Aislin slowly opened his eyes, confused for a moment why he slept in his old bed before turning to find a sleeping Macha next to him. As he studied her face for a few seconds, he couldn’t help but smile. Since last summer, especially during the winter months, he felt drawn to her, but unfortunately, there could only be one outcome of such a relationship. Once Macha found out the truth, like Rowena, she would begin to distance herself.
Before that fateful day, he and Rowena had made plans for a secret life together far away from the village. Unknown to even his grandmother, in what turned out later to be nothing more than a dream, they had planned on running off to find his family. Aislin felt that his mother’s relatives would welcome him, and together they could start a new life.
But that new life was never meant to be. Afterward, at least Rowena insisted they would always be friends. Nevertheless, after seeing her with Master Oran, the young man understood that dream too would come to an end. But, Aislin knew from experience that dwelling on such things would serve no purpose. He needed to accept the new reality.
But a promise at his mother’s deathbed, to live a happy life, had always seemed to be just out of reach. He worked hard, tried not to worry his grandmother, tried not to let the villagers' hateful words hurt him, but it seemed, in the end, it would not matter. Whether his life came to an end with a spear in his gut or at the end of a hangman’s noose, the results would be the same. Perhaps that’s was always to be his fate.
Slowly, moving his arm from underneath his friend, Aislin slipped out of bed. For a moment, he thought about taking off the chemise but decided to keep it on. It felt nice against his skin. Ignoring the chamber pot on the ground, he headed outside.
Not for the first time, he thanked his father’s foresight of building an outside privy, which allowed the contents of the cesspool to be used as fertilizer. Slipping back into the cottage, he discovered his grandmother sitting in front of the fire, a cup of warm cider in her hands.
“Good morning.”
Aislin bit his lip. She had that look about her. Either his grandmother wasn’t feeling well, or something horrible happened. Praying it was the drink, the young man made himself a bowl of porridge before taking a seat.
“How are you feeling?”
As if realizing Aislin’s presence for the first time, Ina smiled, “I'm all right, sweetie, nothing more than a little headache. We need to talk about a few things.”
The young man nodded. He had been dreading this day for some time. The village elders decided to add his name to the next levy, or perhaps the Knights discovered his true gender and planned on executing him. Lost in his thoughts, Aislin didn’t hear what his grandmother was saying.
“Wait...what?”
His grandmother looked at him, took a sip of cider then explained, “The village elders wanted to know dear if you had finally decided to stop pretending to be a boy and dress appropriately as one of your station.”
Aislin sat back, stunned.
Seeing his confusion, his Ina couldn’t help but smile, “During a meeting this morning, all they could do was talk about the beautiful gentlewoman that crossed the village green. As we dressed you in your mother’s clothes, to me, it was as if watching a butterfly crawl out of its cocoon for the first time.”
The young man gave a small laugh, “Gran, you know that was just an illusion. I can’t be a real woman, anymore more than I can be a real man.”
“Aislin, what do you mean by that?” To their surprise, Macha stood at the doorway.
As the world went dark, the half-eaten bowl of porridge slipped from Aislin’s hands.
His grandmother, seeing what happened, reached her grandchild’s side before he fell to the ground, “Sweetie, it’s alright. Please...”
“Aislin?” Macha looked suddenly frightened.
“Get me a wet washcloth, child,” The Wise Woman commanded her apprentice as she gently held her grandchild to her breast.
Moments later, feeling the cold water on his forehead, Aislin opened his eyes, “What happened?”
“You fainted.”
Smiling weakly, he felt chagrined for showing that side of himself, “Sorry, you surprised me, Macha.”
The young woman nodded her eyes full of concern, took a seat across from him.
“I guess I owe you some sort of explanation," Looking lost in thought for a moment, Aislin suddenly began, “We are all aware that our roles in the village, actually in the Kingdom, are defined by our social class and our gender.”
Not understanding exactly where the conversation was going, she simply nodded.
“Women are expected to follow these roles. They cook, clean, sew, give birth, take care of those children, and make a home for their husbands. Men too fit in a similar role. They become blacksmiths or thatchers, they cut wood, till the fields and along with their wives make a home.”
Macha smiled. She loved to hear him talk. Aislin had this ability to take very complicated things and explain them in a way that anyone could understand. Although what he was speaking about now, everyone knew.
“Now what happens if someone can’t follow those roles? Now, Wise Women live outside those constraints. No one expects them, due to their oaths, to become a village wife. The infirm and sick too, like Renn. No one expects her to become a mother someday.”
Their friend had fallen into a pond when she was much younger, nearly drowned. However, Renn was never the same again. She had just passed her fourteenth summer but still acted like a girl ten years younger.
Looking up at his grandmother, Aislin gave her a half-smile, “Now, what happens when a person is neither male nor female?”
Standing up, he let the chemise fall to his waist.
“You have...”
“Breasts.”
They weren’t large; however, there was no mistake in what they were.
“I haven’t been entirely honest with you either, Aislin,” Macha looked away, embarrassed, “When you came home last night, I helped you undress not because you needed help.”
“I see,” Slowly, he slipped the chemise back on his shoulders. Sitting down, Aislin waited for the inevitable.
Like Rowena, his grandmother’s apprentice would, of course, be disgusted. Hopefully, it wouldn’t ruin the relationship between the two of them. Worst case, perhaps he would just leave the village.
“Seeing you in your mother’s dress, I didn’t see a man. Like your grandmother said, you’re so beautiful. Since I first met you, Aislin, the way you walk, the way you talk, everything about you tells me that you’re a girl. Although your grandmother told me that you’re her grandson, I have always wanted to ask, why do you pretend to be a boy.”
Aislin looked up, confused, “Because I have a...”
“Yes, I know,” The young girl looked embarrassed, “When you were sleeping, I checked.”
“Macha!”
“I’m sorry Aislin, I’ve been living here for six months, and I have never seen you with your clothes off much less seen you without a shirt. And yesterday, you wouldn’t even allow me to help you get dressed.”
“Of course not,” He grumbled, pointing to his chest.
“How do you?”
“She...I mean, he binds them,” Ina explained.
Looking at her apprentice, the Wise Woman smiled. Her choice of Macha as her apprentice, had been the right choice. Compassionate, gifted, Ina could tell that Macha’s feelings for her grandchild had not changed in the least.
Ina was so disappointed with Rowena, with a little understanding, it would have been possible for the two of them to make a life together. Instead, she almost lost Aislin two years ago.
Macha flinched, rubbing her chest, “Sounds painful.”
Aislin shrugged, it was getting more and more uncomfortable as they were still growing, “Not that I have much choice.”
“You do, why don’t you just be a woman?”
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
“Remember those roles we have to play. As a woman of the village, I would have been required to do certain things. The cooking and cleaning I do already; however, the rest is not possible. To any man, I’m disgusting, unnatural. Anyway, this way, it’s easier to hide what a freak I truly am.”
“Aislin...stop,” Ina reached over and held her grandchild close. He sounded so cold, detached. No one should think of themselves that way.
The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes before Macha, with tears in her eyes, asked her master, “I don’t understand why you didn’t have Aislin become your apprentice. I can tell that she, I mean, he has the gift.”
Ina frowned, “I tried to do just that. As a member of the Council of Elders, I petitioned for my grandchild to become a Wise Woman. However, it was against tradition. Your grandmother and a few others sided with me. The rest refused even to test him.”
“Is that why you resigned?”
“Yes, I couldn’t work with women who themselves are considered outcasts, who would turn away from someone who has such potential.”
Aislin shrugged before that dream ended like all the others, he felt that there was a chance of happiness, “Even the Council of Elders insists that everyone fit properly in their roles. So, here I sit a boy, at least in the eyes of the villagers.”
“That’s not true, Aislin. You heard what they asked of you this morning.”
The young man looked up, “But everyone knows I’m a male, right?”
Ina shrugged, “I agree with Macha, there has always been some doubt. When your mother carried you, everyone assumed you were going to be a girl. Even growing up, there was quite a bit of confusion. So my dearest, coming out yesterday dressed in that beautiful gown, finally made up everyone’s mind.”
“I see,” Aislin sat back, defeated, “So, what do I do now?”
Macha clapped her hands together, “Now, we go through those trunks of yours and see what other gorgeous outfits we can find for you to wear.”
--0--
With Mistress Clar’s husband and son bringing the clothing trunk to his grandmother’s house the night before, the two began to go through the garments. Although Aislin thought he had plenty of time before the lunch with Sir Miles, Macha disagreed.
“Your mother had such lovely things.”
Nodding, he ran his hands over an emerald green outer dress. The two of them had already decided that green would be the color of the day.
“If you want, you can try on something.”
Macha giggled, “I don’t think so. Her clothing was made for someone, well not as large.”
Aislin looked down at his chest, comparing it to his friend. Blushing, he turned away, “I guess I’m closer to my mother’s size than I thought.”
“Frankly, I can’t see how you ever thought you were a boy with those big hips of yours.”
“What, they’re not big,” He turned around in a huff.
Giggling, Macha reached over and held them with two hands, “True, but trust me. No boy ever had hips like these.”
The two of them stared at one another for a second before bursting into laughter.
Realizing they didn’t have a lot of time to get Aislin ready, Macha started to go through some of the jewelry, “What do you think of the Knights?”
“You mean Miles and Nevan?”
“Unless you know of two others.”
Aislin gave a half-smile, “They are nice, and I really do like the attention they give me.”
“So, does that mean you like boys?” Macha bit her lip while setting out some lovely pieces for him to try on later.
Smiling, he looked down at the young girl. He could tell that she was nervously waiting for an answer. All Aislin could do was be honest with her and with himself, “I don’t dislike them.”
Finding it strange that thought didn’t disturb him, before meeting the two Knights, he never really gave it much thought.
“I see what about girls.”
“Can’t say I dislike them either,” Aislin grinned.
Macha smiled, then reached over and kissed him deeply, “Good.”
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Rowena walked into the room and stopped, seeing the two of them in each other’s arms.
“You are, but don’t worry about it. I’m assuming by your outfit that you’re here to assist her ladyship in getting properly dressed for her luncheon at the castle?”
Macha examined the other girl, dressed in most likely her best dress, conceded that she was pretty. Still, there was no way this simple village girl was going to outshine her Aislin today.
“Her?” Rowena looked confused for a moment and then turned Aislin, “Does she not know?”
“Yes, everything. Besides Rowena, the village elders have already declared that it's no longer appropriate for Lady Asilin here to dress as a boy anymore.”
Aislin sighed, “True, although I guess I could...”
“No, you’re not, look at these outfits,” Macha looked distraught. “Why in the world you would want to ever dress like a boy again is beyond me.”
Aislin laughed, touching the green outer dress once more, they were beautiful clothes, “Alright, fine, doesn't matter now anyway.”
“Good now, sit down; let’s do something with that hair of yours. You can’t wear it the same way you wore it last night.”
Rowena watched the two, her heart feeling heavy. She couldn't remember if Aislin smiled that way for her. Did she smile that way for Sir Nevan and Sir Miles as well?
Looking at her clothes, the Rowena felt embarrassed. In the morning, as her mother set out the new dress, she was so excited how lovely she would look. Now, looking at Aislin’s clothes, her jewels, the way she held herself, it just didn’t seem fair.
How could her friend, who she always considered a boy, be so beautiful? Days before, she was going to offer him a place in her household at the Keep, and now it appeared that the roles might be reversed.
No, it didn’t seem fair at all.
--0--
On the far side of the Castle on the edge of Loche Glas, a group of young men and women stood on a small slope while watching Sir Miles share a midday meal with Lady Aislin. Rumors already flew around the castle, stating that both Knights were vying for her affection.
Moreover, if there were a chance that she might become the next Lady Lochlainn, then the household servants would make sure that Milady’s lunch was perfect.
Rowena, on the other hand, stood nervously away from the others, watching as Sir Miles and Aislin spoke across the table. She couldn’t comprehend why Aislin didn’t appear nervous speaking with the Knight, as if it was something that occurred every day.
“You are Lady Aislin’s servant, correct?” A large busty woman with a pitcher in her hand walked up to Rowena.
“I guess.”
The women frowned, “Child, either you are, or you aren't.”
“Yes.”
“Good here,” She set the pitcher in the young woman’s hand, “Your lady commented that she enjoyed last night’s raspberry wine. Why don’t you keep her cup filled, while we get ready for the next course?”
Nodding, Rowena took the pitcher and walked over to her friend. Still, in a daze, the young girl without thinking began to pour just as Aislin reached for the cup, spilling wine all over the sleeve.
“Be careful there, girl, that outfit costs more than your entire village.” Sir Miles barked, almost making her drop the pitcher of wine on the ground.
“I’m sorry,” She started to back away, fearful at the repercussions for what she had just done.
“Being sorry is not going to replace the dress.”
“It’s fine, Miles, nothing more than a little wine,” While another servant helped clean the mess, Aislin looked at her friend. Leaning over, she whispered, “Are you alright?”
Rowena nodded, “I’m sorry, just nervous.”
With a smile, Aislin took the pitcher of wine out of her hands and placed it on the table, “Miles, can you give us a moment?”
“Of course, dear lady, anything you desire,” Turning, he growled, “I knew he couldn't stay away. Here comes Nevan.”
Aislin laughed, “Why don’t you greet him while I talk to my friend?”
Off to the side, she reached for her hands, but Rowena pulled them back, “It wouldn't look proper.”
“I see,” Aislin sighed, feeling bad.
Without even being asked, Rowena had been forced to come along. She really wanted the two of them to have lunch at the table along with the two knights but understood that would have been impossible. She even tried to explain, but it just seemed to make Rowena even more uncomfortable.
“Do you want to go home? I would understand.”
“What, walk?” Rowena suddenly looked angry.
Aislin sighed, how did it come to this? “No, I would have a carriage take you back home.”
Rowena shook her head, “No, my mother insists that I help. As Master Organ’s wife, I will be one of Sir Nevan’s mother’s or her daugher's attendants.” Master Oran had explained to her parents of his plans to introduce her to Lady Gweneira as soon as his Lordship returned.
“So you’re not angry with me?”
“What no, sorry, I’m just nervous. Please go back to your lunch.”
Aislin gave her one last sad look before turning away to greet Sir Nevan.
Rowena, her chest feeling heavy once more, watched as her friend greeted the young lord with a perfect curtsey. In turn, the Knight laughed, bowed, and kissed her hand.
Why was this happening, Aislin wasn't even a real girl.
--0--
Taking a seat, Sir Nevan motioned to one of the servants for a cup of wine and a plate of food.
“So, are you planning on joining us this afternoon as well, Nevan?” Miles asked while sopping up the last bit of gravy from his plate.
“I do unless I get called away again.”
He had ordered that the household staff only disturbed him over life or death emergencies. With his cousin on the prowl, Sir Nevan didn’t want anything to distract him from his time with Aislin.
“Is everything alright?” Aislin continued to sip her raspberry wine. Unlike the two men, who plowed through more of the food, she was already stuffed.
After breaking off half a loaf of bread, the young lord nodded, “Nothing to worry about, I assure you. Just some last-minute details concerning that black marker we pulled out of the forest a few days ago.”
“I meant to ask you about that.”
Sir Miles smiled while pointing a finger at his cousin, “See, I told you she would ask. Her grandmother is the village’s Wise Woman after all.”
“Ignore this rascal. What did you want to ask.”
“Why did you move it? I mean, normally, such things are left alone.”
Aislin hoped that she wasn't going to offend Sir Nevan by asking. Thankfully, nothing had happened so far, so perhaps her fears were unwarranted.
“It wasn't by choice, I assure you,” Sir Nevan grimaced, “The Royal Thaumaturgist commanded my father to bring it to the capitol.”
“Master Maolmuire?”
“Do you know him?” Sir Miles asked, intrigued. Already the raven-haired beauty seemed well informed of the goings-on inside the realm, not a surprise from the daughter of a rich merchant house. The lore she learned from the Wise Woman would also be of great use.
“No only by reputation. Why would he want one of the standing stones? His power comes from summoning spirits and elementals to do his bidding.”
“I’m afraid I wasn't given that much information.”
Aislin flushed with embarrassment, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just that...”
The young lord gave Aislin a warm smile, “No, I’m happy you asked. It shows that you are concerned for the well-being of the villagers and those who live in the castle.”
“It’s as my cousin said, were not informed of the why. Perhaps we should have spoken to you or your grandmother first. By what you are implying, we were indeed fortunate that nothing happened with us disinterring the stone.”
Sir Nevan gave Miles a look, then frowned, “Your grandmother is she a relation by blood?”
The young woman looked surprised at the question, “No, my mother made her my guardian before she died.”
“So, you have no relatives in the village?”
“No.”
Scratched his chin, somehow, the young woman had been safely hidden away in the small village all these years. Now, what had transpired to force her parents to flee the north, he did not know. What he did know, was that a simple village Wise Woman offered no real protection.
“I think your mother was very wise to make your grandmother, your guardian.”
Aislin smiled. “I think so, too, Nevan.”
The young lord nodded as new plans fell into place.
First, he would need to speak with his mother, explaining Aislin’s plight. He knew his mother well enough that she would be appalled to discover that a gentlewoman lived in a villager’s cottage.
Secondly, he would enlist the help of his sister to convince Aislin to move into the castle. That shouldn't be too difficult. Both women would be excited to find someone of their own age and similar social standings to talk to. Finally, the young knight would need to speak to his father.
Sir Nevan believed that after a proper introduction, they would agree that she would be the perfect choice for the next Lady Lochlainn.