The eerie silence of loneliness. Marta wasn't sure if it would ever end. Every night, when she went to bed, it was like the angel on her shoulder was screeching into her ear. Sleep never came easy to her. It was always heavy. On top of that, opening her eyes and getting up, the aftermath, was a struggle.

Marta lay in bed. Alone. Alone. Alone. From the corner of the room, a shadow appeared. Someone approached her shyly.

“Hey,” Sun-young greeted. There was a seat directly touching Marta's bed. She didn't take it and instead stood awkwardly. Marta eyed her and immediately sensed something had changed. The way she carried herself was with depth of power she did not understand. It was the same with Kazi.

Her heart ached. While they were out there getting stronger, she was stuck in bed.

“Hey,” Marta muttered, staring at her lap. Her left and right arm were linked together. She couldn’t feel the touch even though she could see it was happening. It was the strangest sensation yet. Knowing she was doing something yet her body refused to accept it. How in the world was she going to learn magic? How was she going to be able to do anything anymore?

Sun-young struggled to speak. “I…nevermind.”

“What?” Marta turned to look at her. “What is it?”

Sun-young inhaled. Whatever she was able to tell, she was torn over it. “It’s…about me.”

“Okay.”

Sun-young breathed again. “I’m going to join the Templars.”

“Oh.” Marta’s heart twisted. She looked up at her, seeing the guilt on the tall woman's face, and became irritated. “Congratulations.” Her remark was devoid of any feeling. Happiness, sadness, anger, Marta exhibited none of those emotions.

“I’m sorry. I was…offered an apprenticeship by the Marshal.” Sun-young didn’t seem to know where to place her arms and decided to sit down and twiddle with them. She didn’t quite look at Marta either. “Against Jack, I felt…hopeless. Utterly powerless. And for that, I’m so, so sorry, Marta.”

“Don’t blame yourself for what happened to me,” Marta said, tone low and empty.

“But…”

“Let’s not overcomplicate it. I’ve been sitting here thinking about it over and over again. Jack…Jack…” Her metal fingers twitched. “It’s his fault. It’s all his fault. You saw the bodies. It’s all him. It was all his fucking fault.”

“Still…” Sun-young looked down at the floor. “I can’t help but think I could have done better.”

Marta snorted. “Who was it that beat Goliath single-handedly?” Sun-young refused to answer. Marta continued, “Who was it that got scared last minute and decided she couldn’t fight him?”

Sun-young stayed quiet.

“I’m just a coward,” Marta went on to say. “We spent days practicing team attacks but when the day came to fight him, I backed out. Because that’s what I am, a coward. I leeched off the XP you worked so hard for.”

“That’s not true,” Sun-young muttered.

“This was bound to happen.” Her vision got blurry. “I’m lazy and weak and stupid. To think I actually thought I could change…it’s pathetic, really.” She let out a long breath. “God, why am I saying this out loud? Anyway, if you’re feeling guilty about leaving me, don’t. It’s not like we’re friends anyway.”

Sun-young stiffened. “That’s not true,” she said louder. “We are friends and I’m not leaving you. I just…I need to get stronger. The only way to do that is to train under Marshal Margaret. That’s all. We’ll still see each other.”

“Will you? If you came here, it means you’re probably going through a special training regiment. I doubt you’ll have time to see limbless Marta.”

“I’ll do my best—”

“Sun-young, just go. You don’t have to visit out of some weird sense of kinship.”

“It’s not weird,” Sun-young replied. “When we were fighting, when I saw you get up one last time and chain him up, I was…I wanted to be like you. I wanted to fight like you.”

Marta’s left eye twitched. “And do you know what happened from that? I lost sight in my eye.”

“But we won,” Sun-young persisted. “Because of you and me and everyone else, we lived through the impossible and Kazi was able to beat him.”

“But not kill him,” Marta finished. Following a brief pause, Marta snorted. A sliver of emotion other than emptiness. The act, however, was anything but happy or mocking. “What an unfair world, isn’t it? That piece of human garbage Jack is a damn monster, Kazi arrived like some sort of god and you…you got some new class, I bet. That’s why you’re going to the Marshal, right?” Marta shook her head. “Every time I see you and him, you become more and more incredible. I always want to ask…why me? Why do I have to be like this? Why am I the one that’s stuck? Did I do something wrong?”

Sun-young didn’t know what to say.

“You know, I was so happy you and Kazi wanted me around. For once, I felt…necessary. But it’s clear to me that I—” Her voice cracked. “I have no place in your world. You and Kazi and William…you’re all amazing and I’m…just…not.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"That's not true."

"Is it? Fine, you and Kazi aside, what happened with William? Did he gain a billion levels or something? A new weapon?"

The Korean woman looked away. “William is…”

“What? Training? Working out? I’m jealous. Not like I’d go in the first place.” Marta grabbed heapfuls of her blanket. “Training…ha. Do you want to know how pathetic I was in my old life? I never went out. I stayed home and used fucking Discord all day. I didn’t study. When I was teenager, I went to America for college and joined a sorority. Guess what happened? I was a loser outcast. I went back home because, well, there was nothing for me. No one wanted to talk to me. No one liked me. I used to listen to fucking ASMR videos. I imagined that I had a boyfriend and that someone—anyone—was comforting me.”

Marta's anger surged like a tidal wave, crashing over her in relentless waves.

"And then what? I come to this world, hoping for a fresh start, and what do I get? More pain, more suffering, and a body that's broken beyond repair!" Her voice rose, laced with bitterness and frustration. "I can't even do the simplest things anymore without struggling. I can't walk, I can't eat properly, I can't even see out of one eye! Improving…what for? So I can be a burden to everyone around me?"

Marta heaved, gripping the blanket so tight that it was prepared to tear. Her words hung heavy in the air and Sun-young could only watch helplessly, her own heart breaking.

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. I…just leave. You can go.”

To the Templars, to somewhere else, just…just go, Marta thought.

Eventually, she did. Sun-young looked back once, wanting to comfort her. She didn’t know how and so she left.

***

“Didn’t go so well?” Kazi asked.

“No.” Sun-young leaned on the wall, arms crossed. She closed her eyes, stressed. “I didn’t even get to ask.”

Kazi’s personal dimension had changed significantly since the last time she visited. The house was only given one floor and was very long, its sturdy walls woven from bamboo. It reminded Sun-young of Japanese homes, though according to Kazi, this was a Bangladesh design. Inside, the rooms were spacious and cozy, laid with soft cushions. The bamboo lattice casted dappled patterns of light and shadow across the polished wooden floors, the sunlight coming in the form of lanterns outside.

Player dimensions could be granted two primary environments: night and day. Temperatures did not adjust and thus air conditioning was not necessary. Everything outside, the dirt and soil and grass, it was all implanted. All bought in. Kazi must have spent a decent fortune on building this environment. In one of the rooms, Kazi sat cross-legged on a cushion, Sun-young leaned on the bamboo lattice wall, and William lay in the corner on a king-sized bed chamber, eyes closed.

“But you’re still going, right?” Kazi said. Sun-young nodded. “I hoped that you could have taken Marta with you. Guess not. I’m sorry for asking.”

“It’s fine, I was going to ask her anyway.”

A quietness settled over them. Almost as one, their gazes drifted toward William. The blond boy once full of life was a pale husk. His hair, once so blond, had gotten darker in colour. Sun-young drew in a breath. “Can I ask again what happened to him?”

“...to be honest, I don’t know myself.”

Sun-young darted an eye at him. She read the Times newspaper. She heard the sheer destruction Jack caused. Some of it felt…off and Kazi seemed to be in the middle of it all. Jack and William and everyone that managed to escape the carnage, he was between everything. He was the one that brought it all together. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call him the MVP of the gate given how much he did.

“All that matters is that I made a mistake,” Kazi said. “I thought Jack would attack on the waters. I considered a land attack and sent the strongest guilds to prevent that but—”

“He was stronger and crazier than you thought. Don’t blame yourself over that.”

“It's not that. There’s been a lot of blame going around. Me, you, and Marta…” Kazi sighed. “Especially Marta. I just feel regret. That's how it goes, right?”

“Mm.”

“I’m glad that Elena is taking care of her, though. Without her…” Kazi shook his head. “I have to buy that woman a gift one of these days. It’s not easy to take care of a person.”

“Message me and I’ll join you.”

“Won’t you be busy under the Marshal? From the sound of it, I doubt you’re going to be just any member. You'll have real responsibilities.”

“I don’t know the details but yes, something like that. I'll try anyway.”

Kazi’s back was straight as an arrow as he sat. Exhaling, he looked at William, then the outside world. “Ever since Gate 10, everything has been so quiet and lonely. I’m going to miss you, Sun-young.” He looked at her and smiled, his features lighting up with divine beauty. His eyes were bright, his eyelashes like glistening sun drops. It was a smile that Sun-young was glad to see before she left. The guilt in her heart waned slightly.

“Thank you.” Sun-young lowered her head and smiled back. “I only wish I got to say goodbye to William.”

“It's not too late, you know.”

She eyed the sleeping blond. “...I'd rather tell him when he’s awake.” She pushed herself off the wall and approached William. His breathing was subtle and quiet, the red lion-imaged blanket reaching up to his shoulders. He seemed peaceful. Sun-young grabbed the chain locket on her neck, thumb caressing the centerpiece. She stared down at him and smiled fondly.

Sun-young didn’t ever think she could get close to people, not after the way her life went. But she was wrong. William, Marta, and Kazi, they all meant the world to her. They all meant more to her than life itself.

“I'll get Commander Cedric to check on him,” Sun-young said.

“No need, I already did.”

“I know. Another check isn't a bad idea though.”

Kazi chuckled. “I know you're concerned but don't worry. The Commander said his body is in a state of magical recovery. It's like hibernation, he won't die. He will wake up.”

“I know. I just wish I could do more,” Sun-young whispered. Through the Templars, through Marshal Margaret, she hoped to do exactly that. She hoped to learn and grow. She hoped to be strong enough that this tragedy never had to happen again. She felt so helpless and weak. The confidence she once wielded her blade with had dissipated, replaced by potential that made her tremble. She couldn’t do this alone. She needed guidance. She needed the Marshal.

“Why? I told you, I need strong warriors to serve under me. I felt a connection when I first saw you. At the time, I didn’t know what it was. Now I do. We are connected by the most human ability: anti-magic.”

“Those with real dreams would never hesitate to announce them. So answer me: what do you fight for?”

“A good life?” Marshal Margaret’s features relaxed and she kneeled down to her level. “Sun-young, I am not saying that's a bad reason to fight, but with your ambitions you could be so much more. Don't you realize it, Yoon Sun-young? The only person holding yourself back is you.”

“You will recognize your weakness, Yoon Sun-young, and the feebleness of your dreams.”

"Tell me. What do you fight for?"

Marta, William, Kazi…she wanted to protect them all. That was her feeble dream. That was why she had to go. Jack was still out there and he wasn't going to stop. He was never going to stop, not unless someone personally ended him. She brushed aside a lock of hair from William's forehead and muttered, “Goodbye.”

She didn't want to look away. She didn't want to tear her gaze from her friends ever again. But to get stronger, she had to.

[ Yoon Sun-young has left the party! ]