The wait is interminable. Valentine tries to not let it get to him but most days he feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin. He half expects Gee to say something, to ask him what’s wrong, but Gee is too caught up in his newfound enthusiasm for the program to notice.
Finally Valentine gets a response. It’s not from the doctor though, but from the head spiritualist. He’s informed that he’s got a meeting scheduled instead of his usual afternoon classes and all he can think is oh shit they’re cutting me loose and this is just the guy they got to hold my hand and tell me it’s going to be all right.
His first thought upon meeting Spiritualist Morgan is this can’t be the head guy, he doesn’t look much older than Gee. He is a bit on the scruffy side too, with tired looking eyes and a few days’ worth of stubble. His uniform is tight in the shoulders, too long on the arms, and hopelessly wrinkled.
Morgan tells him to take a seat. Valentine says he’d rather stand if it’s all the same, and the guy just laughs at him. Dick.
“Relax kid, you’re not getting kicked out.”
Valentine still doesn’t sit. “What is this then?”
“Sit,” Morgan makes a gesture and an armchair bumps up against the back of Valentine’s legs, unbalancing him just enough that he falls right into the seat.
Valentine gasps in surprise. He’s seen small things, little magics performed by his instructors at the very start of the program. They were necessary to demonstrate that there’s an immeasurable force out there that science can’t explain and that those who can tune into it can harness for their own ends. And he’s done his own small magics as part of his coursework. But he’s never seen something so flashy, so improvised. Morgan hadn’t used a wand or a talisman or any sort of focus, not even an incantation.
Morgan quirks a small smile at his reaction. “That’s little more than a parlor trick, but as I’m sure you can imagine more powerful practitioners than myself were… reluctant to have anything to do with this program.”
Valentine nods slowly, not sure what to say. He didn’t know, not really. He hasn’t given it much thought. Before the program magic hadn’t really been a part of his life. Now it’s more of an everyday thing sure, but it’s not like he’s really had the time or energy to think about magic outside the context of the program.
“DEXO’s whole approach to the spiritualist side of things tends towards the agnostic and well,” Morgan lets out a humorless laugh, “treats it like a bunch of mathematical formulas. If x, then y, and so on. It gets results, which is all they care about.” He tilts his head at Valentine inquiringly. “And what do you think about it?”
Valentine gets the sense that Morgan’s after something in particular but he can’t figure out what, or what it specifically has to do with his whole…situation. “I don’t? Think about it I mean. I like learning how to do things, I guess.” Morgan looks less than impressed with his answer. “I’m good with making talismans?” Valentine hesitantly offers as he shrugs.
“When Dr. Travers brought up your case and mentioned that you were willing to do whatever it took to stay in the program I did some digging,” Morgan says, frowning, “and the general consensus seems to be that you’re highly intelligent and driven and determined to make something of yourself. ” He reclines back in his chair and crosses his arms. “I have to say that I’m not really seeing it.”
This stings Valentine’s pride. “Look I don’t know what you want or what you’re looking for or any of that, I just know that this program is my only chance of getting out of here alive. I did everything I could and now the doctor’s telling me I’m too fucked up from failed augmentations to make the cut and now I’m here and I don’t know why, or why the fuck I should have to prove anything to you.”
Morgan’s eyebrows raise at the use of invective but to Valentine’s surprise he elects to not address it. “You’re here because science will only ever get you so far. You can go another round or ten with those butchers and see where that gets you, or you can try something else.”
“So what, if I just believe super hard in the power of magic I’ll grow another foot and put on thirty pounds of muscle? I’ll un-reject all the biomechanical stuff that didn’t take? If that was even possible then why would they do all those surgeries in the first place! ”
“You have every right to be upset but you’re wasting your time taking it out on me. What I am trying to tell you is, if you’re even half as smart and as driven as people say you are, then—”
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“All the magic tricks in the world aren’t going to do me any good if I can’t get medical clearance to get assigned to a goddamn ship!”
“Tricks?” Now Morgan’s getting angry. “This is life and death, as you keep pointing out. This is what’s going to keep you alive when all the supplies and personnel and planning and equipment can’t. What they’re teaching you barely scratches the surface of what’s possible. You’re going to have to do more than just memorize things that have been stripped of all context, you’re going to have to believe.”
“Believe what? The power was inside me all along?” Valentine knows better, he really does but he just can’t help himself. This guy is fucking useless. So’s the doctor for that matter—it would’ve been kinder to tell him there was nothing they could or would do instead of shoving him off on this guy.
Morgan looks like he’s half a second away from throwing his desk lamp at Valentine’s head. “Why anyone thought children would be a good idea…” he growls as he takes a deep breath and buries his face in his hands.
Valentine’s seriously considering just getting up and leaving when Morgan looks back up, eyes sparking as a thought comes to him. “Talismans!” He practically shouts, slamming his palms down on top of his desk as he leans forward. “You’re good with them?”
Inwardly cursing himself for not getting out while the getting was good, Valentine shrugs. “I do alright.”
Morgan rolls his eyes. “Like pulling goddamn teeth. Look you’ve tested some of them right? To make sure they work?”
“The little ones yeah, to like, light candles and stuff. We’re not exactly going monster hunting with them.”
“And yours work?”
Valentine frowns, offended. Of course his talismans work! “Yes.”
“So you believe,” Morgan stresses the word, “that your talismans will work when you’re making them yes?”
“They work so yeah, sure. I guess I believe they work because they do.”
“So what you really believe, is that a specific written sequence of symbols or words will have an effect? Do they work because of the writing on them or because you believe they will? If you write them in a different language, or using different symbols but with the same intent will they have the same effect? What makes a talisman work?”
Valentine starts to answer then stops. He’s…not sure.
He doesn’t know. It’s never really come up in class. He’s wondered in an offhand way, why things work the way they do but, he’s starting to realize with a sinking sensation, he’s taken a lot of it for granted. Oh, that’s what this is all about. “You’re saying it’s belief.”
Morgan nods.
“But that doesn’t make any sense. If that’s the case then I could just…scribble some shit on a piece of paper, slap it on my forehead and fix everything that’s wrong.”
Morgan laughs, but not unkindly. “Theoretically? Sure. But could you really? Belief is a tricky thing. That’s why talismans exist. They help create a focus, an intent. It’s why some people call upon deities, or use sacred objects. There’s also power in drawing upon the belief of everyone that came before you. Believing in something strongly enough to change the reality of the world we live in, it’s not as easy as it might sound. What you’re being taught…It’s not entirely wrong but it blatantly ignores what makes magic most effective.”
Valentine’s still having a hard time wrapping his head around it but potentially this means… “So you can fix me?”
Morgan shrugs. “Directly? No. I can help but it’s ultimately going to be up to you.”
“What.” Valentine’s starting to think Morgan’s inability to just get to the fucking point must be some sort of medical condition.
“Most of the augmentations are shortcuts and workarounds— practitioners train all their lives to build up a core of power. This core does provide some direct magical energy but it mostly acts as an insulator for when you draw on magical energies outside of yourself. It’s a buffer to prevent corruption and negative influence from malevolent energies but it’s also a regulator so sudden spikes or dips in power don’t adversely affect you.”
Cores? They’ve never talked about cores in class. Valentine hasn’t seen them mentioned in any books either. There’s been some mention of corruption and bad energies, but it’s something that’s been done in a very offhanded sort of way. His teachers have said that there will be more depth information given once they’re ready to undergo the last rounds of augmentations.
“You did take well to some of the gene therapies that strengthened your baseline, but a lot of the biomechanical components didn’t take or aren’t operating at meaningful levels,” Morgan continues after giving Valentine a moment to adjust to his whole world view shifting to accommodate the existence of cores. “The biomechanical components are designed to act as decentralized pseudo cores. When the program was first started there were attempts to create a singular pseudo core but they…didn’t go well.” Morgan looks faintly ill at the thought.
Valentine wonders if Morgan had been directly involved in those experiments or if just hearing about them had been that awful. Considering he’s seen firsthand how bad the program’s failures can be, he can imagine only too well.
“So the concern in your case is that without fully functioning pseudo cores you’ll burn yourself out over time and even with specialized medical support you’ll just become a liability.”
Valentine really wishes that Morgan would just say what he means instead of treating this like a lecture. He’s not here to learn. Whatever he has to do, he’ll do it. “Look, I appreciate the info but I just need you to bottom line this for me. What do I have to do?”
Morgan laughs and shakes his head. “I get it kid, I really do but we’re talking about the rest of your life here, and assuming everything goes right, it’s going to be a long one. Getting you medical clearance is just the start.”
“Then you’ll have plenty of time to tell me all that later,” Valentine argues. “What’s the plan for getting me cleared?”