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Entry 7 | Date Unknown | Repercussions

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The liminal space came into focus. I was in a pained daze from the dreams. Unsure how much time had passed. Looking around, everything seemed to be back to normal. There were four frosted orbs, one hazy orb, nine foggy orbs, and some change. I floated up and nervously pulled up the map.

Everything seemed to be the way I left it. I sighed in minor relief. The dreams left me… well, I was not sure. But I had to check on everything first before I was lost in thought. The one slime I had left was currently sitting next to the crystal, along with Toad. I could feel concern coming from them. The mushrooms also seemed to be dimmer than usual. I took a deep breath. Causing a wave of energy to flow through the passageway. Everything perked up. The slime and Toad got up and looked at the crystal.

‘Sorry to worry you. I don’t know what happened. But I think I’m fine now. Or at least on the path to recovery,’ I said, doing my best to convey the ideas to them. They seemed to understand because they each touched the crystal and then went back to their duties. I pulled up the information sheet to see if I was missing anything.

Checking over to the tabs, it seemed like nothing happened while I was out. However, the slime tab was still blinking. I checked it and it wanted me to name a paragon and only one slime was left. But I didn’t want to do it yet. I wanted to get more orbs stored up before I did anything.

I spent time just watching the central orb pulse with my life force, contemplating the implications of those dreams… those memories. Hope welled up in me that one day I could remember my past. But do I really want to? What if I could only remember events that were traumatizing, or at the very least negative? On one hand, it seemed like my mother abused my father and I. From what I could gleam, from the random information appearing in my mind, that was not the norm. Mothers were supposed to be nurturing and caring. On the other hand, my father was caring. He seemed to look out for, protect, and love me. Those were the memories I really wanted. But I guess life is full of the negative and positive. One doesn’t get to choose which they remember. However, all of this would explain why I did not trust the goni or Bea’Don. A deep-seated feeling said I should at least give them a chance. I wasn’t sure why it was there. But I was glad it was.

However, it was like there were two sides of me fighting for dominance within my mind. The one that didn’t want to trust anyone and always stay on guard. Then the other side that wanted to give others a chance to prove or disprove they would betray me. It made me feel nauseous and caused the pain I already felt to intensify. To add on to it, I could tell another piece of me was gone. I wasn’t sure which piece. But there was definitely a piece missing. I couldn’t believe that I had been attacked like that yet again. I cursed the god of this world for putting me here.

I floated around my claimed area for a long time. Just watching for anything that would or could hurt me. I wasn’t sure what I could do to stop it. I mean, I at least had the flamorels and aquarels to defend me. The slime and Toad were not big enough or strong enough to do anything. Which only caused me to fly faster. The light of my crystal pulsed between teal and purple as I flew. Toad had taken to hiding in their home if they weren’t working. The slime would turn transparent and try to hide in the mushroom plots to avoid my notice.

I furiously checked my orbs. They had doubled since I last counted. I wasn’t gaining them fast enough for my liking. I breathed as deep as I could, trying to fill them faster. It only mildly helped. Frustration and fear set in. I didn’t want to be hurt again. To have my body broken down and used or eaten. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was immobile. ‘Fine, if I can’t move, then I will hide,’ I said to the void.

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I checked the map to see if I could highlight the ends of the passageway and force the stone to form. They highlighted and provided me with a cost. It was high, but I couldn’t afford another intruder. So I closed off my passageway to the rest of the world. It took me down to a quarter of what I had saved. But I felt better knowing that there was a block thick wall between me and the outside. I finally relaxed. ‘If anything wants to come get me, they will have to dig their way in. It will create a choke point.’ I spent the orbs to order Toad to move ten flamorels to each entrance of my claimed area.

Toad hesitantly complied. Once he was done, my strongest weapons covered both entrances. I mentally scoffed at the slime and Toad. They were useless, as they did not lift a single appendage to defend me. ‘The other slimes died trying to defend me. You two just cowered.’

Toad slumped and retreated to its home. Pouting the whole way. The slime just found a spot under the mushrooms and allowed itself to become formless. I didn’t care because I had to protect myself. Others wouldn’t do it. That much was obvious.

I flew around, satisfied with myself. I relaxed in the crystal. ‘I will just build up orbs and strengthen the mushrooms. Screw the creatures.’ I thought to myself. Feelings of sadness came from the slime and Toad. But I ignored them.

After a long time of relaxing in the liminal space, I noticed my breaths were only filling the orbs a tiny bit. I found it hard to take a deep breath. I flew out and looked around. The mushrooms were wilting. Toad was half hanging out of their home. The slime had lost all structure.

The more I breathed, the more restricted I felt. It was like I was drowning in sand. Panicked, I flew around to see what was causing this. But nothing appeared to be stopping me from breathing. I tried to hold my breath, but I could only do that for so long. I grew more desperate as the feeling of compression and the need for air grew.

After several long minutes, or hours, I’m not sure. I finally got the idea to open the passageway again. I went to the map and removed the wall to the left of my crystal. The orbs disappeared, and so did the wall. A small breeze of fresh air filled the passageway. Taking a deep breath, I felt better, but it was not like it used to be. So I spent the orbs again to remove the other wall and a full breeze swept through. I could breathe normally. However, I was back down to a few thousand orbs left. Just above the limit needed to allow me to fly around.

‘So my crystal has to be exposed to gather energy. However, being exposed means it is easy to be attacked. How do I balance safety with the need to gather energy?’ I asked myself as I floated aimlessly around the area. I wracked my brain with how to protect myself while maintaining my ability to breathe. I didn’t have enough orbs to do experiments. Creating those walls and then destroying them cost a lot of orbs. ‘I wonder if I can lower the cost somehow? Like if I got Toad to move bricks or raw materials over there, maybe?’

I looked over at Toad, and they just scurried away from my sight. The slime was still formless laying under the mushrooms. Feelings of fear and sadness came through the bond with both of them. It tugged at me. Because my crystal instinct told me they relied on me. I was their leader and parent all in one. Thinking about those memories and how I felt when my mother ignored me and then knocked me over. I didn’t understand why she didn’t care. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? I felt a knot form in my nonexistent throat. I didn’t want to be like my mom. I wanted to be better.

I flew down, ‘I’m sorry, Toad. I shouldn’t have taken out my frustration on you. You couldn’t have done anything. If you tried, that person would’ve killed you. I was in the wrong. I will not ask for forgiveness. But I do promise to do better.’

The slime did not react for several moments. Then it went over to the crystal and patted it with its pseudopod. I got the feeling of acceptance but trepidation through the bond. Which was fair. I would have to earn their trust again.

I went to talk to Toad, but they were already back to cleaning the mushrooms. I repeated the same statement to them. They didn’t give me any feeling through the bond. So I wasn’t sure how it felt. But I wasn’t going to force the issue. Instead, I returned to the liminal space to just stay out of the way. I remained there watching the orbs fill. Not sure what to do next.