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A village, a daughter, a friend you lost,
Love, Joy, Empathy, all of them you tossed;
For a happy ending, you tried to sought,
You still paid the price no matter the cost.
– Valerio Kono
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As I continued to walk alone down the long, desolate hallway, my mind raced with a lot of questions and thoughts. The purple stone in my hand, now stained with my blood, serves as a grim reminder of the choices I've made and the path I've taken. Still, I can't help but feel a sense of uncertainty, and doubts about my situation. Am I truly waiting for a better opportunity, or is there something or a certain someone holding me back? If I already severed my ties from my past, why would they all matter to me until now?
Rubbing my forehead for a short moment, with all of those thoughts running in my head, I then soon took a deep breath and stood straight. Trying to gain my composure once again, opening my eyes, I looked around me one more time before I decided to knock on the door in front of me before finally entering the room. It was dark with only the fireplace giving light, and there she was. Majestically sitting on her single red couch, with her serious and cold gaze looking through the window with crossed legs, while having a glass of wine in her hand which she whirls around casually.
"Your hand is bleeding…" she said without looking at me, though I could see her blank expression in her reflection on the window. "...Were you trying to stop your stone from getting in your head? To perhaps not force you to make another huge mistake like you did for the past two weeks now behind my back?" she asked as her tone shifted in a slight serious tone and her grip on her glass tightened shortly, before drinking her wine.
"Was it truly necessary to ask such an obvious question when you already know the answer?" I asked in a monotone voice, closing the door behind me. "Or perhaps… that was your best ‘attempt’ to show like you do care about what was happening to me?"
She lets out a tired sigh, finally turning her head to look at me. "Are you doubting me now?" Placing her glass on the tableside, she then stood up then slowly approached me. "...Like everything else you had been thinking about yourself for a long while now?"
After staring down at her directly into her eyes for a short moment, instead of saying anything as a rebuttal or a response that would cause another fight, I chose to look away. Letting her grab my wounded hand and let her heal it with her healing magic.
"You know it yourself that you could have used the stone’s power to heal your wound, and yet here you are. Letting your superior do it for you…" she said as I scoffed.
"And I never asked you to heal it." I replied. "Her Majesty knows that she could have just let it bleed, or just waited for my stone to let it heal for me. And yet she still chose to stand up from your comfortable seat and made your way to me just to do this..." I raised an eyebrow as I looked down at her. "Which makes me wonder if Her Majesty is just doing this out of desperation to prove a point of her claim of caring for her people…"
Her stern glance met mine as she threw my now healed hand. "How ungrateful…"
As she walked away, now heading back to her seat, I looked down at my hand and sighed. "Her Majesty knows it herself that she cannot tell me not to doubt myself, to let go of the past, when she is also in doubt of her own thoughts and past… Am I wrong?"
"No. You are right… But I do not find it necessary for you to point it out," she paused, sitting back in her seat. "Especially when that is not the reason why I called you here tonight, and I am not in a great spirit to be in another long argument with you…"
I nodded my head a bit, "Right… My apologies for that." I then responded before soon sitting on the sofa across from her. "So… what shall this discussion be about then?"
Out of the blue, I immediately closed my eyes as quick memories of what I did for the past few weeks suddenly flashed in my mind, and caused my head to hurt a lot. "You are still aware of your own past actions, are you not?" she asked, pouring the bottle of wine on my glass. "I know that any punishment that I would be giving you at this point would just be a slap on the wrist for you, when I believe the pain it would cause would be numb to you. Instead… I would be letting him give it to you once he arrives tomorrow."
I groaned a bit and shook my head, "Can I not ask for you to give my punishment instead? No matter how harsh it may be, I don’t think my stone would make me feel as numb from the pain. Or just don’t let me have it with me at all— Just… not from him."
"So… you are still afraid of him? After all these years that has passed." she asked, raising an eyebrow at me with her hand placed under her chin. "You truly should have thought about that before you gave her those threats, twice. You know it yourself that even if I were not to give that information to him, he will know about it one way or an—"
"I KNOW THAT!" I shouted suddenly before looking down, panting heavily. "I’m very much aware of that… I’m aware of the consequences of all of my actions and yet…"
"And yet you still did what you did, as if you never feared such consequences that would follow right after," she added. "Perhaps you truly never truly feared me, despite being your superior. But you fear him because of what he has that supposedly belongs to you…" She tilted her head a bit as she asked, "You still would know of such a feeling of wanting to keep someone dear protected, do you not? Or have you already forgotten it?"
I scoffed, removing my hand from my head as my gaze looked at her. "No, I haven’t forgotten about it. And it’s fortunate for me that I can still act more human than you had ever been for the past several years now…" I responded as her gaze became more stern and her hands clenched tightly onto her dress. The room slowly became colder than how it was a moment ago, the sudden breeze almost putting out the fire from the fireplace.
She then soon let out a sigh, seemingly trying to keep her composure the best she could attempt to do. "I suppose… it would be that much of a
hypocrite of me to deny that my harsh words of truth were never provoking towards you," she said. "But as I stated earlier, I am not in a very great spirit to be in another long argument with you. So, I would much prefer it if you were not to attempt to further continue in such a path..."
I stared at her in silence for several seconds before finally nodding my head a bit and responding, "As you wish, your Majesty… And my sincere apologies for my behavior just now as well." then grabbed the glass of cold wine on the table in front of me as she turned her head away from me. Taking a sip from it as my gaze never left her. Afterall, our very strange relationship between Ruler and Head General has always been like this.
Stating obvious ‘truths’ about one another that would escalate to an argument, at times there were slappings involved from her side, but nevertheless, I didn’t mind any of it at all. I didn’t mind the pain she would inflict on me. I didn’t mind the short or long arguments we had from time to time that one of us would have started. And strangely enough, my wife and I weren’t even like this back when she was still alive. I wonder why.
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I soon noticed her head turned to look at me, "Are you perhaps questioning now as to why I still keep you around despite your false loyalty to me?" she asked, pouring wine into her empty glass and then taking a sip from it. As she raised it in my head level, her gaze looking at me through the glass and the wine inside of it, she asked, "Or are you perhaps wondering as to why you seemed to have been more different than how you were before the tragedy happened?... Before you met me in person for the first time…"
"Your Majesty, we both know that most people change as years pass by. Whether for the best of what they can be… and even for the worse towards others who they will come across at one point or another." I responded, placing the glass of wine back on the table then crossed my arms. "And sometimes, at some point in life, we start to look back and question as to how or why we became the people we are now and did those things…"
"So, why did you send those threats to her, Valerio?" she asked, closing her eyes. "Was it worth doing so to keep her silent about the truth of what you and your men did? What was the worth of killing several messengers who were only doing their jobs?"
"No, I don’t believe it wasn’t… But just in case you forgot, Your Majesty, we are still in the middle of a war here." I said, in a bit stern tone now. "Wouldn’t you be very wary as I am— or even have at least suspicions towards the people from our enemy’s kingdom just suddenly show up here one day?... My men and I only did what we had to."
"Is that so?" She placed her cheek against her hand with her elbow placed on the armchair of her sofa. "Well, if that truly was the case, and you truly believed that you all were doing the right thing, then was it necessary to hide such a truth from me?... Or is there something else you are trying to hide from me?... My oh so dear Head General."
I placed my hand on my chin as I stared at her. Soon realizing something, "Ah, I see now…" I crossed my arms, stood up from my seat, and began walking towards her. "You could have just used the power of your stone to get the answer yourself, I mean, no one is stopping you afterall. Not even someone like me. But… it seems that you are satisfied with it, or… it’s not the answer that the stone’s power could give you easily."
I then placed my hand on her cheek, gently making her turn her head to look at me. "My dear Majesty, we both know that you have forgotten what it is like to follow your own heart. Though, I know I could not entirely blame you for shutting it off after that tragedy that fell upon that old village but using your mind and the power of the stone that you have would be enough to give you the answers you want and need..."
"I am very much aware of that…'' She places her hand on the back of mine, "But if the price to be able to feel one again is to steal someone else’s power, let alone another life, then I would choose not to, and rather find another solution to it." she responded, before carefully removing it from her cheek, standing up then began walking away. Not turning even once to look at me as she continues with, "You may still not believe me for caring for my people, and I cannot force you to do so, but she… Endellion is important to me more than you think, and more than how I could show it through my actions."
She then stopped, lowering her head a bit. "I cannot describe why or how. But—"
"I understand...'' I immediately responded, "If that truly is what you want, then I will try my best to keep myself in check when being around her from now on. But… if I may say one thing, Your Majesty…" My tone became much more stern as I continued, "If I were to find out that she will be betraying us, I swear, I truly won’t hesitate to strike…"
There was a silence in the room for a short moment before she let out a sigh and asked, "You sound so confident about that now than how you were earlier, are you truly no longer afraid of the consequences coming from him if he were to find out?" She then turned her head to look at me, "As for me, I would not mind if you were to punish her if that were to happen, but I cannot allow you to do that without telling me first, and with concrete evidence to support such a claim about her. And if you were to disobey me once again…" As she was now walking towards me, she then continued with a much colder and stern tone, "I would not hesitate to punish you myself, very severely. Understood?"
After looking away for a second, I sighed and looked back at her. "I understand, Your Majesty. I will be keeping it in mind.'' I responded, bowing down before she turned away from me once again, and finally leaving the room. My eyes now staring at the door where she left, after a while of standing in silence, I mumbled under my breath with my hand on my chin then closing my eyes. "Concrete evidence about her betrayal... Hmm… I believe it would be enough if she were to show it herself… Unintentionally it may be…"
Looking at the clock and noticing it being late at night, I then walked away and left the room. Walking in the empty hallways, I placed my stone back to my tie properly. It glowed a little as I quickly felt its power surging through me once again, making me sighed in relief before carefully opening the door of the guest room where Alessio is currently resting in. Grabbing the candelabra from the top of the end table by the door, and lighting the candles up with fire magic, I began to look around a bit and found that Endellion was no longer in the room. Did she wake up earlier and left? Did she notice—
"The first attempt wasn’t enough that you’d be taking seconds now, General?"
Immediately turning around, I found Kareem who was just standing behind me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. "Are you some sort of night owl Avian now?"
He crossed his arms. "Was that supposed to be an insult towards me or my kind?" He then sighed, "Regardless, I was supposed to be asking you that question when you already came here earlier, only to stop yourself. So, what’s the point of going here now?"
"And that is none of your concern to know..." I said, my gaze was focused on him as my hand placed the candelabra back to where it was earlier. "Or are you perhaps that worried about the lady who doesn’t feel the same for you and is in love with another…"
His gaze became stern, staring at me and walking towards me a bit. "You can say all of that now. But one day, you’ll know what it feels like to be stolen by someone else…"
"Stolen by someone else?" I repeated before scoffing, my hands clenching tightly. "All throughout my life, I have had everything and everyone stolen away from me. By death or by someone else’s hands. Desperate I may be, a monster I am being seen by people— probably I am! But why would I even care at this point?!" I snapped loudly right at his face, almost punching him, before moving away and then taking a deep breath, regaining my composure. "Why am I even trying to talk to you? When it’s just wasting my time, and I have somewhere else I need to be in to check on someone right now…"
Closing the door behind me, and walking past him, he spoke once again which made me stop in my tracks but didn’t turn to look at him, "Is that all you are now? Do you truly think there’s no other hope for you or your life to change for the better in the future?" As he noticed my silence, he let out a sigh. "You are already so close, and yet so far… You could have let things be, but you let your own desires and hatred blind you…"
"Ha… And since when have you begun talking and sounding like she does? Has she been rubbing on you too much? I do wonder…" I said before lowering my head and crossing my arms. "Well, I cannot deny or say that you are wrong on some parts of what you have said. But it is easier said than done to let go of things, to not be consumed and be blinded by desires and hatred. When it’s been so long now…" Placing my hand on the purple stone on my tie, I hold on to it, "Makes you wonder if you are any different without the very object that makes you think, and do things you never thought you could do…"
My grip then lightened as I felt his hand on my shoulder as he said, "You know, as long as you are still living, you can still change. You can still ask for help from the people around you. You can ask Endellion, or even the Queen to perhaps help ease your min—"
"That’s enough." Interrupting him, I quickly swatted his hand off my shoulder as the purple stone began to glow again. "That’s enough. You already made your attempt to make your point across which failed and wasted enough of my time… Leave me be now."
As I began walking away, he didn’t say anything back, and I no longer bothered to look at him. But I know that he still watched me leave with that serious gaze. Just what was he thinking at that time? Was he truly expecting me to believe all of it that easily? For everything I had done throughout my life, during my stay here, how can I be someone who could be redeemed? How could I be forgiven when I cannot even learn to forgive myself let alone others? When I cannot even forgive him… When he didn’t do anything wrong to me, when he didn’t mean to not be there for us, and just… he made a huge mistake he didn’t realize sooner until he knew he could no longer take it back?
Sighing at the long deep thoughts of mine, I soon arrived in front of the door at Endellion’s room and stopped upon almost touching the doorknob as soon as I heard a familiar voice, humming from the other side of the door. It seems that she wasn’t lying earlier when she said that he truly is here now. How truly wonderful… Putting aside my sarcastic thoughts for now, I still carefully turned the doorknob, then slightly opened the door and peeked through it. Soon seeing Ordell sitting on the bedside reading a book in hand as Endellion lies there in the bed, asleep. Such a sight soon reminded me of…
"Father, are the bedtime stories you always tell me true?" she asked. "If they are, then I want to be a mage one day too! I want to travel all over the world and meet new people who may become my friends one day… But what do you think, Father? Will you allow me to be a mage when I grow older? Will you allow me to protect you?"
As the old memories began flashing right before my widened, and surprised eyes, despite how painful it was for me to remember them, I didn’t move an inch… And yet… I was supposed to be the one who protected you, who was supposed to save you from…
"I want to go to the beautiful hills of flowers… I want to take you there with me."
I was supposed to be the one who would take you everywhere you wanted to…
"Are you alright, my dear Father? Why do you still want to stay here?... To that man, and to her— to the Queen, why to them do you continue to revere? If you already know, their words are all and always severe." Her haunting voice continued speaking and echoing in my mind, as it was almost… she’s truly here right now, as I felt her hand on my shoulder. "Do you hate me now?... Because from you, I'm no longer near."
Gritting my teeth, and scratching my nails against the door as my head lowered, I tried my best to not let my tears stream down my cheek but soon failed terribly. I tried my best not to shout right now, stopping both my hands to grab anything object nearby me to throw and break them. The last thing I need is for anyone else to see me like this…
Just wait for me, my dear sweet daughter. I thought, panting heavily for a short moment before soon standing up straight and then taking a deep breath. I then removed my hand from the door and began to walk away. Good things… come to those who wait…
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