I’m so sorry for the lack of communication. I have had a huge drawback.

Following Ergo being taken as a museum artefact a few weeks back and me needing to retrieve him, he has not been in the best place. Apparently, he’s had his face painted like a penguin so many times he can no longer recognise himself in the mirror. I wouldn’t know what that is like, so I searched on the eyepad for penguins. Sadly, Ergo saw them bouncing around and he hasn’t stopped screaming since. The sound was too much. For a zombie, he can hit some decibels.

I searched on the world’s web ‘how to stop someone thinking,’ and a site called ‘YouTube’ came up. I put on a feature on the eyepad of zombie cartoons. That seems to cheer him up and turns him into less of a bubbling idiot and becomes a dribbling idiot instead, staring at the videos playing for hours on end.

I would hate to live like that. Staring at a screen all day. I tell you, it would turn Ergo into a mind-numbed zombie if he wasn’t already one. I have however found a series of videos of housewives that are very desperate, so I will indulge in that another day.

Because Ergo isn’t himself, I have had to undertake his duties such as cleaning the castle. I never knew how many spiders were in my sock drawer.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

I have taken up the duty of sending letters through the Royal Guards, of which they do not like the wolves, so I must stand at the gates with my cloak wrapped tightly around me in the daytime, smoking like a piece of pale fish.

The worst part is the charity donations. I must now collect the funds and the ticking clocks myself. Last night I was bequeathed a ‘cuckoo’ clock. It exploded from its chamber and snagged me in the nose. I screamed at it and stomped the bird to death. I have no apologies to offer.

On top of all this, I have been having issues with my blood donations and I am unsure of what to do. The female I charmed into supplying me with them is no longer sending them to me. I will need to investigate this when the nights grow longer.

The sun has been relentless of late. I would have never thought I would have the problem with too much sun in England. To use a saying I have heard from the zombie cartoons on the Eyepad, it really baffles my head. Whatever that means. It sounds like some kind of pastry. Or maybe a type of fish. A baffle fish. Hmm.

Sorry. I need blood.

Tonight, I am going hunting. Ergo has the eyepad and YouTube. He won’t know I’m gone.

However, you can help me, dear reader. Leave your window open tonight for me. I may pay you a visit. Also, please give this journal a good rating and ‘follow’ it? I think that’s a good thing. Jay Darkmoore told me it was a good thing. He has a website you know? Jaydarkmooreauthor.com

I like his books from the rainforest. I don’t know how he does it.

Until then –

R.W