Rat-a-tat-tat!

At the sudden knock at his front door, Fatty Li Feng hastily shoves his plate away and lurches up out of his seat at the kitchen table. He hurriedly opens the door, to find the one smiling up at him is none other than the Thundering Tortoise Sect First Disciple, Xiao Ma!

Li Feng grins back, excited to see her. Gazing about, he spies, standing in the open gateway to his courtyard-cum-sparring ground, Fairy Fen Ling... She glances around furtively, then waves him frantically toward her with her whole arm.

Behind him, Jian Cheng is still ensconced in the spare room cultivating the guixigong... Or more probably studying ‘borrowed’ biology jade slips... Searching for insights into acupressure points - his latest obsession.

"Brother Cheng, sisters Ling and Ma are accompanying this one to the commissary for dinner...” He calls from the doorway. “Don't worry, I've got the belt, so I'll bring you something back... Probably sesame chicken... Or those little fried--"

"Fine, there's no need to yell about it!" A clearly frustrated voice replies.

"Okay, I'll be leaving then..."

Li Feng shuts the front door. He winks at Xiao Ma, then rushes towards the open gate.

They aren't going to the commissary at all - well, later he will definitely... He's already promised he would, and after all it will be close to dinner time...

The three miscreants are actually heading to Fen Ling's little house for a secret meeting.! And Jian Cheng, who is the main topic, is naturally not invited...

As the three stride away into the distance, Fen Ling is beside herself with excitement. Li Feng sighs, a secret rendezvous, such as this, is right up her alley... Actually, any dark and mysterious alley would lure her in without fail.... Even now, she is drawn towards a few as they pass by... Li Feng also notices she keeps surreptitiously checking behind them, to ensure they aren't being followed. As if they would be... Not at this time...

Over the preceding weeks, they'd ambushed and handily beaten a bunch of bullies - albeit one at a time. Fairy Ling's Icy Sky bolts had blasted, or scared the living daylights out of most of their victims. Even Xiao Ma contributed from the side using her earth walls...

He’s improved his Thundercloud attack too... But his biggest improvement has been lessening the amount of anxiety and angst that used to eat him up before any conflict. He is getting a lot more confident as a result. No-one died in these one-sided ambushes and, true to his word, Jian Cheng healed all their various battle wounds...

It came at quite a cost though, his cultivation had almost completely stalled, and he would often slump into deep sleep for long periods of time to recuperate... Hence this evening's secret meeting. Brother Cheng's cultivation problem is their problem too - he is their Senior Elder no less!

There might be a backlash to come from their preemptive retaliation later, so getting stronger collectively is in all of their interests.

Thankfully, the majority of those seven thrashed thugs had gone straight into seclusion for semi-serious injuries... Or simply to lick their wounds and scheme, making this the quiet before the storm... Or maybe the whole affair would all blow over?

That’s Li Feng's hope, yet whenever he mentions the possibility, Brother Cheng just sneers. Even Fen Ling shakes her pretty head... Her whole body is shaking at the moment though, shivering in pure excitement at the prospect of plotting!

At her house, after locking the backdoor - for some reason Fen Ling has insisted on entering that way - and lowering the cedar-slat blinds, the three novice conspirators pull their chairs close to her small table, and huddle together.

"Little Xiao gave me your message, what's all this about?" Fen Ling whispers, cutting straight to the chase.

"Fen-er, Xiao-er, have either of you noticed how gloomy Brother Cheng has been these past few weeks?"

"En. Jian ge-ge has been particularly ill-tempered... Fen Ling strokes her nose. “He seems to be concerned that his cultivation tier is too low, but as yet, he hasn't managed to figure out a way forward..."

Li Feng sits back with a smirk, that is his cue.

"Is Brother Cheng the only one in our Thundering Tortoise Sect who can make cunning plans?"

Sigh... "Yes. Only Brother Cheng... It is indeed quite unfortunate, but sadly it is so..."

"No, not true!" Li Feng leans forward again, thumping his forearms down on the heavy huaimu table. "Never has been either... I too have a plan!"

"Ah! Your plans are always about getting more food..." Fen Ling frowns up at him. "And they always fail!"

"Humph, not this time. Li Feng haughtily looks up at the heavens. Unfortunately, the roof is in the way and the effect is lessened somewhat. "This time I have a plan so cunning that, if we don't act upon it immediately. it will flee into the demonic beast forest and become a fox goddess!"

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

"Oh-ho!" Fen Ling, who has been staring confusedly at the ceiling, trying to figure out what Li Feng sees, snaps out of it, instantly intrigued again. "Is it also sneaky and devious?"

"This plan is so sneaky, it would stab a thief in the back then set-up a Buddha to take the blame!"

The Fairy's eyes shine in holy rapture. "Is it dangerous? Does certain death stalk any misstep?" she asks reverently.

"Erm, sort of,” Li Feng concedes. “Hmm... He-he, maybe we should not act too hastily..."

"No, tell me. Tell me this minute!” Fen Ling yells in a very un-fairy-like manner, while tugging insistently at Li Feng's tunic... “

"No point. It’s simply a foolish idea I had... This one has eyes but truly failed to recognise Mount Tai!"

"Tell me! Tell! Me!"

"Aaagh..." Even Li Feng’s face is unwilling. "Well, remember when Little Xiao told us that interesting gossip... You know, about the core disciples' mission into the taboo depths of the demonic forest..."

"En, of course. How adventurous and domineering, it's enough to make one truly jealous... What of it?"

"What if you went along?"

"I know right, how exciting would that be!"

"No, what I mean is, what if I had such a method, that you actually got to go along?"

"Do it, do it now!" Fen Ling literally jumps at the chance, bounding out of her chair before bouncing up and down in an unladylike way.

"There will be so many amazing resources, battles with beasts, and lucky chances found..." Fen Ling's pony tail, swishing from side-to-side, flicks out almost hitting Li Feng's - already cringing - face.

"... And best of all, there’s a dozen elders going along, so it'll be perfectly safe!"

At the phrase "perfectly safe" Li Feng grimaces and stares gloomily under the table at his feet.

Spinning around in a circle, Fen Ling initially fails to notice Li Feng's fearful demeanour. Xiao Ma does though and grabs her dizzy mistress, promptly stopping her stomping about.

"Oh, that’s right... Fen Ling found her feet again. “Brother Feng was saying the trip would be dangerous, why is that? Please advise..."

"Um, well you can qualify to be a core disciple, but we can't--"

"Within a month, how?" The shock shatters her fairy manners into smithereens.

Li Feng's pale face shows a trace of pride again. "Simple, by showing your water affinity to any elder! Cultivators with triple affinities are rarer than phoenix feathers and qilin horns. Rarer than a smile from Elder Wei... It's an instant ascension!"

"Ooh... Are you going to reveal your water affinity as well?"

"No, need. It wouldn't work anyway. There are already 12 or 13 inner court disciples with twin affinities... But there is another way..."

"What? Tell me!"

And just like that Fen Ling is hysterical again, it never takes much... Li Feng also feels a bit better though. After all his plan is actually brilliant, if ill considered...

"Both Brother Cheng and I can be carried in, by hiding in the spatial belt!"

"Ugh, the ugly belt? That old thing...” Fen Ling’s features scrunch together in disgust. “Wait, if you two fools are inside, who will be wearing the hideous eyesore?"

"Also, won't you die?" She adds as an afterthought.

"Why would we die? The rodent pops in and out of it all the time..."

"Yes, but Yama is cute and you are not! And stop avoiding my main question...” Fen Ling sniffs disdainfully. “Who will be wearing that fashion atrocity?"

Silence.

"Uh-uh!” She starts shaking her head. “Not me, it doesn't match anything I own... And it's far too big for me, and sooo clunky... Furthermore, have I mentioned how truly ugly it is?"

"Fine we'll forget it then. It was far too dangerous anyway."

Silence. A heavier one. Everyone stares at the swirling wood grains of the table, not daring to meet each other's eyes.

"No, tell me. Brother Cheng needs this... "Fen Ling breaks the bitter stalemate. "I'll just buy a tan dress, two shades lighter... And some matching walnut leather boots... Maybe a headscarf?"

Li Feng also sighs heavily. Brother Cheng does indeed need this...

Xiao Ma has been silently observing from her seat at the eastern aspect. Li Feng has long forgotten her presence, she has a maid’s innate ability to mask her presence. But suddenly she speaks up for the first time. "I too wish to come."

"Xiao-er no, it's far too dangerous!" Li Feng has strong protective impulses when it comes to his Little Xiao.

"I'm the same tier as Brother Cheng..." She states matter-of-factly. "Besides our Thundering Tortoise Sect does everything together and for each other... If I am to share the benefits, I must share the risks!"

"Humph, there might not be any mission yet, we don't even know if humans can enter the ring and survive?" Li Feng stalls.

"Well," Xiao Ma considers for a moment, she is a practical country girl who talks straight and thinks straight. "Let's try putting other larger animals into it first then... I suggest we start with a pig from the commissary pens."

Ahh, of course! How astute. She was such a breath of fresh air! Li Feng didn't know how they'd gotten by before she came along...

"Brother Feng, should bear in mind that the food here is free, so please to put the pig back after your test..."

Such a shame she's been ruined by those other two...