Elena was my true mentor and greatly helped me understand certain things that perhaps my mother Alisanne should have explained to me; now that both of them are so far from me, I find myself sometimes reflecting on this without anger or resentment, though the bitterness never truly fades. I often remember how much Alisanne loved me, and how much I loved her in return; now, as I begin to understand more, I feel a deep sadness realizing how lonely this brilliant woman truly was... Perhaps she never fully grasped the subtle aspects of our religion, being too absorbed in her thoughts and rituals devoted to Sithis. Yet Sithis is but a dead end on the long and arduous path to uncovering these dark mysteries. At times, I even find myself doubting that He exists at all. At least, not as we imagine Him. And I have reasons to believe that, if Sithis does exist, He is not of our world at all...
But Elena... Elena possessed an uncanny wisdom and a wealth of knowledge that seemed boundless. I vividly remember our walks along the riverbanks and the hours we spent by the Old Lucky Lady statue, the invaluable advice she gave me, and the astonishing tales she spun at the foot of that strange monument. You see, my friends, Bravil is more than a city—it is a place steeped in ancient magic, the strange and alien magic of the Ayleids, which lingers even now in its very stones and waters.
The city itself is located on the site of an ancient settlement of the First Elves, the Noble Elves. And while all visible external remnants of this civilization have long since turned to dust and ashes due to the countless waves of wild peoples who passed through these lands, there are still plenty of underground galleries and halls that remain accessible only to those initiated in the deepest mysteries of the Queen of Oblivion. Even they, however, do not venture often into these places soaked in the Ayleid magic, for the subtle details of this magic are no longer known to anyone among the living today.
Those attuned to magic and its energy can learn much here just by absorbing the divine vibrations around them, especially if they have around a mentor as powerful and wise as Elena. Thus, I managed to understand and master Nocturnal's second gift, becoming capable of using it perfectly here. At the same time, during our walks along the meandering streets of the city, Elena spoke to me about the strange relationship that exists between Mara and Mephala. But perhaps it seems strange only to our limited minds which are taught to judge and classify things according to simplified principles that do not reflect reality at all. Ah, reality, yet another word devoid of true meaning... The ancient statue acted as a powerful resonator whenever I was with Elena near it, which makes me believe that my esteemed teacher was herself a traveler through the strange Daedric realms, beyond the boundaries of our narrow mortal plane. But I digress once again; it is enough to tell you that Elena perfected my abilities in what people call Illusion Magic and, to the extent that I was able to absorb them, she shared with me her rich knowledge of the arts of Restoration and Alteration.
At the end of my study period under Elena's guidance, I dared to ask her why she uses a different name than the one she had given me when we met in that unsettling house in the Elven Garden District. Elena smiled melancholically and did not answer my question directly. Instead, she told me the tragic story of the life of a simple and gentle woman who, far away beyond a boundary that cannot be crossed by mortals, had seen her beloved son die to atone for the sins of those who did not deserve him. And for their descendants' sins, and the descendants' of their descendants' sins, and so on, in an almost endless chain that ultimately led to the revelation of divinity. I was deeply moved by the way Elena/Maria told the whole story, and when she finished and stopped to look at me, her gaze long and questioning, I stammered empty words that did not express the turmoil in my heart at all. And I added the word "tragedy" in the end... But Elena smiled kindly and told me I hadn't understood anything; she added that probably one of the priests of the Great Mother would explain to me, when the time was right, the full meaning of the things she had told me. Then, as we parted at the garden gate of Alisanne's house—where Elena had never entered again in my presence—she added: "You know, Elsie, in some twisted way, Alisanne has always been like a daughter to me..."
Rasha didn't keep his word and for over a year I didn't see him again but, at some point, he came to Bravil and stayed here, renting a room in one of the many boarding houses along the docks. He used to come often to my mother's residence and then he and Alisanne would withdraw for long discussions, after which, frequently, Rasha would be absent from the city for a while. Now, in hindsight, I can't help but suspect that during a certain period, he became Alisanne's Silencer, though I could never be certain; I also believe they tried to reopen the Sanctuaries in Anvil and Chorrol, which, as I was to find out later, they didn't succeed.
I spent a lot of time with my beloved brother in these happy days; I remember now with painful joy and nostalgia our walks through Bravil and the meals we served together in those charming little taverns along the docks... Oh, how many wonders I saw there, magicians and charlatans, fire eaters and snake tamers, fortune-tellers and soothsayers, all those wonderful people, new and sometimes downright strange to me, arriving from the South on those huge ships that frequently docked in the port! Rasha would spoil me with anything I desired, buying me cute trinkets and strange baubles from the merchants peddling their exotic wares in their little booths along the docks and I still have the small jade ring he gave me one warm, fragrant summer evening!
Together, we wandered beyond the city's walls, taking leisurely walks or simply resting on the banks of the Larsius River. Oh, how many tranquil hours we spent there, basking in the golden warmth of summer days, while the air buzzed with the endless symphony of insects, especially the ceaseless song of crickets! Rasha would gently stroke my hair as he spun strange tales that I'm certain he wove right there, in the moment. So many times, I drifted off to sleep, lulled by his voice, softer than I'd ever heard it, while he kept watch over my dreams until the Sun dipped below the horizon and the scented shadows of the summer night cloaked the land.
But the moment came when my mother, Alisanne, entered my room one night, harshly chased away Leo, who was peacefully sleeping in my arms, and said, "Elsie, it's time. Put this on and follow me." I was accustomed to my mother's severe demeanor, so I quickly changed into the garment she brought me and followed her. She wore a simple, short black robe, slightly worn from use, and, to my surprise, was barefoot, just as I was.
Together we descended into the basement where The First among the Faithful awaited us, holding a long, narrow leather box intricately adorned with strange runes. After shutting the door behind us—barely managing to stop Leo, who probably thought I was simply changing my sleeping spot—The First among the Faithful pressed a hidden spot on the wall, and a doorway creaked open, revealing a damp tunnel that smelled of fresh earth and ancient stone. He lit a torch and stepped inside with his unmatched feline grace, leading us into the dim corridor ahead.
The walls soon widened, and the flickering torchlight illuminated a cavern that seemed both natural and eerily constructed. Marble columns, their surfaces carved with peculiar and unsettling symbols, supported the ceiling, while the floor was paved with intricately etched slabs. The air was heavy with the scent of myrrh, and waves of magical energy radiated through the space. The sheer uncanniness of the place overwhelmed me—I staggered under its pressure, and had The First among the Faithful not caught me, I would have collapsed to the ground. In the end, I fainted, and when I awoke, my mother's calm, happy face was gazing down at me.
Alisanne gently caressed my hair and kissed my forehead before standing. She turned to The First among the Faithful and said, "Lucien, leave us now. Wait in the courtyard, and when the time comes, take Elsie to the Temple of Mara. Once you have entrusted her to Lady Elena, return to where you belong. Our Mother calls you to her side once more. It was a great honor to have you with me, even for so short a time." He touched his forehead and bowed to Alisanne, then repeated the gesture to me; then he planted the torch in a wall sconce before fading into the darkness.
"Is he...?" I asked, surprised. "Yes. No. It is something else... But we don't have much time. Follow me, Elsie!" my mother replied. I rose still dizzy from the marble altar where they had placed me and followed Alisanne to a dark alcove. There Alisanne lit a candle which she placed in a holder and I could see that the alcove housed an impressive bronze sarcophagus positioned vertically. Alisanne gently pressed my shoulder and asked me to kneel before the sarcophagus then she recited the tenets one by one and had me repeat them after her. Finally, I swore to adhere to them strictly and then mother lifted me up and said "Let's go, Elsie. Everything is ready. And receive this gift from me." She opened the leather box from which she took out a dagger with simple craftsmanship and a bone handle. "It's a faithful weapon, I want it to serve you as well as it did with me," she said, handing it to me. I took the dagger and ran my finger lightly along the blade and, despite the care with which I handled it, I cut myself lightly. Blood began to flow, far too much for a scratch, and I felt the air start to pulse in a slow but powerful rhythm and my ears began to ache. Around us a smell of decay began to spread increasingly and, as Alisanne suddenly stopped, I felt an indescribable feeling of fear. Perhaps fear is not the right term; it was truly a primal, cold, sharp horror, so awful that I began to tremble uncontrollably and sweat profusely. I froze in place and Alisanne, who was looking at me in amazement, suddenly fell to her knees and began to bleed heavily from her nose and mouth. Her eyes widened immensely and, in their boundless depths, I glimpsed for the first time what I now believe to be the Void. My mother groaned and, as tears streamed from her eyes, she said with a trembling voice "Kneel beside me my dear, our mother commands a communion of blood." I crouched helplessly beside Alisanne who, with a trembling hand, took the dagger from me and made a deep cut on her forehead. "Drink, my dear, and forgive me if you can!" she said, moaning. I lovingly and respectfully kissed my mother's wound, partaking of her vital fluid, and then I saw it.
I saw HER, as she stood so calm and cold in her grand sarcophagus, looking at me attentively and, as I felt then, with love. I thought I saw compassion in our Mother's eyes and I began to tremble uncontrollably and moan helplessly as the sarcophagus suddenly vanished and around our Mother started to float the Void,as strange and alien It could be. I cannot really describe what I experienced then, I have no comparison terms in our world, but I can tell you that after I experienced a profound dark, a dark full of dust, I glimpsed green fields crossed by rivers and streams of gold and silver. I say fields and rivers or streams but they were all twisted there, there was nothing like in our world! Tied together with numerous strings, the strange plains were populated by countless entities that seemed dead or asleep for none of them moved. Far away, somewhere above me, there was a constant and disturbing roar and a hot air current rose towards what, in the absence of another name, I shall call the sky. Ah, unimaginable horror, there was something like a grinding machine and the maelstrom began to draw me into its hot fluid, to twist me and absorb me, carry me towards that indescribable evil thing!The air around me was becoming hotter, oh, I felt like my whole skin started to burn and an intense pain overwhelmed me! And horror, so much fear that my mind started to melt over the terror and pain!
And then I saw how the entire horizon suddenly turned into a pure blue, like the sky on some clear days of an early autumn, and that blue enveloped me while in the distance strange and white beings could be seen, trembling and hastening through the beautiful azure. Then I heard His voice, wrathful and uttering incomprehensible words, and then there was a deafening reverberation, as if an enormous bell had rung once from a faraway place, its tolling shaking everything around me. And then, nothing... I suppose I fainted.
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I was in my mother's arms and she looked me straight in the eyes while shaking me gently. We were both lying in a pool of blood while around us a bitter wind whipped over us and the floor of the cavity undulated and shook. A terrible dizziness clouded my mind and the ancient columns groaned deeply as they swayed under the tremendous pressure of the ceiling where long fissures had appeared. The air continued to pulsate at that unbearable rhythm for me and around us shadows trembled and disappeared; unknown shadows and some rather familiar ones that whispered in voices I couldn't quite understand, but some... some felt like echoes of the past; I clearly glimpsed at some point the reproachful face of my beloved mother, Shaira. She looked at me for a quite long time, shook her head sadly and then disappeared. And then, the underground tremors ceased and the air gradually returned to its initial condition, the shadows vanished but the dust continued to sift incessantly over us. I turned to Alisanne and noticed that she was looking at me attentively and circumspectly. Her face, drenched in blood, her cold and severe eyes, frightened me and I tried to hold her tighter in my arms, to hide my face against her chest. But Alisanne pushed me away and, as she looked me in the eyes, she asked "What did Mother tell you?". "Nothing" I replied weakly. "As your Listener, I command you to tell me the truth" she hissed. Her voice cracked as she demanded the truth, but I felt the weight of her question like a boulder pressing down on me. "Nothing, she just looked me straight in the eyes..." I replied. "What did you see then, what did you hear?! I command you to tell me everything!" Alisanne shouted as she stood up. "Oh mother, why won't you believe me? She didn't speak to me, just stared at me but, instead, I heard His voice without understanding what he was saying." Alisanne trembled; she suddenly lifted me up and whispered "You claim you heard Sithis? Nonsense, Elsie! And I think you're badly injured; you look different..." Alisanne said and I saw her eyes soften and her hand holding the dagger against my chest slowly lowered. "Do you want to kill me, mother?" I asked with a trembling voice and Alisanne suddenly burst into sobs, hugged me and whimpered weakly "Yes, Elsie, I would like to kill you so much! But I can't... Come!"
She dragged me through the dusty and tattered cavity; we ran together, stumbling through the narrow and damp tunnel and soon we were back in the basement of our home. Leo, who was waiting for us there, looked at us for a moment and, while its fur started to bristle, groaned almost humanly and then it darted quickly up the stairs with its tail between his legs. Alisanne continued to pull me hurriedly after her and when we reached the receiving hall she looked at me for a long time, hesitated for a moment, and then handed me the dagger. Then she took a robe from a hanger and threw it at me.
-Leave now, Elsie! Never come back here!
She whispered.
-No Alisanne, don't ask me to do this! I won't run away again! Regardless of what will happen I'll stay here with you, my beloved sister!
I said but Alisanne grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me fiercely, looking at me with ire in her eyes:
-You don't understand, do you?
I starred at her consumed by fear and confusion; her eyes pierced through me, searching for an understanding that they couldn't find; I couldn't grasp her anger toward me... After all, I had done everything exactly as she had commanded! And the fact that her moods hovered between fury and weakness only puzzled me further: this was not the strong and determined Alisanne I knew! Her hands trembled, but they gripped my shoulders more and more tightly; the air seemed to grow heavier with each passing second, and I could actually feel the mixture of dread and fear that was overwhelming my mother. Her eyes had begun to grow emptier, as if Alisanne was starting to sink irreversibly into the world of madness... And then, I heard her voice again, hissing and pitifully weak:
-You'll kill me if I allow you to stay here, with me! Mother did a terrible thing today! Leave now!
Instantly, she started to tremble, her fury melting into despair; my mother whimpered and hugged me. I clung to her, holding her as tightly as I could. Then, swallowing my sorrow, I rushed out the door...
Leo, who was lying next to the entrance, groaned again when it saw me and ran into the dense bushes near the fence. I ran towards the gate which, strangely, was open while the old gatekeeper was nowhere to be seen... It was extremely hot outside, an unbearable heat that made the air seem solid and all the grass in the yard was withered and the old sycamore tree near the house seemed split by lightning! And the sky... oh, it had the color of freshly splintered steel, full of streaks of strange shapes; it looked like an entire nest of snakes had settled in the sky, which now seemed so low!
Lucien wasn't there so I hurried out onto the street and there I felt a profound emptiness in me; most of the buildings nearby had strange shapes, they seemed twisted and, where there were the usual right angles, now there were unsettling curves of shapes so alien that all seemed to be strange edifices from another world. And the windows, the windows were empty and dark and something seemed to be stirring inside and eyes, strange and bright eyes, seemed to look at me from the shadows... Like in a dream, I walked towards one of the openings that were once doors and I intended to go inside, check the strange blue cobweb that clung to the doorway, pulsating slightly...
Right then, slithering agilely along the wall, Lucien appeared in front of me, smiling as he handed me a pair of shoes. I put them on hastily, eager to head towards the Temple of Mara but Lucien shook his head and gestured for me to follow him. He led me towards the Temple but through the narrowest and most winding alleys, sometimes descending even on the stone curb that bordered the canal, avoiding the groups of people and constantly seeking shade. In the immediate vicinity of the temple he left me under an abandoned awning and returned after a while with Elena. I saw her trembling, her face shifting- she, the imperturbable Elena, changed the moment she laid eyes on me. "So it's happening again, this is the Sign!" she said, looking directly at me. Lucien smiled once more, approached her, and pressed his forehead against hers for a few moments before leaving without haste, slipping past the contorted walls. Elena quickly removed her hood and said to me, " So, She took you on a stroll around Her realm, and you glanced over the fence. I'm surprised you're still alive! But now, just take this and cover your face as much as possible. Follow me!"
We both ran towards the Temple of Mara and mingled with the crowd of pilgrims and locals who were walking- some of them laboriously and slowly, others running frantically- towards the grand portal. The narrow streets of the city were crowded and the wide square in front of the temple was packed with people kneeling or walking slowly, weaving through the mass of bodies. The sky looked strange, it had a violet hue now, as I had never seen on hot summer days when the sky is usually washed out, of such a pale blue. The Sun was nowhere to be seen or at least I couldn't find it and the air trembled playfully, creating merry or sad ghosts. Many people cried and complained, others embraced each other trying to console themselves; there was great turmoil in the city! In front of the temple was a free area and, when we stepped there, detaching ourselves from the compact and mournful mass, I saw that the pavement was full of birds, birds of all kinds that lived in the area, birds lying on the ground! Some were flapping frantically, others were motionless but not dead because I saw their round, frightened eyes following my movements. In front of the great and closed gates was a compact mass of Mara's priests and acolytes all gripping wooden bats. We both stopped in front of the human wall and Elena whispered something to one of them at which he headed towards the gates and entered the temple through a small door contained within the grand portal. Shortly after, he came out accompanied by an impressive figure, a tall and sturdy old man, dressed in the festive robes of Mara's priests. At his signal a narrow corridor opened in the crowd of Mara's servants, through which we could step and enter the temple.
Inside, the chill was overwhelming, a stark contrast to the scorching heat outside. The air, heavy with the thick smoke of burning spices rising from massive silver vessels, nearly choked me; I was feeling very tired and sick. I leaned on Elena who stopped, grabbed my arm tightly and looked straight into my eyes; terror seized me again—for in her eyes, the Void stared back at me. I collapsed to my knees on the glossy floor and then strange words came out of my mouth at first and then some intelligible ones, of which I only remembered: "Your world is unstable now and the balance must be restored. At any cost! Elena, you know what you have to do, do not delay and finish what was started! Right now! Pyrokar, take care of Elsie! Keep her in secrecy and safety, finish her initiation into My cult! Calm the people of Bravil, send them home! And then wait, all of you wait!" I'm not really sure about these words but I still recall with clarity that voice; it was not mine, that was a commanding voice, a sultry and, at the same time, a sweet voice; a very insidious voice it was, one which can easily turn the harshest men into mere puppies; or the doves into poisonous snakes...
Then they both lifted me to my feet, Elena and Pyrokar, the venerable High Priest of Mara who I meet years ago in the Goddess' glade from Arboretum, and led me into a room in one of the temple towers and laid me on a bed. Then Elena gently took my hand and said, "I'm leaving you now, Elsie, and we surely won't meet again. Not in this world, anyway... I wish you to be happy, but I fear you won't have the life of the ordinary people! You can trust Pyrokar completely and don't try to leave the Temple until he allows you to do that! Oh, and keep my hood; it will help you think of me from time to time!" She smiled slightly and in her eyes I could see tenderness and not the terror from before; then she turned to Pyrokar: "Farewell old friend! You should know that the Brotherhood no longer exists; Our Lady has dissolved the old oaths and there is no Listener in this world anymore. But initiate Elsie exactly as you would any other disciple and, above all, don't forget the dagger! This is the Lucky Dagger and someone must bleed on it in the hand of the new owner as fast as possible." "I bled myself on it... My mother's blood is also on its blade." I whispered then. "Ah, amazing!" Elena exclaimed in ecstasy. "Then it drank its fill and I would say that the past, as wicked as it was, and the future, so unknown but fresh anyway, met for a moment in Eternity!" she continued. "Tell me Elsie, do you love Alisanne?" she asked while looking at the dagger. "Yes, with all my heart, Elena," I replied. "Then mourn her for a while and remember only your beautiful moments over time!" Elena sighed, leaned down and kissed me on the lips for a long time and then she left the room in a swirl of her cloak. Pyrokar nodded slightly and left too, gently closing the door behind him.
And then, I was alone. Perhaps not for long, or maybe an eternity—I cannot tell; all that I can remember is that I spent a lot of time during this period in Nocturnal's realm and tried my hardest to talk to my Mistress. Yet, though I felt Her presence constantly—so close, so deep within me—She would not, or could not, answer my questions. When sleep caught me in my little house in Evergloam- ah, I hate this name, it is so beautiful there- I often felt my Mistress caressing me and playing with my hair. But that was all.
Pyrokar initiated me into the secrets of the Mephala disciples but I won't say anything about it here and now. The Queen of Oblivion is vengeful, and not even Nocturnal—especially Nocturnal, for love binds these two enchanting devils—could shield me from Her wrath! In my small drawer, in my daddy's house in Whiterun, lies a sealed envelope containing everything. The seal has been broken and clumsily resealed—ah, my nosy daddy! But perhaps that's just love... Perhaps he loves me more than anyone ever has or ever will! I love him dearly in return and I fear for him because all those who have had strong feelings of love for me have left this world! All, except my beloved Courtney. But there is still time for that... She is starting to fade, to grow reckless...
After a period of dreaming and contemplation the old priest came to me and said "Elsie, your time here has ended. So, you may leave whenever you wish, but from that moment on, I can do nothing more for you. Our Mother wishes for you to be free, unshackled. She wants you to taste, even if just for a while, the true life of Her city. I wish you luck!" he said. "Wait a moment, please, Reverend," I said, looking him in the eyes. "My mother...?" "Our esteemed Alisanne is gone, my lady." he replied. "Ah... And Elena? Where can I find her?" I asked, perhaps with a flicker of hatred in my eyes. Pyrokar saw that and smiled, a bitter smile. "Elena...Elena was not..." the old man sighed lightly and stopped for a moment. "Elena is spent, my lady. She lies now at the very foundation of our restored world. Sometimes, you may find her in the howl of the wind or in the falling rain... Just listen closely." Pyrokar said, kissing my hand very ceremoniously before leaving the room. I left my shelter right then and outside, right next to the door, I found a large sack. I opened it and inside I found my clothes, the crossbow bestowed upon me by Alisanne and my mother's cult book; all my jewels too. I returned to my former room, changed, and then, with my large baggage, stepped out into the square in front of the Temple of Mara. A golden, fragrant autumn day draped itself over the old city.
"Now to find Rasha" I said aloud and I laughed. Oh, Her city was all mine for the taking!