Kilkaja

Traveling to Astha's home planet wasn't hard. Getting in, however, would need a little bit of effort.

After we were dropped on a station five light years away from the planet, we hired a Saukauri ship to take us to the planet. He was eager to help us, though he warned Sel that she might not be comfortable on the planet due to the political situation and the war with the coalition.

"Don't get me wrong, Felinian," said the pilot. "I don't agree with how you Felinians take on our hunting grounds and claim it for themselves, but I don't want to pin this whole mess on you. You don't seem to follow the lots that started this war."

"Yeah. They're mad because I don't do what they want us to do," she said, rather sarcastically. "And also, I walked out of that life years ago."

"Well, whatever's the case, I suggest you stay out of sight until you got what you need. The last thing you need is a couple of dead angry mobs," said Astha.

"Why do you assume they're going to die?" I asked.

"She knows her way out of fight, and she will not hesitate to shoot anyone," said Astha. "You think she's going to be someone who's going to say I come in peace? Not from where I'm standing, especially if they're violent Saukaurs who only see her as an enemy."

I know Astha referred to Sel's traumatic past (she revealed to me that she was raped by a bunch of Saukauri pirates in her youth), but it could be misinterpreted for her enjoying the sight of dead Saukaurs.

"You make me sound like a Saukaur hater," said Sel. She seemed rather offended by Astha's remarks.

"Hey, I'm only stating facts," said Astha. "And besides, I don't think you're going to let them burn you at the stakes for being a Felinian, right? So, let's dial down the body count and let me get my ship and get the hell out before anyone notice."

Sel did not like how Astha said about her, but if it was any indications of the Saukaur's current problem with the Felinians, I think it's best for her to stay away, for her sake.

I quickly found out that Astha did not exaggerate about the situation on the planet. The planet, called Saukari by the Saukaurs, seemed rather fine and covered with forest much like the planet Aurelis Three, coincidentally a place where Sel died for the first time and returned to life. The planet seemed to be normal and far away from the conflicts that defined their current history.

But as we got into the planet and landed on the town pointed by Astha, it quickly became apparent that it wasn't the case. The town we got into was in total chaos. Saukaurs fought with each other while others were just trying to survive. I could see a young Saukaur child trying to get away from the situation as his parent shielded him from the chaos around him. They were both distressed and tried to get away from the madness.

The place was thick with negative emotions that almost choked me. I felt I couldn't follow Astha, but I knew the pilot would not let us wait in his ship without some extra credit to spend. So, steeling my heart, I followed Astha. Sel, wearing a hood that covered her whole face, along with binding her tail to prevent anyone to see her Felinian appearance, followed close and out of sight.

The general chaos, however, became worse as we got into the town and walked in the alleyways and away from view (they were also wary around Nuoevans due to our notorious ability). I could hear propagandas deriding the Felinians and that they would win against the cat people who took their hunting grounds. The hatred in their heart was so strong that it almost overwhelmed me. It felt like I was walking on a planet with higher air pressure and gravity, even though Saukari was not as bad as some planets, most notably Arkari.

As we tried our best to stay out of sight, I could hear someone calling for help. Instinctively, I turned and look, and maybe to try and save this person. However, Sel, who noticed my movement, grabbed me by the hand and shook her head. Her expression was grim, and her emotions was that of sympathy and pain.

And that's when I saw what happened, and the full extent of the Saukaur's hate against the Felinians. Many Felinians, possibly those captured by the Saukaurs during the war, were tied to poles and on public display. They were in several states of injury, ranging from lightly bruised to one whose eyes had been plucked out, his (or her) tail was ripped off violently, and one of their legs cut off. From the look of their bloodied mouth that was propped open, this Felinian's tongue was also cut off and it was slowly bleeding to death.

I looked at them in pity, but also some chance to help him. As you may have known, Nuoevans drew their psychic powers from suffering. The Felinians that were suffering practically fueled my powers to the point that I could try and at least help those still capable of being saved. However, just before I could even try and unleash my psychic power, Astha said, "I know you're angry, but do me a favor and don't blast those Saukaurs off their feet, alright? The last thing we need is getting mobbed."

"But...."

"Those Felinians are not your responsibility," said Sel, who looked at me with a serious expression. "Nor are they mine. They're simply at the wrong place and at the wrong time. We cannot save them."

"Sel...how could you say that?" I asked, surprised by her rather unsympathetic remark.

"Do you want to find Sethis or help some strangers, Kilkaja?" she said. "We are only on this planet to get Astha's ship, not save some Felinians. Their war is not our problem, alright?"

I felt rather intimidated by Sel. I knew she was a kind and caring Felinian at times, but she also had a part of her that suggested that she was forced to make hard choices, except she looked as if she did not make any hard choices at all. Her feelings indicated that she genuinely did not care what happened to the Felinians.

With a heavy heart, I turned away, trying to ignore their plea for help. I closed my hands into fists, trying to keep them away from my mind and my empathic senses. I must be strong if I wanted to get out of this. I must!

We went through the town practically in the alleyway, shielded by the shadow and the Saukaurs fighting against each other. I tried my best to shut everything out, but I could not. Their emotions were so negative they seemed to forget what kindness was. It almost felt like I was walking through a hellish realm made of dread. If I had a dampening collar, I'd not hesitate in wearing it. It was the only way to shut my senses out.

But I knew dampening collars also stopped be from using my psychic ability, especially when we were discovered by a Saukaur who happened to patrol the alleyway and was suspicious by us snooping around. He seemed to notice Sel and walked towards her with Astha trying to convince him otherwise. The Saukaur shoved Astha rather violently as he angrily removed Sel's hood, revealing her Felinian appearance to the Saukaur.

"Hey!" he shouted. "There's a Felinian here!"

I remembered Sel and I quickly perceived the danger, but I reacted faster. As Sel was pulling her dagger while the Saukaur tried to grab her, I telekinetically pushed him away. However, I did not have any control on my telekinesis as I threw him to a concrete half-wall with such a force it broke his spine, killing him instantly.

While Sel sighed and thanked me for saving her, I quickly realized what I just did and became horrified. I knew it would come to this day. Sel and Astha had warned me that it would happen, and it actually happened. I...killed someone. With my own hands.

Just as context, I did not really kill anyone before this. On Aurelis Three, I reluctantly used my psychic blast and shield to protect Arcturus and Zarya as they went to the Vyrkaya. I was more focused in protecting them that my blast wasn't as strong. The Saukaurs were thrown away but their nimbleness saved them, only to be killed by the traps made by the Saukauri company we saved.

This time, I could not reason with myself. I threw him with my telekinetic push, and I threw him to a concrete half-wall. I could've just threw him away and knock him out, but I threw him there...and I broke his spine. I was so stunned as I looked at my hands. I knew I had no blood on it, but it felt like it.

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I was returned to reality when Sel looked at me, now with a noticeable sympathy in her eyes. However, they were directed to me as she realized what I did.

"We can talk about it later, Kaj," she said. "I'm sorry."

I wanted to say it wasn't her fault, but we got ourselves in trouble after that Saukaur's shout drew the attention to us. Realizing that we might be in more trouble because I accidentally killed the Saukaur, I quickly stood up and walked in front of Astha and Sel, letting out a strong telekinetic blast that threw the Saukaurs away. We quickly ran through the town and into another alleyway where I held back the mob using a psychic shield that was also telekinetic, this time trying my best not to kill anyone again. As the mob gathered, Astha threw a flash grenade right in the middle of the mob and shielded my eyes. I did not see what happened, but I had a feeling a bright flash of light went off and stunned the mob as Astha pulled me away, causing me to break my concentration. When he let me see again, we were already inside an empty, abandoned building.

As an empath, I could try and sense other people's emotions, but I found out that if I was distressed, my empathic senses could not work properly as my emotion clouded it. While it helped me block the negative emotions momentarily, I still needed to recover from realizing what I just did.

"Hope no one remembered your face enough to bite you later in life," said Astha as he checked the streets for the mob.

"Where the hell is your ship?" said Sel. "I don't see any other landing pads other than the one we got off from."

"I hid it, deep within the forest near this town," said Astha. "In a place where no one can take it and use it for war effort. I know it's illegal, but I cannot part with it just yet. Besides, one ship's not going to change the tides of war, right?"

"That makes sense," said Sel. "At least it's not full of mobs. I shouldn't have gone to this planet."

"It's already too late to change your mind. How's the kid?"

He was referring to me. Sel looked at me and said, "Shaken."

"First time, eh?" said Astha with sympathy in his reptilian face. "Sorry, Kilkaja, but it's bound to happen sooner or later. You just...have to learn to deal with it and anticipate that it won't be the last life you'll take."

"Will it...get worse?" I asked, which was answered by Astha with a sympathetic nod. This was the point when I had second thoughts about this journey. Sel and Astha already had experience killing sentient aliens and even a member of their own race, so they knew what would happen next. I thought I could get out of this without taking a life. I suppose...it was just hard with the current state of the galaxy.

After Astha declared it safe, we quickly crossed the streets and towards the jungle just in front of the building. There were no Saukaurs in the jungle and I could only sense indigenous animals, so I suppose it was fine. Still...I was still so shaken by what I did, even if I tried to tell myself to get over it and embrace what's about to come. Even so, I couldn't. It was not traumatizing by any means, but even when I was a slave, I had never seen anyone got killed before Sel cut my former master's head. It was scary, but I quickly got over it as I felt he deserved it for all the pains he did. It wasn't as traumatizing as the time when my tail was cut for a simple error, however.

It felt different when you did it by your hands. I was more disturbed by the fact that I killed him instead of the manner of death itself. It was gruesome, and it was caused by me. Accident or not, the telekinetic push was something I did by myself. I would be drowned in it if it wasn't for Sel noticing my distressed face. Not sure how she could read a four-eyed Nuoevan's expression, but she did.

"I know you need time to understand what you did yourself," said Sel. "But let me tell you this. You're...still a good Nuoevan regardless of what you did. It was an accident and you know it."

"But I..."

"If you didn't do anything, he'd still die anyway," said Sel. "I was already pulling my dagger when you pushed him away. So, Kaj...be strong. We'll try too."

As I've calmed, I could sense Sel's emotions. She tried her best to stay strong and assure me that she would be there to support me. I knew it was genuine because I could sense lies, so I smiled to her and thanked her for the support.

I knew it would take me time to deal with my first kill, but by time...it would gradually be easier to accept that sometimes...you could not be a pacifist if you want to save others you cared for. I knew my friends were capable of protecting themselves, but what if I found those who were defenseless? It would be wrong to ignore them if you had the skills and it's within your capabilities, right?

It was something that made me think for a while. It wasn't, however, our then current focus. We needed to get to Astha's ship and escape the planet. Good thing the jungle helped cover our escape.

However, despite of the jungle's denseness, it was not as much for a Saukaur. This was shared by both Astha and a couple of Saukauri patrol patrolling the area. We needed to stay out of their sights because of a Saukaur's infrared vision. Astha recommended that we coated ourselves in cold mud to blend with the surroundings, but it was in the middle of summer, so the soil were dry and we stood out since we were colder than our surroundings. Astha got a plan. He told us to stay behind a tree and waited for what he was going to do. When he walked out of the bushes, he greeted two armed Saukaurs, who quickly pointed their guns at him. I could hear what he was saying due to my long ears.

"Whoa, calm down there, hunters," said Astha as he raised his hands. "I'm just having a stroll."

One of them looked at him and said, "You just come back from a hunt?"

"More or less. Wanted to brag about my latest catch when I saw what happened. Bad time for a drink, huh?"

"And you happen to get in this jungle and having a nice little stroll? Shouldn't you be out there in the square?" said the other.

"Hey, calm down," said Astha. "I don't like the Felinians, but that does not mean you want to hang them like trophies, right? You don't want to be hanged like that, do you?"

The two Saukaurs seemed to think that Astha was not going to be a problem, though from what I could sense in their hearts, they somehow felt Astha was annoying.

"And besides, you two are cute," said Astha as he approached one of them. He was a little bit too close to be comfortable. The Saukaur he approached was, of course, blushing as Astha looked at him. I sensed his heart was conflicted. The other, however, was more surprised.

"H-hey...," said the Saukaur Astha approached. "Aren't you a bit too..."

"Close? Oh, I can get even closer," said Astha with a rather sultry hiss. "So, you swing my way, too?"

"Hey," said the other Saukaur, grabbing Astha's shoulder. "Back off. Can't you see he's uncomfortable?"

"Not in my eyes," said Astha as he turned around. Without even a warning, he shot the other with his wrist gun, before another energy shot sound hit the other Saukaur. The one he just flirted with winced in pain before he fell.

Astha looked around before he gestured us to follow him. We did so as we continued following him.

I thought he killed those two Saukaurs, so I approached him and whispered, "That's unnecessary."

"Relax. It's on stun setting," he said. "I could've killed them, but their faces are a little too handsome and they don't seem to be as insane as those in the town. Maybe a little sleep is what they need to get out of this."

"And a knowledge that they might be molested by you," said Sel, crossing her arms. "You're not helping my view towards Saukaurs, Astha."

"So, you prefer me getting in there, guns blazing?" said Astha. "Distracting them won't work, so I'll go with that. Besides, one of them was a shy one. He's rather cute to look at. It's a shame I have to stun him."

Sel sighed. "Just...get us out of here," she said. She must've not expected Astha to be gay or even doing what he did. She wasn't disgusted, just...annoyed. I, on the other hand, was kind of turned off witnessing that.

We trekked through the jungle until we got to a clearing. At first we thought nothing was there until Astha approached a rock and simply waved his hand, in which the rock crumbled away to reveal a door, surprising both of us. We walked with him inside as he turned on the power, revealing the interior of a ship.

The ship wasn't that big. In fact, it was the same with Vyrkaya, only slightly wider and less space. But it was simply because of me being used to traveling with a Vyrnian ship, which had a bigger space to accommodate a Vyrnian's size. This ship had more room, but it was littered with trophies of beasts I assumed to be the results of Astha's hunts. Not sure why he wanted to put all of them in a ship until I remembered the state of their planet. Also, the ship looked like it had seen better days. Unlike the interior of the Vyrkaya, this ship had several furniture that had lost its color. The floor felt uneven and some wall panels were not even there. Still, the ship's condition was okay except those parts.

While we admired his hunting collections and several weapons, Astha quickly closed the door, and started the takeoff sequence. He quickly got off the cockpit and walked back to us, during which he said, "We're ready to go. Hold on."

I knew it would be a rough ride, but I never thought it would be that rough. The whole ship shook violently as it got off the planet in such a speed I would not think possible. It was as if the ship crashed into something on the way out of the planet. Given that the ship was so perfectly camouflaged, it could be the case. The rattling and the violent shake made me worried that the whole ship would fall apart. However, after several minutes of violent shaking along with a very crushing gravity, we finally reached outside the planet and sped away from the system. I could see parts of the camouflage flaking off his ship.

"That's kind of risky, you know," said Sel. "Aren't you supposed to be taking off the camo first before you flew?"

"Nah, that's just the ship," he said. "As for the camo, it's just dirt and a couple of rocks. The ship's not completely buried, so I made sure the ship's on a remote location so no one's curious."

"So, it doesn't have a dampener?"

"It's an old ship, so yeah, it has no dampeners," said Astha. "Mine's already 50 years old now. I wanted to get a new ship, but I haven't got a chance."

"It feels almost like a miracle that this ship's even spaceworthy," said Sel. "It feels more like a grounded home than a fully functioning ship."

"What can you expect? We don't make things last like Vyrnians. That's their motto, not ours."

Well, he's right. Arcturus usually boasted on how Vyrnian ruins, even some older than a thousand years of age, were still mostly functioning and operational after years of being abandoned. The damage varied, but in most cases, they had minimal damage so they could still be used. Still, he wasn't here, and I was not on a Vyrnian ship.

Despite of it all, we got what we came for: a ship capable of finding Sethis throughout this galaxy. Thus, our journey to find him began.