing.darkness and light represent a set difference between two sides.the only way to truly describe that is by example.and other than light and darkness themselves, the best example is the brain.”I paused for a moment, allowing Jo time to fully process,after a couple of minutes she signaled me to continue,and I nodded before picking back up.” now, the brain has a left half, and a right half. It has loves, sections, differing pathways both unlocked and shut down depending on each person but still, everyone has those two halves. But, regardless of differences either side has,be it function or origin of a mental problem or reaction, it's all the same squishy gray matter.this is equally so for light and darkness, just made visible.” I push my long, dreaded hair out of my face and try to plan how to deliver the next points of information. “ now the light made all that is, within time and space,ever,here and now, then and there, and back before, whenever. But those a basically coordinate points on a grid, that was made to expand ever onwards,and backwards forever.that is this existence. But if this existence presses toward, and backwards endlessly, then the existence that originally was, was a circle.a point, no grid.and The point is That which we call god,but befor before all this existed, The point was just the point, that simple.” Jo began to quirk and eyebrow, almost as if wondering did I miss the pun, she rolled her eyes at the slight upturned corners of my lips. Oh I never miss a beat with puns.
“Here,” I continued, “is the real issue. If darkness and light are the brain, then I'm the leftovers.the body,the blood,hair,skin, nails, organs,and nearly everything else, of us, what originally led to the source?what composed it? That is actually the easiest to answer.” I tapped my skull for emphasis, “ the source of all is the truth of the mind.that truth is that you, In your body, are actually just driving the meat suit that is yourself.the soul is the energy,the representation of the truth our existence that drives the body too live.the body houses the mind, and the mind subsequently both makes the soul recognize itself, but also gives purpose to the soul.but when the body is killed,the soul is supposed to return to source, and the mind just shuts off, and disappears.consciousness lost. That, is truth.” I took a final breath, her mind was buzzing, I could see the years turning in her head as she considered the ramifications.i needed to quickly get through the last part with as few loose ends as possible, without confusing her. Ugh, whoever said telling the truth is easier than lying, LIED.
“somehow, I still have soul within me which is fueling my body to locate and rejoin my shattered mind , the ‘Light And Darkness’ .and furthermore understand what caused this action called ‘the need for creation’ that came about from the inward mitosis, of the source.him realizing the state of everything around him was the last thing I remember...i know life expanded,I know I've been out of commission for eons, and I have a lot of in depth knowledge on things I normally wouldn't….but I'm not God, nor am I all powerful. The source, i can sense separately somewhere else, but it's like, far. Farther than I can touch. And I can get stronger. But beyond that..that's all I know.im sorry.” I dropped there, looking into her eyes hopefully, fingers mentally crossed she could even begin to contemplate the gravity of the situation.
She was sitting, eyes closed,her hands now clasped in front of her face and she processed..it went on for quite a while before she slowly stood up,walked over too me, and put a hand on my head with a pat, “fine….i believe you, at least mostly..so much of this is to high above my pay grade to even come close to understanding.but, I'll take your word for it..”she let the hand fall off as she walked off..back towards the doors in the hallway, she did stop a bit however, midstep.
“T...is there a way I can get on even playing fields with you?anything that's make me strong enough to help you?...possibly help me meet God when you finally see them?”
“she turned, and I was surprised by the presence of a face twisted in pain that it contended with her outrage.
She looked defeated, but...also so vengeful. I’d never seen anyone look like that before, and honestly I'm glad I never have again.
Yeah,there's a few ways you could go,as a human though I'd say courage,and some sacrifice.maybe a touch more willpower than anything else on the list. And most important some faith, I'm both yourself and your goal, you'll awaken what's latent in you instead of find some other source to use. I'll help you, if you want.”
She just nodded, after standing a few second she wiped her face and continued walking to her room, her should set back and determined.
“ok.good,” she said, reaching her door and stepping in as she closed it behind her.
“cause I have something I need to ask him.”