That night Isse didn’t dream. She just laid there, a small smile on her face, Anda lying beside her on her own hammock, an arm around her waist. There was something to be said about falling asleep with someone in your arms. Something comforting. That warmed your heart and made you feel good. It was so cliché, but that was because it was true. Isse had never had the chance to feel that sensation. She’d never had a boyfriend back home, nor a friend this close.
Hell, now that she thought about it, she had never even been invited to any pajama parties or such. She’d always hung out with her friends at school or outside. Maybe Siidi was right. Maybe they’d never really been that close to begin with. She was just a face with a name, and she had the feeling that, back home, they were already starting to forget that simple word.
Her name.
What was her name?
The name she had before coming here. She… she had forgotten. Issekina was her name now, and it filled the space where the old one had been. There was nothing of the old her in that place. It was disheartening, in a way. She had nothing to tie her to her old world. Nothing that made her want to go back. Her parents, maybe, but did she have the right to go back to them? After all the pain and suffering they’d gone through because of her? No, they deserved some peace and quiet. They were going to be sad, to cry and wail and be angry, but they’d eventually get over it. They had to. She hoped they would. She wasn’t worth destroying what was left of their lives over.
Then the sad thoughts were swept away, both by the sleepiness and the warmth of her sister’s, her soulmate as Makira called her, hug.
She slept.
And darkness was there to greet her.
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The next morning, as the gentle harp played around the clearing, she woke up with the sensation of words resounding in her head. They were hers, because it was her body, but at the same time they weren’t:
[Hostile Soul Half Level 2!]
[Skill - Host: Enhance Senses obtained!]
[Skill - Make Suggestion obtained!]
What did that mean? Was it good? And why did those words keep feeling red? It didn’t feel good.
Don’t worry your little head over it, said the Voice, It’s something for me. It’ll help us.
And those words felt right. So she stopped worrying about it and started the day.
Then a memory surfaced in her still sleep-addled mind: how Grandmother had told her to come visit her after breakfast. A shiver ran down her spine as fear took hold of her guts with an iron fist and started squeezing. Siidi, too, went abruptly silent in her mind, the little tune she’d been humming in time with the harp dying in her metaphorical mouth.
Well, fuck, had forgotten about that one.
Their thoughts were completely in sync on that front.
We can’t just, you know, not go?, asked Isse with a hint of hope in her thoughts.
No, we can not. Or do you want to get your soul sucked out or something?
... Can she actually do that?
I don’t know and I sincerely do not want to know.
What, you, the all knowing Voice In My Head, don’t know anything about Grandmother?
Well fuck you too lady, I died before she was born.
Or you forgot.
I would never forget a woman like her.
Suuuuuuureeeeeeeee…
Don’t use that patronizing tone with me, young lady.
Said the newborn.
A little chuckle escaped her lips as Siidi sighed. Was this how siblings felt all the time? If so, she didn’t envy them. Now that she thought about it, didn’t some of her friends have siblings? She… wasn’t sure. It was just the beginning of her third day, and already she was forgetting so much?
"Good morning, little spiderlings. How are you feeling this morning? Ready for another day?"
Low chittering erupted around the clearing in what the adult arachne believed was agreement.
"Very well, then get up lazypaws, and come have breakfast. Today is a big day. Well, like most days!"
Not for the first time, Isse wondered how some people managed to be this energetic first thing in the morning. It was probably some kind of black magic fuckery.
So she walked down her tree, Anda following her with sleepy eyes, her head ever so slowly nodding off into the world of dreams. It would be a while before she came to. Then she’d put to shame even Makira’s endless energy.
They had breakfast. Again, meat. This time it was rare, not well done like yesterday, which slightly put Isse off, since she’d never liked it that way. She soon found out that her arachne body had slightly changed her tastes, making her truly appreciate the blood still inside. It made the meat sweeter, but not as if someone had put sugar on it. More like a natural aftertaste that gave the meal more depth.
Wow, so many complex words to say 'it’s good'. Girl, you are verbose.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Shut up and enjoy the meal.
So they did.
And then, when it was time to go… somewhere, she didn’t know where they were bringing her sisters now, she was stopped by Makira.
"Now there, little Isse, I’m sorry, but you can’t go with them. Grandmother wanted to see you, remember? Don’t worry, she won’t hurt you. She just wants to help. And she will. She may seem harsh, but she just wants what’s good for you…"
After a while Isse just shut her endless droning out of her mind. She understood that Grandmother wanted to help, but that didn’t mean she liked the prospect.
The woman accompanied her, her voice slowly becoming a soothing tonic for her nerves. Sure, she wasn’t listening, but the sound was like a radio in a car: you didn’t always listen to the people on it, but it helped fill the silence when nobody talked.
They walked.
And then, silk began appearing all over the place. Small bits of spiderwebs touched her skin and slid off. She was pretty sure that, had she not been an arachne, by now she would be tangled and probably swarmed by a dozen of her kin.
They kept walking, silk parting ahead of Makira’s steps, and then they were there, in that white clearing.
Grandmother, as always, was at its dead center, her eyes closed, but her head turned right their way, looking without looking.
"You arrived. Good. Come, child."
She spoke, her voice deep as the darkest depths of the sea yet also feminine, as old as time, and, maybe, just a bit tired.
Issekina walked towards Grandmother, her steps uncertain, sometimes faltering, until, in the end, she was right in front of the big, old, arachne. She looked up, and white eyes stared right at her, the ivory pupil just a pinprick in those wintry valleys.
"You are divided. You should not be. You should both be in control, be one. Trying to be the one in control will just lead to an endless cycle of despair that will inevitably get you killed."
The words were so matter-of-fact, so emotionless, that she might as well be a tired middle school teacher talking about America’s Civil War. Or the groceries. You choose which one sounds more boring.
"That will be fixed. Starting from now."
She lifted her right hand and, ever so slowly, reached out towards Isse’s head. Then, gently, she touched her hair. Cold immediately seeped from them and reached down towards her face, her eyes hurting with the beginning of the worst brain-freeze-headache of her life.
"[Trials Of The Mind]." she spoke softly.
And the world went dark.
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There exist theories about the possibility to create, in one’s mind, a place called ‘Memory Palace’, also sometimes referred to as ‘Mind Castle’. It is a place built out of a memory of a place often visited and well known by a person. A place where one can, theoretically, store memories like one does documents in an archive. It is not an easy process, takes time, and a lot of introspection.
Yet, Issekina had to do nothing like that. Maybe it was luck, most probably it was all a consequence of the interminable hours spent in a hospital bed with nothing to do. Sure, she had books, and television, and games, but after a few months even those grew dull. So she had spent a very long time just… living in her mind. Creating her own little worlds inside her head, stories where she was the protagonist and walked around defeating ever stranger and stronger enemies, in a world that slowly grew so large it would put Narnia’s worldbuilding to shame.
Such a long time spent changing herself, seeing all her flaws and finding ways to fix them, telling herself she was going to apply those ideas when she finally left that hospital.
It had shaped her mind.
It had shaped the place in front of her eyes right now.
A grand palace of marble and wood, decorated with arches of impossible proportions in a style that reminded her slightly of a cathedral. Gargoyles adorned the sides, their monstrous faces making funny expressions as they waited for rain to quench their eternal thirst, not knowing that would never happen. Stained glass windows adorned the whole place, their colors creating hypnotic and nonsensical patterns in most places, while showing moments of great heroism in others. Her fantasies, forever trapped in that glass.
And, at the very center, jutting out like a sore thumb, was a grand irish oak, its green leaves reaching as far high as the tallest spire, overshadowing everything in a reminder of what Isse had always wanted people to think of her: that she was a brave and strong person.
Her parents and the doctors always told her that she was, but those were mere words she didn’t believe in. Couldn’t let herself believe in. For what was so brave about sitting in a hospital bed? What was so strong about being unable to get up in a sitting position without someone’s help some days?
She didn’t feel strong and brave. But here? In this new world? Maybe she’d get the chance.
"You know, all things considered, I like this place. It’s quite flashy," said a voice behind her. No. The Voice.
Isse turned around, and there, standing on her spidery legs, was Siidi, smiling slightly.
"But I don’t want to spend my life here, trapped as I watch you walk the world and use this body as yours. It’s not. This was supposed to be my body, my new life. Not yours."
Issekina opened her mouth to probably say some kind of witty comeback, but was stopped in her tracks when a deep, old, tired, disembodied voice, spoke all around them. It sent shivers down her figurative spine, because it felt wrong on so many level. Someone was in her mind other her and Siidi. It felt so violating.
"It doesn’t matter who was supposed to get this body, spiderling. What matters is who has it now. Which happens to be both of you. But you are separate, divided, split. Two sides of the same coin. And, like a coin, heads cannot exist without tails. That is why you are here."
Grandmother paused.
"This place is beautiful, child. I am surprised one so young can have something like this. But you are Gifted, it is to be expected. Do not worry, I shall not touch this place."
A sound like fingers snapping echoed around them.
Then the scenario changed.
No longer was the beautiful castle-cathedral around them. Now, they were in a room with a ceiling so high they couldn’t see the top. And, all around it, criss-crossing without rhyme or reasons, hung hundreds of thousands upon thousands of white threads of spider silk. Looking up gave Isse a headache nearly immediately. Which translated in her mind beginning to shake, the walls around them moving as if an earthquake was wreaking havoc around.
Naturally, that didn’t help, because as she looked up and stared at the now moving threads creating mesmerizing patterns, it only got worse, with the added effect of making her unable to look away.
"Get a hold of yourself little human," shouted a voice that sounded oh so distant. She didn’t listen. She didn’t care. All that mattered were the beautiful visions that those myriads of threads kept creating. She was sure that, if she kept looking long enough, she would find the answer to any and all questions she had in her life.
Her face felt wet as tears streamed down her eyes while she stared at those beautiful images, seeing nostalgic moments from her past life. There, on the right, for a moment she saw her parents teaching her how to swim, her mother encouraging her as she doggy swam around with her armbands helping her stay afloat. Meanwhile her father, in the background, couldn’t wait for her to learn to swim so that he could throw her in the water.
Then it disappeared, and instead she saw, there on the left, her mother cooking her favourite dish: gnocchi with ragout. A simple dish, but her mother used some kind of special recipe she swore up and down had been passed on for centuries now by her family, from mother to daughter. She’d never gotten the chance to tell it to her, in the end.
And then, oh, right up there, yes, there were the doctors as they finally gave her that medicine she had waited for so long! Right there, in that little syringe they were now injecting in her IV drip. She could nearly feel it as it travelled down and entered her arm, the liquid just that tiny bit colder than her body, so she felt it travel down her veins for a moment, feeling the hot, nearly burning, sensation caused by the contrast, before it disappeared down and up her arm, and she sighed in relief.
She was there, after that, walking to school, meeting her friends again, talking and laughing and embracing each other. There was this strange sound there, in the background, like someone shouting. And there was this strange feeling on her face, like it was wet, but when she brushed a finger to her nose and eyes it came off completely dry.
Her friends asked if everything was alright, and she nodded, smiling, saying that all was well, that it simply couldn’t get better.
But it did, as not long after she finally got asked out by her crush!
Then time seemed to fly, as she graduated from high school, she, her friends and her boyfriend spending that evening at an expensive restaurant with wine and good food to keep them company as they reminisced about those past few years, unloading all the stress, insulting teachers and remembering fondly their best moments.
Then she was in college.
And on the night she got a degree in architecture her boyfriend proposed to her, asking her to marry him.
And then…
Then it all disappeared.
And she woke up.
----------------------------------------
Isse lay on the ground as Grandmother stared down at her, white eyes piercing right through her soul.
"Leave all that behind, little one. Tying yourself to those desires will only hurt you."
Her expression was emotionless, as always, yet she was almost certain that, for a moment, she saw sadness in those eyes. Then the emotion was drowned into that white nothingness.
"You will come back here in one week. You are dismissed," she added, before lifting her eyes away from her, closing them, as she looked towards the white, silken ceiling, looking for a sun that wasn’t there.
Slowly, carefully, since she still felt unstable, she got up from the surprisingly soft ground, and crawled away as fast as she could without falling over.
She realized, then, that her face was wet. Wet from tears and blood running down her nose. And she realized: it had all been fake. Everything she’d seen. Just a creation of silk built in her mind to mock her desires, what she wished from the bottom of her heart. Just a way to remind her how much life had fucked her over, how much she’d lost. How much she would never, could never, get back. How much she most probably would never get even in this world, for she was an arachne, despised by all other living beings.
You are not worthy of this body.
This was what the Voice kept telling her, ire barely restrained.
You were given a second chance, and yet you’re still bound to your old self. You are an unworthy idiot!
No, she wasn’t! She would prove it. She just… needed time. Time to get used to this. Time to forget. Time to change.