Adelynn looked at Starla for a long moment and then scooted over to her pillow and wrapped her arms around her. Starla looked up for a moment. “You don’t have to—”
“Hush. You did the same thing for me when I was having nightmares.” She said. “You can let out whatever you need to.”
Starla buried her face in Adelynn’s chest and wept. She didn’t seem like she was really going to do much of anything for a moment and then Starla screamed. It was muffled by Adelynn, but it was the scream of someone who’s just had too much; or perhaps an animal who can’t understand loss.
Adelynn held on while she went through fazes of grief and came out the other side. Exhausted, Starla just held on for support.
“Anything else?” asked Adelynn.
“No. I think I’ve just never really dealt with it.” Starla took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “After she died, some of her close friends said they’d seen her online. I thought ‘What kind of sickos would say something like that?’ It planted a seed in my head where maybe she really wasn’t gone, so I had to know for sure. I breached the security for the morgue where the dead were being taken and found the video of her autopsy. The coroner made note of her injuries and how her head was crushed and she would have been killed instantly. They took detailed notes of her tattoos that I’d seen just a month prior and it had to be her.”
Starla closed her eyes before continuing. “The coroner found the gold chain around her neck and pulled it out. The ring I’d gotten her was on it. It was a silly thing with an H3 battery that would last decades and make a hologram of a huge gemstone. It was the first thing I’d gotten her when she finally let me know what city she lived in. She had a P.O. Box for anonymous deliveries and I sent it there. The coroner sat it down on a table like it was just worthless junk and that kind of shut me down. I just couldn’t think about it anymore. That represented three and a half years of my life and now it was just a twisted hunk of metal.”
“I think you must have been holding onto some guilt this whole time Starla.” Said Adelynn.
“Yeah. I was. She was upset that I wasn’t who she thought I was and I didn’t really even consider her feelings on the matter. I couldn’t even make things right between us. I hated leaving something like that undone. I hated that just the day before I was in the Whispering Wench complaining that she wouldn’t accept me for who I was and the Barkeep just listened while I tried my best to keep the damn pervy poltergeist away. I just wanted to talk and not be distracted. When I went back after she’d died all I could do was just focus on that god forsaken ghost and not even talk it out or mourn properly.”
“It was pretty persistent.”
“My frustrations and helplessness boiled to a head that day and I said I’d deal with the ghost. I thought I might have done it, since I burned the place to the pillars. I think getting goosed by a phantom brought all that back to the front of my mind.”
Adelynn held Starla for a bit longer and then Starla looked up at her. “Thanks. I mean it.”
“Anytime.”
“I need to eat. I haven’t in, uhh, sixteen hours. I’m going to log out, okay?”
“You’ll be alright?” Adelynn asked.
Starla nodded. “Yeah. I won’t do anything rash or stupid, I promise. I just need food and a nice hot shower. I’ll even come back in… under three hours.”
“Long time to eat and shower.”
“It’ll probably be a long shower. Water helps to wash away the negative feelings.”
Adelynn stood up. “Can I look around here?”
“Sure, do whatever you want.” Adelynn got a message that she was able to access the home storage and decoration system. “Here you go.”
“Oh, thanks.” Said Adelynn. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, I’ll come back to you.” Said Starla. She turned quickly before Adelynn could see her blush at such a statement. Starla opened the door to Headspace and jumped through the portal without another word.
Adelynn stood there for a moment and then opened her menu to find the housing menu. She turned pulled out the list of items and started fiddling around.
Alone and in near darkness, he sat up from his Headspacer rig. It glowed faintly and his eyes were adjusted to the gloom and he didn’t need any other light. He squirmed out of his rig which hummed even when he wasn’t in it and put his hand on the wall to steady himself. He didn’t feel weak, just emotionally drained, but he could deal with that after he used the bathroom.
When he was finished, he grabbed a protein rich snack bar and downed it with enriched water. He took a deep breath and pulled open a drawer on an old dresser. He’d found the dresser on the roadside and it wasn’t terribly heavy, just really, really ugly. It didn’t smell bad, just like old wood and the ghosts of mothballs, but someone had painted it in trippy neon paints and it offended most eyes that fell upon it which made it perfect for his dark apartment.
Inside the small top drawer was a manilla envelope and the address on the front read ‘Starla Starfall’ and had the address of a P.O. Box somewhere in New York City. He only rented it for the minimum time allowed, a month, to get this. He sometimes regretted having it. He certainly regretted having to lie to Lilreth’s mother about his relationship with her daughter, but seeing it on the video made him obsess over it.
He shook the envelope and a letter popped out with a beaten-up ring. Sometimes he thought about having it repaired, sometimes he thought about throwing it away. He didn’t have to read the letter again. The letter was just “Here’s what you asked for. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers in this terrible time.”
Molten trails slid down his cheeks as he closed his fist around the ring. Sharp edges tried to bore into his flesh and he remembered her face. He’d never forget it; it would just depend on his mood which version he saw, her laughing at a fireball exploding a latrine and sending a player flying or half of it missing.
He turned back to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He sat in it enjoying the water pounding down on him, seemingly washing his pain away. He found it wasn’t as intense as it had been before. Talking had seemed to help. He felt a pang of guilt from nuking the Whispering Wench, but that could be repaired. Nothing in that world couldn’t be fixed, unlike reality.
In reality, when you were broken, it was harder to put the pieces back together.
He used to think it was impossible, but he felt like his soul was healing. Before it was perhaps held together with a weak glue, but those bits were fusing and going to where they should.
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When he was done with his private misery he stood up and dried himself off. He put the ring on the counter and looked at it for a moment. “I think I’ll get you fixed.” He muttered to himself for no real reason except to hear his own voice. His cobbled together computer made an inquisitive beep nearby.
“Not you, you work just fine.” He said. “Oh, find me a jeweler who can repair this thing.”
His system, which was fairly smart for an A.I., made an affirmative squawk and sent the information it had found to a printer which turned on, ground gears for a moment and spat out an envelope and a pre-written letter asking that the ring be repaired and not replaced, for sentimental reasons. The letter got stuck in the printer for a moment and he had to give it a good yank to free it. He briefly wondered why printers could never, ever work perfectly, then he slid everything in the envelope and hesitated.
He didn’t hesitate because he wasn’t really sure about fixing the ring. He hesitated because he hadn’t really left his apartment since the visit. His food got delivered every month and he paid all his bills on time and he didn’t need to step outside for anything. Besides, he was ‘outside’ all the time, at least in Headspace. His system was cobbled together from several ‘somewhat broken’ Headspacers and a fairly new one that he stuck his head in to get online. He wasn’t sure how they worked, but he’d figured out how to daisy-chain the processing power together; although if Adelynn’s loading speed was any indicator, he might need to get a newer unit involved soon.
“What’s today Zeebee?” he asked aloud. His A.I., who he’d named ‘Zorkbork’ because of a silly decision that had stuck, sent the information to his subdermal display showing Monday the first of July. “Oh, monthly delivery today.” He opened his door and stuck the envelope to the door with a note to please drop at the nearest physical mail facility. The delivery drone wouldn’t always understand what ‘pmail’ was, even if it had been part of the lexicon for twenty years.
With that all handled he took a deep breath. He felt better than he had in years. He pulled the soft liner off the squishy recliner that he’d worked his Headspacer into and replaced it with a fresh one. He climbed back into the recliner and pulled a light blanket over himself before logging back in.
The apartment returned to its default state of dark and quiet; save for the constant hum of equipment and the lone figure whose mind was worlds away.
Adelynn had set a timer for herself to let her know when three hours had passed and had forgotten about it. She was having fun pulling things out of storage and putting down things she liked and putting back things she didn’t. After two hours she’d a pile of furniture and a whole table full of lamps and light sources which changed depending on where you put them. They could look wall mounted or ceiling mounted or even floating magically and she brightened the place up while giving it a nice modern, but homey lived in look.
While she was doing that her mind was wondering about what Starla had said. Starla had been rejected in reality, but what did that entail? Adelynn knew everyone at her firm and she’d met them all in person. John wasn’t that much of a looker and he was just some average guy who happened to have a law firm. Michi was a bit more out of shape, but kind of what she expected from the voice alone; of course, that was before his avatar was something more than a chess piece. Ellen seemed to match her avatar the closest, since she was just the most average looking lady; her eyes however, those betrayed her in reality. There was an almost malicious intellect behind those and Adelynn was happy that she’d never be on the receiving end of it. Of course that left Izzy their newest recruit, who was almost as advertised; a cute little twig of a girl who probably needed a better appetite.
“Oh.” Thought Adelynn, “What if Starla isn’t a lady? Would that get her rejected? Or what if Lilreth thought she was really a dude and wasn’t that? Or maybe she’s not a perfect lady with spun gold for hair and a killer smile?”
Adelynn shrugged. It didn’t matter to her really. Starla was her friend and she really needed a friend now. Her best friend couldn’t be there for her because of the dizzying and she didn’t have a lot of other people to talk to. Dizzying was a rare disorder where the person who tried a Headspacer just felt like they were being spun in a centrifuge.
She looked up at the mess she’d made and started cleaning it up keeping the most interesting looking lights and putting away some of the more boring models. “I should call Cherie.” She said aloud. After looking at what time it was, she decided she’d try to make that call out of Mythticle. Cherie could at least do video calls. Since she was in Mythticle, she’d be speaking into a magical mirror she found in the house inventory, which was kind of neat.
For a moment the mirror swirled into mists and flashed until Cherie picked up. “No video” floated in the mists for a moment.
“Hello?” came her friend’s voice.
“Cherie! It’s Adelynn.” The no video text vanished and the mists swirled away to reveal Cherie in her kitchen. The sun was shining and Adelynn could see her extensive garden out the picture window behind her.
“Oh my!” said Cherie. “You became an elf?”
Adelynn laughed. “Oh sorry, I forgot about that. I’m in a game where people can be elves and stuff. This is just my avatar there.”
“No matter, I’m glad to see you.” Said Cherie. “All I ever get is that you’re in recovery.”
“It’s going to be a while before I’m out.” Said Adelynn.
“I shouldn’t have asked you to come see me.” Said Cherie. Her face showed a range of guilt and regret that was unwarranted.
“I’m still going to come and see you when I’m better.” Said Adelynn. “I want to see your garden for myself. Besides, its not your fault by any stretch of the imagination. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“But you wouldn’t have been there…”
“Shush. It would have been someone else then. At least this way I know that person getting hit survived.”
Cherie didn’t really have a reply to that, but she guessed it could have been worse for someone else, like if a child had gotten hit it would have just been game over. “How bad was it really?” she asked.
Adelynn looked to the side for a moment. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes. You’re still my best friend and I can’t stand not knowing.”
“Alright, I was probably dead for a bit before being revived. I don’t know how, but I stared that oblivion in the eyes and I somehow pushed it away.”
Cherie stared at her. “You’re serious.”
“Yes. I had a hard time overcoming the experience, but I met someone who helped me get through it.”
“Oh?” asked Cherie. “A special someone?”
Adelynn felt herself blush a bit and tried not to show it. “Not in that way.” She said mentally adding ‘maybe’. There was a chime in the room to signal a player returning and Starla appeared.
“Oh! She’s here now!”
Cherie didn’t seem to expect that. “Hey, come meet my friend!” yelled Adelynn through the house.
“Okay.” Came the reply. There was a moment of hesitation and then Starla stepped out in all her silvery, space-hooker, radiant glory. Her blonde hair and shining smile were back and she seemed to glow all on her own.
Adelynn noticed that Starla seemed to be in a much better place mentally.
“Hi.” She said to the lady in the mirror. “Adelynn mentioned she had a friend with the dizzying, that must be you.”
“Yes, that’s me.” She said. “Miss…”
“Oh, I’m Starla. Adelynn and I met when she got herself in trouble and I saved her from a pack of critters.”
“Oh, how nice of you.”
“Your yard looks amazing.” Said Starla looking past Cherie. “I haven’t ever seen anywhere like that in reality.”
“When I’m better we should go.” Said Adelynn before she thought about what she was saying.
Starla looked at Adelynn looking at her and her smile softened. “That would be nice.”
Adelynn stared at Starla for a moment before Cherie cleared her throat. “Of course, you’re welcome when you’re better Adelynn. Just let me know how you’re coming along.”
“Of course!” replied Adelynn, “I can’t wait to see you again.”
“I’ll let you get back to slaying monsters or whatever.” Said Cherie.
“Thanks! I’ll keep in touch!” replied Adelynn before the mists swirled in the mirror and it returned to the normal function of a mirror.
“You’re looking much better.” Said Adelynn.
“I am?” replied Starla. “I just had a nice shower.” She twiddled with her hands for a moment. “Thanks. I don’t think I ever really processed that. Can we never speak of it again?”
Adelynn grinned. “Don’t want anyone to know that the Great and Powerful Starla Starfall the Destroyer of Cities and probably worlds if they let you actually has an emotional side?”
“One person knowing is enough and at least it seems to be the right person.”
Adelynn twitched a bit and changed the subject. “So, what’s next?”
Starla’s brow furrowed. “A fight with a leviathan that’s kind of crap. I can’t solo it because it’s a fight for twenty-four people around level thirty. We’ll have to get some help, especially since you’re probably under-level for it.”
Adelynn opened up her status window. “Uh, I’m level thirty-one.”
“How!?” asked Starla squeezing up next to Adelynn and looking at her status window. “You were just hitting the twenties.” She was indeed level thirty-one. “Well, nevermind. We’re still going to need help, but you’ll do just fine.”
Starla reached up and touched her earring. “Hey Avara, got a minute?”