“It seems someone has been stowed away in one of these crates. One of the maintenance bots found a crate open and from the looks of it someone has slept in there” replied Kopa.

“As long as that dirty elf stowaway doesn’t do any more of its devilry on our ship this repair should hold, if it does then we may all meet the void,” replied an annoyed Rhem.

“Well, I guess we need to see this crate, maybe Rhem’s fancy glasses will help us solve this case. Hey Doc, have you seen anything?” asked Aminci to the air.

“My sensors detected only the magical burst and the pipe issue. Given the magic levels, sensor reliability is questionable. Crew has been alerted to your infiltration concerns.” said a disembodied British voice.

“Shall we boys?” Kopa said with a grin as she led the two men in the direction of Andrew’s crate.

Andrew made haste knowing that there wouldn’t be too much to investigate at his crate and he was hoping to be out of this room before they came back. Moving faster than he might have otherwise due to the complaints still being lodged in his guts.

Luckily the path he was on led straight to the stairs leading up to the doorways. Once on the stairs he moved slowly until he could see the dwarves. They were still next to his old crate, each inspecting nearby crates and making fun of what they found and each other. Seeing their distraction, he wasted no time ascending the remaining stairs. Once on the elevated platform which ran between the two doors, he could see that both doors remained open and so he had a decision to make, left or right?

Ziggy, flip a logical coin for me and tell me which way to go.

[Right, Mr. Lather, but I have no more data than you have on the subject.]

As he approached the door on the right he realized one issue with his plan. The door and hallway were only two meters tall with pipes taking up a lot of the headspace. So, he was forced to slightly duck his head and dodge the occasional pipe as he moved into the hallway. When he ducked down to see past the pipes, he could only see for about sixty meters, before the hall curved back towards the center of the ship at a near ninety-degree angle. Before that point though he could see that there were six doors, three doors on either side of the hallway. Six doors that any one of them could be his salvation or his demise. While his guts urged him to hurry his brain urged caution and so Andrew cautiously proceeded towards the first door.

Though nothing happened and soon he found himself standing at the door. Concerned he’d open the door to find a dwarf just about to exit, he put his ear up to the door and tried to discern if the room was occupied or not. All he could make out was the hums and whistles of the ship. No matter how long he listened no new information presented itself, so when his guts let him know, they wouldn’t wait, he went to open the door. It was only then he noticed there wasn’t a handle in sight. Not on any of the six doors.

Any ideas on how to open this door?

[It’s annoyingly antiquated, I mean have they seriously not figured out mental commands?]

So, how does one do it?

[Mr. Lather, please way your hand in front of the figure eight looking rune to the right of the door frame.]

Without thinking about it he did exactly as Ziggy had instructed and to his immense satisfaction it opened. To his relief it was not occupied, not only was it not occupied but it appeared to be some sort of high-tech toilet. Andrew almost sprinted into the room before relieving himself. While a bit short the toilet itself accommodated him quite well as the dwarves were stouter than humans on average. Only once the pressure inside him had subsided did he think to lock the door. Yet when he moved to do just that he realized he couldn’t figure out how.

Do yall know how to lock the door?

[Mr. Lather that is not in my databanks and even looking around I do not see an obvious solution.]

[Don’t look at me, I have no clue either. Maybe it’s automated and you just need to stand up. ]

What about how to clean myself?

[No clue, we control worms don’t really pay attention to such things as our hosts body cleans ours up for us.]

Wait, you poop in my brain?!

[Of course I poop in your brain what’s the big deal?]

Umm that you poop….in….my…. BRAIN!!!

[Mr. Lather while it is true his waste by-products do get deposited in your brain; it appears they are all easily handled by your body. In fact, one of them appears to increase your cognition.]

[No need to thank me. I’m just glad it means I don’t have to put up with your idiotic nature for too much longer.]

As he was looking for the way to clean himself or lock the door the door opened, and a very menacing revolver was pointing at his face, the female dwarf holding it.

“Elf, you better show yourself or I’m going to start shooting.” Said a menacing Kopa.

“Care to teach me how to lock a dwarven door?” Andrew said sheepishly as he slowly moved his hands up into the air, not remembering his blur skill was still active.

[Umm she can’t see you idiot, why did you talk? At this point, my suggestion is to disable blur and go willingly, doubt she’ll miss you eight times.]

With that Andrew dismissed his blur skill.

“A human! Slowly hand over that sword and get dressed.” She said while doing her best not to look at the naked parts of his body, yet still be aware enough to not get killed.

“Yes ma’am, though can I ask how I clean my umm rear?” he asked, a bit shocked from the sounds coming out of his mouth as he spoke dwarven.

“Use your implants of course?” she said somewhat confused.

“My implant doesn’t know how”

“What ancient piece of crap implant do you have, and you only have one?”

“A Kata implant, and yes”.

“A what? Just stay still or it might get messy. Doc, please do the needful.”

If it was not for the revolver pointed at his face, Andrew would have surely jumped up when the water hit him. As it was, he did his best to grin and bear it as his butt got cleaned by some automated process trying not to be embarrassed that he had company. But a second or two later after a few more odd steps his butt felt as clean as if he’d just showered. While doing his best to be modest, he gestured with his head to the sword at his hip, waiting for a signal from her before making a move. Only after a nod from her did he disconnect it and hand it to her, in the sheath and hilt first.

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That out of the way he waited for another nod from her, and he awkwardly pulled up his pants, trying his best to hide his nakedness, while also trying not to look like he was trying to hide ill intent. To his relief, it was only after his pants were in place that the other two dwarves arrived.

“A Human?” they both exclaimed in unison.

“Yeah, I would have lost that bet too.”

“What were you doing on an elven ship?” Aminci asked.

“Trying to escape that research facility and find my wife.”

“Which research facility was that exactly?” asked Rhem

“I don’t know, one in a giant tree owned by Biaobel, who claimed to be an elven god. While I can say that he had immense power, all I can confirm was he was an elven prick.”

“Wait you’re say you not only escaped from an elven research facility, but from one of Biaobel’s no less? That’s a mighty big claim.” asked Rhem with a look of disbelief growing across his face.

“It’s the truth whether it’s a big claim or not. With me disarmed and there being three of yall here can I ask that you not point that in my face any longer. One sneeze and all the effort I’ve been through to get free will be for not.”

“Who’s to say you’re disarmed; I haven’t searched you. Also, what makes you think you’re free? Maybe we sell you to some dwarven researchers?” Kopa said with a smile, though she did lower the weapon slightly.

“Don’t even joke about things like that Kopa. The things our nation did to humans was unconscionable, it was almost as bad as what the pointy ear bastards did to them and those illegal researchers give the magical devils a good name. The Capt and I both denounced it in our youths while it was happening, so don’t worry we won’t let you go to some backwater researcher.” Aminci scorned.

“The captain and crew are en route. Should I deploy bots to escort the prisoner to a room?” said the disembodied British voice.

“Thanks Doc, I guess we should wait for the captain to get here then. While we wait, we should search him. Kopa you haven’t touched a man in a while, you want to do the honors?”

“Amin, that’s disgusting even if he weren’t a human. What would Uhla say if she were here?”

“That my husband is a disgusting pervert, and as he grew up a noble whose best friend was royalty, he has no excuse for his poor behavior. Also, that he shouldn’t take interest in the love life, or lack thereof, of another woman. If he likes being married that is.” Said the grizzled Asian voice he had heard back on the Elven ship just as she walked into view smiling.

Despite the smile, she was a serious looking woman, but from the creases on her face he could tell she likely often wore a smile as much as a scowl. Her gaze is what struck him the most. It reminded him of an eagle’s, not in appearance, but in intensity and scrutiny, seeming to pierce into his soul. He wasn’t sure as he only met four dwarves so far, but she seemed short by dwarven standards, and her build seemed slighter than is normal for a dwarf. Her muscles were lean and hard which belied a training habit that likely wasn’t missed. Unlike the other dwarves he's met so far, she wore no leather other than her belt and boots. Instead, she wore a dark colored form breaking robe like garment made of cloth. On one side of her belt, she had an elegant revolver and on the other a delicate and beautiful hatchet. Her hair was curly hair and was tied back with a head band. Her single braid was tied back with the rest of her hair. Though from what he could see it seemed much simpler than the other dwarves’ braids had been.

“So, a human? Who is he?” Uhla asked

“No clue, though he does seem to be able to use magic as he was invisible when I found him here and from what I can see he’s missing any usable implants.”

“He claims to have been a research subject of Biaobels and searching for his wife, hun.”

“Excuse my friends and husband, they’re nobles and don’t know how to conduct themselves with normal folk. My name is Uhlakaniphile Sruthan, though most call me Uhla for short. What’s your name?”, she said while holding out her hand for him to shake.

“Andrew Lather.”, he replied as cautiously reaching out to shake it.

“Welcome to the Tranquility of Folly, though most of us call her the Folly. So, Doc tells me that it appears you’ve been stowed away in one of the crates. What’s your purpose?”

Before Andrew could answer a fifth dwarf walked up behind the other four. He was everything Andrew had expected of a dwarf, minus the full flowing beard. This man had a beard but like Amin it was kept neatly trimmed. Also, like Amin he long flowing locks of hair though his were a deep black. This man exuded leadership, his eyes serious and ice blue, with a chin that would make a brick layer jealous. He seemed tall for a dwarf and was heavily muscled with the look of a hero. He wore a beautifully made chainmail, though Andrew could place the metal used as it had a purple greenish iridescence to it that for some reason seemed innate to the metal and not some coating. This man wore a single piece of jewelry which if he was human would have been a wedding band that looked like it had not left this man’s finger in over a century. On his back was a Warhammer and, on his hip, a beautifully crafted revolver.

“Look at that Doc didn’t lie, it’s a human.” Said the newcomer.

“When have I ever lied?” said the disconnected voice.

“Doc, that was a figure of speech. I just didn’t figure our stowaway would have been human.”

“That’s pretty much the consensus of reaction so far, though nobody has asked me.” Andrew couldn’t keep himself from quipping.

“Are you not a human? You sure look like a human. Is he not a human?" asked the man.

“Yeah Capt, he’s human. Your eyes are as good as always.” Kopa said sarcastically with what Andrew thought might be a slight gleam in her eyes.

“So, you human?”

“Yeah, I’m a human. Pretty sure Biaobel wouldn’t have studied me if I wasn’t.”

“You know I met that guy once? Amazingly full of himself that one, especially for a person coming to beg us for a ceasefire. Which my mother gave him even though we all told her it was a bad idea.” Said the man they had called Capt.

“He literally atomized me without a thought and then reassembled me with one. Who is your mother that she could get that man to beg?”

“She’s a powerful woman let’s just leave it at that. Especially as I don’t know you and you just came off an elven ship. So, how long have you been in Biaobel’s research lab?”

“A few months I believe. It’s hard to keep track of time in that place.”

“Where you transferred from another…….crap what is the name for those elven slave owners again?” asked Rhem after drawing blank.

“Gaytals or something, right?” replied Uhla.

“Getl or Getleklic, Rhem. So as Rhem was trying to ask. Where you transferred from another Getleklic’s facility?” Aminci said in a flat tone.

“No, I haven’t met any of the Getl other than Biaobel. I….”

“Friend, you don’t look a few months old, so how is it that you came to be researched by, allegedly met with, and escape the Gealdicgelic himself?” Aminci said as he placed his hand on his gun. A motion he saw repeated by all but Uhla.

“I’m definitely more than a few months old, but I have only been in your galaxy for that long…”

All the dwarves simultaneously spat invectives to the effect of “Not my galaxy”

“First, this dreadful, chaotic, and magic-filled galaxy is called Chennon, we’re from Volundr. Volundr is a civilized galaxy where things are ordered and there almost no magic corrupting it. Well until Chennon crashed into ours. Likely by the will of that lunatic you claimed to have met. If you are in fact new, it would be good for you to know it’s a grave insult to insinuate that a dwarf is from Chennon. Some would like to take your life over it, friend. Most dwarves who witnessed it would likely say you deserved it too.

Just to ensure there is no misunderstanding, are you claiming your new to what we dwarves call the Realm? The Realm being the area of space which is encompassed by both galaxies” the Capt said, the previous smile having melted into a look as hard as granite.

“Yes, that is what I’m saying. We came here from Yuta looking for our lost ships.”

“You might be the luckiest human I have ever met or a really bad elven spy. Why come now after so long?”

“That’s a long story and one I’d be happy to tell, but preferably not trapped here in the bathroom sitting on a toilet that just molested me. Can you like handcuff me or something?”

“Why would cufflinks help? Are you needing a different shirt?” asked Kopa.

“I’m guessing that didn’t translate well. How about, do you need to restrain me before you take me to this room, I heard mentioned? I’ll be happy to answer any question I have an answer to, there.”

“I think we can accommodate that.” The capt replied before he threw a band of metal into the air, and it flew to Andrew before attaching itself to his right wrist. The force of the impact caused his arm to bounce behind his back where the band found his left wrist and bound them together.

As Andrew stood up to be led out, Aminci roughly pulled Andrew out of the bathroom and gave him a thorough and uncomfortable pat down.

“Why are you wearing a shirt mocking yourself?”

“Amin, right?”

“Aminci, only my friends call me Amin and last I checked we weren’t friends.”

“Sorry I meant no offence, Aminci. This shirt was also a gift from Biaobela after I was overcome by grief and tried to strike him. Which might have worked if he didn’t have some short of magical bubble which promptly turned me to atoms.”

“Wait if he turned you to atoms how are you here?” the captain said as he took the flank on andrew’s left.

“As I said before, he apparently has the ability to also reconstruct me from those same atoms, the dude is scary powerful. He changed my shirt to this pattern when he did so. I guess as a punishment, but it does show he has at least the smallest amount of humor left in him. Though I rarely saw it. I’m still trying to figure how your mother got someone like that to beg.” Andrew said as he turned toward the captain, addressing him with the last sentence.

“That will wait for another time. For how you’re going to be answering a lot of questions.”