When Shin-Man woke up, he was confused to see a beautiful beach before him. Sunlight gleamed on the gently-lapping waves and in the verdant forest behind him, tropical birds could be heard singing. It was a very pleasing scene.
It would be more pleasing if he could move.
Shin-Man realized that he was buried up to his neck in the beach’s sand. Completely immobile, he had to awkwardly crane his head to look around at the landscape before him.
“Admiring our company’s artificial beach, Shin-Man?” Came an oily voice from beside him. “Or should I say, John Lenin?”
John Lenin?! That was Shin-Man’s secret identity! And there was only one person who could possibly have this knowledge…
“Don Cannoli.” Shin-Man growled.
The head of the evil organization stepped out into Shin-Man’s field of vision, staring down at him from above imperiously. A tropical bird cawed from somewhere behind him.
“Yes, it is I, Donald Cannoli, CEO of ELV.E and leader of the evil organization E.VLE,” He said, “and at one point in time, I was also John Lenin’s friend.”
Shin-Man spat. The spit didn’t go very far, since he was buried up to his neck, but it was the thought that counted.
“You’re no friend of mine.”
Cannoli sighed.
“No, I am not. Not anymore, after you showed me just how much you cared about me all those years ago. You forsook me for Margaret, and she didn’t care about anyone. Your combined apathy led me to ruin, as you were the only person I ever cared about, until your betrayal. Is it any surprise I turned to the dark side?”
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He then turned away from Shin-Man’s buried form and spoke in a softer voice.
“I suppose it is a good thing that I killed Margaret. She deserved it.”
“You take that back!” Shin-Man howled. “I loved Margaret! She was the only thing worth caring about in this god-forsaken city!”
Cannoli glared. “She was a cat. Literally. You cared about your pet cat more than you cared about me, your friend. Killing that cat made me happier than I had ever been before.”
Shin-Man fumed in anger.
“Cannoli,” he growled. “When I get free, I will make you suffer. You have killed my beloved pet cat. You founded an evil organization dedicated to spreading misery across the city. And worst of all, you stole my sock!”
Cannoli sneered. “Ah yes, that precious sock of yours. I hope you’ve made peace with its loss, since you’ll never see it again.”
Fearing that the sock had already been destroyed, Shin-Man cried out. “What?”
The evil villain gave a nasty smile.
“Oh yes. We haven’t destroyed your little sock yet, but it won’t be long. You see, that sock is necessary for a certain machine my organization is building. A machine that is my Magnum Opus, and will bring terror and tears to this city like no supervillain ever has before! I call it: THE APOCALYPSE-INATOR!”
“No! Not the Apocalypse-inator!” Cried Shin-Man, before pausing. “Wait, what does it do?”
Cannoli chuckled insidiously.
“Nothing much.” He said. “The machine is simply designed to target two variables. Puppies, and socks. I’ve built it so that it will fire a laser beam across the city. This laser beam will kill puppies and steal socks from their pairs! Actually, no- it will kill all pets and steal both socks! Imagine, a pet-less city of freezing toes! Muahahahahaha!”
Shin-Man gasped in horror at the mere thought of the hell that this madman was dreaming of.
“You’re insane, Cannoli!”
Cannoli’s laugh faded, and he smiled at Shin-Man.
“Yes, I am insane, I admit it. But I cannoli be broken from my path! My plans are too close to fruition for me to be getting cold feet!”
“Fuck you!”
Cannoli laughed once more, the artificial tropical sun bringing a new light to his diabolism. His laughs synergized with the cawing of the birds-of-paradise infesting the jungle behind him and a melody of pure evil assaulted Shin-Man’s ears.
The villain strode out of the beach room, still cackling. Shin-Man watched him with growing horror. He had to stop the man from building his machine, at all costs.
For the sake of his sock.