I can only tell you what happened, not why it happened. No one knows that. And really, because this is a story lent towards incredulity to begin with, I have to just dive in and get in your face. For that, I apologize. I realize that humans dislike confrontation in all of its forms for the emotional discomfort that it fuels, but needs must when the devil is driving. 

I was on my way to work after attending daily Mass in the chapel, and I'm almost to my office at the library. As I pass the bronze statue of St. Ignatius of Loyola, one of my favorite old-timey Spanish soldier-priests btw, I'm practicing greeting people when this girl's face got really weird, and not the funny kind of weird.

This woman was a pretty thing with perfect skin and smooth, dark hair, and an influencer's wardrobe. But it wasn't her commercially-created beauty that caught my eye; it was her mouth.

When her smile faded at the end of our transaction, her mouth emitted blue light.

Why? you ask. Well, today I know the true reason, but at that moment I thought it was just my brain being the evil alien sponge that it is wont to be whenever I attempt to function in any sort of human fashion. 

So here's the protocol I've been assigned for greeting humans in non-combative ways. I'll list them for you so that you can understand them more quickly and I can get on with things. I'm on a job atm and so taking the time to do this for you is costing me. I just want you to appreciate it.

To wit, here is what Regina's Notebook says:

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Step 1: Walk in a fashion congruent with people in your proximity.

Step 2: Pick any person to your right. If no one is on your right you may choose from your left. 

Do not choose a person in front of you or behind you. Doing so is an unnatural act and will likely conclude with a negative Incident.

Step 4: Present the other person with a controlled, conservative smile. Do not show teeth. Though not requisite, to conclude the interaction with a small smile is productive; do so if possible.

Step 5: While maintaining a steady pace, retain the small smile, break eye contact, and look ahead. 

Step 6: It is time to conclude the encounter. You may now drop the smile and resume a pedestrian expression. Do not drop the smile until eye contact has been definitively broken. To frown while maintaining eye contact is unnatural in this context and is not useful.

Step 7: For best results, repeat these steps when enduring populated pubic spaces in order to maintain social skills and avoid trouble.

That morning's training was going smoothly imho until her mouth went all hinky. The other four transactions had begun and ended perfectly but then she happened. I stopped in my tracks, standing in the middle of the wide, damp sidewalk under the canopy of fall-colored trees that gently dropped vibrant orange and red and yellow leaves onto everyone's heads in a comforting nod of normalcy brushed with anticipation for cooler weather to arrive.

I quickly looked back at her to discover that she was staring at me as she walked away, her face a contorted mask of inexplicable hatred and surprise, big blue eyes round and alarmed yet also somehow empty and cold. 

Sometimes when I look into some people's eyes I don't see anyone home. Regina calls them Lizard Eyes and she says it indicates a lack of human empathy. This is common but is also something a lot of people don't believe for some reason. Too scary?

I continued on to the library but decided to pass it and go meet my cousin Grant in his office at the science building.