The Prophet had addressed much larger, more hateful crowds than this. But none of them could sense her emotions as clearly as she felt the Speakers feel hers. She succeeded in feeling confident in front of all those blinking eyes, as far as she knew, and hoped they could sense that above the worries in her mind.
“I am not here to disrupt your way of life or to impact your society negatively in any way,” Jess continued. She could almost smell the thick emotional conversations playing out in unison with her speech. “I am only here to learn from you and grow with you. You may have thought I came to recruit, as many Prophets have done in the past. I understand your caution, but I can assure you that I seek no such thing.”
Jess took a quick glance to Vee to see if she could judge the crowd’s response by his. Patience was the only word to describe his stare. The rest of the Speakers were equally unresponsive, their expressions less like people and more like ancient statues, wise and stoic but with a stare that would sooner rot away than react to even the most adamant words.
Still, Jess swallowed her doubt and continued. “The Sevens Prophets have their fingers in a great many things in the universe. I understand it may be a touch of pride in that we’ve been unable to be involved in the lives of Speakers. Understand, altruism is at work behind everything we, I, do.”
For some reason, Jess knew the Speakers were aware of how true that statement was.
“You make your decisions in a split second,” Jess continued after the Speakers had not responded with anything more than a sneeze from the Mother-dweller guests. “You know the exact feelings of everyone in your village. I wish I could do the same with the Prophets, with the universe. I wish I knew the will of everyone subconsciously so I knew exactly what the right and wrong decision would be. That’s why I came here. I came here to learn, to understand this process that has allowed you and your ancestors to live what many would consider the most perfect of possible lives.
“But I guess it was too much to ask. You’ve taught me that I’ll never be able to learn how to speak like a Speaker. The Sept…” Jess trailed off, thinking with dread on the fact that she’d have to return to the Pinnacle very soon and make some very important decisions. “The Sept was created to guide the universe toward the goal of peace and prosperity. I have no judge on whether or not we’ve progressed other than the subjective analysis of the Prophets.”
“So what do you want from the Speakers?” one of the Mother-dweller guests asked. Jess found the man, sitting close to the fire surrounded by the Speakers.
Jess took a deep breath, placing her palms against her face as she thought about what it was exactly that she wanted. “I want to know that altruism exists,” she explained. “I don’t trust anything that is not completely altruistic. I will only fight for a cause that is completely free of pain if successfully implemented.” Jess held her hands out, palms up, as if she were sifting the universe and hoping this altruistic idea would be revealed.
“This idea has limited me in my decision making,” Jess explained. “I don’t consider it a weakness, but a guiding conscience. And yet it tortures me with every choice I make. I’ve killed. And I’ve saved. I’ve tortured. And I’ve eased. I’ve progressed. And I’ve regressed. Here. Here in this perfect existence, I thought I might be able to find something to return with, something that would improve my moral compass.”
“Did you find it?” the Mother-dweller asked.
Jess made eye contact with Vee. It was obvious from his expression that he understood she had not.
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The Blesser sighed as she looked around at the Speakers gathered before her. She opened her mouth to say goodbye, that she had failed and was returning to Sevens. But she could not get the words out and simply turned around, unable to face the Speakers she envied so much.
Hawrendrin is going to use this against me, Jess thought as she turned her back to the Speakers. He’s going to consider me weak. I may not even be Matriarch much longer. And I’m not sure that would be a bad thing.
As she thought about resigning the post of Matriarch, Jess took one step away from the Speakers. That was as far as she got before a wave of sensation washed over her and struck to her to her knees.
It felt the same as a White speaking in her mind, save that the sensation came from her heart. The same way the smell of a rose can bring memories of a first kiss, the smell of candlewax on sugar the joy of a birthday, the sensation pulsing through her spawned an image clear as the multitude of stars shining down on the Blesser of the Prophets.
Jess would never be able to describe exactly what the sensation was like, only that it brought to mind one word: sadness. The Speakers shared their sadness with her, sadness that was like pity. Sadness that was like jealousy. Sadness that tied her to the Speakers in a way she could never break.
The Speakers showed her a subconscious image of Vee sitting at the head of the Sept. As if it were a memory spawned at random, Jess could see how paralyzed Vee looked as he cast judgment on the Prophets and the universe around him. Vee changed into a multitude of faces, all Speakers, all having that same look of fear.
The sensation pulsated in her heart as she saw what the Speakers thought of the universe. Blackness covered everything. Darkness and fear filled any place that wasn’t the peaceful soil and water of Mother. They feared the pain of others. They feared the pain of hurting someone else.
As these images played out in Jess’s heart, she realized that the Speakers didn’t avoid Prophets because they disliked them. They avoided the Prophets because they couldn’t stand the emotions Prophets unknowingly shared with the Speakers. The same evolutionary trait that enabled the Speakers to create a purely peaceful, purely altruistic society limited them from living any other way. They didn’t dare become Prophets; the shared pain would overwhelm them. They didn’t dare leave Speaker society for long. The first decision that harmed someone else would tear them apart. They knew it. They pitied, and envied, the fact that Jess had no such gift, had no such flaw.
Jess didn’t mind showing the tears in her eyes as she turned to face the Speakers. Her mouth quivering, she hoped the Speakers understood the emotion she shared with them.
“Is okay,” Vee replied. “Speakers have their part to play. Jess cannot be Speaker. Jess something else. Jess can create Speakers.” Vee shared an emotion with Jess that implied a deeper meaning behind the word Speaker. Jess understood it, and nodded thanks to Vee and the Speakers.
“What if I’m wrong?” Jess asked. “What if I can’t be altruistic all the time?”
Vee shook his head. “That the fear that keeps Speakers here. Never should Jess let that fear keep her from doing what she know is right.”
“I’m going to make mistakes.”
Vee shrugged. “That Jess’s gift. She can make mistakes. Recipe not perfect. But make beer in the end.” The leader of the Speakers smiled. “That point.”
“Thank you,” Jess said, and turned to address the rest of the Speakers, “Thank you.” After she had said her thanks, and felt equal gratitude from the Speakers, Jess felt an overwhelming urge to leave. The Speakers seemed almost embarrassed, as if they had revealed a deep secret they weren’t proud of. “You shouldn’t be discouraged either. A perfect society must exist, as an example, a goal. Once again, thank you.”
The Speakers nodded, almost in unison, and watched as Jess raised her glowing pen and disappeared with a brilliant flash.
Once more finding herself in the Chamber of the Weapons back on Sevens in the heart of The Pinnacle, Jess took a deep breath as she stared at the three floating weapons. “Had Infinity meant for it to be easy,” Jess said as she watched the Pure Crown, Law, and Heartsflame slowly spin on the black pedestal with Infinity’s goal etched in its sides, “Infinity would have done it Itself.”
The White Chair, suddenly aware of the Blesser’s return, opened the doors to the Chamber with Hawrendrin in tow behind him. “Well?” Hawrendrin said from the doorway.
“We have work to do.”