"Yyaaawwwnnn..."
With a stretch I wake up to the cold 4 am breeze. I notice my rooms completely black except for the glowing light of my desktop monitor. Half stumbling and half rolling out of bed I crawl to my stairs. Like a hungover baby, I navigate down the stairs and make my way to the kitchen. Arriving I pop my head out through the half-opened window and gaze upon the half-baked sunrise.
Turning my head away I drag myself over to the fridge to prepare my breakfast when suddenly a wet sound rings in my ears it was like some crossbreed of a sneeze and a fart.
My vision turned completely white and then as if to mock my senses it turned pitch black. It was that wonderful warm darkness of sleep I had come to enjoy.
'I could just fall to sleep here.' I thought as my soul curled into a ball.
Just before I could drift off though I heard a thunderously booming voice that pierced my ears and snatched me from my sleep.
"FIEND YUKI!!! MY MOST GRACIOUS FRIEND!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!" The voice boomed.
My soul opened an irritated eye at the obnoxious thing that had awoken me from my sleep.
"You should be sorry you wretch! You woke me from my sleep!" I yelled at it.
"I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR WAKING YOU, MY FRIEND!!!" The voice boomed again.
My soul shrunk away in anger from this overbearing and loud imbecile.
I sigh and try to forgive this guy for waking me up. I don't even know him, do I? WAIT! Who is this guy watching me sleep?
"I'm over it dude, but could you tell me who exactly you are and why your lurking over my bed?" I say in a calm voice as not to provoke the unknown and possibly unstable man watching me sleep.
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"YES! I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED MORTAL! FOR I AM YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD GOD!!!" The voice yelled.
What a drag...I just want to sleep but instead, this weirdo with a God complex is probably going to kill me.
"HAHA MORTAL YOU ARE VERY FUNNY. HOWEVER, I'VE ALREADY KILLED YOU!" The voice announced.
Wow, this dude even reads minds! It's almost worth waking up for!
"YES! RIGHT YOU ARE MORTAL FRIEND! I, THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE, KILLED YOU BY MISTAKE!" God yelled.
If I'm dead and your God, then answer me one thing.
"SURE!" God said excited for the challenge.
Boobs or Butts?
God lent over to my soul and whispered something into my ear.
My face lit up with an enlightened shine of realization.
Yup your God alright.
"DO NOT TELL ANYONE WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU TODAY MORTAL!" God said in an embarrassed shout.
What's in it for me?
"MORTAL YOU ARE TESTING MY PATIENCE. HOWEVER IN RETURN FOR KILLING YOU AND YOUR SILENCE I WILL ALLOW YOU TO REINCARNATE IN A FANTASY WORLD LIKE IN ONE OF YOUR MANY DREAMS." God loudly said.
Through in some cheats and you got a deal.
"FINE. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORTAL?" God conceded.
I want to be able to sleep whenever I want uninterpreted! And whilst you're at it throw in one of those video game systems that makes me stronger when I sleep.
And before I could ask for any more cool shit God must have knocked me unconscious.