Sel Kylas

I was woken up by Atmell sometime after the whole thing was over. My outpouring of my past towards Kilkaja took a lot of my energy away, to the point I slept through Arcturus's return. I was clearly embarrassed by that and I was rather annoyed that I missed the action. Even Atmell commented that I slept through the mortars. But even if I missed all of it, I did not feel mad or anything. In fact, I felt like I've been renewed, like all the burdens of my life suddenly disappeared. It improved my mood, too.

As I woke up, I felt a rather sharp claw digging through my back. It did not cut me, but it felt like a couple of knives pushing into my flesh, and it was rather uncomfortable and painful. That's when I realized that Kilkaja was embracing me as we slept. It somehow felt like a miracle that he did not dig into my flesh, especially with those razor sharp claws of his.

I simply smiled and stroked Kilkaja's tall ears. They twitched as if Kilkaja was aware. He looked so peaceful sleeping like that, almost like a baby. I wanted to wake him up, but Atmell already asked me to wake him up.

"Why?" I asked, curious.

"We are getting off this planet as soon as night comes, using Zarya's ship. The Saukaurs are coming with us."

Upon hearing that the Saukaurs were coming with us, I immediately felt myself tense again. I really did not want to be stuck inside Zarya's small ship with a big group of those serpent people! If I was still acting like myself last night, I'd prefer to stay on the planet rather than getting into a ship full of them. But then, Kilkaja's words convinced me to try and move on from that grudge. These Saukaurs were not the ones who raped me. Not all of them were bad. So, as I took a deep breath and exhale, I said, "Yeah. Alright."

"I know it's going to be hard for you, but bear with it, alright?" said Atmell.

The situation felt like irony, given that I'd listen to Kilkaja's words instead of a fellow Felinian I met before. Back then, I did not know how to trust anyone after what the Saukaurs did to me. I was young, angry, vulnerable, and distrustful of the people around me. I chose a life away from them, so I tried to visit a rather sparsely populated desert planet somewhere in the frontiers. There, I met this Felinian hermit. She was twice my age, and had found solace in a post on a desert frontier planet. I remembered her talking about trust and friendship, because she sensed that I desperately needed it. I agreed on the fact that I needed time to cope, but I never for once believed her words. 'In time, as you age, you'll learn to forgive, and know the worth of your life'. I was young and angry and did not feel that forgiveness was possible.

Space is a very dangerous and unforgiving place. Friendship was like a treasure, but like all treasures, once you claimed it, it would test everything you got, including your susceptibility to greed. I grew up in a life where friendship was fragile and temporary. Lies and deception became a way of life, and no one cared about each other more than their share of the loot.

But ever since meeting with Zarya, Domel, Atmell, and especially, Kilkaja, I started to ponder. Was I trying to shut myself up from everyone who was caring to me? When I talked with Kilkaja, it felt so different. Talking with Atmell felt genuine and a good change of pace, but Kilkaja? Why was he so...kind? So compassionate? That's so unlike a Nuoevan at all. Was it because he decided to be one? In any case, Kilkaja's compassion was something I wished to stay pure.

He could be a beacon of hope in this dark age.

Thinking about Kilkaja made me remember that I was supposed to wake him up. Ignoring the look of his sleeping face, I shook his body. His body was so thin and frail. Just a little push was enough to move him from his sleeping position. But, if you had seen a Nuoevan before, even a healthy one looked very lanky and their movement gave that creepy factor, especially if you see them in the dark. Not Kilkaja, unfortunately. Yes, he would still scare you, but without darkness, you'd feel pity on him. Then, I realized that something was wrong with Kilkaja: he had no tail.

Nuoevans had a long, worm-like prehensile tail resembling a rat or an opossum that they usually kept wrapped around their waist like a belt. Given their tendency for stealth, the tail could be a problem, and of course, it made more sense to just cut it. However, I knew Nuoevans used their tails extensively, and much like an opossum, their prehensile tail was useful for climbing or dropping down trees. I knew a lot about Nuoevans from one of Michl's crewmembers, who was a freed female Nuoevan slave she got from a raid. I could be friends with her if it wasn't for her cruelty, which for me was normal. For a Nuoevan, at least.

Kilkaja had no tail. In its place was a rather prominent scar that looked like a big patch on his ebony skin. I quickly surmised that he lost it during his slavery, which made me sad. I always thought my life was hard and traumatic, which shaped me into a strong Felinian I was. Now...I couldn't imagine what Kilkaja had been through. Unlike me, he was essentially powerless and...caged. Freedom was like a fleeting dream. It was only by chance that we saved him, which only happened when Domel convinced me not to kill him. Yeah...I still felt guilty for that. Good thing Kilkaja forgave me.

I was so fixated with his lack of tail when he woke up and saw me. I also forgot he was an empath. The moment he was awake, he asked, "Why are you so sad?"

"Sad? Oh," I said, realizing what he meant. "It's...it's nothing."

"Just tell me what's in your mind," said Kilkaja.

"Your...tail. What happened to it?"

You don't need to be an empath to know what Kilkaja felt. He clearly had that pained look, apparently remembering what happened to his tail. But unlike me, he was more open about it.

"One of my...former masters cut it after I tripped on it while serving him food," he said, apparently remembering what happened as tears started forming on his black eyes. "Along with a couple of lashes. The pain...I can't really describe it. The other slaves cauterized the wound, but without any painkillers it's..."

"Stop," I said. I heard enough. "I understand. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you remember a painful memory."

I guessed that's when we both realized that we were drawn due to a traumatic past, both as painful and as humiliating as we thought it would be. He may not know the details of what happened to me, but I guessed he got the idea. Losing a part of your body out of an unfair punishment was the cruelest thing I've ever heard, and Kilkaja endured it. It surprised me even more to know that he could still be the kind and compassionate Nuoevan that comforted and gave me hope. He was much stronger than I could ever be, even if he was rather mild-mannered and susceptible to emotions, in addition to being rather shy. Those made him look less like a nightmare creature.

I couldn't bear to see him suffer. He needed some comfort, so I hugged him. I could hear him yelp and gasp. I thought that's because he was surprised I would ever hug him like that. I quickly learned later that it was not the case, but I don't want to break this tender moment to talk about that. It's a story for another time.

"It's going to be fine, Kilkaja," I said, patting his head. "I understand. You don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

"Sel...," he said softly.

"But, we are still in the middle of something, so get ready," I said as I broke my hug.

"Get ready for what?"

"We're going off this planet with one of the worst plans I've ever heard. We're going to fit all the survivors into Zarya's small ship, and I don't know if it will work or not."

"Are you still apprehensive around Saukaurs, Sel?" asked Kilkaja.

"It's a process, alright?" I said. "It's not going to be gone in one night, even after everything you said."

"But will it be a problem?"

I sighed. Now, that's a good question. I had admitted that it was a process, but I did not know at which point I was in that process. So, I could only say, "We'll see."

I wanted to try and help. At Kilkaja's suggestion, I tried and succeeded in asking if any of the Saukaurs needed help. One of them, who looked like the Saukaur that saved Atmell and Kilkaja the previous night, asked me if I knew about setting up traps. I knew how to deploy them, but I needed pointers. He was happy to help. I tried to trust Kilkaja that not all Saukaurs were bad, so I kept saying to myself that this Saukaur was different.

The Saukaur, whose name was Astha Melser, was rather talkative and good-natured, but he was rather forward and did not hesitate to say what's in his mind. Good thing he wasn't offensive.

"It's bad luck that took us here and we're gonna need a good luck to get the fuck off this planet," he said as he poured the oil around the ditch he dug up. "The fact that you got here with two Vyrnians are two pluses, but we need one more plus for me to calm my nerves."

"I suppose. You know, for a Saukaur, you're rather..."

"Forward? Inappropriate? Yeah, that's what they told me," said Astha. "If you're one half of a twin, there's always the good one and the bad. I'm the bad one. The black to Seth's white. He's the one you should talk to if you need anything done. Me? I'm just the guy with a mouth and a fuck-all attitude. Seth sometimes reprimanded me for this, but I always respected what he said, even if I don't follow his words that often."

"Should I be wary of that attitude?"

"No," he said. "Unless you pissed me off. Then, you should be wary."

We returned to our jobs. Before long we started talking again.

"Just so you know, I have problems around Saukaurs," I said. "It's...complicated."

"Pretty much everyone has a problem with Saukaurs, much like how they have problems with the blue faces, the Nuoevans, and even your kind. Nothing against you, of course. As far as I can tell, the only respectable space-faring race around here is the Vyrnians, but even they are not perfect. If there is a perfect alien out there, they will stay out of everyone's business and just make themselves better. Too bad everyone's being mad at each other and choose to just shoot first then talk later."

"I agree on that," I said.

"At least I still got my brother. I know he's not going to be the first who go rogue or just change his career into a pirate. I might. Not that it's my plan after we get out of this planet. I'll just stick around and see how things go."

He was just like Kilkaja: honest and was not afraid to say what's on his mind. Well, except he wasn't afraid to tell his opinion. He was the first Saukaur I liked, and who quickly became a friend as we finished our job.

The other Melser, however, was less of a talker and a more serious guy, a complete opposite to his brother. However, Sethis Melser, like Astha Melser, was also a kind, understanding Saukaur who understood if I needed space. He did warn me that he would not hesitate to leave me behind if I compromised everything because I let my weakness got the better of me. Well, he was a little stuck-up, but at least he reminded me that this was a crucial plan, and he was aware of my problem with Saukaurs. Unlike Astha Melser, somehow Sethis Melser was not very friendly, but that's because he was tense and, as I later found out, responsible for the remaining Saukaurs.

Night came to the planet much faster than I thought. I was barely up for two hours when it was already dark. That was when I heard the details of the plan from Sethis Melser. Basically, Zarya's ship was going to be the key to the success of the plan. They were betting on the fact that at night, the patrols were less common and the opposition was resting, possibly sleeping. Astha told me that the coalition were keeping them out of the forest, but were unable to mount an attack due to their fear of hidden explosives and the traps. The only reason they survived that long was because of their hunting skills and using the forest for their own advantage. The stalemate came due to the fact that the other side was also employing the same strategy and was being very careful.

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The remaining 20 Saukaurs had consulted with the Vyrnians that, to ensure they could escape and reduce the strategic advantage of their enemies, they would destroy the abandoned colony by overloading the generator. The Vyrnians did not really care about the colony, given that they had gotten what they wanted.

Sethis warned that Zarya's ship had no stealth function, so once it started its take-off sequence, it would alert the opposition that we were planning something and would attack us on full force. That's the most crucial part of the plan and what I had been doing for the past hour: the traps were there to delay them. Using our strategic advantage, we would hold out as long as we could.

The only problem was supply. Up until that point, their enemies did not know how much bullets the Saukaurs had left. Astha explained to me that they lost their rations, but not their ammunition. The forest on Aurelis Three was dense enough to hunt and stay out of sight, especially if there was a distraction. That strategy, however, cost them a lot of their comrades leaving them with only 20 survivors, a number that's only a fraction of the Saukauri soldiers dropped on the planet. They lost too many soldiers

I listened the plan with intent. Like the Saukaurs, I wanted to get out of this planet. I did not want to die yet. Not if I had been given a chance with Kilkaja. So, I had tried my best to stick to the plan, even though deep down I knew that all plans would never be perfect.

The night went on as we prepared for the assault. I walked into the colony's former living area and found Arcturus, Atmell, Zarya, and Sethis watching the screen as Zarya initiated the remote-control system. The AI in Zarya's ship could help with the ship's navigation, but Zarya needed to input the command continuously with the holo-keyboard provided. Good thing her ship was advanced enough that she did not need to write in all the commands and just give the AI the coordinates of where it should land, one that was provided by Sethis. Some Saukaurs were also inside the living area and held their position there, preparing to shoot anyone coming out of the forest.

Domel then called me, so I walked towards him. I could see the bandage on his leg, lightly soaked with blood. Someone had just replaced it, presumably Zarya. I heard from Atmell that Domel got his tendon cut and he lost a lot of blood and his mobility. Zarya was planning to take him to Arkari to heal the wound more effectively, but only if we managed to get out of this.

"Trying to find something to do?" said Domel.

"Not really," I said. "I just came in and noticed Zarya was doing her job and you just sitting there instructing her."

"Can't walk around too much," he said. "Healer's order. I lost too much blood due to a cut artery. I might die of blood loss if Zar's healing wave could not stop the bleeding. Even now, I still feel light-headed."

"Will you be able to get to the ship?" I said.

"Zar can help me. All I have to do is zap anyone who's coming after us," he said while showing the crackles of electricity on his hand. I sometimes forgot that his energy conversion ability was very useful and could potentially be deadly if he wanted it to. He also showed me that he had a gun and from what I knew, he had a decent aim.

After a while, Zarya said, "We're ready when you are, Sethis." Sethis nodded in acknowledgement.

"We're ready."

He then walked out and shouted orders to the others. He clearly knew his way around them and was clearly the commander, even if they were just a volunteer group. His commanding presence and his knowledge of strategic warfare made me wonder if he wanted to be a commander someday. Still, commander or not, he was already one, and his actions and leadership would be the determining factor whether we could get out of this planet or not.

The plan was then set in motion. As expected, when Zarya started the engine and let the ship hover, the display screen on the computer indicated that the ship was being attacked. The shield was holding, but not for long. Someone shot and damaged the ship's shield enough that it went down to 87 percent after it was holding at 99.

She had to move the ship now or it would be shot down. Zarya knew the situation and quickly propelled the ship forward. I could hear one of the Saukaurs identifying the ship, but also enemies coming out of the forest. They knew what our plans were and intending to destroy the ship, and then us. Of course, the ditch full of oil I help made did their jobs as Astha lighted them up, causing some who were still in the ditch to be burned alive. The trap fall the Saukaurs made also served as a death trap as the coalition soldiers fell into it, leaving them vulnerable to gunfire. While their shields were holding, it was useless if they were shot so many times with ballistic bullets, the most precious bullets the Saukaurs had and was only used when there's none other left. It could penetrate shields.

In only minutes, the ship was finally in full view. Zarya directed the ship to land on a nearby landing pad, which looked rather unstable but still sturdy enough to hold a small ship like Zarya's. Even before it landed, Sethis had directed the remaining Saukaurs to move towards the ship's landing zone and defend it. Zarya quickly terminated the remote-control mode and helped Arcturus up. He supported his body with a walking stick.

"We're going to move fast, Arc," said Zarya. "Don't trip."

"I'll try."

"I'll cover you," I said while taking a rifle.

Kilkaja seemed to feel that he was not contributing anything to the efforts, but he did not know what to do. Given his lack of training, he would not be able to even use a gun properly. However, there was something he could use: his agony-based psychic ability. Given the perilous fight, many people were out there suffering from pain. It did not matter how untrained he was. He just needed a quick psychic blast. I quickly told Kilkaja to focus on that and 'let loose'. Kilkaja, while reluctant, held on to the fact that he used this to help his friends, so he concentrated.

The suffering of the combatants clearly fueled him to the point he could use telekinesis on a Saukaur and threw him away. However, it was not enough to kill the Saukaur, owing to their flexible body, and Kilkaja was not strong enough to use the same technique that could 'melt' brains. So, as we walked out of the living area and into the line of fire, I said, "Concentrate on shielding the Vyrnians. I'll help the Saukaurs."

Kilkaja understood and, concentrating, he focused his psychic ability to form a powerful psychic shield fueled by the suffering of the Saukaurs around him. With the Vyrnians also using a shield and Arcturus's knowledge to amplify his own shield, they were as protected as a VIP.

I quickly focused on defending the LZ, walking towards Atmell whose energy weapon was far more effective than the bullets the Saukaurs had, even if it could not penetrate the shield. It could, however, reduce the shield's power so that the ones using ballistic bullets could shot through them easily. However, owing to his proficiency with his sword and the cumbersome design of his gun-sword, he was left in the open, causing me to try and protect him.

I quickly saw that one of the attacking Saukaurs had a rocket launcher, and he was aiming towards us. With a quick reflex, I pulled Atmell away just as the rocket was launched. It hit the cover we were just using and claimed one of the Saukaurs' life as the area he was standing fell apart and he fell to the battlefield below. He managed to recover, but only momentarily, as he was quickly gunned down by some of the coalition.

"I think it's time we retreat," said Atmell as he saw the Saukaur's fate.

I nodded. I shouted 'retreat!' to the rest of them and they all heard my voice. While still engaging the coalition, they started to retreat slowly towards Zarya's ship, which was also under heavy fire.

I could see Sethis and Astha near the stairs leading to the living area where they had just finished setting up something. They nodded towards each other and ran towards us as Astha pushed a button on his hand. A big explosion then blew up the living area and the stairs as the jumped away of the explosions. I had no time to be awed. I quickly helped them both up and told them to run.

Of course, I forgot that Saukaurs were also climbers. Some of them managed to climb to the bridge going to the landing pad and started pulling one of the Saukaurs down. He did not give up, however, as he pointed his fist towards the Saukaur. Suddenly, a knife burst out of his wrist and hit the Saukaur's hood, causing him to loosen his grip and enabled the soldier to kick him away. The soldier quickly ran away from the bridge and reached the ship.

I was also running towards the ship. However, I noticed the rocket soldier aiming his rocket launcher towards the ship, intending to destroy it. However, he wasn't aiming at the ship (the shield's too strong for the rocket). He was aiming towards me. I was not able to dodge in time as the rocket hit the bridge and finally caused it to collapse.

I did not remember most of what happened, though I remember the ringing in my ears and sharp pain all over by body. I also felt myself burned by the fire caused by the rocket's explosion. I did know that I was still holding on the remains of the bridge as I struggled to move towards the ship, with some Saukaurs trying to help me. I could only crawl as I realized that the rocket explosion crippled my body. The ringing was caused by concussion, and as a result, it slowed me down. At that moment, I turned, and I saw a Saukaur standing over me and pointing his wrist-gun at me. It then released a barrage of bullets that I did not remember how many, but I knew it was enough to fatally injure me and caused me to start slipping out of consciousness. My breathing was labored and I could sense that I was bleeding profusely.

I remembered someone with a sword attacked the one who shot me and seemed to cause a fatal injury, maybe even decapitating the Saukaur. I also vaguely remembered that there was someone carrying me, but I wasn't sure who. I felt my body being carried, but I quickly lost all of my senses. My consciousness started to drift as everything went black.

I thought of myself. Is it death? How will it feel? I was scared. My body started to feel numb and cold, and I felt myself drifting away. I felt the surface dissolved into nothingness, and I quickly found myself floating in a dark place. I was cold, naked, and drifting in space, but it wasn't space, for I could breathe. I knew the feeling of that far too well to mistake it. It felt like I was in the middle of a deep sea, suspended between the abyss and the surface. I also realized that the pain I felt all over my body was gone.

The darkness was calming, but I knew this was 'The Choice', something a dead Felinian experienced when they expended one of their lives for any reason. I was dead, but it was not the end for me yet. I started swimming towards the light, away from the dark abyss below. My determination to live was fueled by my strong feelings towards Kilkaja, towards my newfound allies which I could call friends, and also myself, knowing that I still had more than one life left. I made my choice: to escape this dark limbo and get back to the world of living.

As I swam towards the light, streams of my memories started to flow around me until the point where my life expired. Then, as I started to break the surface, the light grew brighter until it blinded me. I suddenly became aware that I did not breath and reflexively inhaled the air. The blinding light slowly dimmed, and I was in a different scenery.

The first thing I noticed was everyone looking at me, bewildered. Kilkaja was crying nearby, but when he heard my sharp breathing, he gasped and looked at me, surprised. Tears still trickled down all four of his eyes. I felt like I was in the body of a stranger. The feeling of being dead and then resurrecting felt rather...overwhelming. I also felt like a part of me was lost somewhere in that limbo.

Without hesitating, I raised by body up. I felt something cold on my body and I looked down. Three bullets fell from my chest and to my paws. They were shot ballistic bullets and, stained with my blood. I also noticed that the burning pain was gone and all that's left was my charred clothes. Guess the resurrection renewed my body as well.

Everyone was speechless. As this was my first time, it did not feel normal for me, either. No one on that ship was aware that a Felinian could return to life after death after making a Choice. To be honest, it was also a rather...interesting experience to me.

"W-what?" said Zarya. It was as if she had seen a ghost. "Sel, what...?"

"Nothing to worry about," I said with a smile. "I always know that it's never the end. Still, I was rather unprepared. To think my first death would be a premature and violent one."

"You died," said Zarya. "Sel, you died! I already declared your death minutes ago when your wounds healed itself and you draw breath and...and..."

"Resurrection," I said. "It's our biological process to heal from fatal injuries. You can also say regeneration or renewal, but I prefer resurrection. I have a feeling those terms are already taken."

I quickly remembered what we were doing, and, ignoring my damaged clothes, I turned and said, "Is everyone safe? Tell me. Are we out of the planet?"

Everyone was still dumbfounded by my resurrection, but Sethis, who recovered first, said, "Y-yeah. We're now on our way to Lekan colony near Vyrn."

"How many..." I gulped, remembering that I returned to life while one Saukaur did not. "How many managed to get on?"

"17," said Sethis with a solemn expression. "We lost Karza, Sesan, and Pakta. Sesan was caught in the explosion...with you."

"I..."

I quickly turned towards the table we used as a gathering place. On it, the body of three dead Saukaurs were laid on it.

"Don't worry. It's your luck, Sel Kylas," he said while patting my shoulder.

I quickly realized that my resurrection clearly made me stood out. While three Saukaurs died attempting to leave the planet, I survived by expending one of my lives. I quickly understood why people prefer to live one lifetime: to escape the scrutiny that might come.

I also remembered Kilkaja. Of all the others, he was the most affected as he cowered in fear as I approached him. I comforted him and said, "It's alright, Kilkaja. It's still me."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?!" he said. He looked so emotionally devastated I couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Because it's our secret," I said with a solemn expression. "But it's fine now. Did I...cause you so much distress?"

He nodded. Poor thing. We were just starting to have feelings towards each other. Seeing me dead just after what happened last night would traumatize him even more. Clearly, I owed him an apology, so I said so.

"I know you can return back to life again, but please...don't die again. It pains me to see your body like that. Promise?"

"I promise," I said, though I knew it was nothing but a hollow promise. I could not escape death, and I somehow knew this would not be the last time I died prematurely.

Still, in the end, I was glad that I survived the ordeal, even if I must sacrifice one hundred years of my age to return back to life. I was lucky that they did not leave my body on that planet, because that's the problem with resurrection: you could die and revive in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Then, I remembered what happened to me before, when Michl threw me out of her ship into space. Michl must've known that I would resurrect, so she was trying to subject me to the worst kind of death possible: in space. Even if you return to life, the lack of air and the decompression would surely kill you again and again until you expended all your nine lives. I shuddered thinking about it. That would be the worst way to die, to know that you'd still suffer until death finally take you for the last time. Considering how Felinians weren't as affected to sudden decompression, death wasn't instant for us.

Good thing Domel, Atmell, and Zarya were there to save me. I could consider myself lucky in that regard. Guess my luck ran out this time.

The ship continued its travel away from the dangerous planet, and onward toward Lekan.