Chapter eighty four

              I laughed and laughed even though it sounded like a laugh of a broken man trying to convince the world that he wasn't broken, the loud noise that he makes that has no humor or happiness but he does it anyways because he refuses to cry, refuses to admit that he was no longer the man he used to be , that he has been damaged so much that he has lost parts of himself that define him so now he is less than what he used to be, what he was supposed to be. I laughed the laugh of the madman trying to deny what had happened to me, but I couldn't deny the memories that were carved indelibly into my mind. The nightmare might have ended but now I had to live with the echoes of what I went through , and I doubt those will ever go away.

           As I cackled like a mad hyena with tears going down my cheeks, the mana in my body started to react automatically, it turned into a great storm that could have swallowed me whole but it didn't , it had become a part of me as much as any of my limbs, it swirled ominously waiting for a release, waiting to be unleashed and to defeat whatever was causing my pain. But the source of the pain was gone, even though the pain remained. With nowhere to go the great storm of mana in my core swirled and grew feeding itself from the mana in the air, it was violent and chaotic mirroring my own emotions, it entered all my enchantments and activated them, but since it didn't have any directions it caused uncontrolled effects. Time slowed down and sped up at random intervals, objects around me started to rise and shoot about in random directions, the very fabric of the universe started to unravel around me as the previously well defined world turned into a chaos of colors that could induce madness if you look into them too closely, but I didn't mind. I was already mad.

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                 "John , listen to me, please just listen to me . I know that she hurt you, I know that you feel angry about what happened but you have to control yourself before you annihilate everything and everyone  you love, just listen to my voice, focus on the sound of my voice."

                   I felt as she took away all my emotions thinking that it would restore my sanity but it was much too late for that. The damage wasn't so superficial that merely shutting down my emotions would help, my very soul was wounded and in its agony it was lashing out at the world that was the source of its pain.

                    "Think about what you are doing John. By doing this you are letting the evil bitch win, I know you are somewhere in there John and you have to remember, she did not break you. She did not break you and you have escaped, don't let her dictate your actions, you refused to do what she wanted you to do when she was alive ,don't let her direct your actions after her death."

                      That made the storm of mana pause. Let her win? Let the woman who has caused me all this pain and misery triumph over me? No, that was something I could not accept. 

                      After that thought some semblance of sanity returned to me, I started thinking about Lidia, Bella, the Steelbenders, Walter , the kids and the billions of innocent lives I was about to take. Slowly the storm of mana diminished as I started to gain some control over myself, finally it totally disappeared along with my cackling laughter.

              There, in the midst of the ruin that used to be the witch's house , I knelt down on the ground and started to sob.