"You have to understand," Dr. Fossey began, "I was only doing what I thought was right."

"Right?" replied Dr. Gramheist (or was it Dr. Bucyrus?), "how was assaulting and tying me up at a train station last summer right?"

"I think we need more context," interjected Augusta. She had made herself comfortable on the sitting room sofa and was watching both men as if they were putting on a show. Albert sat awkwardly next to her, not quite sharing her level of interest. William remained standing in the doorway- after all, his wife was upstairs and unwell; her recovery (if possible) would at least be one bit of good in this dark time.

"I think we can discuss this later," the patriach offered, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"Oh, yes, well, I suppose context would help," Dr. Fossey looked over to his opponent. "You see, Thurmank and I went to medical school together. Oh, it was many years ago, but I have known him for quite some time."

"Except you didn't recognize me just now," quipped Dr. Gramheist.

"That's because you've really let yourself go."

"So, that was back when cavemen roamed the Earth?" joked Augusta. Neither men seemed to find it particularly funny.

"Needless to say, I've known Thurmank and his interest in the lesser sciences for years," continued Dr. Fossey. Dr. Gramheist stamped his foot in frustration.

"Psychology is not a lesser science, Reginald," he protested, "you're a general practitioner. A jack of all trades but master of none! I focus on one area and do it well!"

"Debatable," grumbled Augusta.

"Okay, yes, you are old classmates," said William, motioning in the direction of the main staircase, "so you've had a school boy rivalry for years. Mystery solved. Now, Dr. Fossey, would you please follow me and look at my poor Minnie-"

" 'School boy rivalry'?" Dr. Gramheist started to chuckle. "Oh no, Mr. Dilly. I do believe Reginald is jealous of my talents. That's what it is. I certainly have no reason to consider him my rival."

"Wait, so is he as bad a doctor as you?" Albert looked concerned to his mother, but Augusta was far too wrapped up in the drama to notice.

"Me? JEALOUS? Ha!" Dr. Fossey shook his head with a strong defiance. "No, I pity you, Thurmank, if anything. So devoted to being a psychologist, not realizing what a fool you look to real trained professionals..."

"-So then please get to the point," William sighed, "what is the reason for the assaults on one another? Surely as doctors your goal is to save patients and with these squabbles and attacks and delays that seems counter-intuitive."

"Oh, sir, I assure you," Dr. Fossey suddenly made himself stand tall, as if trying to look noble, "my actions at the train station last year were done purely with the well-being of patients in mind."

"What?!" Dr. Gramheist quickly reacted, "you did that because you were selfish!"

"Was not! It was for the greater good!"

" 'Greater good'?" Gramheist huffed, "Why don't you tell everyone why we were at the train station in the first place!"

There was a moment silence as Dr. Fossey seemed to collect his words.

"Why, we...we were heading to Utica." he finally said. "The eight-thirty train."

"And why were we heading to Utica- you and I specifically?" Dr. Gramheist pressed.

"...to meet the King of England," Dr. Fossey sheepishly.

The Dillys looked to one another. That certainly was a surprising reason for the two men to be together.

"Why on Earth would either of you be meeting the King of England?" ventured Augusta.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"We were invited- well, rather, we were asked to go on behalf of Medicus University, our shared alma mater. Apparently the King was in the US on a tour of the states and looking to invest some royal money in the advancement of medical studies. This was meant to be a fundraiser for the university, so it was very important things went well. "

"Yes, you were chosen to represent the physical medicine side of the institution, and I to represent the mental side of the institution, the newest and greatest medical field," said Dr. Gramheist. "But apparently someone did not want me to go. He wanted to meet King Edward all on his own!"

"That is not true," Dr. Fossey quickly countered, "I wanted to make sure the King got a good impression of Medicus University! The goal was to convince him to invest, not drive him away! You with your quacky discussions of lobotomies and cortexes, you would have overwhelmed and frankly terrified his royal highness! He is a very traditional man, and you with your...your theories..."

"So, if I'm following your tale," interjected Augusta, "You, Dr. Fossey, decided that instead of both meeting with the King of England as representatives of your university, it was best to tie up Dr. Gramheist and leave him behind to ensure the visit went more smoothly."

"Yes, precisely," Fossey nodded, "I was doing this for the greater good. Not because I felt any joy for my actions or envy for Thurmank."

"Before you tied me up you knocked me out by hitting me in the head!" Dr. Gramheist grumbled, "I would say that shows some form of strong negative emotion towards me."

"I suppose you were more of a gentleman at the docks to use chloroform on me," confessed Dr. Fossey, "for my use of force on you, I apologize. But surely you understand why I did what I had to do."

"But I was chosen just as much as you were to meet King Edward, Reginald! So, no, I do not understand at all why you would not just let me go as well! I am very much an alumnus of Medicus University as you! I had a right to be there- I was REQUESTED to be there!"

"And how were you received by the King?" inquired Albert.

Dr. Fossey let out a sigh. "His majesty decided last minute he wanted to go to Niagara Falls and look at nature instead of discuss investing in small medical universities with unknown doctors. And it wasn't even the US side of the Falls he visited- it was the Canadian side."

"The Canadian side is more fun," confessed Augusta.

"Yes, well, meanwhile I was left tied up in the train station!" exclaimed Dr. Gramheist, "by the time I was found I was apparently drooling in my unconsciousness. And I did some other things while out cold, natural body functions but still quite embarrassing! And then there was the matter of all my colleagues whom I told before I left that I would be meeting the King of England! How they mocked me and said I made the whole thing up! I had been planning on taking a photograph with King Edward as proof, you know. Packed my camera and everything. Now all I had was a bump on my head, soiled trousers, and no good explanation of what happened other than, what, the knowledge my own fellow doctor thought my work too impractical to trust me to represent the university well?" He shot a look at Dr. Fossey.

"So, of course I had to change my name," he continued, " 'Thurmank Bucyrus' was the laughingstock of the medical world now. But I must say, Vesuvius Gramheist has a better ring to it."

"But you're still a laughingstock," said Augusta, matter-of-factly.

"I am not. I am the psychologist of the well-to-do," Dr. Gramheist corrected her.

"It still doesn't justify you attacking ME at the docks yesterday," said Dr. Fossey, "You were just being petty."

"I'M being petty? You're the one who-"

"-GENTLEMEN," William interrupted loudly, "I think we have more than explained how you know each other! Please, my wife needs medical attention. I implore you, Dr. Fossey, to come upstairs with me and look at her."

The two doctors stared at one another.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea," Dr. Fossey nodded. "Let me get my bag, I believe I left it out front when I knocked on the door." He began to walk back towards the main hall.

"You know, Reginald," Dr. Gramheist called after him, "I don't care what you think of me, whether or not you find practicing psychology a real science or not! It's here to stay!"

"Well, Thurmank," Dr. Fossey called back, "I will admit it is at least better than practicing vivisection!"

"Oh, yes, we agree there! Everything's better than practicing vivisection!" Dr. Gramheist nodded, straightening his robe.

"How nice, you two agree on something," Augusta said dryly.

"Well, of course. It is a matter most good doctors today will agree on. When Reginald and I were together at Medicus University there was a fellow who was obsessed with vivisection. Terrible man. His experiments were cruel and wholly unsuccessful. All the other medical students used to joke the only way his crazy ideas would work were if he were to learn magic or some other form of dark arts. Thankfully, he never got his medical degree- he dropped out well before then. Just as well, he would never have been doctor material. Not at all."

"Who's that, Thurmank?" Dr. Fossey had returned to the room and just caught the end of the conversation.

"This way, Dr. Fossey," William directed with his hand.

"You brought up vivisection, I was explaining that we had an odd classmate once quite interested in that."

"Oh yes," Dr. Fossey nodded his head as he followed William towards the main staircase. "I remember him well. Very strange man. Still remember his name too."

"As do I, Reginald," replied Dr. Gramheist.

In unison, the two men exclaimed: "Menelaus Winslow Groat!"

William froze in place. Both Augusta and Albert did too.