This new Earth I went to…it’s not Earth hahahahaha it seems in this dimension that the sun was a little bit bigger and a little bit hotter and the Earth is a barren desolate rock. Mars on the other hand is beautiful now in a perfect position it would seem that here Mars is Earth so I ended up there.

How did I end up there you ask it’s very simple I can transmute my body into photons and travel at the speed of light. Now I am sure you have many questions about how to do that, and I am going to tell you figure it out on your own asshats I am not going to hand you all the answers figure it out for yourselves.

That said I will tell you about reverting to a physical body because this is very important not only with regard to light travel or body enhancement but all use of these powers. Just like when you play the guitar and you strum a chord eventually when left alone those strings will lose energy and come to rest in their natural state playing the strings of the universe is the same.

So let’s say you use these powers to convert yourself into a ray of light and send yourself hurtling at a distant planet like I did. Once you have turned yourself into a mass of photons you have no conscious thought at that point in time you are non-existent as an entity. However once that action of playing the strings has spent its energy the strings revert to their rest state as in your physical body. It is quite convenient really but if you strummed to hard you might overshoot your target by say several million kilometers before your body reforms and that never ends well.

So yeah I ended up on Mars. Let me tell you fantasy lovers this place is your dream world. It was nothing like the barren red rock that I had known. Everything was green and lush with tones of crimson and violet and neon yellows.

I should explain to that mars has sixty-two percent less gravity but that’s without atmospheric pressure so right now it is maybe fifty percent of earth’s gravity, now why did I explain that when I was in the middle of describing the place?

It’s very simple if you don’t understand it you would never believe me. Without having to fight gravity like on my earth the living objects here are much, much larger. The trees make the massive Redwoods look puny as they reach two and even three hundred meters high  jutting straight into the sky and there were even houses built into them. And the animals there are massive I saw what I thought was a cow but it was twice the size of any cow I had ever seen! As I walked past the cow thing and approached the tree houses I saw the people. The people were equally massive most standing over three meters tall…dear god I am a midget!!!

Falling to the ground and rocking back in forth in the fetal position I tried to come to grips with what was going on I was a midget? I had never been a midget before; would I get my own TV show? Who would be my manager? Wouldn’t this make a great plot alien midget crash lands and has hilarious interactions with the native species?

“Oy Oy kid you ok hello?”

Hearing the voice coming from above me I looked up to see a rather large lady with long blond hair and emerald green eyes and beautiful high cheek bones framing a sharp hawk like nose. all of which I might have paid more attention to if I wasn’t in the middle of an emotional breakdown.

“Sweetie are you ok where are your parents?”

Ahh so I wasn’t a midget rather I was being taken as a child.

Apparently no one saw me coalesce out of a ball of pure light and walk out of the forest and into their tree house village so I simply looked like a lost child frightened and alone.

Wait the giant beauty was speaking English but with something like a French accent at least I could understand. Thank god for the small mercies at least I could talk to her.

Well even if I could talk to her what the hell was I supposed to say?

“Hey babe I may be an alien midget who just crashed here from another dimension but what do you say we grab a drink and compare notes on our races anatomy, maybe I can take you back to my mother ship and do a little probing.”

…………………………………………………………..

Why did I just say something like that? No wait why was the first thing that came to my mind a really creepy and admittedly cliché pick up line. Also Mother ship I don’t even have a ship. Ow sweet baby Jesus balls what if she thinks I live with my mother?

Fortunately she didn’t have to answer as a loud bellowing came from just behind me. Jumping up and turning in a single motion I saw the massive cow beast barreling my way. The heck I didn’t do anything to it but fine if it wanted a fight I would oblige it. Setting my feet I lowered my stance and cocked my fist back like drawing a bow.

Do you know about carbon steel it is fantastic stuff it is super strong, and guess what we humans are carbon based life forms so playing strings to add carbon content to my skin making it as hard as steel is quite simple.

As the carbon increased my arm and fist took on a glossy metallic black color. As I watched the bull approach ready to let fly my metal fist….the bull ran right by me and kept on going. The hell just as I had steeled my nerves and readied myself to fight a gargantuan beast it just runs right by me?

As I turned to watch the bull running through the trees like all the terrors of hell were hot on its heels I heard a mighty roar from just in front of me. Snapping my head back around I was face to leg? With a massive bear. Standing at least seven meters tall and dwarfing even the giant people its slobbering maw kept roaring in displeasure at having his steak dinner make a run for it.

The people took off running for their tree houses even the pretty lady who had stopped to talk to me…seriously you are just going to leave the child/midget thing alone with the monster bear? Real classy lady.

So it was just me and the bear…aww screw it.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Yo Winnie the Skank ass poo bear bitch get yo stanky honeypot out of my face.”

I am not sure if my comment actually offended the beast or if it just now noticed me, but it thrust its massive clawed paw at me trying to swat at me like some sort of fly.

I was having none of that; hardening my entire body life I did my arm I pushed both legs deep into the ground and using only one hand I caught the freakishly big paw.

At this point in time there were a lot of different things I could have done, but whether making an entrance or taking your leave it should always be done with a bang. Given that this was my big entrance it was time for this guy to leave.

Vibrating the strings, I broke the strong force holding the molecular bonds in front of my fist together and let the power explode forward as I drove my fist into the bear. Well as I drove my fist toward the bear I was holding its outstretched paw and my fist wasn’t anywhere close to its body.

Not that it mattered, if didn’t understand that stuff about breaking the strong force bonds let me make it easy…it is the same process that goes on when a nuclear warhead detonates. Though I kept the blast much more focused than a warhead would, keeping the energy contained in a tight cone centered on Mr. Bear.

So yeah no more Mr. Bear he was reduced to atomic waste…aww so was about a kilometers worth of forest directly behind him. The only piece that was left of the great beast was a part of its arm and paw that I had caught with my other hand.

I screwed up I came to this dimension to have myself a more peaceful life well that’s not happening now. Doesn't matter though I can always jump to a new dimension but I want to stay here a while longer after all, this entire place is fascinating.  

Huummm the natives are already coming back even after the scary shit I just pulled they were coming back to greet me. Well between my childlike stature (to them) and my ordinary face I was utterly ‘disarming’

As they approached I waved to them with the bears disarmed arm. It seemed like such a great pun in my head (disarming like i disarmed the bear)…turns out it was hella creepy.

One particularly burly and manly looking brute came forward.

“Ow great magic lord we thank you for slaying the great ravager but please have mercy on us lord!!!”

That’s it I threw all three hands up (mine and the bears) it’s not magic how many times do I have to expl…you know what forget it. After all if they don’t understand what it is I am doing how is it any different than magic. What is magic but the unknown surely if you showed a cell phone to a caveman he would think it was magic too.

“Yes I am the great magic lord Mac…I come in peace, now take me to your leader.”

I’m sorry I couldn't help it I have always wanted to say that besides it seemed fitting.

I am now sitting in a far too large chair in a too large tree house one hundred meters above the ground while staring down the native’s leader.

My god I can’t believe that line actually worked I just said it because well let’s face it who wouldn't say it given the chance. I never even thought about what I was going to say to the leader.

“Great and Powerful magic lord Mac”

“Its Great and Powerful Righteously Awesome Loving and Magnanimous Magic Overlord Supreme Mac…but please continue.”

………………………………………

Why the hell did I say that? It just popped out like a kittens eyeballs when you hug it to tight.

Great now I wanna hug a kitten…….

“Yes Great and Powerful Righteously Awesome Loving and Magnanimous Magic Overlord Supreme Mac.”

OMG he actually said it I think I am about to cry.

“we are indeed in your debt for saving us from the great ravager, but could you perhaps not have destroyed the forest many crops, possessions, even homes were destroyed by your great power.”

“Hahahahaha yes well no that was my bad I kind of went with a bang you know after all I just got here and I wanted to show my god side.”

“I’m sorry did I say my god side I meant my good side but you can take it how you want.”

............................................

what the hell is wrong with me! I just misspoke and somehow it turned into me claiming to be god!

the massive man jumped from his chair  and bowed before me.

"My god what have i done of course you are right how could i not have known sooner please punish me if you like, only do not blame the others for failing to worship you at once."

did he just take me seriously? He is bowing..... I think that means he is serious. why would he take me seriously i may have a great body but i wouldn't call it god like?

"How would you have known it was me after all I introduced myself as a magic lord in my desire to remain mysterious and unknown like a good Samaritan...that nobody knows or can get a hold of if they decide to sue him later for forest damage or whatever."

"Of course i should have known ow venerable one after all your likeness is kept in all the homes in the village."

while saying so he gestured behind where he had been seated earlier to a relief image of a boy in a large throne sitting with one leg crossed...just like i am now and there is quite the resemblance physically but there is no face. only a golden glow emanated from his face. seeing that i arranged the photons in front of my face to cause a similar golden glow.

the mountain of a man gasped and started to bow even deeper than before while muttering what i hoped was a prayer though i thought i heard something about.

"he had good reason to cover his face with a golden glow."

the bastard; well i am magnanimous and a god apparently so i guess i will forgive him ....for now.

(insert evil laugh here ^-^)